Husband More Frightened Than I Am

Kathy - So sorry your family is going through this. There is a book called "Breast Cancer Husband" that I've seen recommended on these threads. Also, perhaps a talk with a local survivor about how good (I know it is all relative) a diagnosis of DCIS is. I know I definitely have tumor envy in that I would have been thrilled with DCIS vs IDC. There are support groups for the spouses too. The Stephen Ministers at our church also minister to loved ones when it is needed.  If your husband wants to "talk" to another BC husband, PM me and I'll give you my husband's email. He was a rock and did all the research for me when I was diagnosed while I fell apart. I know my DH would love to help. Gentle hug.

Miles - do you have a treatment game plan yet, with surgery dates, etc.?  The worst part for my dh was the time between dx and my first surgery.  Men tend to be "do-ers" and the waiting around and seemingly not doing anything to stop the cancer is nerve wracking to them.  My guess is that once you get a plan and start "doing" things, like surgery or other treatment, your dh will feel better.  Meanwhile, my suggestion would be not to shield him unless you feel it could seriously affect him mentally, like send him into a depression or other serious mental illness. 

One thing that someone passed along to my dh and me right after my dx was the mantra:  "Don't go there until you get there."  Meaning deal with what you have to deal with now, but don't let your mind wander too far down the line with "what ifs".  My dh and I used that a lot, especially in those early days.  When one of us would start getting too wound up about something that might happen the future, the other could say, "Don't go there until you get there."  We still use that mantra today when we're facing various issues. It helps us focus on the issue at hand, and keeps our minds from wandering too far down the line.