Starting Chemo in April 2014

I will be starting chemo later this month. It sounds like many of us have undergone the drama of starting out believing that our treatment would be simple, only to discover later that it would be more complicated. At first I was told that I could do just a lumpectomy and then radiation. But then I didn't get clean margins, so there was a second, and third lumpectomy. My biopsy pathology showed HER2 negative, but after the first lumpectomy, it came back positive. Therefore, chemo.

kazzy115 Haven't considered the cold cap but I plan to look in to it. I appreciate your warmth towards me. As I am always cold physically and many times emotionally. Thank you for your wisdom. I will continue my journey with positive thoughts and feel the warmth from all my sisters. Any advice I could get about dealing with my anger and my avoidance of normal life is greatly appreciated. I feel like you ladies are really the only ones I can talk too.  

I am going to my chemo class this morning (starting chemo 4/17) I just feel kind of sad and a bit anxious. Most of the time I am ready to fight but I am feeling overwhelmed about this and just sad.  Thanks for listening.

I will be meeting with my MO on Friday to find out what I will be doing...and although I am looking forward to getting this going I know that I will leave his office sad.  I had one appt with him already - before my surgery and it was the ONLY time that I cried at a doctor's office since this all started.  I don't know why - but as soon as the nurse started to take my blood my eyes teared up and I was choked up the whole time I was there.  Something about that place made everything so much more real and so much scarier.   Here is my philosophy at this point.  I will be as strong as I can - I will show up and when I need to I am gonna cry and cry hard.  I had to have that discussion with my daughter last night - she is 28 and everytime I am upset by this BC she says "you are strong - keep positive etc etc"  I finally told her that I know she means well but there are only a few people that I feel like I can be weak around - her and my hubby and that on those days at that time please don't say "be strong, stay positive"  just say "I know it feels like shit and I love you and cry if you need to"   I hope she understood.

Hi Linda, nice to see you over on this board as well. I'm handling the chemo part of this better than the possible mastectomy, which continues to loom over me. Even when I got the phone call from the nurse telling me that my HER2 came back positive, a part of me already knew that chemo was in my future. The more I learn about the chemo the better I feel. Some aspects of it will truly suck, but I don't think it will be as horrible as I first imagined. I met with the med onc yesterday and I have a treatment plan. That helps me feel somewhat in control. Now I just need to go wig shopping and put together a chemo goodie bag. 

Screw being strong. All you have to be is a survivor. Do whatever you have to do to get there.

Mikishelly - thank you for the kind words. Luckily my husband is not currently deployed, so he is with me and is tremendously supportive.  I am incredibly thankful for him everyday.

Kazzy - thank you for your post. I am not strong, but I can show up. I've been battling healing issues from my bmx and lost. Tomorrow I will be having a quick surgery to remove my sick/dead tissue. I've been telling family and friends that it's no big deal, just a little unzip of the incision, a little work, and then rezip.  But really I'm scared and don't want to do it. I'm going to keep repeating, "just show up, just show up".  Like Dori in Finding Nemo, "just keep swimming,just keep swimming".

Jamie - welcome, I'm so sorry you are on your second go around.

Everforward - I really hope your margins come back clear, really, really.

Linda - my mom is the "positive" thinker. She seems to think that if I had more positive thoughts, I might not need chemo. I hope your daughter listens and supports you the way you need.  I think it's great that you  are able to be so open with her. I need to take a lesson from you and ask for the type of support I need.

Looks like I'm going to be in a lot of pockets this week!  ColdInCanada I'll be in yours tomorrow, Wampuscat  be there on Monday, LongIsland8y I will see you Tuesday, Clarn you are my Wednesday appointment and LngDstncNuWife2012 I will finish my week with you on Friday.  Did I miss anyone?

When you are in chemo, focus on chemo and nothing else.  If you are having radiation, surgery or anything else plan to turn that page later.  Stay hydrated and don't get injured (translates: be careful around the kitchen knifes). If you are wearing your wig don't stick your head in the oven, they don't do so well with heat... yep, first hand experience.  Take help.  Let your kids step up its really good for them.   I cherish my then 17 year old sons story of his first trip to the grocery store and how all of the ladies were helping him in the aisles!  I had even made a schematic of the store for him.  He was so proud to be doing something to help his mommy and his mommy was learning to be humble. 

Ladies, I wish I could hug you all in person! I would just shout GROUP HUG and then SQUEEZE you all to my half-a-bosom. 

Jaimieh: I am so sorry you are here again.  This has been hard enough for me the first time around - I can not even imagine what it must be like to have to do it all over again. Sending hugs and healing your way.

LovieLovie: THANK YOU for your wisdom. I confess I am worried about side effects and eating and vomiting and mouth sores and all sorts of nasty other things. My 11-year-old daughter today finally said to me "MOM! GEEZ! Why are worrying about something that has NOT even happened yet?!" Ah, yes, and the student surpasses the teacher. At least I know she's listening to me, right? Truthfully, it is just so hard to know what to expect, and the unknown is SCARY. 

clarrn: I have the same thinking as you regarding the nausea and vomiting (although my oncologist assures me that they "have meds for that!"). I spent TWO pregnancies vomiting. Throughout the ENTIRE pregnancies, from start to finish. The second one was worse than the first - I used to get up in the middle of the night to throw up the remainder of the food I had eaten the day before. And I would choose my meals based on what they'd be like coming back up. Gross, I know. I was there. EW. But I figure if I can endure THAT, I can totally, without a DOUBT endure THIS. If it happens, because, well, my daughter makes an excellent point.

Blueberry4: You are STRONG. You are STRONG STRONG STRONG! You ARE! You are a WOMAN! Women give birth - even if you haven't, you CAN. Because your BODY and your MIND are STRONG. And when you feel you are not, you JUST KEEP SWIMMING, because the people around you, physically, and in spirit, we have GOT YOUR BACK. And truly? SHOWING UP is STRENGTH. It's all in the definition, Friend. You are amazing. *high five to you*

Tomorrow is THE DAY. Chemo begins. I have a bag of goodies packed, bought some new games on the ipad, and I'm...ready. One day at a time, right? BTW, I started Dexamethasone today, and WHOA, that stuff is potent. Especially for someone who gets a little loopy on extra strength Tylenol. A little dizzy, and a little giddy. Plus, it's giving me a headache. And that's all I have to complain about, so, YEAH, I'm pretty okay with that.

Saying prayers and Waving my pompoms for you all! 

Keeping on our treatment plans is the only thing we must do. Our families, God and each other will get us all through the rest. So whether it is stay strong, show up or cry your eyes out- today tomorrow and every day from here on out we will all just do it.( Love Nike!) So to all my sisters everyday will be different just please pick yourself up or ask someone else to pick you up. We WILL SURVIVE!

mikishelley: I'm not entirely sure what others are packing, but for my Chemo day tomorrow, I've packed a couple of books (an old 1940s Mystery, and a funny one - NOTHING SAD or PROFOUND. Pack FLUFF, someone told me. FLUFF is easy), an ipad, magazines, SNACKS, a water bottle, headphones, lotion, lip balm, hand sanitizer, Tylenol, kleenex, and I MAY pack a cross stitch I'm working on as well. I was told it is a LONG day, with very little do except SIT THERE. I'm also bringing my husband (though he doesn't QUITE fit IN the Chemo bag), so I can yap at him for a while too, and send him for food (it'll be like a DATE! Ha ha ha!). 

Tears are OKAY. They are. They are NOT a sign of weakness, but a sign of being HUMAN. I will try to post again this weekend and give an account of how the day went, and maybe it will give you some insight into what to pack, and what to expect. I am nervous, but tonight I say to myself: "At this time tomorrow, I will only have FIVE Chemo treatments left." And that makes me smile.  

For those of you who are getting A/C T, you may be getting Benadryl in your premeds which can make you sleepy. That is why you have to have someone drive you home.  Am. cancer has a volunteer driver program for those who need rides to and from chemo.

 I didn't read a whole lot.  I usually would bring my laptop & headphones bring a few dvd's and just veg out or doze. 

The premeds are effective.  Bring a snack or two but make sure they are not smelly.  You will be a little more sensitive to smell as well as everyone else in the room. 

In a good infusion room, the nurses will bring you a warm blanket, a pillow, a snack, something to drink or even lunch if you forgot one.  Just realize they want you to be comfortable. Chemo nurses are really special people.  Did everyone get emla/lidocaine ( prescription ) cream?  You put it on well before they access your port and it really helps. No need to hurt!  What hurts is pulling off the industrial strength bandaids they use afterwards.  I always asked for gauze & tape.  You will be amazed at the amount of 'normal' looking people that are there...just getting treatment and living their lives.   I worked (just less) and played (more).  Make someone close to you in charge of scheduling 1 fun thing to do each week.  I have a good friend who did this.  Sometimes we would go to the movies, out to lunch or gold panning (in my ratty/frizzy blonde wig perfect for the river ha!). 

Ladies, I am sitting here watching the last few drops of Taxotere drip down the tube. We started with 1.5 hours of Herceptin, and that was a breeze. And the worst thing I can say about Taxotere is that it made my face red. Then a 10 minute wait, and then half an hour of Carboplatin, and then I get to go home. 

SO the worst thing I can say about the whole process is that it is long and boring. Bring lots of interesting things to do. The most exciting thing that happened here today was my allergic reaction to the steroid that is supposed to prevent allergic reactions. Ironic, no?

I will keep you all posted on the SEs to come, but first day of chemo? Not so scary after all.

Got a chemo start schedule - dependent on the healing of my incision - PS doesn't want me to start chemo until I am a little more healed - MO wants me to get going LOL.  Anyway I will be doing 4 rounds of Adriamycin and Cytosan - every two weeks, then I will be doing Taxol and Herceptin every week for 12 weeks and will end up with Herceptin to finish out a year - ughh - not what I wanted to hear was hoping for a kinder/ gentler chemo - but it is what it is...as it stands now start date of April 18th

Like many of you, I wasn't expecting chemo.  I was diagnosed with DCIS through a diagnostic mammogram, MRI and biopsy.  It wasn't until the pathology from the lumpectomy that a "surprise" area of IDC was discovered.  I was devastated with a higher end oncotype score and the chemo recommendation. But...chemo wasn't nearly as bad I imagined.  I got through it just fine and I'm glad I had it. 

I just had to comment about "being strong".  It really got on my nerves after a while when people kept commenting that I was "so strong". I wasn't that strong.  I was just doing what I had to do to get through it. Believe me,I had many pity parties, although usually late at night when no one else was around.  During the day I was consumed with my normal daily life.  A crying jag once in a while is good for the soul.

I started chemo a year ago this month and I'm happy to report that life does get back to normal..You will all get through this, it's just a little unexpected detour.