Starting Chemo in December 2013

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  • count_it_all_joy
    count_it_all_joy Member Posts: 130
    edited May 2014

    Hello again!  I seem to keep having a hard time keeping up, but I LOVE reading your posts before I go to bed.  Rads start on Monday, but first we're going away for a long weekend.  You all seem to be doing AMAZING trips to tropical places… we're in AZ and just happy to escape the heat and get up in the mountains.  Friends from church offered us their time share the weekend they found out I was diagnosed - I thought they'd forget after all this time, but instead they have the reservations all made and waiting for us!  DJJ, I'm inspired by you and planned a hike for us, but nothing like what our family would normally do!!

    Re: the bleeding gums - what helped me was a Biotene product called "PBF Oral Rinse".  It's different from the one for dry mouth.  Rinsing wasn't enough at first, I would put a bit in a cup and brush my gum line REALLY gently with it after I did my normal brushing.  Then after a few days I just started rinsing with it twice a day.  No more bleeding!  That was months ago, never came back.

    Personal question… I'm a home school mom with 2 kids, used to busy days with lots of little details to juggle.  I'm 5 weeks pfc, my teen is now in a school setting, we're letting a lot of things slide… but as I try to pick up more of my old responsibilities, I'm finding myself getting anxious/overwhelmed rather easily.  A table full of paperwork that needs to be dealt with makes me a little panicky and confused.   I can get it taken care of, but much more slowly, and it's best not to talk to me or ask me questions while I'm doing it!  Are you all bouncing back better than that, or are you still finding your mind/emotions more fragile?

    Mary

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  • RHGSR
    RHGSR Member Posts: 774
    edited May 2014

    mary- we are also a homeschooling family. My oldest is 9. Math this year has been computer based. Reading and cursive  have been mostly workbooks.  Other subjects she gets from our co-op which meets 12 weeks (one day a week) in fall and 12 weeks in spring. We are done with that for the year. She isn't behind on anything but spelling but my hope is to get caught up in the fall. It is frustrating. And I'm especially emotionally fragile (started getting worse last week but I think it has to do with added stress over our insurance issues).  I lost my "school room " when I had surgery and we had to put a bed in there for my in laws. We are now trying to consolidate our school stuff into a large cabinet in the dining room. Turning school room into a bedroom for my oldest (she was sharing with her sister). Everything is so unorganized. I can't keep up and it's driving me crazy. I feel you on that. I can only do small thingshere  and there. And only when the 2 year old naps (which should really be my rest time).  I feel like my while house and family are falling apart. 

    I wish I could offer help or suggestions. But I can only commiserate with you. 

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  • oranje_mama
    oranje_mama Member Posts: 260
    edited May 2014

    Robin, did you see BS?  Check back in with us and let us know.  Praying for you.

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  • DJJ
    DJJ Member Posts: 229
    edited May 2014


    Mary, I don't find myself overwhelmed or panicked.  I just find that I don't do stuff :-) I put things off easier.  My electric bill was actually late, that's never happened,  And it's just because I don't want to deal with it, so I don't.  I have a big stack of paperwork I need to go through.  Emotionally I'm still kind of numb.  I've always been a happy smiley person and I still get comments that I am, but I mostly feel numb and wonder how I'm still projecting the old me when I feel nothing like her.  Everything looks different to me, some things good and some things bad, I haven't figured it out yet. It's like some sort of naive innocense has been lost.  I feel like I have to learn who I am all over again.  The only thing that I know for sure is that in the next 2 years I want to move to Denver to be by my sister.  I haven't lived by family in 13 years and after going through this that has become a priority. 

    No bleeding gums, but my teeth still ache.  Also, I noticed this morning that my mustache is back....COME ON!!!

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  • RHGSR
    RHGSR Member Posts: 774
    edited May 2014

    DJJ - I have this secret wish that my mustache and random chin hairs will forever be damaged by the chemo - never to return... Hee hee :0)

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  • Lisaj514
    Lisaj514 Member Posts: 719
    edited May 2014

    Mary, holli, wow! Home schooling is a full time + job and recovering from BC is a full time + job. It's not surprising you are overwhelmed. Wanting to do the best for your kids and also for yourself. It sounds like your reactions are normal. I actually don't know how you are doing it. You are probably doing an amazing job, I'm sure you were perfectionists before this so it's hard now as you feel you can't give your best but kids are so resilient  and they have learned first hand about compassion, patience, caring for each other, strength and weakness, and real life. I honor and admire both of you and all of you who have young kids still at home. It is amazing that you are even doing as much as you are. Give yourselves credit and a pat on the back!

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  • Crazywabbit
    Crazywabbit Member Posts: 563
    edited May 2014

    Holly, you and me both re chin hairs.  I do not miss plucking them. 

    Writing a big list if questions for my RO tomorrow. Just reread my initial consult note from Dec. he never specified the numbers of sessions but did say whole breast + boost to surgical site and full axillary- including upper axilla and SC area as  well as internal mamm node area.   I will be growing like 3 mile island when done.  ( I lived 10 miles from TMI, in Hershey, Pa when it went critical). 

    Barbara

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  • oranje_mama
    oranje_mama Member Posts: 260
    edited May 2014

    DJJ, I can relate to what you say about feeling different.  I'm not the "old me" but I'm not sure who the "new me" is.  I found out last week that my boss - who recruited and hired me - is getting a mega promotion.  She will be the new Global General Counsel of our company (which is a really big company).  She is the first woman to hold this position (and only the 2nd woman to be on the board of the company).  I think I mentioned on this board before that she is an 12-year BC survivor (she had BMX, chemo, the works).  I am so happy for her, so proud of my (very male dominated) company for making this choice.

    She wants me to step up into her current role.  Fortunately, the transition is happening gradually over the next few months, and the old GC won't officially step down until September.  "Old me" would have been thrilled at this opportunity.  "New me" is not as sure.  I had kind of been looking forward to "coasting" for a while.  She actually asked me if I saw myself/my goals differently after the BC experience - she understands how your priorities could change.  The reality is, I don't know yet.  I think I need more distance from this experience (which is still ongoing, by the way!) to even know this.  But I didn't feel like I could really say that.  Someone needs to do my boss' old role and if it's not me, then I'll get a new boss.  And since my current boss is awesome, and the majority of my working life this has most definitely NOT been the case, I'm inclined not to take the new boss option, instead I'll just do my best at stepping into her shoes and reevaluate in a year or two as to whether this is where I want to be career-wise. 

    Do any of you know the children's book The Story of Ferdinand?  About a bull who likes to sit under a cork tree and smell the flowers?  It's always been one of my favorite books.  I feel like Ferdinand now.  Being pushing into the ring to fight, but all I want to do is smell the flowers :).

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  • Lisaj514
    Lisaj514 Member Posts: 719
    edited May 2014

    DJJ, holli, Barbara, yup about the chin hairs. Hoping for permanent damage too but prob no such luck. I'm calling myself a kiwi now. More hair than a peach and much less than a chia pet...you get the picture. Still colorless and have to look closely.

    Oranj, that's awesome about the job but also terrifying if you don't feel ready for it. You have to decide now but won't officially happen until sept? That's a while and time for you to get back to yourself, the new and maybe improved self. 

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  • kimie06
    kimie06 Member Posts: 215
    edited May 2014

    chin  hair,,, I have all over face hair right now WTF.... this like white peach fuzz....for the love of god

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  • RHGSR
    RHGSR Member Posts: 774
    edited May 2014

    Oranje- we love Ferdinand here. Great story. Hmmm.... I'll have to think on it and how it relates to all of us. Ferdinand was just who he was and he was okay with that. Then a crazy situation (maybe similar to BC) made others view him as something different - a fighter. Maybe he always had that fight in him though? He just chose to use it differently. I can't remember the end. Is he the same when he gets to go back home? 

    I understand what you're saying. My DH (and this is totally different) wants me to pick back up to 9-12 college hours next semester. And all I want to do is focus on getting healthy and loving my babies. I don't want to just go,go,go.  But I get what you mean by if you don't do it, someone else will.  But I also get not being far enough away from the BC to really be able to look back on it with perspective. 

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  • Jodi040812
    Jodi040812 Member Posts: 383
    edited May 2014

    just checking in:). Waiting on chemo now. Craving Chick fil a????  What?!  I mean want it now lol!   Last one;). I'll check back in tonight.  Love you all and thanks for getting me here!!!

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  • Crazywabbit
    Crazywabbit Member Posts: 563
    edited May 2014

    Big High 5 Jodi, you did it. made it to the end of chemo well almost, just a few hours to go.  

    Hope you get the Chick sandwich when you are done, Never had one but I hear they are great!

    Barbara

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  • Mikesgirl17
    Mikesgirl17 Member Posts: 260
    edited May 2014

    I too have all over the face peach fuzz Kim.  I just noticed how bad it was today.  Just one more hit to the self esteem.  Congrats Jodi.  When I first met with the RO, the visit was about 45 minutes.  The mapping took about 1/2 hour.  You women who home school are super women.  I can't even imagine going through this and having to teach your kids.  I have been very emotional still.  Even though I'm done, it's still overwhelming.  Also, peolpe must think, Oh, it must be so good to have treatment behind you.  It's not like we feel 100%. 

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  • DJJ
    DJJ Member Posts: 229
    edited May 2014

    I know that book!  That's exactly how I feel about my new job.  It's much better than my old job but I would rather smell the flowers...at a villa...in Italy. 

    Yay Jodi!!!!!!!!Happy

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  • RobinLK
    RobinLK Member Posts: 840
    edited May 2014

    Congrats Jodi!!

    I am sorry I can't focus right now. Head is spinning. Had BRCA testing done. Having surgery tomorrow at 11 am. RO is not happy, now has me scheduled back on Monday to make sure everything will still line up. The nodes are not BC, still checking on lymphoma. BS is not sure one is even a node. That is why she is removing it. She wants to know what it is. Necrotic.... MO is now trying to reschedule my Herceptin but, my echo is Friday smack in the middle of the day in a different city. Argh........oh yeah, my daughter arrives tomorrow night. What a week...

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  • Leealice
    Leealice Member Posts: 87
    edited May 2014

    Woohoo to Jodi for finishing chemo and keepthefaith for finishing rads today!

    My life is getter busy again and I really want to prioritize and not just go, go ,go. I want to slow down and appreciate the real things like family but it's easier said than done. BC has really put things in perspective 

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  • missy6758703
    missy6758703 Member Posts: 218
    edited May 2014

    Robin i am so sorry you are going through all of this......Jodi yay for ending chemo! I would have brought you a chick fil a if i could! 

    FACIAL HAIR...................OMG!!!! the sides of my face i practically have to gel down......wtf is right! 

    I am happy to report that my poor butt is finally beginning to heal since my hemorrhoidectomy back in February. Guessing it took so long since every week after it i was having chemo and it just didn't get a chance to heal.  

    Cancer can just kiss my ass.  

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  • Lisaj514
    Lisaj514 Member Posts: 719
    edited May 2014

    yea Jodi, you'll be getting my little gift in the mail Friday. Sorry it didn't get there for your last chemo day.

    Hang in there mikesgirl, keep venting and expressing your feelings. That's the only way it will eventually lessen and you'll find "your new normal" as they all say. Give it as much time as you need.

    Wow Robin, that's a lot of "stuff" going on. Wow, wow, wow. Hang in there also

    Michele, you continue to crack us up. I guess for you cancer DID kiss your ass

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  • jackieak
    jackieak Member Posts: 169
    edited May 2014

    Robin, so the nodes or whatever they are are not cancerous?  That is great....I think it's wise they are taking them out to examine further, they may just be necrotic left overs...so all in all from what I am reading is no more cancer.  

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  • jackieak
    jackieak Member Posts: 169
    edited May 2014

    I took the little razor thing I had and shaved all that white peach fuzz off my face....like baby thin soft fuzz, so far no more growing....now if the head would kick in with some real hair and not this chemo white fuzz too!  The brows are coming back with the fuzz as well....but I do feel wonderful

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  • RobinLK
    RobinLK Member Posts: 840
    edited May 2014

    Jackie, no breast cancer found. Very good thing. Just stressed about surgery. Outpatient is good, but I am a touch OCD and this has disrupted my schedule. Never heard back from MO about rescheduling Herceptin. My DH promises he will take care of all that tomorrow. Still struggling with focus/concentration issues.  So losing my structured schedule throws me off. I will get over it. One day at a time right!?!

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  • oranje_mama
    oranje_mama Member Posts: 260
    edited May 2014

    Robin, great news that it's not BC! I can imagine it's hard to deal with the onslaught of appointments.  I'm sure you thought you were past this point.

    I guess I'm in the fortunate few with no chin hairs (yet!)  My eyebrows are not coming back in, they never fully left - but they are still thinning & the lighter colored hairs are left.  They are MUCH thinner but previously were very thick/dark.  I use a thing I got from Look Good Feel Better called Eyebrow Power.  It's a pencil and a little brush in one.  Works wonders. (in my avatar, that's without any "brow power" - just the natural me).

    Have my post-op appointment today and get path report.  I was supposed to get a call with path report on Tuesday but my BS has been crazy busy.  She is an awesome doc and I know that when she's busy that means a lot of fellow sisters with urgent surgeries :(.  It was really hard to get the post-op appointment scheduled.  I decided I would not sweat waiting till today.  I have a good feeling about it.

     

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  • Crazywabbit
    Crazywabbit Member Posts: 563
    edited May 2014

    Robin, keeping you in my pocket for your busy day today. Hope all turns out well. 

    Sitting in RO office waiting for my visits to start.  Long list of questions. 

    Barbara

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  • jbokland
    jbokland Member Posts: 890
    edited May 2014

    To those if you who had your port removed ...was it a local anethstetic in the surgeons office ?   Mine loops up in my jugular... I just can't wait to get the damn thing out!

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  • DJJ
    DJJ Member Posts: 229
    edited May 2014

    I'm off to get my surgical biopsy....Ugh! Another wire placement first.  Robin and I will both be in surgery today.  Lucky usDevil

    I'm hungry and I want a capucinno!!!!

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  • RobinLK
    RobinLK Member Posts: 840
    edited May 2014

    GL DJJ.... with you in spirit! 

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  • RHGSR
    RHGSR Member Posts: 774
    edited May 2014

    congrats Jodi!! It's so good to not feel poisoned. Are you in Houston for your extended period yet? What did you find out for accommodations? You may have already posted it ... If so, I'm sorry for the chemo brain. 

    Robin - great news no BC. Thinking about you today. 

    DJJ- in your pocket today 

    Oranje - thinking positive thoughts for you

    I have my first official rads today. Wish me luck!!

    Holli

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  • kimie06
    kimie06 Member Posts: 215
    edited May 2014

    oh girls you are all in my thoughts today, cant we just get done with this bull shit,,,,I have rad #6 today.. Im missing my little family a lot, my dog starting licking my husbands Iphone the other nite while we were facetiming...my kids hug it... so sweet.

    Me and the face hair are going to have to part ways Im going to have to start combing it here soon...god...

    big hugs my friends !!

    stay strong

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  • Macintx
    Macintx Member Posts: 118
    edited May 2014

    Kimie06, I see that you did DD Taxol.  How was that for you?  I have had 2 of 4, and I wondered how the last 2 compared to the first 2.  SE's cumulative?  I've had very mild neuropathy (just a little tingly or cold feeling) in a few fingers and toes, and all over achiness for about 24 hours on day 3 both times, but not much else.  I started a thread on it, but not very many replies since I guess most people seem to do weekly.  

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