Sick of feeling chemo

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Gina2014
Gina2014 Member Posts: 13
edited June 2014 in Chemotherapy - Before, During, and After

This isn't going to be upbeat. Today I am having one of those post chemo days where I have no energy. It's hard to hold my head up to type this. And despite how positive I have been knowing in the back of my mind that I can get through this, today is a day I could honestly just give up. To be so tired and not be able to sleep is draining on most of us, but I am having a pity party today. Does anyone just feel like throwing in the towel at any point during this torture they call chemo"therapy"? The sun is shining. It's a great day but I can't go out in the sun. I've been cooped up in the house since February when I started treatment and feeling like crap most of the time. My family has picked up the slack and tried to fill in for me as best they can. It makes me feel sad and guilty that I cannot carry my own weight. And yes today is one of those days where I ask myself if it wouldn't be easier for them to get on with their lives without me. At least there would be some definition and direction. It's selfish I know to want to not feel anymore. Feel sick, tired, achy, ugly........

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  • IamNancy
    IamNancy Member Posts: 1,158
    edited May 2014


    Gina,

    We've all had our moments during treatment and today is your day...I know its hard with being tired and achy, feeling sick.. wanting to sleep but not being able to...I am sure your family doesn't feel like you are slacking and would hate to think you feel guilty.. you have, at this point, earned the right to relax and do what makes you feel better.. Let's face it chemo is a poison being put throughout our bodies.. and its a rough treatment but it has to be rough to fight the cancer cells.. and slowly your energy will return and you won't feel like you do today.. Hang in there - it can only get better Winking

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  • Gina2014
    Gina2014 Member Posts: 13
    edited May 2014

    Thanks Nancy, 

    You are right. I needed the pep talk. I was really whiney yesterday and told my husband I didn't want to do this anymore. He told me I didn't have a choice without missing a step and moved on. He's right of course! It snapped me out of this funk I've fallen into. I have been keeping a lot to myself and I guess just needed to get it out.  Thanks again for responding. It helped more than you know!

    -Gina

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  • AmyQ
    AmyQ Member Posts: 2,182
    edited May 2014

    Hi Gina, 

    I'm sorry you're having such a rough day but you're entitled to your feelings but not the guilt.  I'm sure your family just hates that you're going through  chemo and I'm sure they'd rather trade places with you however try to remember the day will come and you will have had your last chemo.  I kept that goal in mind with every treatment. Hang in there dear Gina.  Life does get better even on chemo.

    I'll be thinking of you...

    Amy

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  • ruthbru
    ruthbru Member Posts: 57,235
    edited May 2014

    Are you doing Neulasta shots? If not, maybe you be as then at least you can go out & do things without worrying about getting sick  (even though you will still feel creepy). I could not sleep AT ALL when I was on chemo; and the thing that helped me more than anything was to get a prescription for Ambien. I took it every night, and OMG it was wonderful to be unconscious for 6-7 hours & getting sleep sure helped me cope better when I was awake too! So I would DEFINITELY recommend that to anyone who has sleep issues during chemo. Another thing that helped me was to do as many 'normal' things as I could.....that didn't make me feel any better physically, but having coffee with friends, going to a band concert, graduation, or whatever, was a distraction which kept me from just thinking about myself all the time, and still contacted with the world. The other thing that helped me get through it and bounce back quicker was to get some light exercise; even if it was to put on my tennis shoes and walk around and around the house, or down to the mail box, or around the house. Just moving helped me both mentally & physically.

    When are you done with chemo? It seems endless when you are in the middle of it, but someday you will be able to help someone else going through it and you will be able to look back and say, "That was really horrible, but I got through it, and I am really, really okay, and you will be too." Hang in there!

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