Starting Chemo, November 2013 Group
Comments
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Ellen - I love how you say " It doesn't really get any better when I lie down, so I would rather just live my life." I know what's good for me but when I feel tired it's easy to give in and just lounge. I did make it to the gym 3 times this week and there is still a chance I will go on Friday. My heart rate is really fast for some reason when I exercise.
Amazon - glad to hear you are feeling better.
I keep saying to myself that I need to move on from cancer but it's still hard as I have 10 more rads left. The weather is getting warmer and I can finally do stuff outside.
I have the bone and joint pain from chemo too, my right foot goes numb when I drive to my rads appointment. I try not to pay attention to those things but it is hard when you feel crappy.
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Quirky, at not quite 6 weeks out, I don't have any bone pain. I've been woken up twice over the past few weeks with hip joint pain, but honestly I blame that on my dog sleeping with me and causing me to lay in the same position for too long, because once I can wake up and stretch the joint out and move it around a bit, it goes away and I can go back to sleep.
Mostly about all I have left at this point are numb finger tips and numb toes, a tendency toward slow digestion, indigestion, and I get diarrhea pretty easily -- after a lifetime of constipation tendencies -- and my legs, specifically the backs of my thighs, are a little stiff when I first stand up if I've been sitting or laying down for a while. Oh, and my eyes still run a lot. Getting pretty tired of that one.
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The MRI result were not as good as we'd hoped. Big ugly only shrank about half, if that. A regular lumpectomy is out. The choices are (and I forget the medical name for this one) taking out the mass and half or more of the BC breast and getting a reduction on the other to make them even, or a mastectomy and reconstruction. Surgeon said I'd wind up a "perky A or B cup" with the first. Perky sounds good, B cup sounds ok, but I'm not a small person so an A cup would look pretty silly on me. But I don't know if I really want the extra procedures that go with reconstruction. Really torn and I have to make the decision by tomorrow as I have an appointment with the plastic surgeon at 1 tomorrow. Surgery is already scheduled for the 21st. The really good news though is that the surgeon believes that the remainder or the mass is just the changed tissues. She thinks it's too soft to have much cancer left in it. And the MRI doesn't show any obvious lymph node involvement. That's nice to hear even though I know there could still be some. Won't know for sure until the sentinel nodes are removed. Just want it all over so I can enjoy at least some of the summer.
Ellen, I think I'm the one farthest from finishing this mess and it doesn't bother me at all when you guys post about feeling good. Helps me to remember that there will be an end to it, even if it sometimes seems that there won't.
Audra, your trip sounds like it was a blast. It was good that you got a bit of time to forget this ugliness. And you have hair too. it's all good.
Amazon, glad to hear that your blood work was ok.
Lisa, how's it feel to have that nasty little alien out of you? My MO hadn't put anything in her notes saying mine could come out yet so I'm not sure if it will get to go when I have the surgery or not. I certainly hope so.
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Wallymama, what's your gut telling you to do? Did you wake up feeling one way or another? It sounds like the lumpectomy option involves the most procedures. Mastectomy has a lot going for it -- you're rid of the bad boob and you wouldn't need anything done to your good boob. You could even take your time thinking about recon. But now I'm backing off -- it is an entirely personal decision and we will be behind you no matter what you do. XOXO
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For the Canadian ladies in the croud, below is a neat vacation option for cancer survivors. A cottage is donated to cancer survivors and thier families.
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Walkymama, thinking of you! I agree to go with your gut. If it helps, try imagining living with each option say 10 or 20 years from now and how you'll also feel looking back. That helps me sometimes.
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Wallymama, maybe the news wasn't as good as you'd hoped, but really, isn't it GREAT news? I mean, supposedly ILC and low grade cancers don't respond as well to chemo, but yours shrunk by half and probably doesn't have much actual cancer left in it? When you think about it, that's *awesome*! Since I'm ILC too, it makes me more hopeful that my chemo actually did DO something (assuming there were rogue cancer cells in there that needed killin',) and that I didn't go through all that hell for nothing.
Of course, it does leave you with that tough choice, and Bec is entirely correct about it being a very personal choice. So all I'll say is that I personally have not regretted my BMX, and although I reckon that after radiation (and any associated pain) is over we'll go and get me some fake boobs to wear when I choose to, I've actually become completely comfortable walking around flat everywhere I go, and if anyone has noticed or stared, I haven't noticed or cared. I agree with Bec though: go with your gut.
Now that it's not so sore anymore (and really it was only sore the night after the deportation) it feels WONDERFUL to have the little alien out of me. You'll probably want to actually ask your MO when you can have yours out; that's what I did. He didn't suggest it, but when I asked, first his NP, then him, if it was okay, they both said I could have it out whenever I wanted. Only my surgeon asked me if I was sure I didn't want to leave it in for a while "just in case," and I said "Nope, because if I need it again, you can just put me in another," and he said "That's true." So, out it came.
Also, you should send smrlvr a PM and join our FB group!
My 2nd radiation treatment is done, and we're finding that I shed those stickers like my dogs and cat shed hair, lol. They just don't *stick* to me for very long. I told the tech today "Y'all should have just tattooed me," and she said they COULD, if it became too stressful for *me* to worry about the stickers. Well you know, personally I don't care; if they want to keep sticking me with stickers that fall off, that's up to them, but I let her know I also don't object to being tattooed, if it's easier in the long run. So I guess we'll see. There was a sticker in my shower this morning, as I told her, but I have no idea if it fell off this morning or yesterday morning, lol. Or where it came from.
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Wally - MRI is not super accurate. My MRI said my largest mass was 4cm, but ended up being only 2.1cm so I hope you had a better response than what the MRI shows. My reconstruction with tissue expanders has been pretty uneventful so I think that would be the least complicated route for reconstruction unless you will need radiation. Hugs and lots of good mojo for you as you get ready for the final stretch!
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Wally, sounds like the chemo did do some good. You do have options, too bad you have to decide so soon! Personally, I don't regret my BMX and I did not have reconstruction. Right now that does not bother me. I don't know if it will in the future, but the option is always there.
Quirky, I have to tell you that the rad techs were tight and that flush like feeling was from the radiation. I stayed in bed almost all last weekend and it has pretty much gone away. You have to give in to it.
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JAB, I've been thinking a lot about your post from Wed. morning....I can so relate to everything you said. I sometimes feel like that window is closing too, the one where I'm a better person because of cancer and because of my daughter's issues. As my days slowly get back to being the way they used to be before, I want to be careful not to be the person I was before too. I had a day a couple weeks ago where I was the epitome of the old me...up at 3 am worrying about silly crap and teary-stressed the entire day about getting everything done "right." To cap it off, I even got upset about being upset. Cancer was supposed to teach us not to sweat the small stuff and every day is precious, right? Well it made me cry even more that I was wasting a day crying.
I don't know what the answer is. Life has to go on, and the point of the hell we've put ourselves through was to get back to our regular lives, right? I know my walks help. It's the one hour of the day where I'm just into myself. And, that day a couple weeks ago notwithstanding, I think I am getting better about blowing off the small stuff. I read someone's blog not too long ago where she basically said it had to be cancer to get her attention. I feel that too, and I want to make sure I make good use of it.
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Cr*p on a stick!!! Yesterday I got my period back! Huray! (meant sarcastically).
It started with the usual cramping and then light spotting. Nothing major, but sure annoying and disappointing as I was hoping that my chemopause would turn into a permanent menopause. I guess it must be my age, since I am only 42 and Mother Nature does whatever she wants. I heard someone comment on Mother Nature being hormonal. Well she is definitely that! Now I'm getting the 'best' of both worlds by having cramping and hot flashes at the same time! Yay!
Quirky: I too get achy in my bones from time to time. There is no predicting it. It just happens. I don't take anything for it as it resolves on its own. I heat up my magic bag and apply to achy body parts.
Ellen: The term winner sounds much better than survivor, because the later implies that some did not survive and that can bring on the survivor guilt. I personally like the word veteran. Like the veterans of war we also fought and won the battle.
Here is my latest pic that shows my hair growth or the lack of it. Lol I have a lot more fine white hair at the top and thicker and darker hair on the sides and back.
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Amazon- yay for your hair growing! You are so cute! Booo for the period! yuck!
Wally- I had bmx and reconstruction and am happy with it, although I could've went smaller, I ended up a 32DD and was only a D before...even a B would probably be comfier...I do know EVERY dr I see or talk to says that it was good I did mastectomy...so they seem to believe it's a good thing. You will KNOW what you want..
I had results of CT scans yesterday and boo hooed almost all day...everything was the same as initial staging CT except a new cluster of small (under 3mm) areas in my lung...I just got call from nurse and she didn't know what they could be or not be and I think that is what annoyed me...or worried me...I have a call in to the DR and want to hear what she thinks. My plastic surgeon friend/family guy said he wouldn't worry and live my life...so I'm going with that one. I have no symptoms and I know a lot of people have things on organs of body...I am going to live each day thankful and happy and LIVE!!!
I agree with BEc or Wally can't remember who said it but cancer has changed me too in the way of being appreciative and living in the moment, which is hard to do if you're not used to it. AND I TOO hated and got mad at myself for wasting a day yesterday...I actually got a lot done and went to appointments and lunch and all but cried when I got home. I hate crying and worrying it just makes me have congestion and feel like a baby. So from this moment forward I am positive and happy and blessed to be alive!
I am praying for you today Wally, I know you will make the best decision for YOU!
On another note, my oldest is 34 weeks pregnant and was diagnosed with preeclampsia yesterday, I went with her to Dr and her husband about fell over when they put her on 'bed rest'....so I am going over today to help her arrange things at their house so she can 'rest'...I know all about setting up 'command stations' since the chemo couch days...:) And I think God is just giving me more to do and help with so I can be busy and not consumed with worry or anxiety. It is all working out well...
Happy friday girls!
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Wally, it is totally a personal choice, and the only thing I might add to what everyone else has commented is that I had one breast taken pre chemo and one post chemo and honestly, the mast was easy by comparison to chemo. If you are worried about the surgery, you will do just fine!!! You survived one of the hardest chemos to be thrown at you. Surgery, by comparison will seem easy. The only other thing I would add is that I was big pre surgery (DD, DDD) and now have found that with no boobs my back feels sooooo much better. I am doing reconstruction, but am going to downsize. (C cup I think, maybe smaller). I thought I'd want my big boobs back, but I really don't, which surprises me.
Anyway, Wally, I thoughts are with you. Whatever you decide is the right choice.
Audra - Regarding your scan. I too have the subcentimeter lung nodules. I've been told that I wil be rescanned annually to see if they grow. If they do, they have to be over 1 cm before they biopsy, which is a major big deal with the lungs. Like you, I decided that I could spend all my time thinking about what next, or get living. It sound like you have lots of opportunity to do good things with your family and DH so I'm pretty sure those pesky nodules will NOT get the best of you either! Being happy to be alive every day is so important, it's it?
Bec - I'm glad someone can relate to my post. I was a bit weepy when I posted it. I sooo want to come out of this a better person, but there is still so much wrong with me physically that its hard to see how this might play out in the longer term. I just want to move beyond this is a good way. I hope we will all do that together.
Ellen - Thanks for the hair advise - I am looking forward to post Golden Retriever look. Whats the next phase I can look forward too? Right now it looks like 'old balding man' phase.
Everyone have a great weekend. I plan to spend some with my Mom and some in my garden. It should be a relaxing time.
JAB
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When I met the plastic surgeon yesterday, he immediately started talking about the reduction procedure and just from the way he talked, it seemed right. The mass is removed and the 'good' side is reduced at the same time. He uses some of the tissue from the good side to fill in where the mass was, and makes the good one slightly smaller to make up for any shrinkage from the rads. His confidence and demeanor just made it seem like the best option for me. I actually left the office feeling peaceful, something that hasn't happened for months.
Taste buds are beginning to return. Everyone knows how good that is. The lactic acid feeling in the legs is getting better, but the burning in the feet at night is worse. And the arthritis in my knees is back with a vengeance. On that subject, has anyone ever gotten cortisone shots for joint pain? When the knee pain came back it made me wonder if they could be at least part of the reason Big Ugly bloomed so big so fast. I got shots in both knees about the middle of September then found the mass about the second week of October. Not that I think the shots caused anything. I just wonder if they could have helped it grow so fast. May have been a good thing if so or I may not have found it yet.
Amazon, you have hair that can been seen!! Mine can, if you use a magnifying glass that is. Sorry about the periods, but even with non-chemical menopause there is sometimes a 'leftover' one, so maybe that's all it is.
Audra, I hope your daughter does okay. That must be pretty scary. At least you feel well enough now to be able to help.
Jab, enjoy your mom and garden. Hubby and I (mostly Hubby) were going to do the garden today but thunderstorms moved in last night so that's out. Maybe we'll go to a movie instead.
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Wallymama, I'm so glad for you that you have that feeling of resolve! It came through loud and clear in your post.
Audra, I've been thinking of you a lot too -- I hope your daughter does well and that you two enjoy the time together. I agree -- nothing like helping someone with their challenges to distract us (for a bit) from our own.
Amazon, woo hoo for hair, but pah for your period!
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Amazon, if I got my period I would be ripping mad after all this. But I am 50 (almost 51) and started at 10 and it is time for it to stop. The fact that you are getting hot flashes as well is adding insult to injury.
Wally, it sounds like you have a good PS with a good plan. Sounds like you have confidence in him which makes it all less stressful.
Audra, it sounds like the scans were not bad news. The doctors don't seem concerned. I would worry too, though, but try not to. I would definitely like to hear what the doctor has to say, though, just to ease your mind. We have a friend who just went through the same thing with the lungs. They found something in January and rescanned him in April. Whatever it was was still the same so no biopsy or anything. They were not concerned.
How exciting that you have a grand baby to keep your kind off all this! I had preeclampsia with both of my pregnancies. The first was worst. I was hospitalized for about a week and then on bed rest for the rest of the pregnancy. I had to rest on my left side. My husband had to do everything, sort of like what he did this winter, and my mom came to help us get ready for the baby. Make sure your daughter drinks a lot of water and rests. At the time I thought it was the worst thing, but after the baby came I looked at that bed rest as a gift. I haven't had people wait on me like that until this past year.
DH had to go back to Maine (more problems) so I am alone this weekend. I pick up daughter #2 from college tomorrow, so that will be nice and also end my solitude. Today is the last day I will be alone with my thoughts, both good and bad. Tomorrow is also my daughters birthday, so that will overshadow Mother's Day, which I don't really care about. I think I will go on Amazon and buy a new alarm clock for myself. Mine doesn't always go off in the morning so I rely on my iphone.
Next weekend my older daughter graduates so big trip and long weekend. It will be interesting having them both home. They haven't been home like this since before DX, and there are going to be reminders for me about the panic and terror I was feeling as we brought them to school last fall.
Those of you with children at home during this past year, that was one more emotional journey you had to deal with. How did the older ones deal with it? I don't know what questions my girls will ask me. Like are you cured? I don't even know that, what can I tell them?
Have a great weekend, and great Mother's Day, ladies.
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I feel fortunate. I was suppose to resume 6 more weeks of chemo after surgery, but my Onc is so very happy with my progress that he said I did not need it. Yay! Now finished 2 rads with 32 more to go. Meanwhile baby hair has taken over my scalp and growing like a weed. Really would love to dye it, but my hair dresser advised against it saying it might damage or thin it, so waiting. Just didn't realize how much gray hair I really had. LOL
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Wally- It sounds like you have peace with the decision. That's all we can all ask.
Audra-How horrible to get your period and hot flashes. I'm hoping my doesn't come back. I'm close to your age @44. I haven't my period since my surgery 9-30-13. I do get the annoying hot flashes.
jajj- Congrats on not needing anymore chemo.
Happy Mother's Day to ALL!!!!
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Good morning, ladies!
The first characteristic that I think of about motherhood is someone who is nurturing. I realize not all of us are mothers, but I want to thank each and every one of you for nurturing me for these past seven months. I don't know what I would have done without you. Truly. I hope each of you has a wonderful day....XOXO.
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happy Mother's Day ladies! Whether you are a more to kids, animals or just a husband, this is your day!
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Bec, that was so sweet! And smrlvr, I reckon you are right: I am "mom" to the two dogs and the cat....and sometimes to my husband lol.
I hope you all have had a wonderful Mother's Day.
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Fun weekend in Chicago with an old friend and an architectural tour by river boat.
(That's me on the left.)
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wally- I had a lumpectomy with breast reduction and have been very happy with it.
Smrlvr - my 13 yo son considered me to be cancer free as soon as it was removed last August and often would say "you had cancer, you don't anymore." I think my kids view me as more fragile and at times seem to have a more caretaker type affection for me that is very sweet and tender. They never speak of recurrence or the potential for it to shorten my life though I suspect my eldest thinks about it when she is willing to go there with herself. (She's 17).
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hi everyone: three more treatments of radiation then I'm done 22/25 no boosts but I continue with herceptin every three weeks next one May 20tg and I'll be done December 15th with treatments
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that's great Phebe!!!
I'm two weeks out from the end of radiation and the pain and fatigue are still very real and bothersome. Was anyone else plagued by this after radiation. I think it's worse now than during.
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Today was my 16/25 of RT. So far the skin is looking somewhat pink with one small blister and minor itchiness. I don't know what other SE to expect, but my RO told me to apply a gauze soaked with cold saline to calm it down.
He said that the skin changes are expected and he was 'glad to see it because it tells him they are treating the correct side' (meant as a joke).
Ellen: Glad to see you enjoying yourself!
Wally: It seems that you made a decision about the kind of surgery you would be happy with.
Phebe: You are almost done!
Quirky: Sorry to hear that SE linger after RT. My RO warned me that SE will continue for about 2 weeks after PFR.
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quirky, I was the same way. The pain and soreness have gotten a lot better this week, but still lingering.
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Woo hoo, Phebe!
Quirky (and Amazon), the SEs I felt from radiation hit me hardest about two weeks after I was done. My skin was good as new (but a little more tan) by the end of week four. I've noticed that I have a lot more stiffness when I lift that arm too. I don't know if it's from radiation or nerves "waking up" from my surgery last year.
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thanks ladies! Glad to know its not my imagination.
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Phebe. 2 more days of rads for you! Congratulations!
Quirky, although the soreness has subsided, I came home from work today and went to bed. So tired still!
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