I simply cannot support F Amy R
I am dismayed by the thread that states F Amy R. I read this thread and bullying comes to mind. I may not be popular in this statement but I do not care about that at all. I simply cannot support this treatment of any person, never mind another breast cancer affected woman. Calling her a twit and other things is awful!.. I believe that anyone is allowed to grieve anyway they need to, as long as they do not abuse others. This thread is simply verbally abusive of another person. Amy is not a spoke person for bc and she is allowed to make the same errors and mistakes as everyone else has on these threads and forums. No one is coping perfectly with this damn awful disease, but starting to attack each other is unacceptable. All the money in the world does not make coping with bc easy. She may not be saying the right things, but she is trying to cope just as everyone else is. Do you really think a cleaning lady, etc. makes facing death any less threatening. All the money in the world is worth nothing when you are facing death, and yes, she is facing the same risk factors as everyone else is. I do not understand the division in this disease, unlike anything else I have experienced. We feel guilty for not being sick enough, we are too sick to let others converse with us and we blame vulnerable others for not stating our own feelings and beliefs. Where is the tolerance that I would hope that all women with this disease could share and bring us all together.
My DH said the other day that he was so thankful for BCO for what it has provided for me. He knows that we need things from each other that we cannot get elsewhere. I believe in learning from others, no matter how different we are; inclusion, not exclusion.
Now I am going out on a very thin limb here. The United States has created an unique forum that presents it's apparent ideals and values to the rest of the world and that is called Hollywood. You are unique in this concept. You are unique in the power that you hold. But you have to be responsible too. Amy is much less a journalist and much more a celebrity. She is not the first, nor will she be the last person to present an issue in a less than accurate fashion. But why single her out of thousands that are giving out damaging messages. How about spending all this energy on dealing with the power of celebrities, politically and socially and the world wide damage that they can do due to the power that Hollywood has been given.
Amy is simply a woman with bc and I dearly hope that she never hear about BCO.
Comments
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Am I the only one on this very skinny limb?
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TB90,
Like anyone, anywhere, you are entitled to your own view. The world would be a far duller place if we all thought alike. I also am not a big fan of name calling, but the thread you are referencing was on the stage IV forum and I can say, unequivocally, the view is very different from there. Yes, we are all dealing with bc and it is a trial for all of us. No one should feel guilty for suffering less or for any other reason but stage IV women live with the knowledge that it will never end (at least not the way we want it to). So, I hope you can try to understand the place that many of the posts are coming from, yet I hope you never have to experience it first hand.
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I am sorry you are so upset by the Amy Robach post. I feel like it was created out of frustration for someone that is painting a very unrealistic ,rosy picture of going through chemo. Unless you have gone through chemo you cannot possibly understand how difficult it is and how hard it is to recover from all it's side effects. Some of the women posting were stage 4 and they will have to deal with it for the rest of their lives!! I am 8 months out and I still have physical issues because of it. Worse is after when you have completed chemo and everyone feels like you should be right back to normal. When someone like Amy Robach, who is a public person, is basically acting like going through chemo is no big deal it is very damaging to the rest of us. We do not have the help and financial resources available to us to us like she does. She can hire a cook, babysitter, cleaning lady ect while the rest of us are sick from chemo and still trying to keep our lives together without regular help. Yes she has a risk of reacurance like we do but no one has an issue with that. One of the best thing about this website is that it gives people a place to vent their thoughts, feelings and frustrations without being judged and I believe that is all that was happening with the posts about Amy Robach.
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Thank you for your responses. Women with bc are not only about their stage of bc. I just sat with a 34 year old who died of pancreatic cancer yesterday and spoke at three funerals for three young women who died from suicide and walked in on a young adult who had died from a hanging. If you have not gone through this, how could you understand what I have been through. I still would never judge others and call them twits for not understanding my experience . . .never. And I would never want others to have any idea of what my experience is like. I guess that I am glad that Amy was the impetus for others to express their anger and all the other feelings that they deserve to have, I just wish that Amy had not been identified and named in this.
As an advocate against bullying, I am leaving BCO.
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TB90, so sorry that you feel it necessary to leave BCO! I, too am against bullying in any form. I am sure there is not a woman/man here that would advocate bullying. I had not read the thread F Amy R so you peaked my curiosity. I read it and bullying never came to my mind. Frustrated came to my mind! As exbrnxgrl pointed out, the majority of the ladies posting were Stage 4. Normally, I do not even go into a Stage 4 thread because I believe that is a dimension I do not understand. They have endured much more treatment and mental anguish than me and truly, I admit, I hope I never have to experience it. I consider their thread to be a private conversation and believe they have the right to express whatever feeling comes to mind. Feelings that only a Stage 4 sister can understand. You know, there are days when I look in the mirror and am so angry to see a body that used to be presentable has now become a boob and a nub with scars!!! It makes me frustrated that people have no comprehension of the hurt and think I should be happy to get a perky new set!! It frustrates me that the AI makes my joints hurt and my skin dry and wrinkled. And friends say it is great you just have to take a pill for 5 years. They have no idea!!! In turn, I have no idea of the life of the Stage 4 ladies. I worry about reoccurance but the are just wondering when. They just wanted someone to say cancer is a bitch!!!!
Sorry, I got so carried away. I just think if these ladies feel Amy let them down with her conversation on GMA, that's fine. We are all looking for a Champion! I wish you the best and hope you can sympathesize with our sisters here as much as you have found compassion for Amy Robach.
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In my opinion, Amy R represents what most of us hate about Susan G Koman and pink vomit month...false hope, misleading facts, misleading statistics, under-funded research and pie-in-the-sky dreams. She damages what little forward progress is being made to the realization that breast cancer maims, tortures and kills hundreds of thousands of women a year, let alone the injury and suffering of their families. So yes, I'm angry that yet another public figure treats breast cancer like it's a pimple on their butt.
I don't know what kind of a job you have,TB90 it certainly sounds stressful and trying, but that's our life in Stage IV. We can't quit, we can't retire, we can't take a vacation to get away from our life. All we can do is wait...
I'm sorry you feel the need to leave BCO. I wish you would reconsider and take the F Amy R thread with a little understanding behind the resentment.
Amy
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TB90, please don't leave bco. Your voice is important. I read your post last night and I wanted to express myself but I just couldn't find the words. Today it is much clearer to me. I thing the FU Amy thread expresses a valuable point but does so in a mean spirited, snarky, way. The thread title says it all. I don't speak for all bc patients, but we really do have to get educated about this disease fast. I know I did. And when we do, somehow we think everyone else is going to know what we have learned. That is just not realistic. So we must give some leeway to well meaning, insensitive people for misrepresenting reality and propagating the pink myth. We should not be so kind to the media, however and there are many organizations that need our support who are taking that issue on. Support them!
I think it is troubling when people want to know what chemo Amy had because it appeared that she was able to keep her hair. Hair, really? I can tell you, my hair was the least of my concerns when I faced chemo. Money for child care, housekeeping, support? I don't feel the least bit guilty that I had cancer treatment at a time in my life when I am more financially capable to deal with it. No doubt, being able to have housekeeping help and no worries about the co-pays, garments, etc. was a blessing. OTC drugs alone were unbelievably expensive. I am also older and children are grown, so it was just me and DH and he takes such good care of me. I did great during treatment and I definitely don't want to take a verbal beating for that.
No one should begrudge the support Amy had during treatment. Good for her. Like me, I bet that she knows how difficult it is for women with limited means. Hopefully, like me, she has chosen to support local organizations that support breast cancer patients with co-pays and garments, and housekeeping and child care help.
I don't consider the stage 4 forums to be private conversations. All of the forums are places to share, comfort and vent. Thank you for starting this thread so I could share my feelings.
Love to all, MsP
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I have never heard of Amy Robach but I read the thread regarding the TV show. Apparently, the women commenting found her remarks to be flippant and trivializing of the struggle many are enduring.
Amy Robach is a public figure and must stand criticism for the public things she says. Her remarks diminish cancer to a wide public audience. I see nothing wrong with the reaction she has generated.
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I am an anti-bullying advocate, but feel that the criticism directed toward Amy Robach is genuine and is not bullying behavior. It's not even about stages of this disease; it's about her self-congratulatory remarks that tough people last. That's what got everyone so riled up. It's insulting to those that "do everything right" and still are ripped away from their loved ones and it implies blame if the person dies. I guarantee you that nearly everyone that dies of this horrid disease is "tough", but some never get the opportunity to "last" no matter how resilient they are. By her logic, it's the weak that don't last...so there are a great deal of us, of every stage, who find that implication to be cruel. I do not, and never have, begrudged her for having means or privilege, my only issues with her public stance of this disease has been her repeated mis-information (from the myth of early detection to the warrior mantra). Those are the things that have disgusted most of the people being vocal against her...it has nothing to do with bullying.
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No one begrudges Ms. Robach what she has, just that her reportage of her experience paints a picture that only a minority will experience. The stage IV threads are not a private convo, but the perspective of stage IV women is very different. Minus the name calling, I completely understand that perspective as I live it daily.
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I've read it and it certainly didn't come across as bullying in any way, shape or form.
A couple of years ago I truly believed that if you turned up for a mammo, and it was caught early it was no big deal.
A lot of reading and research later I now realise that isn't so, and that has nothing to do with being tough or thinking positively.
I do believe people with a voice should, at the very least, be responsible for putting the right message across.
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I see nothing wrong with people criticizing Amy for her comments about "being tough". I found that comment offensive and totally understand why others are outraged.
I don't think that she should be criticized for "keeping her hair" or being priviledged financially. Nor should any of us need to know what kind of chemo she had.....as if she got some kind of special chemo reserved only for the priviledged.
Bullying is a strong word and one that doesn't apply. We all know what F you stands for. I guess some people use that expression commonly and maybe lovingly? I don't.
MsP
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TB90- I am sorry you would choose to leave BCO due to opinions of others. If they cannot share and vent here where are they to do it? I went and read the thread and I agree with the ladies there. She is just one more public voice acting as if this is no big deal and life just simply goes back to normal. We all know that is not true for many or even most. She had the chance to help others being a public figure and get the word out, the truth and she didn't. Each of them has every right to share their frustrations, I do not see any bullying. Whether Stage 1 or IV we all have the right of sharing the good, the bad and the not so pink and pretty. And we all also have the right to disagree, I have never seen women on this site disagree and then no longer communicate. We all share a bond and cry, cheer and vent with each other and FOR each other.
I truly think if Amy did see the thread it would cause her to think a bit more about the pink bubble babble she is broadcasting. And toughness? That comment was just hurtful in my eyes. Funny, when people find out you have BC they often say "oh your strong you will be okay" what else would they say "your weak and not going to make it"? Being tough has nothing to do with it, if you want to live you have to do what needs to be done tough or not.
I hope you will decide to stay at BCO if you get something out of it. What I have gotten over the 18 months is love, compassion and education all priceless to me.
all the best to you~
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i agree with you...and i reported the post..
the rules say "no hateful comments"
sure we all have anger...we all get angry...but to publicly spew that kind of hatred and negative energy , just isnt what I believed BCO represented...
now if im wrong..pls delete my account as well
oh and if the mods reasonsing is "its in stage 4"...well you can delete my account for that as well.
rules apply to everyone..non?
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"rules apply to everyone..non?"
Unfortunately, non. Generally speaking. I can sort of understand where the comments are coming from, other than the "twit" remark, that is.
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Amy Robach is not a member of this discussion board so I don't see how our guidelines about how we post and interact with other board members apply to her.
Amy Robach is a public figure. She has chosen to speak in the public domain about her diagnosis and treatment. She very consciously came out yesterday with her message about having "kicked cancer's butt" and she very consciously, through interviews and articles, is trying to spread her message well beyond the platform of her own t.v. show. She is making a concerted effort to get her message out to the public.
I wish Amy well, but her message is misleading, it is dangerous in how it misrepresents the real risks from breast cancer, and it is offensive to women who have done everything that she's done - and much more - and who have not been able to "kick cancer's butt". There are many educational things that Amy could have said upon the completion of her active treatment, explaining what happens next and talking about the uncertainty and monitoring that breast cancer patients face in the years ahead. I'm sure she knows all that, but she made a decision to not address any of it. By consciously and very publicly communicating a false message, and by choosing to become a public face of breast cancer, she has invited criticism.
Criticizing, even harshly and even using some bad language, the public proclamations of a public figure is not bullying, nor is it hateful. Worse words are said every day as part of the public discourse about political issues and everything else.
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I couldn't agree more with Beesie. And the beauty of a discussion board such as this (and in fact, of any discussion) is that no one is required to support anything s/he isn't comfortable supporting. Disagreeing, and even criticizing, is not the same as bullying.
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Beesie
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TB - I posted on that thread...in support of what the OP was saying about AR's comments.
hateful? bullying? I did not get that AT ALL or I certainly wouldn't have posted in support
AR is a public figure and as such should be very careful on the message she gives to the public. We live in an age where people are consumed with the celebrity life and unfortunately their comments are given a lot of weight. It is hurtful and inaccurate to lead people to believe that as long as you are tough you can beat this thing. I totally get why so many are p****d off at the comments - especially the stage 4 ladies who did everything right (screening, harsh treatments, surgeries etc ) and still ended up on the shitty end of the stats - that part of BC is not very pink, not feel good and certainly not good TV
this is why we have this forum - so we can agree to disagree !
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Beesie x
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Beesie
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Not to belabour the point but....
to what Beesie said.Amy Robach is a very public figure, a journalist yet, and there is a responsibility there in communicating what she does in a responsible manner. For me it is not about her hair, or her finances, but about her statement that it is about being "tough", or how she again downplays the seriousness of cancer, and it's treatments, and hypes up the pink propaganda machine of early diagnosis being the "cure" in a way.
Public comments are more than open to fair criticism. I read the thread in Stage IV and see nothing bullying about it, just a lot of women who are again upset that another public figure is downplaying the disease, or insinuating they are not tough enough....because they won't be "beating" cancer. And so what if strong language is how they feel best about expressing it? That is what language is for, in my opinion, and sometimes tippy toeing around it is not the right thing to do.
I am sorry, TB90, if you feel you must leave BCO due to that thread. In my opinion public forums are open to all sorts of opinions and insights. I will never agree with all of them, but there is still community and I don't know, I also like hearing the perspective and opinion of others as long as everyone respects the right of others to disagree....just as you are also able to do in your thread here,
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Beesie!
I should add that I strongly support our right to differing opinions. For as much as I don't feel comfortable with Amy Robach's take on fighting bc, I think that those who disagreed with the thread on the stage IV forum that started this have every right to voice their feelings. However, I'm not sure I understand deciding to leave bco because of said difference in opinions. There are lots of opinions on bco that I have disagreed with as I have with opinions out in the world in general. I think it makes the world a very interesting place. Not always pleasant, but never dull!
Caryn
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I wish I could like your posts Bessie, Divecat and exbrnxgrl, well said!
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Obviously what she said is beyond stupid. I don't think anyone can argue that... And I agree that she must know how inaccurate it is and still chose to take that route likely because it makes for better tv. But, honestly, my heart goes out to her even more because she is a public figure - going through this $!#/& nightmare is bad enough without the country watching you do it!
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I started out early stage then moved on to stage IV, through no fault of my own. This year will be year 10 for me. Currently, I can't breathe without oxygen, can't walk without help, yet I keep on trucking. I am tough. Really tough. Oddly, my cancer hasn't disappeared as AR implied it would. I checked the profile of the OP. DCIS with no chemo ever. Perhaps if you were going through some of the trials that some of us stage IV women are, complaints about swearing would sound ridiculously petty.
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Not everyone who has a different opinion is leaving bco. I intend to express myself even when the majority disagree. Wont be the first time. LOL
A lot of very smart ladies have posted on this thread, respectfully stating their objection to Amy R's actions. No FU's, no snarky comments about Amy's hair, eyebrows, celebrity, financial advantages, etc., just making the important point.
Thank you.
MsP
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OMG! I just came back on to collect my PM's. I wish that I did not decide to check out this thread. It is not the difference in opinion that I have any problem with at all. What did I say that even suggested that for a second?! I love a good argument and thrive on differing opinions. That is how I have become the compassionate person that I am. It is how opinions are stated that I have a problem with. It is the divisiveness that I have a problem with. It is the personal attacks that I have a problem with. It is the inability to accept differences in opinion that I have a problem with. Is it really so wrong that someone wants to identify with her strength. How does that imply that you are not?? This disease is not behind her and I am certain that she is scared shitless like everyone else. A recurrence is always in her future. She is likely coping the best way that she knows how and she is not responsible for everyone else with bc. I can accept her differing opinion on the disease. I can accept that she needs to present her situation in the most positive light for now. In time, this may change. She is early in this process. She is not as angry yet as the others here are. In time, she very well may be.
Is anyone suffering enough to not be attacked? Clearly I have not.
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Hi TB,
I hope this means you won't be leaving.
Obviously, AR made a huge faux pas, I think that if I had seen that segment, it would have angered me, also - not because of my diagnosis now, but because of my beloved sister who is one of the bravest and resilient people I know, yet has stage IV. It was an error on her part - and would have been bad enough at a speaking engagement, but in front of millions as a representative of a breast cancer patient, it is especially troubling.
Yet I agree with you that she has suffered too and could have a recurrence in the future. Perhaps she is trying to create awareness and just goofed in her attempt. Robin Roberts who is her friend may also have been hurt by her comment. I doubt that A R intended hurt.
But this set me to wondering what she could have said that would have been appreciated more? Or that would not have offended?
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Well, here is the segment. I got so curious I looked for it. All I can say is hey, it's commercial network morning television, all about the ratings. Chipper, chipper, happy, happy, peppy, peppy. That's what they're paid to be. Seems that having gone public with her disease, she had to put the 'period' on it for TV ratings. Wrap it with a bow. Or should I say, bubbles. Sorry to be a cynic.
http://gma.yahoo.com/video/amy-robach-shares-cance…
Perhaps she will do some real reporting on the disease in the future? One can hope..
PS It's interesting how she's treated her own bc differently from Robin. She chose bmx (thereby avoiding radiation), and says in the piece that her 8 chemo treatments occurred over 5 months (no dose densing...). Maybe I'm imagining too much, but I don't think those treatment choices were made disregarding her colleague's very unlucky experience.
I didn't realize this but AR's bc was a stage 2. It spread. I would doubt that she received CMF. I would think for spread to the nodes in a woman who is 40 or however old she is, she would have gotten something stronger, not 'chemo lite' as it is called. But I have no idea.
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