What advice would you give someone just diagnosed with BC

jess....now THAT'S a pearl of wisdom!  Being hooked up with someone who has been there and done that is a great "Do.". Interestingly, when I was newly diagnosed, I kept receiving phone calls from the surgeon's social worker asking if I was interested in joining a support group.  I kept declining and the social worker kept calling until I said in so few of words, " Dear, I don't need support. I'm okay.". And then she said, "Well, would you instead like to give others support?". I told her if I was interested, I'd contact her and I haven't heard from her since!  But, getting back to what you said, I think the nicest thing a friend or family member can " do" is offer to connect you with another "survivor."

It finally just occurred to me what advice I really would give to someone just diagnosed with breast cancer. I would say this:

"Unless someone has had cancer, they REALLY don't 'get it.' They can't even if they want to understand; it's just impossible to know until it's happened to you. They especially won't realize just how much of this is a mental/emotional thing, aside from the physical side of it. So some of your friends and family will say really stupid things. Try and understand that most of them aren't trying to be hurtful, they're just overcome by their own awkwardness and so something idiotic comes out of their mouths. Let it roll off you like water off a duck's back, don't let it get you down. Some of your friends--and maybe even family--will fall away and disappear. It's usually because they are afraid and don't want to face that it could also happen to THEM, and again, some just feel awkward and KNOW they'll probably just say something stupid. Some were just jerks to begin with. Feel free to forgive them later, or, feel free to decide that you don't need them in your life anymore and write them off. That's your choice and your prerogative, so feel good about your choice. Some friends and family will truly do their best and will step up to the plate to try and help you get through this, but often they won't have a clue what you REALLY need, so don't hesitate to ask them for specific helpful things, whether that helpful thing is to vacuum your house or be willing to have you call them up at 3 in the morning just to cry to someone. Then be sure to cherish those people for the rest of your life."

Great advice.  I would add that reading materials should be appropriately tailored.  Someone who was trying to be well -meaning gave me a book written by someone who had breast cancer and she dies!!!  It is a diary of someone here locally and it goes through her journey.  As I read it I was sure she was going to beat it and then at the end she dies and her husband finishes the book!  Really?  That is not inspirational!  Something light and keeps my mind off the drama in the medical aspect of my life would have been better.

Edwards750 - The town crier has diarrhea of the mouth - there's a lot of people like that out there in this crazy world of ours - they have to be the one to spread the word. 

bcincolorado - I have no words for the person who gave you that book - really?

As I said "Kill them with Kindness" - you just might catch them off guard

The best advise I can give someone who has just been dx with bc and something that kept me going for years is:

Take the reality of your dx day to day as it comes.  Deal with it however you find best.  Sharing or not sharing with others, meds to help or no meds if U wish,  and this one is the BIG one:

Do NOT what if it.  A good percentage of ladies with bc NEVER have to worry about it after treatment and live good full lives.  ONLY deal what you must and tell yourself I will deal with what I must and not what MAY happen.  That may NEVER happen so your wasting your time and life and sanity worrying about it.  I took this approach for years and enjoyed life.  When I was faced with something to deal with then I did. 

Lots of good suggestions by everyone. Like many of you, I'm not fond of hearing "Let me know if there's anything you need" because it kind of shifts the responsibility to me. A much better thing to hear is "I'm bringing dinner to you this week. Which is better -- Wednesday or Thursday (or whenever)?" I also prefer smaller quantities of food, especially sweets. Very few people I know are trying to gain weight. Most of us don't want lots of desserts and candy around. Also, large casseroles would be nice for a big family, but not for two people. I do appreciate, though, that people are generous, and often I am able to freeze the leftovers for another meal later. 

Another nice thing people can do is send a "thinking of you" card in the mail. Those always make me feel good. It's a nice little surprise when the mail comes on an ordinary day when you weren't expecting anything.

Restaurant, grocery, or gas gift cards are great too. Any dollar amount is appreciated. Amazon gift cards are nice too if you know the person has a Kindle or they like to download iTunes.

I also have a friend who said it was fine to text her in the middle of the night because she was often up. I did it a few times and usually got a response. We would text back and forth a few times, both griping about not being able to sleep at 3:00 or 4:00 in the morning. It helped.

On the "what not to say side," I had a friend who absolutely freaked out/overreacted when I told her I had stage 1 breast cancer. Her reaction would have been appropriate (well, not really!) if I had said I had a week to live and this is good-bye! I ended up comforting her and reassuring her that it wasn't that bad. Now THAT felt weird.  

One thing I would suggest to be said to someone just starting is don't say to them: "don't freak out if your hair falls out, it will grow back eventually!" I say go ahead and freak out, it is part of the process and helps people deal with what is going on with them.

 People who have never been through what we have do not understand the impact of seeing your hair falling out.

I lost all of mine from the first treatment. My hair started coming out in just a bit at a time and then....Wham!!!!!!!!!!!!!  If it hadn't been for family and friends who gently guided me through this particular minefield, I don't think I would have handled it any better than I did. My older brother and his wife were also a big help even though we live far apart because during a visit with them last year they let us stay with them and I felt so bad that my hair was still falling out it was all over the pillow and he looked at me and basically told me that my hair or how I looked was the least important than my life. My younger brother brought out his clippers and shaved my head on a visit to my mom's said to me as he gave me a hug and sat me down in a chair to start the first step in my healing, "sis, I'm going to shave your head so that when your hair does come back it will be better than it was". 

I was thinking earlier today about how overwhelmed I was when I was first dx'd. Part of that feeling of being overwhelmed was all the "advice" I was getting about doctors, who to see and who not to see. Now I realize how important this is, but I had alot of opinions thrown at me. I found myself 2nd guessing myself and making myself more and more stressed out because so-and-so said not to use that MO because she heard "this" about them.

IDK, maybe I just know more people in the healthcare field than other people, but this was a problem for me. Just one more thing to add to the what not to say list.

Another thing under my what not to say list to those newly diagnosed which was said to me at the start of my journey:

"You'll be a pro at dealing with cancer in no time!"  

umm, excuse me, I don't want to be a pro at dealing with cancer. I want it gone for good!