Need continued reassurance-- can you help?

You are all the best.... I do feel better. What I learned from bc was that I am a person that needs alot of reassurance along the way... I learned to ask for it.  This morning I reviewed my journal from the bc time... gosh-I had to will myself out of bed every morning. On every page there is panic, then soothing (someone said something good, etc), then panic again.  It goes up and down.

I was thinking last night at graduation about the kids who lost a parent.  One of my daughter's classmates lost a dad in 9/11, another lost her mom a couple of years ago.  I was so glad to be there and I stayed present.  And I want to be there when the next one graduates and when this one graduates from college, and so on and so on...

At soccer today, one of the moms asked me if I wanted to do a triathlon with her--- was a runner/swimmer for a long time-- but I have simply not be able to exercise since Christmas when I had shingles, these nasty colds and now this.... 

Anyway, I told her I had some medical issues I was dealing with and another mom I know popped up with "they found 13 nodules on my thyroid last year.  I was completely freaked out for weeks while they biopsied, etc--all benign"   I am amazed how people will share--I found it so helpful to hear that-I only have 2-3 nodules, but 13??  She has also had several breast biopsies as well, so knows the anxiety.  

I did decide this time to talk about it whenever possible as opposed to the bc experience where I really kept it close to the vest.  I figure if things turn out fine, everyone will be happy.  If they do not, they will want to help

When I was in the middle of the bc thing, I went to bed one night thinking of a colleague who's wife had had breast cancer. My last thought before I fell asleep was "I have to call him".... I then had a dream where I went to his office, he was not there, but everything was bathed in white light and someone said "Everything will be all right".... I bolted awake.  I am not a particularly religious person, but this dream was incredibly real.

This morning, just before I woke up, I heard "it's benign"...I don't know whether it is true or not, but it made me feel so much better.

Took a swim to check out my lung function--I would say it is pretty darn good and I did not cough alot --although the site where they did the biopsy is still pretty tender and black and blue.

thanks again-- I will post again because I am sure the anxiety will get the better of me again.... think good thoughts!  You are all the best!

Edwards

Of course you are right.. I am just making myself crazy.  It is funny, although I feel some anxiety at my mammogram, MRI-- it is not that overwhelming.  I have gotten used to it, and the further out I go, the less likely there will be anything there. Because I know so much about bc, I feel like I could handle it it something happened (I hope).  But now, a whole new thing???? Plus I am refraining from doing any research on this. My friend Mary took over that job- and has continued to reassure me that 95% of these things are benign- and she is using very reputable websites to find that out.. 

I am sleeping, but I am still tired.  I  could be another week waiting for these results and it is a busy week in which I have to be focused on presentations, etc. There are moments when I just think "it is what it is... let it go and let someone else (pcp, onc) take the lead--then I get frantic, trying to control things- looking up endocrinologists--making myself crazy.  I am exhausting myself (and probably everyone around me).  I cannot understand how I can take an excellent statistical probability and turn it into a bad thing..... makes absolutely no sense and if one of you were doing it I would be trying to make you see all the bright side.

Even if my thyroid has to come out, everyone I know who has had that done has said it is far simpler than having bc.  

Some moments there is peace, then not so much just like TB mentioned above. And in no way is this anxiety like it was with BC.  Like Shoppy, I just don't want to have to go through the process and treatments.  I see myself as so healthy and these things really chip away at that.  

Thanks so much for the reassurance.  I will be back often for it.... There is so much happening this week-- my offices are moving, I have some big meetings/presentations, my h's birthday and my oldest's college orientation.... These are all joyful things, with people I love and I want so much to be present for them.

thanks