Scared

Basia I do think they caught it early enough that with treatment there could be an end to the treatment. If he doesn't feel that way than I would want to be put on Taxol, herceptin and Perjeta and skip he AC part. My onc still thinks that I am curable and therefore that is why I am getting the AC part. 

Sorry to hear all this! 

Those comments get old. They mean well of course, but they can say that so easily when it's not them.

I hate hearing you beat it! Your all done. Uhhhh I sometimes just don't have the heart or the energy to explain that the maintenance is forever! If I make it that long! They think you are being dramatic or negative.  It's true for me and for you it's scary as hell, all the "what ifs??" The anxiety is unpredictable and unbearable at times. No one can understand until they have been through it.:( 

I hope things have changed a bit from last time and chemo will be bearable. Sorry your kids have to go through it to.

Hugs! Rhonda

Basia I am here you but you will get there. It sounds like we both would have been better off with AC from the beginning for that extra 1-2%. However we can still get there it's just gonna be a little rough to get to that point (all said while in the chemo hole). 

BTW, you get your first AC on the day I get my last one. So hang in there and I will be here for you if you need to chat, whine or just vent. 

(((Basia))) Just want to send you a huge hug. I am always scared it will come back and I had the "best" kind of BC....you just never know. You deserve to feel good and be done with this sh!t at this point. No one deserves to get this more than once! Please know you will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Basia- that is the worst part. I thought I would be okay and was finally trusting my body again. This time it's gonna take a while to learn to trust my body again and the thought of rads messing my recon up makes me want to puke BUT the thought of further recurrence scares me more. So I will be thinking of you Monday while I am in the chair for THP and praying that your side effect are easy. 

Basia - Bummer girl. Another round? BTW your phrase "this too shall pass" was one my father used all the time. At the time I remember thinking it better hurry up and do that. I agree about the ...you are strong...you are cured....I wonder if we respond to that that there isn't a cure and you have no clue how strong I am or how bad this can be that they think we are just trying to elicit sympathy or what? I believe most people have the best of intentions and frankly don't know what else to say. Their hearts are in the right place. Plus I think they are also scared for you and themselves. Somehow BC is a disease that is highly contagious and if they get too close...or they view us as people with some kind of leprosy...I know far fetched but you would be surprised how freaked out some people get over this. Wait a minute we are the ones with the C word...we have the right to get freaked out.
Sending prayers your way; please let us know how you are doing.

Diane

basia, new here. Sorry about your diagnosis. Mine came back after 7 yrs. distant recurrence. 

Surgery off table at that point. I have been on chemo for 3 yrs now. This last one is the best one and I am living a fun filled life for the moment.

Yes I too have elastic waist pants, no bras anymore, sometimes dresses that just hang down softly. Whatever makes you comfy as you can be. On this chemo I can actually got back in my jeans.

It has been a roller coaster of emotions. I have told people they can walk with me, or get the heck away if they just tell me what I am doing wrong.....my husband and I had 2 bad years. All better now. He was depressed and didn't want to do anything...so I did stuff with my friends, we went to counseling, and we r close again.

I have had anxiety attacks that have come out of know where, with uncontrollable crying. This last November I was the biggest mess I have been, hubby came home and found me shaking and crying and needing to do,,,,wait for it,,,,buy and hang curtains in my daughters room, buy an accent rug for her room, mover the furniture around In there ( she just got married and I wanted her room to look romantic).

I gave away a piece of furniture in our front room, and now it looked stupid, so needed to buy something for there,,,,,,and the peace to resistance , had to sand the kitchen wood floor cause I didn't like the way they looked. All to be done by tomorrow. This was through incredible sobbing and shaking. My husband calmly looked at me and said...I am going to take a Valium, and I think you should take one with me.  Lol. So,I did, and the world became a better place...that night we got our daughters room finished , including a overhead light.

Just sharing this story, cause things can come out of nowhere. We all need to be good to ourselves, and don't beat ourselves up.

My daughter was ten when I was first diagnosed, and 21 when I was diagnosed with distant recurrence 

It is tough on the family. We have had great talks and have shed many tears . 

Sometimes I have gotten drunk, and sometimes I see beauty in the fire.  

Feel, feel,everything you need to feel , and talk when you are ready.

I am in a great place right now. Enjoying it for everything I can get out of it. One never knows when the valley will come again.

My heart goes out to all of you

Live and love fully

Susan

he did finally go with me..but it was after 2 yrs.  And it did make all the difference.  Maybe he just wasn't ready in the beginning, maybe he was afraid of what he was going to hear from the counselor. But when he finally went, he and the counselor were best friends...lol.   I, like you, need to do things by myself. That's how I function...then I let people in....but I need to come to terms with things on my own, I want to hear it by myself first......I am sure this shuts out people, but I have to handle it the best way I can. So when the counselor asked me.......so what do you need from your husband....how do you ask him for help......I just went...huhhhhhh....and my husband calmly crossed his hands over his chest and just looked at me.  It was really pretty funny, but remember we were already 2 yrs into this. So I was able to see humor again. Interestingly, I think that is what turned him around. I guess he thought the counselor was going to just tell him what he needs to do for me, and what is expected from him  in a situation like this. That is not what happened. The counselor pointed out that I need to make him see I need him, and can lean on him, and rely I him...not so much my nature. But by pointing it out in a nice way, how i have contributed to his emotions and place the has taken in all this, we were able to talk through stuff and understand where each are coming from.  I have not changed, I don't think I have to, but we both understand the bigger picture of feelings in all this. It's a tough go. Eventually, hopefully. You get to a good place. I will be three yrs in September , and I am in a beautiful place right now. Very clear vision.  We all have to die, can't run from that. I have chosen not to be obsessed with my situation, but rather live the best I can, have fun, and laugh a lot. Hope I stay in this place, but one never knows what might throw you backwards.    I hope you can get to a peaceful place also. It is very freeing.  I actually have some days that cancer isn't in my head, not many of them, but so cool to have at least one. Anytime you need to talk I am here. If I don't respond to this thread, PM me. I truly hope something I said made you feel less alone and a little better...I also hope I am not making this sound easy or trite..because it isn't.  Even in my good place, I am still throwing some people out of my life. Life is to short, I have learned how to be unavailable for the pain in my butt people.....and I don't feel bad about it anymore.

Peace, love, prayers and hugs to you

I just found this thread, and i wanted to let Basia know i am thinking of you, and hope that you are doing alright, and to tell Susan: thanks for sharing that story about your daughters room! it did make me chuckle, i have had mini-melt downs over the most absurd things, so you reminded me of me! you have a great attitude, and i am promising to be more like you, i think it just makes it easier on everyone else! and that is a good thing, i didnt have to worry about sorting out the pain in the butt people, i think EVERYONE wanted to run away from me! but the few didn't, and i love them for that. i even told the port- flushing woman yesterday, and we laughed! she said she was the same way: whiny, complainy, and downright mean! you would not think of it to see her, she has such a light in her eyes, and her crinkly beautiful wrinkly's on her face, are all from smiling, i could see that when she kept smiling at and with me! it was such a pleasure to meet her, she is a bc survivor herself, who actually got leukemia from treatments, and is doing pretty well now. its little things like that that keep me going, like her flame lit mine. i wish the very best for both of you.

Hi, Basia. you are right, while in treatment, it is kind of a blur, probably a good thing! wow, you are getting taxol once a week? i just had it every three weeks. Hope it is not too rough on you, but so sorry that you missed out on a "real" summer with your kids. i am sure they had a nice one anyway. i remember when i was a kid, all i needed was to go out the door, and it was a great day! i should remember that: all i need is just the brand new day! you are still in the hard part though, but you are rapidly approaching the end of treatment.

Basia my son said today we didn't do as much this summer as we normally do. I felt bad but when I was feeling well I was playing catch up.