It's Official!

Thank you so much ladies. All night I was thinking about why I was lucky enough to get here. Suffering from a bit of survivor's guilt I think. Bc.org and all of you deserve credit for supporting each other and providing everyone with a wealth of information.

Survival, I think, depends on so much more than medicine. A few ladies who are no longer with us had a huge impact. My dear friend Jill, who when I felt I just couldn't go on one more day, reminded me that even though our bodies are broken and ugly, another day of living is another day we get to hear the word "mommy". Joan, who gave me a place to stay in a foreign country when my life depended on me getting there. Our dear Athena ( I'll use her screename because I know how much her privacy meant to her), one of the smartest people I know, who challenged me intellectually and ended every message with "love you". I know it's weird, but maybe some can relate. Everytime I felt like I might be slipping away or having a stroke or aneurysm,  or whatever strange feeling came along, I often recited phone numbers, addresses or birthdates in my head to make sure I was ok. Then I "met" Athena and those numbers were replaced by one of her many deep thoughts. Dearest Carol, who took so much shit and proved time and time again that she was the better person, even through her horrendous suffering. 

And finally, the hear and now. A special thanks to all the girls on the alt and comp threads, whose countless hours of research made me realize there are other ways to feel better. I miss some of you guys very much. To cp, thank you for continuously posting the latest medical news. You gave me ammunition to take to my appointments, forcing my onc to make some calls and think outside the protocol box. Deanna, even though we just "met", thank you. The kindest woman, who in all her years here has never said an unkind word to anyone. You made me realize that being kind is way less stressful than wasting time on people who aren't. 

Love and peace to everyone and my deepest hope that someday there will be an end to this disease.