I am writing because I am hurting (long)

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thetrader
thetrader Member Posts: 10
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer
I posted here some months ago and all of you were very kind. My Aunt was dx with ductal cancer and invasive lobular cancer. She has gone through a modified radical masectomy and she is now in chemo. I have gone over to grocery shop, to help out, etc. a couple of times a week. This, plus my two young daughters and husband has kept me pretty busy.

Anyway, she got pneumonia in the beginning of July and was hospitalized and things got pretty scary because she was not responding to the antibiotics but finally, after the fourth day, her fever went down and she went home on the seventh day.

Her red blood count has been low and they've given her shots for that. They also have put her on a strong antibiotic.

She has two chemo treatments to go and then six weeks of radiation, daily. Her next-to-last chemo. treatment is scheduled for August 7.

Anyway, NOW she has decided that she is going to take 1/2 dose chemo. treatments instead of full dose ones. She is messing around with her treatment plan, playing with the dates, wondering if she can half her dosage...etc...

I understand that is is HER disease and HER plan but she is scaring the you-know-what out of me. These doctors and oncololgists wouldn't prescribe this plan if they didn't think she needs it.

Anyway, now she has made the decision to 1/2 her last two chemo. treatments. Also, she is on antibiotics for the pneumonia. So today I called her because I was going over for the weekend and she has 911 on the phone.

I called back and got my Grandmother and my Grandmother said that my Aunt has an anxiety attack so alarming that the paramedics admitted her into the hospital and gave her a very strong prescription tranquilizer called (sp?) Autovan. My Aunt is in the hospital tonight, sleeping (thank God, she needs the rest).

I just don't know what to make of this....I am looking for some experience or something...I mean, is it okay to mess around with one's treatment or should I encourage her to get back on the full dose chemo. wagon and complete her original plan? She is very sick and miserable. I don't want to upset her when she is already so anxious but I don't know how to balance the scales on this one....Is it more important to support her decision to 1/2 her last two doses and possibly risk a reoccurance because she did not complete her treatment plan? Or is it more important to push for her to complete her treatment plan, so she can have a better chance of full recovery and possibly cause more anxiety, which is upsetting her?

So far, I have not said anything to her about any of it. I've just tried to be supportive and nod a lot and not cause her any alarm but now, with her decision to cut back her chemo and another hospital admittance for an anxiety attack so shortly after pneumonia I just don't know how to sort out the priorities.

I need some help.

My questions are, based on the experience of this board, what should a neice (more like a daughter) do when an Aunt (more like a Mom) decides to shorten the dose of their chemo. plan?

Based on the experience of this Board, how can I help my Aunt in her recovery of pneumonia in addition to chemo.?

Based on the experience of this board, is it more important to possibly cause more anxiety if I confront my Aunt and tell her to finish her treatment plan as prescribed? Or should I support her decision to 1/2 her chemo. dose, even if it affects her recovery, and NOT upset her right now?

God, these are my CHOICES????!!!!! Cuss Word, Cuss Word, Cuss Word....

Any takers?
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  • thetrader
    thetrader Member Posts: 10
    edited July 2006
    PS

    Also, the hospital has asked her to restrict her visitors because her immune system is shot and she has pneumonia. Since I have two kids, (little germ-grabbers, but I love them) it is best that I NOT see her this weekend which is another aggravation for us both. She depends on me, but she has asked me and her son and some other family members NOT to come because of germs. It makes sense, but it is still bothersome. So, I won't get to see her this weekend.

    AGGH!!
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  • csp
    csp Member Posts: 2,765
    edited July 2006
    Trader,
    My sister was very sick with her Chemo she hit the wall as
    I call it when she was almost done.
    It was so bad for her that when they did her blood test
    for her next treatment, she told them to hurry and hook her up or she was going to bolt. We pep talked the the whole time, she I think did the last couple of treatments for us.

    because of your Aunts immune system they may hold off her infusion untill her counts come back up this is a
    normal practice.

    She or you need to talk to her onc about her feeling so sick she doesn't want to take her full dose it may well not cause any harm if she does'nt I don't know? Poor sweetie, she is sick and tired of being sick and tired!
    The doctor can also give her a Rx forATIVAN at home for
    anxiety attacks and it is not uncommon for someone going through all this needing some help with depression.

    I am sorry she and you can't see each other this weekend
    my sister was not allowed out of the house toward the end of her treatments due to her counts.
    We washed our hands with dial soap and wore masks we got from walmarts during this time and her beloved little grandson could not come over to her house.

    Hugs,
    Carrie
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  • thetrader
    thetrader Member Posts: 10
    edited July 2006
    Hi Carrie.

    I remember you from the Board. I appreciate your support. I wondered if there might be common "stages" or "phases" to chemo. treatment and I could tell my Aunt that she is not alone and that many people want to stop chemo.

    Thanks for spelling ATIVAN. :-)

    I am very sorry about your sister and all that she had to go through.

    I guess I just felt like once they gave her a treatment plan, we had some "hope" some "control". Now, she is messing with her plan, which for me, equals to messing with the "control".

    But the truth is, none of us have control, do we? And is is her choice.

    You are right. She is sick and tired of being sick and tired. But I wish she would stick to her chemo. plan.

    But it is not up to me. It is up to her. **sigh**

    I hate this.

    thanks, Carri.
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  • jgrjunque
    jgrjunque Member Posts: 47
    edited July 2006

    Perhaps your aunt would let you talk to her oncologist, to get a better feel for whether her decision is actually hurting her overall plan or not.

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  • cowgirl
    cowgirl Member Posts: 777
    edited July 2006
    I think your aunt is a very normal patient. Chemo is hard to handle, she has hit the wall and wants it to be easier. From what I know she can space her treatments out, take a bit of a break but 1/2 treatment is new to me. I think you need to validate her fear, frustration and anxiety. The BC is enough to make her feel all of that, then on top the pneumonia doesn't help. Her antibodies are shot, her fear is very deep and real.

    So validate, encourage her to explore other options that Onc may suggest. But no matter what don't take the "pointing finger" routine, take the "I want to help you routine." "I support you no matter what routine".

    In the end support and love her no matter what, she fully understands about the kids, don't worry about that!
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  • thetrader
    thetrader Member Posts: 10
    edited July 2006
    Thank you.

    She woke up and I was able to talk with her on the phone. I told her I support her decision no matter what, she said she appreciated it because her son is having a hard time with it and she just doesn't feel like discussing it with anyone else. So, she is going to have 2 more treatments, both 1/2 dosages and then go with the radiation. We will just have to pray and wait and we would have to pray and wait anyway.

    I appreciate everyone's support. Thanks so, so, much.
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  • cowgirl
    cowgirl Member Posts: 777
    edited July 2006

    vent any time trader, this treatment is hard to handle for family members!

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  • JeanLouise
    JeanLouise Member Posts: 21
    edited August 2006
    My onc told me that there is no 'set' dosage for chemo. They give a certain dose on the first infusion, and then if the patient has significant problems, they keep reducing the dose. They will reduce all the way to some minimum value that they've determined that chemo will not be effective any more.
    I have no idea how that lowest possible dose relates to the initial dose. Perhaps it is half, in which case there wouldn't be any harm in this. I agree that if she will allow you to, it would be best for you to talk to the onc and find out the facts.
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