Starting Chemo April 2009

I think spring may be finally arriving. It is warmer and sunny and some flowers are popping up. So wonderful! I feel we have really earned it this year!

Judy - I hope you will not think this is forward of me, but have you ever considered looking into (or trying) EMDR? It is a new form of treatment that helps break negative associations. I only mention it because I know 2 people who have used it with good success.  Have I suggested it before? Forgive me if I am repeating myself (happens more frequently lately). Info can be found here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eye_movement_desensi...

I only mention it because I hate to see you struggle and for a beautiful season like spring to be filled with painful memories and associations. I do not know if this is available where you live or if your insurance will cover, but might be worth looking into. As I said, it really did help two people I know - one, a woman my age who suffered a violent assault, and one a young teen who was greatly traumatized by the death of her grandfather.

I really feel that we have been through so much, I hate to see any of us suffer even ONE thing unnecessarily, or have it compromise our quality of life.

All is fine here. Ruby is starting to try to pull herself up on things. Look out!  My days with her continue to be the high points of my week.

Oh did I tell you I am going with my other daughter to Portugal for 10 days in late April? Am very excited. Although I did feel I needed to warn her that I get tired more quickly/easily and cannot go all day/night the way I have in the past. She was very sensitive and understanding, so that eased my mind a bit.

Love to all.

Geri, so sorry about your boss. More importantly you have lost a friend. Unfortunately, more and more people I know have suffered or are suffering from serious health issues. I don't think it will get better.

Amy, Portugal with your DH sounds wonderful enjoy!

Judy, I am sending you a virtual hug (((Judy))).  Please know you have support out here. 

Brutal winter finally seems to be leaving. Although it's still cool, the sun is shining and providing some warmth. My grandson's hockey season ended today. They got the silver medal and were disappointed but it was a good and exciting game. 

On May 1 I go for my 2nd revision for the DIEP.  I think this will be the last one and I'll only need tattoos after this. I dislike the idea of another general anaesthetic but no choice.

Thank you for thinking about me; I must have felt the vibes, because I just had a feeling that I wanted to come by today. I have been so wrapped up with my daughter and the general stresses of my life, that I have not had a chance to come by. But I am so thankful for your support and love.

Geri, I am so sorry to hear about your friend. It must have been so very difficult for you. I hope that you are managing to cope with your loss. Sending you much love.

Amy, I hope you have a good trip to Portugal; I am sure you will. We look forward to hearing all about it. Thank you for the link. I am always happy to hear ideas and suggestions from any of you wonderful women.

Helen, I have my first tattoo appointment at the end of May. Please let us know how your revision surgery goes.

Sending you all much love and hugs as always, Judy x

Just passing through quickly today; hope you are all well and that Amy is having a great time in Portugal.

I am doing ok; trying to cope, day by day...

Geri, how are you doing?

Hugs to you all, Judy x

Also a quick note from me to wish Helen an easy surgery and a quick recovery.

Judy - I hope each day is a little better for you.

Amy - hope you are having the best time on vacation with your daughter.

Thank you all for your support - I am going forward day by day - still a void when I pass her office.

Geri

I am back home again. The trip was mostly wonderful with a few challenging things thrown in. I am tired and glad to be home.  We saw some really beautiful places, and my daughter's work contacts set up some incredible private tours of wineries that were very much VIP treatment and made her feel very important.  I learned how to taste the wine and spit it out so you don't get drunk. They give you a canister for that purpose. Sort of strange spitting in front of all those people, but many people do it. One place, we tasted NINE different ports (one of which was 40 years old and very expensive, I am sure). I could NEVER have driven after that if I had swallowed them. I learned a lot about port but still don't like it very much.  

I am resting, unpacking and doing laundry and catching up on work for tomorrow. I see my onc for 6 mo check up this week. Have not even had a chance to be nervous about it.

Sending love to all who are going through challenges. Judy you have never expressed the nature of your daughter's struggles - but I am trusting she is getting the best care available, and the love of your family will help her come through. But I KNOW it is the mother that suffers the most in her heart. 

Love Amy (international traveler - more or less!)

Hi Everyone,

Sorry I've not been better about keeping everyone updated.  Thank you to Amy for keeping you updated in my absence.

On March 20th, I crossed that magical 5 year survivor mark (as most of us in this thread have/will), but my joy in that moment could not be realized because on the 18th of March, my Mom’s heart stopped and was resuscitated after 14 minutes, and on the 23rd I had to make the heartbreaking decision to take her off life-support.

My Mom had been sick with kidney disease for some time, and she got to the point where she was continuing to get blood infections from her dialysis catheters, and this last hospitalization with a serious infection was, in fact, her last.  I know she was tired and in a lot of pain.

She had made it clear to me on many occasions that if she were ever in a situation where it was only machines keeping her alive, and it would not be likely that she could return to the independent life she knew, to let her go.

Hardest thing I’ve ever done.

BUT, we had an incredibly beautiful memorial service for her on April 12th, and I am at peace knowing that I did what she would have wanted me to do, and that she is not in any more pain or misery.

So please keep me and my family in your prayers as we make our way through the journey of bereavement.  My acupuncturist told me yesterday that I was still avoiding the energy of grief and that I needed to let it follow and settle with me awhile, instead of pushing it away.  My only response to that is that I don't have time to fall apart.

As far as Cancerland goes, I’m doing well. Nurse practitioner wants me to see the lymphedema specialist for mild puffiness in my left arm, and fussed at me because I haven’t seen the ob/gyn in awhile

So, now the focus is squarely on me, for all intents and purposes, and I’ll start taking care of things that were pushed to the backburner over the last 6 months.

I hope things are well with each of you!

gentle hugs for you Judy...I hope the respite inLondon gives you renewed strength. You need that to be   able to be there for your daughter, so please try not to feel guilty about it.  A car can't run without gas, no matter how much it would like to, and neither can you.

Thinking of you this Mother's Day weekend - be good to yourself

Geri

Had my five year onc appt on Thurs.  I just LOVE this onc and am so glad i switched from that cranky old guy i started out with. Anyway, she said two things of note: a - since i am at 5 years, I only have to go to her annually - so I will see the onc once/year and then have mammo and see surgeon once/year (six months apart so I will be seen twice/year now). That is awesome.

Second - she asked a lot about how i am doing on the AI. I said fine. She said since I have been on an anti estrogenic for 5 years now (3 on tamox, 2 on AI), that if it is bothering me, I can go off if i want. She said results are not conclusive yet about the benefits of staying on longer. But I said I was fine, and so will continue. Have any of you had that discussion with yours?

Saw Ruby this week. Was wonderful. She seems so much older/bigger in the 2 weeks I didn't see her when I was away. And put the veg garden in today. That is something I love doing, and I hope we get a good yield this year - we always try new things, some work, some don't. (Just like life, I guess.)

Happy Mother's Day to all moms tomorrow. Judy - sending extra hugs and love to you as I am sure this is a challenging one. I hope your London trip is restorative and that your time with your sister is wonderful.

Love to everyone - Amy

Geri - I am so thrilled for you. What wonderful news! 

please keep prayers coming...one day of uncontained joy at the pregnancy news and then she began spotting . She saw the OB today and the ultrasound showed a sub chorionic hematoma which is causing the bleeding.  She could miscarry or it could re absorb.  They wanted her to go on Progesterone suppositories to raise her blood levels, but since it carries a warning about increasing breast cancer, she opted not to, so it is out of our hands, and we will hope  and pray for the best.

Geri, I'm hoping everything works out. I will keep checking for news from you.

Judy, glad to hear that you had a nice few days in London and pleased that your daughter is making progress.

I know I should be happy with the 5 year mark but I know women who were fine for 8 years and then it came back. I've heard that with ER+ that there are more recurrences between the 5 - 10 year mark than in the first 5 years. Has anyone else heard this?

Geri, I share your sentiments about the word "survivor".  I think of myself as a bc patient. I'm still taking drugs so it's basically still active treatment in my opinion. I won't wear the survivor t-shirt as it makes me uncomfortable and I don't want to bring extra attention to myself. I didn't do anything heroic, just did what I had to do even though I didn't want to.

My mother was dx with a recurrence after almost 3 years and died 2 years after that in 1983. Tamoxifen didn't help her but I don't know if they knew about triple negative back then and of course the BRCA had not been discovered either. She was definitely treated as though she was hormone +

My DIL's mother had a recurrence after 81/2 years and died within 2 years after that. It was just 4 years ago. She did take Tamoxifen for 5 years but I know she was not compliant with taking her AI when she switched. She said it gave her headaches. So who knows?

I have another friend who is almost 20 years out (5 years on Tamoxifen and 5 years on Femara) and she is doing fine.

And considering that I had a 2nd primary 3 1/2 years following the first one, well I'll never feel clear. It's not that I go around worrying all the time, but that 2nd dx did change me.

I'm still working on trying to enjoy each day.

great news today - the ultrasound showed the fetus growing normally and the yolk sac doubled in size - right on track!  Her progesterone levels have come up on the suppositories and everything looks good, so after a hellish week, we are back to being elated.  Thank you all for your prayers and words of support and encouragement.

Please keep her and the baby in your thoughts and prayers