I simply cannot support F Amy R

TB90- Sorry you got so upset about these posts. I for one do  have the time left or energy to go out and garner Hollywood attention. As far as the word " twit " , that is a pretty benign word . I don't condone the use of foul language but in this case she did not spell it out as I have seen in other threads.

As for BC awareness. Tired message everyone has heard and donated for, fir years. Lets find some better Rx for Stage IV , and tell us about that and stop telling women their cured for life.

I wonder how many women who are going thru cancer treatment felt when they heard the just be strong crap.  Particularly the ones who are experiencing all the side effects of treatment.  I was knocked down by it and its taken me 5 years to recover, but I have.  It just took a long time.  I have no idea what the future may hold but I'm happy today. If I had heard this tough business when I was in treatment I would have felt like a failure.

Thank you Beesie for your invaluable words.

Well stated Ziggy!

I just watched the video and the whole time I'm thinking, she's finishing her 8th round and looks that good? What a disservice that is to people, it's just not that realistic. I'm currently going thru TAC and I feel like shit, seeing someone like her looking so good makes me wonder wth is wrong with me?

I don't like the comment at the end.....the implication being that if you are just strong enough you will beat it! Guess what, its BS.

I personally don't know you would leave BCO because of another person's thread venting. We are ALL entitled to vent and be pissed, sad, glad, mad...any damn way we want to be. I read the thread and no one was attacking another person on this board. Amy R put herself out there and made her story public and that means we are able to make our opinions about it.

IDK, I'm not normally one to come on here and do this, but I've had a bad week. I have wanted to quit my tx's so bad, I just want this to end. I've been told "be positive" you'll get thru this!! The Amy R thing just rubbed me the wrong way too.

Well; I've read all of this. I can really understand the Stage IV ladies being upset about a public figure making it seem as though it's a breeze if you're "strong".  I don't think my dear friend TB90 is against this feeling, only because it is Amy's experience, and she feels all experiences should be honored.  TB90 has a lot of integrity.  I do have to say, though, that probably Amy didn't feel she had a choice but to keep this "positive", if she wanted to keep her job.  She's probably scared, too, I'm sure her docs have let her know about recurrence chances.   I'm also sure that if she had stated more real things, she would not have a job, and it would not have aired, and she knew that.  Shame on her for not putting herself under the bus in the interest of telling the whole truth, and I'm not being sarcastic.  Still; if one knows their career is going to go away if another perspective is voiced, and one is already scared to death about their own chances, well, anyone might do that.  Yes; more so a TV personality.  TB90 clearly stated that she thinks "Hollywood" is involved, and she's right.  I think she was only thinking about the best for the Stage IV ladies, and also feeling for Amy's position, and the whole thing upset her, as it should.  I'm seeing a lot of anger and frustration coming from the Stage IV ladies, which I have not seen before, and GOOD.  You (and I can't imagine being you, though I am clearly aware I may be someday) are amazing, and I'm glad you got a chance to voice your feelings.  I think TB90 just wished that could have been done less angrily, but maybe that could not be so.  What is it you are all saying, about the Susan Komen bullshit, and the pink myth, and the early detection being crap?  I was kind of hoping my early diagnosis wa good, but maybe not?  I would like the truth. - P.

I agree with you Percy. I think that's exactly why she came across like little Miss Sunshine...she has to. They are all perky and happy and smiling...they have to. We all know she is scared just like the rest of us but what would have been served if she went into detail about chances of recurrence, etc. I could make a case for either side. I agree with the fact she made it sound like a walk in the park and on the other hand I think she had her game face on. She has to. I don't wish her ill will at all and calling her a twit just doesn't seem offensive to me. You can note like her or her attitude you are entitled and vice versa for those who do. We can all agree to disagree. We are after all entitled. Diane

I hesitate to add any fuel to this fire because both sides have made their points well. But the post about following the rules is nagging at me. I am posting below what we all read before clicking in to the stage IV forum. I do believe we are all in this together. We have ALL suffered, including AR.  Certainly we all wish the best experience possible for everyone. I wish every day that my path could be as easy as some others and know that it has not been as bad others still. That does not mean that I want anyone else to have my experience just so they could understand.  There is a great amount of shoulder shrugging that I have to so every day when people in my life make naive comments. I know they just don't get it. I think that is why the stage IV forum is supposed to be segregated. So that there is a place for those who have a better understanding of each other but at the same time so that others, who are not walking in those shoes, don't become offended or stricken with fear by what you see there. 

Stage IV and Metastatic Breast Cancer ONLY

A place for those managing the ups & downs of a Stage IV/metastatic breast cancer diagnosis. Please respect that this forum is for Stage IV members only or those posting on behalf of a Stage IV patient. There is a separate forum for Stage IV Caregivers/Family in "Support and Community Connections".

At times I went lurking seeking information in this forum before my stage IV dx, but I knew I should not be there and would never consider judging anyone there for an opinion or comment that they had when I was not walking in their shoes. We all have risk and do all live in fear but there is a difference between fear and reality. As much as anyone's world changed when their dr first uttered the word cancer to them is as much as it changes when you hear them say metastasis. 

As for Amy, we don't know how she felt through chemo. Yes she looked good but that is her job and she has a team of people to help her look good. I tolerated my treatments well. There were still many days that i felt like crap but put in makeup and a smile and went to work anyway. It offended me at times when my boss asked how I felt and I said terrible, and her response was but you LOOK good. I would have to remind myself that she doesn't get it.  I began always responding to the question of how I felt with fine or good. It is a weakness to feel bad and that's not something many people can afford at work, especially in amys case. However, her comment on being tough WAS a twit thing to say. Being a public figure and a "journalist" she has to consider her words carefully. Therefore we can only assume that this comment expresses her true feelings/naivite. Yes it's offensive. People commenting on how this makes them feel about her isn't bullying. She chose to be a public figure and open herself up to public comments. 

maybe amy is a celebrity who believes the hype about perky, happy people that the bosses of her show promote. Maybe she said what she did because she has bought into that hollywood fluff mentality that is part of the culture. If so, i hope her delusions serve her well.

kebab, my friend, you are lovely. Your apology is gracious, however IMO, you haven't a thing to apologize for

Caryn

Sorry to be a disappointment to you, Celine. I guess we are not all so very enlightened as we should be.

Beesie, loved your post - no surprise there.

Tang - I felt like hell going through chemo too & like you I sometimes felt like there must be something wrong with me or I was just a wimp because my SIL worked through most of her chemo & after the first 2 rounds I literally had to crawl to the bathroom some days. This is one reason that 'reporting' rather personal stories are so necessary. If a story on BC and its treatment had been done, the public would be educated on the fact that there are differing chemo combinations - some which are much more toxic and that are likely to produce much greater side effects than others. In a funny way I was almost relieved when I was so sick that my MO took one look at me and at my bloodwork and put me in the hospital, because I felt like it made it clear to me and others that I wasn't exaggerating my chemo induced illness as a ploy for attention or sympathy. I think that this is one of the troublesome things about the AR 'story' is that because she is presented as getting through chemo with very little difficulty, then those of us who don't somehow think we should be able to. I am quite sure her chemo was CMF - which causes many of the same side effects but usually in a much milder form & is generally used only for women who are low risk for mets (minimal lymph node invasion for instance). You are having TAC - which seems to be the hardest for most people. 

I don't like the 'f' word or letter, but it is very easy for me to understand why women who know they are going to die of this thing would use it in relation to somebody who goes on national television and (probably not realizing it) basically tells the world that they are dying of cancer because they are not 'tough' and that if they were only a little 'tougher' they would be like her and would have beat it. 

If we are being told that we should forgive her for making this remark, then certainly we should also forgive (if we feel they need to be forgiven) those who are so hurt and angry about this comment that they lash out with a use of the f-word. If we look at actual damage caused - it seemsthat leading thousands and thousands of people to be complacent in their misinformed beliefs about BC and potentially causing many others to accept this misinformation is quite the larger damage than a few women on what is supposed to be a thread for them to be able to address their concerns getting mad at her for doing so. 

I just looked at the video clip of Amy Roback.  I do agree with Ziggy and others, that A R should be taking this opportunity to explore BC in more depth, in terms of the types of chemo, side effects, long term issues, metastasis, fatality, etc. I hope that will happen, but I'm not optimistic.  The true BC story ain't pretty and it doesn't sell to advertisers and boost ratings.  A R did state that her chemo experience wasn't entirely rosy, and she did prefer to keep most of it private, suggesting that it might not have been a bed of roses.  As far as her physical appearance on the show, we can't really tell anything.  She has a full team of make-up artists and hairstylists.  If she lost her eyebrows and eyelashes, they can both be artfully replaced with make up and false lashes.  Who knows what the story was with her hair.  She probably used cold caps, and she could be wearing a wig or a hairpiece of some sort.  The statement that tough people overcome tough challenges was unfortunate, and understandably irritating (enraging for some).  She was quoting someone else in that part of the segment.  The entire thing was staged and scripted, either by her or her team.

TB90,

Well, clearly it's not the F word that upset you. This forum is no different than the real world and it's naive to think we can make it into some utopia. With over 100,000 members from all over the world, all of us will run into things that make us uncomfortable, upset or even offend.  However, the solution is simple; do not read threads that upset you, block topics or members that upset you. I do it as needed and it works like a charm. If this is still too much for you, then, indeed, a parting, temporary or permanent will lower your stress over this issue.

Lovely post, TB. Thank you for clarifying you position. As for the stage IV forum being private, I suppose that if the majority of us and the mods felt that that was the way to go, it would happen. So far that hasn't been the case. As for a controversial thread being a disservice to us stage IV ladies, well, we're only human.