I can't touch them!

I think that you are still early in the process and you need to giver yourself time to adjust.

I am 3 months out from my exchange and still find it weird to touch my implant side. I can't tell you how mant times I have cried in the shower. I just had my revision surgery yesterday, so I feel like I am starting over again. Got to adjust to the new me again.

Be kind to yourself and you wil adjust, just give yourself time.

I dont know if this helps but I am 10 months post bmx with te's and have more feeling in my breast now then I did after the surgery. Of course the last 10 months have been painful and uncomfortable so sometimes I wished it was numb like right after surgery. lol. Anyway I am praying that after I get my implants I will be in less pain. I am also getting some of my feeling back in my arm that I suppose was from the alnd surgery. Now it burns as well. My surgery scar area is still numb. Healing hugs to all.

i cried in the shower for a long time. Showers were also the worst part of my day after my BMX (that's when I did the dressing changes). I decided somewhere along the way to just give it time and one day caught a glimpse of my new girls in the mirror and thought "they look really good!". The crying in the shower is long gone and I hadn't even thought about lately until I read your post. It will get better. If you can, take one day at a time or for me, sometimes I just aimed for the next five minutes and it worked. 

Niki a lot of the feeling does come back, just I think not in the center. You are so early in the process, everything is numb and that is a good thing right now! I have way more feeling in the skin all around the breast now, than right after surgery.

The TEs do suck but they are temporary, and thank goodness for this technology. When my aunt had her mastectomy they did not have the "skin-sparing immediate reconstruction" option. I was grateful to find out about this when I got my diagnosis.

And yes it is okay to cry!

But when it is all over- reconstruction, tattoo, whatever you choose, it will be okay and hopefully you, and the rest of us, will be cancer-free.

I send you cyber-hugs.

Agreed- being friends with the new "look" and getting through it is what we need to do right now, for sure. There is a forum here about the exchange surgery and moving over to the squishy side, and it seems like eventually many girls are happy with the results in the end.

It is just a rather shocking roller coaster ride at first, for sure.

I have a TE on just one side so am very asymmetric- to the point of it being really funny. My friend says I have "bodacious tata" rather than tatas. haha.



Lori I hope your husband is doing ok. Mine is scared too and wants to fix everything for me, but of course can't, so feels powerless. They go through a lot right there alongside us. And since guys dont talk about feelings much I think it is sometimes really hard for them. But we are all stronger than we know. You just do it! Each day after treatment and surgery gets a bit easier, for me at least.



Best wishes to all of you!

I don't see any reason for you to be friends with your TEs. Just polite enough to get along until it's time for them to go when you get your "real" implants. I tolerated them, that was it. 

Hi Niki, wondering if you are doing better? It is so weird at first, but the feeling is slowly creeping back in for me. The nerves grow so slowly. I hope you are getting some sensation back as well!

Hugs

SJ - 11 days post mx is such a tough time. You are healing from a major surgery and getting used to the reconstruction. You probably still have drains. Your brain is getting mixed signals about the change in your body. The zips and zaps are so common. I did not have nipple sparing but I still have phantom nipple feelings two+ years out. 

On top of everything it looks like you had a nasty surprise at the surgery. So sorry. That really sucks. 

I had a tough time with the recon. My pecs were really strong and they did not like stretching one single bit. I did get some PT and that helped a lot. 

My PCP helped me through the emotional side of my surprise dx. I needed anti anxiety meds, an antidepressant, and I spoke with a counselor for several months. My PCP has a theory that the loss of breast tissue triggers something in the brain of some mx ladies and makes them vulnerable to depression.

You might consider joining the April surgery group. Those ladies are going through what you are right now.

Sometimes when I am watching tv I take a pen and close my eyes and touch my breasts to see where I have feeling and where I don't . It'll never be like the originals were, but it has improved over the two years since the mx. I had to get used to a new normal. 

Time will help a great deal.

Glad you found us, Please come back and let us know how you're doing. Gentle hug.

Hi SurpriseJourney- I am sorry  you are experiencing pain. I had a unilateral mastectomy with immediate reconstruction. I could not have nipple sparing, but the pain you are experiencing is normal. The pain was REALLY bad for me personally for 3 weeks, and the TE's are miserable things.They ripple and slosh around, and are so uncomfortable. The permanent implants are much more comfortable, but please, please don't go too big. Smaller is better- there are so many posts about this - those who have tried to go bigger seem to have terrible trouble, and many of them have had to have the implants removed and smaller ones put in.

I never usually take pain killers, but had to take them for 3 weeks, I couldn't do without them. When the pain lessened I  started to cut out the ones I could.  I found the pain worse at night. I felt like a moth pinned alive onto a board. As farmerlucy said you will get those sharp zipping pains even 2 years out, although they get less and less frequent as time goes on. They are your cut nerves trying to heal. Some of them will unite, and heal completely, and some will only heal partially. The ones near your armpit will feel really weird for a while, but I now have almost normal sensation  there. Zipping pain is good, as it means you may get sensation back in that area eventually. Take any pain killers they give you whilst you are healing - don't try to be brave!!!! I kept trying to do without, but I was really suffering. I thought I was a real baby until a friend told me, it was the most painful thing she had ever done, and she had to take painkillers for 6 months. We never got addicted to the things!! I have been told if you are taking painkillers for a genuine pain you will not get addicted.

The iron bra feeling over your chest, is truly horrible, I really feel for you at this time, but it will improve, as the skin stretches. You will also experience a terrible cramp like feeling in your chest muscles sometimes, but that also gets less and less frequent over time and you will be glad you had the reconstruction done. Some BC patients who didn't have any reconstruction have also complained of terrible pain and zipping sensations, so I really think it is mostly nerve related. I have seen photos of patients who had nipple sparing on the photo forum, and the finished result looks so good - almost natural. . Hang in there SurpriseJourney. Sending you big, gentle hugs!!!

hi surprisejourney, I had my bilateral nipple sparing mastectomy in feb. At Day 11 I was still taking significant analgesia. It is major surgery, let alone the emotional journey too. Rest, take as much pain relief as you need. I also took magnesium for the pain from the muscle stretching. Your doctor may be able to prescribe you something for the shooting nerve pain as I have seen quite a few people on these posts complain of them (I didn't have that but had patches of necrosis on my nipple which I fretted about. 

Re the surprise, better out than in. At least it sounds like they have got it all now! 

Good luck