Mastectomy aftercare

Hi SpTeach:

I first want to say I'm sorry for your wife and bless you for being there for her! 

My husband helped me tremendously by emptying drains, getting me meds, food when I felt up to it, doing bed baths since my plastic surgeon did not want me to shower until my drains were out, washing my hair (which is very long since I could not shower and do it myself, managed the household (laundry, dogs, etc.  Our kids are grown).  Helping me to get out of bed to the bathroom was even a chore and getting me to my many doctor appointments!

Just even BEING there is a comfort, even when she is asleep from the meds.  More than you will know right now.  Keeping her company so she does not feel isolated and get depressed.  I believe laughter is good medicine and if she knows you love her no matter what, that goes a long way toward recovery!

Doug - thank you for being one of the good guys. Not every husband "gets it' or is even able to help.

My DH was my rock... attended every single appointment with me. After BMX he brought me home to my "nest"... the corner of the bedroom where he had set up a hospital bed for me. Sooo much easier for me to maneuver in and out of bed, and get to the bathroom by myself.

Even though I was capable of doing it myself, he took care of all my drain management. (All those years as a volunteer medic on the fire department paid off!)

I think the hardest part for him was watching me be in so much pain... that even  I hadn't anticipated. The BMX was a piece of cake, I think, but the Tissue Expanders were hell. I cried every day for a month. I begged him to take me back to the hospital to have them removed, or else I would do it myself. 

I finally learned (from this forum) that I needed to take ALL my meds exactly as prescribed... no skipping. I learned that a body that is in pain is stressed, and a body that is stressed does not heal.

So that's what I did. Took Norco and Valium around the clock. DH was awesome at bringing me all my meds, setting his clock for my 4 a.m. doses and bringing me a few crackers or applesauce to eat with them.

When I finally could, I took lots of warm showers, and had DH massage my back muscles. During recon, muscles and nerves are cut, and they can cause lots of pain.

He was my chef, my valet, my chauffeur, my hairdresser, my nurse, my cheerleader, and my rock. The best thing he ever did for me was to just sit on the edge of the bed when I was crying and pat my leg, telling me "This will get better." "We're in this together." "We're a team."

Two days? Yes, she's probably in a lot of pain. Many women here don't feel pain as much, and find that they are active and relatively well within a week. That didn't happen to me.

But my DH just took over my schedule, encouraging me to do the little things for myself, asking if I'd like to go for a walk, and letting me rest and nap when I needed to.

Within a month, I was fully independent and out of pain. I know that sounds like a long time, but it took as long as it took. DH remarked "You were independent a lot sooner than I thought you would be!"

So just keep doing what you're doing. And remind your dear wife that "This too, shall pass."

God bless you for all that you do. Wishing your wife a speedy recovery.

When my wife had her TEs placed, the doctor gave my wife some muscle relaxer medications as well as the pain medications.  

She said could tell when it as time to take another dose of muscle relaxers....even with the pain meds.

I was one of the fortunate ones in that, though it took a full day in hospital to get my pain and nausea under control, I felt more discomfort than pain after that and went off narcotics entirely within 3 days. Now I just take some Robax with ibuprofen 2-3x a day as needed. I found more relief from the Robax than the Percocet! I am sorry your wife is having a difficult time with pain. You may want to contact your wife's surgeon and tell her pain is still not under control and see if another prescription might be better...many women find more relief with muscle relaxers and not all people get the same relief from some narcotics as others do (I for example found T3s to have little effect on me except to make me incredibly nauseous). Pain control is soooo important to healing and mental state. It is also important because she needs to get up and walking at least short bouts, to improve healing through increased blood flow (and reduce risk of blood clots and lengthier and painful constipation). I really credit walking to my healing (I have done 5-6 miles daily since Day 3, even with drains in). Of course, your wife has also had the added difficulties of a cancer dx and chemo so her recovery may be a bit slower, which is absolutely fine and her recovery is HER recovery. but it is important that she gets the pain under enough control that she can at least do walks around house a few times a day...a little longer each day.

I was able to handle (and wanted to handle) my own drains and medications, but where my husband was wonderful was in helping me sponge bathe, washing, drying and brushing my hair, get dressed, fluffing my pillows, going for walks with me, making me tea, bringing me water and food, handling housework (especially all the laundry as I needed clean PJs and towels all the time!), running errands, and just being very supportive. All he did was continue to be my best friend, and really that was key.

you are getting great advice and I second it all. The one thing I would add is please be patient with her emotions.  For a number of weeks between my dx and the following few months, including the bmx and afterwards my emotions were all over the place. I cried easily for little reason. I understand that my levels of everything were at a low point and I had been thru so much in a few weeks. My husband was very good but I think it was hard for him to understand that part, especially with me being pretty stoic about stuff for most of our relationship. He snapped at me one time when I started to well up, and it was upsetting to hear. So hang in there! She is lucky to have such a caring guy.