Oh, boy, ladies

percy4 · May 2014

I do not mean to scare any of you, who also have the "worst case scenario" fears. I truly do not. I am having, tomorrow, a follow-up (4 months after) liver MRI to see if an unidentifiable suspicious liver spot on an incidental liver MRI has grown. As I only had a microinvasion, they do not expect it to be a cancer spread at all, but, in the worst case, it could be. Some of you may have seen that if it is, I will not be telling anyone, as a BC met can still leave one with MANY years, and I cannot give my ill Mother and kids the life of not having another carefree day. I'm not nuts, but, trust me, every family is different. So. Probably, it will be fine, but, if, not, I will be keeping it to myself, and I don't know how to do that. It would be big, and here is the only place I could say; at least for now. I'm scared to death, though it looks good. It does look "suspicious". Please tell me that as crazy as my decisions about telling may seem to you, you all will be there for me. I need that. I HATE these life-or-death tests. I was really going to not do it at all, as it was only seen incidentally on a breast MRI; if I hadn't had that, this would not even be happening, and as finding BC mets early doesn't help survival, I wish they'd never seen it. But they did, and won't leave me alone until I do this. This is the vey unlikely thing we all fear, and all I can say is I'm so done with being at the hospital; I'm SO done. I can't stand this. I hate it. I just need a break. Please just send me love, and tell me I can talk to you about this.

Ariom · May 2014

Oh Percy, I do feel for you, you are going through exactly what we all fear can happen, so I would expect a landslide of support from all of us!

I understand that the chances of this being a spread, is very unlikely with your initial Dx, but that sure doesn't make it any easier to handle.

I send you love and wish I could give you an actual, not a virtual, hug. I wish you all the very best for tomorrow and will be hoping it is absolutely nothing to be concerned about.

Take it easy! M x

Janet456 · May 2014

Lots of love and support coming your way. xx

Rubiayat · May 2014

I understand you not wanting to tell your family about this if it were to be something. And, yes, this your bc family where you can talk about what is happening and the support will be here!

Sending you lots of love!

njmae · May 2014

I am dealing now with my second breast cancer, although thankfully the latest was DCIS. I informed family and friends differently each time. The first time, three years ago, I told some family and a few friends. I wanted some cancer-free zones, if that makes sense. I didn't have chemotherapy so there was no change in my appearance, so many people never knew. With the DCIS this January I decided on a mastectomy and, while you're at it, take the previous cancer breast off too. That was a lucky decision as it had an ER negative DCIS, not detected until surgical pathology. I had immediate reconstruction. Although again nobody can tell the difference in my appearance, I told more people, maybe because it was DCIS and somewhat less scary.

However, were I to have a serious prognosis for anything in the future, I am not sure I would tell anyone. I think, when I am anxious, and want to talk to someone to unload, I am really asking for reassurance. And no one can really give it even though they say the right words and try to comfort. I think I would prefer to share happy times, like marriages and grandchildren, without the spectre of death and disease hanging over everyone. Everyone is different. Those are just my personal thoughts now. In any case, I fully understand your very reasoned decision.

Incidentally, my brother-in-law, who is a doctor, said, when I asked him about an MRI for my early Stage One breast cancer, "God, no, there is frequently an anomaly and then there is all the testing to prove it is nothing." You are likely in the midst of that now. Best of luck to you.

TB90 · May 2014

Percy: I have been thinking of you all day. I so agree with njmae that MRI's are notorious for finding incidental things that only cause more testing and great stress. This is going to be just one more example of that. Cannot wait for this to be all over for you and then you can focus on the next scare Lol May become our new normal damn it! We are all here for you ((((hugs)))))

percy4 · May 2014

Thank you all so much. I did it; it's done. Results should be back later today. I guess the options are 1. It's not grown, and they are now satisfied it's nothing harmful 2. If it has, well, we all know that wouldn't be good or 3. It's the same, but they want to look at it in another few months (yuk). Now the waiting begins. You know; where you jump every time the phone rings...

rettemich · May 2014

percy, sending good waves of healing energy to you. And lots of Hugs.

april485 · May 2014

(((percy)))) We are here if you need us and here to celebrate with you when they call with the good news! HUGS!

Anonymous · May 2014

Percy, sending good thoughts and gentle hugs your way!

lane4 · May 2014

Sending love and hugs and well wishes to you, percy4!

percy4 · May 2014

If you can believe this, I just saw right before 5 p.m. that I had an email from my doc. Thinking it could only be good news, or he'd be calling me, I checked the email only to find it was him reminding me to schedule my MRI. This after 3 emails last week, me asking him to be on the look-out for the results today (obviously it was already ordered then) and he assuring me he would set himself an auto-reminder to read it and call me. I quickly emailed him back to say this, but it looks like he's gone for the day. I've been sitting here, stomach clenched, for 7 hours, and now this. Looks like no results today, and they were available by about noon.

TB90 · May 2014

Percy: I cannot even imagine how difficult today has been for you. Do these medical persons have any idea of what their patients go through waiting? Is this even taught in their courses? I will forever be so very intolerant of this kind of behavior from the very persons we trust our lives with. Heaven help the next crass assh..le who treats anyone I care about like this. Sorry Percy, but this is probably not the place to express my feelings. I will be there with you as you wait for that call tomorrow. Try to do something to take your mind off this tonight. I do have very positive feelings about the outcome. luv

percy4 · May 2014

Thanks, Dear. He TENDS to email as early as 7:45 a.m., so I'm hoping he follows that habit tomorrow and sees my email before he starts his day, AND has time to call me first thing. I appreciate your loyalty; I'm the same way. This doc is actually not a bad guy. It just looks like he confused the auto-reminder to read my results with an auto-reminder to schedule my MRI. Just really bad luck for me. He'll probably feel really bad about this. Yes; it's been a very hard day, but for tonight, I'm OK, knowing a phone call won't be about this. And, hopefully, first thing tomorrow. I don't have a cellphone, so couldn't leave the house (and it's hot here in California) all day, not even to take a walk or check the mail downstairs. Just mindless TV, no people or fresh air, so that didn't help. xx

percy4 · May 2014

I can't express how much BCO means to me. I don't exactly expect bad results, as it's unlikely, but I do have to be prepared, as there IS something in my liver they called suspicious and could not identify through 4 screenings. There were 5 other lesions, similar in size, that they could easily identify as harmless, but not this one, so of course I'm worried. I talk with my family every day, they know me well, so, although I don't want to be morbid, and am not a drama queen, I do have to have a plan in place if the worst should happen. Because, although I plan not to tall my family, I would be in REALLY bad shape. I have here to come, and I've also decided to call my ex-therapist, a lovely older woman who's become a friend and mentor since I stopped seeing her professionaly. She would never betray a confidence, but she also knows me well, and at least I have her to call if there is bad news and I have a meltdown right after. So I wouldn't be alone, both here, and in my physical life. Good plan? I hope so. And also, I just wouldn't answer the phone for a couple of days, in that if it's something, I may not be able to control myself at first. Going from being a glowing specimen of wonderful health to these, if even minor, possibilites, is just awful. This is the last test, other than the future mammos, which I imagine will be scary for quite awhile, that I have to deal with. After this, if it's good, I am back to normal life, and my goodness, I really need to be. Thanks to all. Will let you know.

Mommyathome · May 2014

Thinking about you Percy!!! Sending prayers and positive thoughts your way!

percy4 · May 2014

Finally. It looks pretty good. The lesion hasn't changed, and while they still cannot positively identify it as they can the other harmless lesions, this time they say it's looking more like an atypical but harmless hemangioma. A 6-month follow-up is recommended (didn't want that, but that would be the last), but my doc told me on the phone that that is just what they have to do in the radiology dept., to cover their bases, in that I've had even a minor breast cancer, but he also told me to forget about this. He said "You just do not have metatastic cancer, and no risk for a primary liver cancer", and told me he's really sorry for all the difficulties and worry I've had to go through with first the amended breast pathology, and now this. I think I feel much better. xx

april485 · May 2014

YAY for great news! Now, exhale and have a wonderful day! xo

Anonymous · May 2014

Excellent news Percy! I'm so relieved for you!!

TB90 · May 2014

Great news to receive. Today just keeps getting better. It is beautiful here today and now my smile is even bigger! Cannot even imagine the smile on your face Percy Happy

Janet456 · May 2014

Yay - fabulous news xx

percy4 · May 2014

Thanks, everyone! So; I think I had maybe 2 relatively carefree hours after the doc called. Then my just-turned 40-year-old daughter called to tell me that she is having a biopsy (fine-needle) for a lump seen on her call-back mammo and then clearly on US. This was her first mammogram; I pushed her to have it after what happened to me. I wasn't really worried about the call-back, as it was for both breasts because they were VERY dense. Now this. No BS involved; the radiologist does it all at her clinic, both imaging and needle biopsy. You'd think this would sound like a family thing through me, but, no. I was the first and only in my family on both sides to have a BC, or any cancer, in fact. On her Dad's side, however, two aunts had BC in their 40's (not genetically tested; one is just fine now), which always did kind of concern me for her. The doc did not tell her the size or look of the lump, which I don't like, but she did hear the words "it doesn't have to be cancer; it could be a papilloma, possibly" in there somewhere. Of course, I reassured her that 80% of biopsies are fine, and that I've had 3 lumps in my life that turned out to be lumpy breast tissue (true). Not to make this about me, but, right now, in my family, with breast stuff, WTH? It seems that all women's reproductive and baby-feeding parts are just magnets for possible disease, and I can't stand it. Please send powerful good thoughts for my girl for June 5. Thank you all. Love - P.

Ariom · May 2014

Percy, I am so pleased to hear your news, I was so hoping it would turn out to be nothing. I understand the protocol it's just precautions.

I am so sorry your daughter has had a call back, that must have given you a scare, but as we know, the stats are definitely in her favor for a B9 result. I know it doesn't make the waiting any easier. I'll be thinking of you, and your girl! All the very best!

Anonymous · May 2014

Percy, sending good thoughts for a B9 result for your girl. Please let us know how it goes.

Monis · May 2014

Rubiayat · May 2014

I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter Percy. It is a frightening situation for any mother, but probably even worse for you given what you just went through. I am thinking positive thoughts for her!

rettemich · May 2014

Excellent!!!! So happy for you. Sending more Good waves of healing energy. And lots of Hugs.

Oh, boy, ladies

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