Mother just diagnosed...I'm a wreck

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cheshire84
cheshire84 Member Posts: 20
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer
Mother just diagnosed...I'm a wreck
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  • cheshire84
    cheshire84 Member Posts: 20
    edited June 2014

    My mom was just diagnosed with breast cancer-a few weeks ago it was Stage 1A and everything looked really positive and it seemed like they had caught it really early and she was likely going to get a lumpectomy and radiation. She had the lumpectomy yesterday and the doctor did the sentinel lymph node test and there was at least one positive node with micromestases-and it was a different type of cancer than the tumor was in her breast, so now they are concerned that there might be a lobular type that they haven't discovered yet. Now the treatment is tentatively chemotherapy and maybe a masectomy depending on what the full report is next week and her stage was downgraded to a Stage 2A. I am trying to be really positive, but I am scared out of my mind-seriously a few weeks ago she was fine and now all this. I don't know what the point of this is really-but I guess I could use some support or advice if anyone has some.

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  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited June 2014

    cheshire, you have the right to be scared out of your mind - don't let anyone tell you differently. As a cancer patient myself, I hated when someone would say "Oh, it will be alright"...seriously? You know this????

    So, your feelings are healthy and very appropriate at this time. Your Mom might be just as scared, or she might be in "fight mode" and just ready to kick cancers butt! Until you talk to her, you won't know where her head is at. Let her tell you. Let her be worried, let her be scared and share your feelings. When I first told my kids, my heart broke when my daughter posted on Facebook that she was "trying to stay strong". I wish she had told me directly that she felt that way. No one has to be strong at this point. Everything is up in the air and limbo is the hardest place to be. You have a lot of waiting time to sit through while testing goes on before a plan is put in place. Once things start to move, you'll feel a little better. 

    Sometimes a good cry and a long hug with someone is often better than any words you can say. Now, you need someone you can talk to about this like a close friend who will just listen. We are here for you.

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  • cheshire84
    cheshire84 Member Posts: 20
    edited June 2014

    Thanks! I do find talking about it helps-I will definitely try to be honest with my mom and ask her how she is doing.

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  • Sunshineinky
    Sunshineinky Member Posts: 461
    edited June 2014

    I'm a mom and I was recently diagnosed.  It was a couple of days after, I was in a really really dark place and my daughter that is 26 randomly sent me a message that said, "momma I'm choosing to be positive and you will beat this".  My attitude basically changed that day.  

    It's ok to be scared, I'm sure she's scared too.  Please invite your mom to come here.  This has been the best treatment for me yet! 

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  • AmyQ
    AmyQ Member Posts: 2,182
    edited June 2014

    Cheshire, you are a sweet daughter to be so concerned and frightened for your mother. From a mom's perspective, I am so happy I'm the one going through this and not my daughters and I'm sure your mom feels the same. One foot in front of the other, one day at a time.  As she learns more about her diagnosis and treatment, you and she will both come to understand it and hopefully feel better. I like sunshineinky's suggestion to invite her here to read and connect with the wonderful ladies here.  This has been a source of endless information and comfort.  Good luck to you both.

    Amy

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  • cheshire84
    cheshire84 Member Posts: 20
    edited June 2014

    I will definitely encourage her to come on here-I think she would feel better if she could see other people's stories and how they are choosing to deal with it. Good luck to you and your daughter and thanks for listening!

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited June 2014

    cheshire84, Welcome to BCO. You will find wonderful support for yourself and your mom in this community. Please keep us posted. The Mods

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  • edwards750
    edwards750 Member Posts: 3,761
    edited June 2014

    Cheshire - that happened to me too. The Path report showed a micromet n the SN. I went from Stage 1 to a 2 as well. The grade is 1. Don't know if her doctors will order the test but I had the Oncotype test. Her ONC has to order it. The Genomic Labs do the tests on your particular tumor and come up with a % of recurrence. Anyway mine came back@11 which is low thankfully and meant radiation not chemo. Wondering if your Mom could have the test? 

    Diane

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  • Ariom
    Ariom Member Posts: 6,197
    edited June 2014

    Hello Cheshire, I am so sorry to hear what's happening in your family. I understand your fears, it is a dreadful time, the waiting and the not knowing is brutal.

    I agree with all the other ladies who have answered you here, as you learn more and understand your options, it will get easier.

    I have to say, your Mother is very fortunate to have you. I have seen this from both sides, my Mother was Dx in '94, just 4 months after we lost my Dad, I was terrified of losing them both so close together, but after surgery and treatment, my Mother went on to have a lot of good years, finally passing of something unrelated. I was very pleased to be able to care for my Mum during her surgery and recuperation.

    When I received my own Dx in 2012, my Daughter was there for me and I am forever grateful for the time we spent together, just like the time I spent with my Mother, it took our relationship to a different place.  

    I wish you and your Mother all the best, please let us know how things are going. 

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  • cheshire84
    cheshire84 Member Posts: 20
    edited June 2014

    Interesting...I will definitely mention that and bring it up at her appointment!

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