Answering inappropriate questions

You hang out with the wrong people. I have never been asked that question. If I had, my response would be " I was born female and perhaps the only difference between you and me is that my breast cancer has been found and treated". Now stop dwelling on why you got it and how you might have prevented it. It was out of your control. Maybe your healthy life style delayed it! Look what is in the news now, avoiding BPA? the substitutes are  estrogenics too. cut yourself a break.

I was never asked... but then I made the decision to only tell people on a "need to know" basis.  So most people had no idea that I had breast cancer.  And most people still don't know today.  I consciously made that decision because I didn't want to be "cancer girl", I didn't want to get those sad and sorrowful looks, and I didn't want to deal with stupid comments and questions.  

If someone did ask, I would give a reply similar to what Jelson said.  Maybe something like "I was born female and I didn't get to pick my genes".  Not that my breast cancer is hereditary (although I believe that there is a hereditary element) but breast cancer develops through a mutation or damage to the genes, triggered by one or a multitude of factors (estrogen, aging, external carcinogens, etc.).

I haven't ever been asked, nor have I ever asked anyone, that ridiculous question.

I have been in discussion within a BC group when we offered up ideas of what may have been contributors. Some of the women in that group are on the land, and wonder if it was the pesticides and chemicals used on the farm. I wonder about working in the Hair Tinting room while doing my Hairdressing apprenticeship in the late 60's, and working in the beauty industry with Perfumes and nail polish, and acrylic nail chemicals, oh and there is the plethora of drugs I had to take when Dx with Rheumatoid arthritis in the 90's, some that are not even prescribed any more, because of risks that have been discovered, then there was 11 years of working for an international airline where every morning the smell of Jet fuel was thick in the air! The list goes on and on.

I think if I were ever asked that question, I would have to say "Well, I am a woman, who is getting older! You do know, that you're at risk too?"

Ariom- much more tactful than me!!

I was surprised during my early cancer diagnosis that one of my closest, long-time friends asked me if I thought all the sugar (chocolates, cookies, cake girl here) I have consumed in my lifetime brought this on. I had not given it a thought until she asked the question, but I sure felt guilty after she asked and I remember looking at a few sites on the Internet that linked sugar to cancer (who knows if these sites were reliable).  It bothered me so much that I asked my radiologist during my third biopsy if sugar could bring on breast cancer. He was so kind (as he was harpooning my breast), he said absolutely not. He also said you are 56 and female, enough said. It took the emotion out of it and I felt much better.

I must say this friend of mine has been the one friend who has stuck by me the most since I had the breast cancer diagnosis.  She even drove two hours to my house a few days after surgery and brought meals for my husband and me for a week.  She is the one who calls me all the time to see what I am up to and makes it a point to call when she is in town to meet for lunch.  She fears breast cancer so much.  Both her mother and maternal grandmother died of breast cancer.  I was with her all through her mother's cancer journey and I know it was so hard on her.  My friend has not had a mammogram in a good 15 years due to fear.  I don't preach to her to go get that mammogram because I know she knows what she needs to do.  I say all this because I think sometimes people are so afraid of cancer they have to find a "reason" we got it so they can rationalize it in their own minds why they "it won't happen to them" because they do things differently (like not eat sugar, pesticides, etc.). Cancer is very scary and I have found how people react to my sharing with them really says a lot more about their fears and not so much about mine.

Coffeelatte:  Precisely!  People want to find a reason why we got breast cancer so that they can ensure that they do not.  It is not about blaming us for our cancer, but about having control over them not getting it.  As I have become older and hopefully wiser, I have found that people's behavior that I used to personalize is usually not about me at all.  This has been so enlightening and makes life so much easier. 

Tell them having too much sex causes it. That ought to shut them up. heh heh   

One person smokes and gets lung cancer.  Another has never smoked and gets lung cancer.  One person is overweight and gets cancer and one is slender and gets cancer.  Pass the candy bowl and hold the guilt. 

I get the comments about eating junk food a lot because my friends know I don't touch things that are green and taste like wallpaper. I've eaten junk food for decades so it actually would make more sense if they ask me why I'm still breathing without a ventilator after all this time considering the health rules I've violated through the years (and there have been many).  They know better than to push the issue because it goes in one ear and out the other and they'll just subject themselves to more silly sarcastic responses.  

Seriously though, my response to that question is that I know lots of people who are strict about eating a healthy diet and they still get cancer!   Just the fact that you're alive is a risk for some sort of cancer.

So I should be guilty about eating chips, custard and candy?  Heck no! There's more important things to spend my guilt on. Some people aren't trying to be rude.  They're just looking for simple answers and easy solutions.  They may think that if they don't eat chocolate bunnies and Peeps, they'll escape the snare of the C word.  Doesn't work that way. Cancer happens.

Yes, MellaBella, everyone here is right.  Love that "sex" part, Lilyluv!-- (:  

Too much sex.... too much sweets... too much good food... too much nice stuff... too much people who care!  

Darn, they should re-think; they sure are missing so much of L-I-F-E!  

Seriously though, MellaBella, I did experience those inappropriate questions myself and feared that I would even get false and 'unsincere' well-wishes, so I requested friends not to post about it on FB while most would post even just the tiniest happening in their lives.  Then I realized, some people just really don't know what to say (although they pretend they know), or are just simply clueless of what life is all about.  

Truth is, scary as our Big C is, I feel a much better person that I was given this chance to experience what life really is--- Life is to move on... move forward; not backwards.  Despite the humps along the road, there's no turning back.  Life is all about the learning and the sharing, and being the best that we can be, given our own respective circumstances.

Have a good day, everyone!    

I'm glad I took a look in here (even tho' I'm not DCIS) because I enjoyed reading the guilt-free responses.