Starting Chemo in December 2013

Big congrats to everyone finishing this week!  I am going in on Wednesday for AC #3.  I'll be closer at least!  3 1/2 more weeks for me.  Really ready for this to be done.

By the time I finish, some of y'all will be finished with rads!  Wow!  

Jackie- I saw you have your reconstruction already scheduled.  No rads for you?  You really are super close to bring finished.

Anyone have an idea about reconstruction after rads?  6 months wait or more?  I have had the BMX but we will have to heal from rads for reconstruction just wondering if anyone had a clue of a timeline.

Well I guess I didn't push submit because my post is gone....so will try again! Damn Chemo!!

First of all...what an incredible day.  Labs were great, MO visit was great, will start Tomixifan in 2 weeks for 5 years and Rads starting in May.  My Aunt who has been with me from day was was there, my best friend, my daughter and my niece.  The pharmacist who is a dear friend of mine brought in the most beautiful cake which we shared with the nurses so my worries about bringing them something were put to ease!  My best friend said she had to go out to the bathroom, and all of a sudden my daughter tells me to turn around and look out the window....there is my whole group of closest friends right outside the window with a big sign and flowers! Of course I bawled, along with everybody else! the nurses told them all to come in and we had a little party! The nurses sang and I rang the bell 3 times, then we went outside and released 6 pink balloons to the heavens.  I picked 6 for the six months of hell i've been in! Then it was off to Ambers car to drink pink champagne in the parking lot!! We are classy like that! ha! Lunch followed and the owner paid for ALL of us!!! All he asked for was a hug....he definitely got that! 

God is good.......we Got this Ladies!!!! 

Here is a post i put on my facebook www.facebook.com/missy6758703......kind of long but my feelings on all of this in a nutshell.

Well, here we are. The END. The last chemo treatment I pray I will ever have to endure. My feelings today are mixed.....relieved to no end that I am done, but also scared of the unknown. Everything since last October has been unknown, and I've managed to make it through somehow. I am strong....stronger than I ever could have imagined!! I wish I could somehow explain cancer and what it does to a person both physically and emotionally. I am a very different person than i was in October....in October, I was invincible, but found out over the course of a phone call, by myself, with a doctor I had never heard of that this was not true. Cancer had found me too. No longer would I ever be the same. I think you move on, I think it's eventually going to be something that I don't think about all the time, but I also think it is a slow process to get to that point.

I read an article that said nowadays that approximately 80% of women (and men) diagnosed with breast cancer go on to live at least 5 years or more and a majority are cured. That is a huge percentage and makes me feel hopeful. My hope is that what you all have read by my posts is......that you understand this disease a little bit better, sort of like I have had to do. It's a hard disease,especially if its in more advanced stages, and I know anybody that has been through this will agree with me. Pink is the color of breast cancer, and that seems so ironic to me. To me, pink is such a gentle, soft color that provokes a happiness inside, when in all reality, breast cancer is such the opposite. Its brutal, its hard, its fierce, its ugly, and instead of happiness, it creates anger and sadness.

I try to understand why this happened to me......and guess I should just stop trying to figure it out because I will never know......but I do know its been a long, hard (both physically and emotionally) road that I can now say I made it through. I still have radiation in front of me.....again, the unknown, but I have no fear. My body has proved its strengths and weaknesses to me over the last 6 months. I found strength when I needed it by those who surrounded me unconditionally when I needed it the most......My family, My friends, John and his family, My co-workers, My quiet faith in God, My Doctors both here in Minot and at the Mayo Clinic, the amazing nurses at Trinity Cancer Center, and even through my precious Lucky Dog whose spirit has never left my side. I have said it before and will keep forever saying it......I am blessed.

So on to the next chapter, after of course a quick trip to Punta Cana! I will start radiation sometime in May and will do that daily for up to 7 weeks. I can never thank each of you enough......you all have lifted me up during the shittiest time of my life. My body has a long way to go in recovering, but it will get there in time.....because remember.....(i have to remind myself of this quite often).....I AM STRONG! Chemo at times got the best of me....but when it was all said and done....I WON! Thank you all for believing in me.

With all my love and thankfulness,
Michelle

Kim, Yup my body aches too.  Especially knees and hips.  Just in the last few days I've started to feel like myself and less achy.  Friday is back to doc to finish my last four  (if she thinks my Neuropathy has improved enough) I'm hoping since I've recovered a bit that the last four will be easier to recover from.  MO says that Taxotere doesn't cause the legs aches like Taxil.  Fingers crossed!!

Missy, awesome....you speak for all of us....so happy you are done and on to the next level!

No rads for me Jodi, I am on the borderline for that, and choosing not to do rads.  I do have my perm implants scheduled and it makes me happy to just have that date in sight.  Adding an eyelid reduction to it as well, and the port removed, but I may get that out sooner, my last chemo day is May 1, i really don't want the port in for another month, so I will ask if it can be scheduled for in the office.

I'm concerned about all this fluid buildup, and shortness of breathe, I'm so ready to be done with this.

Long work day, I'm exhausted....I'm praying for my strength to return someday soon!

missy!! That brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Wow. 

missy-I just posted a whole thing too complete with pictures and lost it somehow too. I guess that's what the last chemo day does to one. So be careful girls

Your post was perfect. Read it to my husband with tears in my eyes also. So eloquently written and all the things in my head you put into words for me. Thank you. Didn't have balloons, a party or champagne, that was awesome! But my day was still good! Chemo went fine today, and feeling good now, rads in 3-4 weeks. 

Wore my diva hat, kick ass tshirt. Pic of my nurse the past 3 chemos with my cookies, flowers sent home by my daughter and her 2 wonderful roommates and leaving the cancer center on a beautiful 70 degree day made just for me. Don't have to return until 4/30 for RO consult then start rads in May. Port out 5/12!!! It's worked great the whole time, it did its job and now I'm ready for it to go!

Love ya ladies {{{hugs}}}

missy, your post brought tears in my eyes. Very well said. I am so happy for you and Lisa who accomplish another great milestone! Lisa, you rock in those pictures! Congrats!!!!

Djj, it sucks you have to restart the chemo. Wish you mimumum SE this time around. I will be thinking about you on Friday. I will be on my taxol #11 the same day. Body aching all over from my last one, but you ladies gave me a lot of strength. I can do this! 

Take care everyone! 

Lisa, congratulations to you today!!!!!! What a feeling, huh? To everybody else....hang in there, it will be here before you know it!

I sense a steroid high tonight......fairly certain there will be no sleep in my near future!! Better find something to do because right now all i want to do is eat!!! yikes!

Love to all my new friends....

Michelle

btw missy-your hair/head looks great. I love the women with nice round heads, I mean this in a good way, you look so much better bald. Like you and robin etc. I'm long and narrow with a big forehead! Lol I don't have any to speak of (seems like dd taxol people may take longer as stronger dose even though shorter time). I think I'm seeing light peach fuzz, different from the sharp sparse stubble which is hair I think that didn't fall out initially. Now I think I know what you guys who are getting hair mean.

Well rambling again...thanks roids lol

it's 12:08am here and still awake. You made me smile with your post tonight! I don't have any mchottie doctors. I actually enjoy tying my scarves. I like to match to my clothes. I have lots of them...too many. I wear the ones I had before bc and of course got new ones-found out the large triangle ones are easier to tie. My head looks funny bald I think. Trying to go around the house bald more. With warmer weather coming I hope I get some coverage so I can go without. Also started sporting the cap and bandana look as in my pics from today. I have a long thin head and neck so I do look funny but at least I'm getting used to my look in the mirror and don't cringe anymore. Trying to be more self confident and not so self conscious...I'm getting there. I don't know why I'm so concerned with what people think...I'm working on it. I do feel strong and empowered so that's a help.

Actually getting tired. Maybe sleep will come

I tried the ball caps, but then I ran into this predicament....what do you do with your ears? do you tuck them in? or leave them out? Lol.......ok that was maybe a stupid question but we'll blame that on the roids too! 

I was surprised at my nice shaped head as well......it definitely fits the round category of heads. I have been experimenting with makeup quite a bit....i'm down to like 3 upper eyelashes now and no bottom ones but can sort of fake it with some eyeliner.  There is a brand at Sephora called Two Faced.  The person that came up with this brand actually did the products for his sister who had cancer.  I love the chocolate smelling face highlighter stuff....just sort of contours where you need it to.  Also the eyebrow pencils are really good.  

I am a little nervous about going out of the country on Sunday.....but the rest and relaxation will be much needed.  It's a work incentive trip and we are staying at the Hard Rock Punta Cana! My bosses brought me a great big sunhat today and three bottles of sunscreen! They take good care of me and I am lucky to work for such a great company! I am taking my Aunt who is just a couple of years older than me and has been by my side through every appt., I've had.  She is also a retired nurse, so she knows what to do if something goes wrong! We have an awards banquet one night and had to come up with a song to play as we were getting our awards.  I chose Barry Manilow "I made it through the rain".  Sort of fitting with all i've been through, and still was able to make tops in sales.  

Good night again..........i think.

Missy - so jealous of your trip... weve been to punta cana a few times, we usually go every year but this year was out obviously as was last year due to surgery.  We love it there .. I have seen the resort you are staying at many times but have never visited it... enjoy and have a frozen drink for me.

I am still waiting for the oncology radiologist to call me today, waiting sucks...

its so uplifting to see everyone coming on the tail end of this gong show....

hugs

Congratulations to all of you that are finished!!! I can relate to the mixed emotions that you are experiencing. I have 1 more to go of DD taxol the beginning of May. Although this has been a fearful journey these past 6 months it has become a routine and now the routine is going to change, all of us going in a different direction. I had chemo first so for me it will be surgery and I think rads. But it is a finished chapter. I don't know what is coming but getting through chemo just makes me feel like I can do anything to get through this. I remember back to how many times I wanted to quit...I felt I had enough...but you all helped me hang in there and now seeing one by one actually celebrating at the finish line is such a blessing. I got so many questions about surgery and what kind I will be having but I know I can get through it...and will one day be really finished...

I am 5 days out from DD taxol #3 and my hands feel a little spongy .... is this a sign of nueropathy? It started yesterday with the leg pain. I also get the nulasta shot so I go through those aches and pains also. Rubbing my legs I did feel stubble so I guess my hair is starting to grow...I have not missed shaving my legs at all!!!

Hoping everyone has a great week ahead!!!

I had a complete mastectomy on my left side first, then went on to chemo followed by rads.  I have to say, the surgery was for me so far the easiest part.  Yes, there is pain, but its not real bad, honest.  Just do good drain care and you will be fine.  I was at an appt. with my plastic surgeon last week at the Mayo clinic and i have decided to go ahead in November and have my other breast removed.  It is a personal choice for me, but one that I feel I need to make.  So....what i'm trying to say, is if the surgery was bad, this would not be an easy choice to make but for me, but it is easy.  Good luck!  and yes, spongy is a very good description! I have it only on the very tips of my fingers but not all the time.

Michelle

Thanks for all your input, I really appreciate all the advise and at least knowing what I am feeling is kind of the norm in our world as we know it now. I don't know if I will be given options about surgery and being triple neg I want to make sure I make the right decisions. Sometimes I worry that if I chose to have a bilat mastectomy and I know some of the lmypth nodes are going then what defense will I be leaving in case of reaccurance? There will be no "fatty" areas (breasts) and with less nodes to catch cells I am afraid it will reaccure someplace else that will be harder to treat....if that makes sense to anyone. I do go on the triple neg board but honestly sometimes it is just so scarey. I don't mind pain after surgery, that I know I can handle....it is all the decisions and confusion about types of surgery and how I will feel post surgery emotionally.