Rockin' flatness like a bada$s
Comments
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Good and thoughtful points, all! Yes, Sunflowers, working out at home has been an option but i always enjoyed the gym and wanted to get out of the house, to emerge from my shell after bc hell; and i agree that there's absolutely nothing wrong with a little modesty (i'm looking at you, Miley Cyrus!). I'm on a long car trip now (going bicycling) from Pittsburgh to Jackson, Mississippi, so there's been a lot of time to think about things these past few days; by not 'exposing' myself to women i don't know at the gym, who am i really protecting? Who, really, has the problem with being C&C with two fading scars on my chest? Me? Or am i protecting others from their problem with a terrifying disease that may very well come after them next? Maybe it's a little of both...
Sunny Girl--i admire your honesty.
Wren--i second your shout-out to Lands End's mastectomy suits and Mary's micro bead boobs do, indeed, float but maybe they'll keep us from drowning!
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I am still laughing about the biking and pot holes. Now it is my poor butt that suffers!
I have mast swimsuit but never wear it. I wear a loose Lycra tank top and swim shorts. Very comfortable.
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Hi gals, I have a mx swim suit from Jodee's and I love it. higher at neck and arm holes as wren said, the fitter told me i could just use a silicone foob for swimming unless I go everyday for a long time, which i dont, I havent tried the micrbeads ones in the water but the silicone worked great. I would never feel at ease showering where others see me, and wouldnt before I had a breast removed either! I am already thinking about getting my next mammo and sitting in the waiting room with gown on and flat on one side and kinda big on the other... i know that is vain, but I have to be honest and say I am thinking about it. coming up next month so better get my s--- together huh?
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I have some Amoena suits and tankinis that are higher at the front with good arm holes and pockets. I have the Amoena clear silicone swim form, which has ridges on the back to stop the slurping sound that can happen when you swim.
I am not really sure how I feel yet, about the dressing room. I have already done the first Mammo, sitting in a robe half flat, but that really didn't bother me at all. I don't think it was too noticeable. I think I am much more modest about my remaining side, the flat side has been out there so much, for Doctors and Nurses to poke and prod, I think it has become more desensitized. I really don't know yet, I hope it isn't an issue M x
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You know how sometimes it takes awhile to hit you or have something set in? I'm coming to that curve in the road - delayed reaction or I'm just slow on the uptake. It's all kind of hitting me, the cancer (stage 2b, no lymph involvement, but 3 different types of cancer in my left breast), the surgery, chemo, radiation, herceptin for a year and now arimidex since Mar 2013. I am not able to express how thankful I am that they got me in the OR and treatment started as fast as they did. But, little things like navigating a dressing room give me moment to pause. On a happy note, my toenails gave grown back & today I had my third haircut since the last dose of chemo, which was in Dec 2012. Woo Hoo!! Party on ladies!! Thanks for letting me share -
Patty
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Bluetail, I'm not far from Jackson (relatively speaking lol where I live, a couple hours away is not far). I hope you have a good trip.
Sunny Girl, it's funny how the small things are not small at all, isn't it?
I am thinking of ordering a Lands' End suit, except maybe with just a tunic-y rash guard as the top. I don't know if I want to have to deal with my foobs floating away! LOL! The modesty thing has been different for me; pre-BMX I was very modest, but now not at all. I think it's because now, for me, they're "not-breasts" as opposed to having been breasts. It was that way pretty much immediately after surgery. The upside is that it doesn't bother me; the downside is that I have to remember that not everyone wants to see everything! LOL
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Sunny - YEAH, the first few haircuts. Ain't life grand
Bluetail - wonderful questions. For me, I think it's more about privacy, of having to talk with people I don't know well about my personal experiences. Which, in my case, post explantation of silicone "poached eggs" by choice, would be having to answer a question like: "s'cuze me but did you get hit in the chest by a truck with very very big headlights?" " Or, have you been doing push up in a melon field?" OR, jeez, what happened to you? But, seriously, just not wanting to talk "cancer" with people I'm not good friends with, not wanting to have to relive my experience for the "benefit" of the edification of other people. IF the person says " I too have had bc." THAT'S DIFFERENT.
LOL - re:Miley Cyrus, SO happy I grew up in the days of what we used to call privacy, or modesty. But, back to my torso, I never felt comfortable in communal ( Loehmann's - does anyone remember them?) dressing rooms, even wearing a bra & pants.
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S'funny, before i had to take off my top for EVERY doc to see/feel/look @ my breasts, i would literally run away from letting anyone see my bod, and i had a nice one, too, i have always been thin, and wore a 34C or D cup, and had a very active job, so i was very tone. have a slight anti-hormonal pudge,now- working on that, but my arms are not nearly as strong. any way, after all those doc feelies, i am always wanting them to check me out, and will whip off my top before they even ask.my bs actually wrote in her clinic notes from our last visit that "kathe took her top off"?!? and speaking of that, they always only do the most cursory of touching. One of the very best clinical exams was so thorough, at a place i used to go, waaaay before bc, that i missed the thoroughness of her exam. No one has done such a good job since. Is that because they know that tx's change the way they feel? i certainly feel all kinds of lumps/bumps/etc, that change- i wouldnt know if something was new or wrong.
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Sunflowers, OMG, Loehmans! There was one in Framingham, Ma that a friend and her mother would take me to when I was about 14 or 15. I was horrified at the room full of naked women, not really naked, but bra and panties clad women of all shapes and sizes. It was a freak out for me then. I was so modest. I'm still pretty modest so not bearing my chest in the gang shower or sauna etc... Will be easy. I went to Kripalu about 5 years ago( a holistic retreat place in MA) and let me tell you, you never saw so many boobs flapping around in the dressing. I was horrified then at 50! I just wrapped in a towel I had brought with me and walked around like that. It was okay and I think that's what I will do at the gym or pools after the surgery.
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Okay, I admit I am pretty broken down at the moment. Not bouncing back from third sx. But I am writing to clarify something. Of course, I am so grateful to my beloveds Birdie and ND coming to help sisters with genuine questions regarding bathing suits. On my 'home' thread, 'New and future flat sister, with questions,' we often deal with qs like these. In fact, our Ariom is an extreme resident expert on all things foob and cami. Our flat (and future flat) sisters who rock prostheses are there, along with some flat people and some people considering recon.
This thread is specifically designed for a) people who are (or who seek to) rock total flatness like a badass, and b) the people who love them. And so... if you would like to... rock that swimsuit like a bad ass! Those long rashguard shirts with a tankini underneath? Or a bandeau top? I know flat sisters who rock bikinis. I bet they look fabulous.
And... and I know this is a difficult one... but why should we be denied the gym, or the spa, or Loehmann's, just because there are no private changing rooms? I know in a sense we make the choice, because we are worried about getting looks and questions -- I can't go to the gym or spa yet, my scars are healing, but believe me, I am not exactly looking forward to getting naked in front of strangers -- and yet, I am just playing with this idea: the idea that I am denying myself the gym, the spa, Loehmann's, instead of thinking that the dressing rooms are not adequate enough to allow me my privacy. That is true, of course. But I imagine it's economic. I imagine that's not going to change. My area looks pretty bad at the moment. But I'm 43. Am I really going to start narrowing my idea of what's possible?
Of course, should people be shy, I support them in their decisions not to get naked in front of strangers. Of course I do. I feel the same way in fact. But... I have got to say I am probably going to do it. And f0ck anyone who is upset or bothered by it! And what if I help someone? Imagine how I would feel if another flat sister whipped her shirt off in the changing room at the gym. I would be elated.
Have nothing but love and tenderness and feelings of support for all sisters. But this thread is not for discussions of foobs and mx swimsuits with pockets and foobs. If you want to rock flatness, problem-solve about flatness, or cheer sisters on who are rocking the flatness, this is the place.
My outfit today:
EF dress with a little bit of drape at the neck (I had it from before -- it's a raspberry color)
The dress will be baggy, so I'm wearing an EF crop sweater over it (same color)
striped gray and raspberry and black cotton tights
clogs
And maybe a casual jacket on top -- it's chilly today.
XXX
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Bobogirl I love ur attitude!! I was born with 1 breast - the left. My right never developed nor do I have a right breast muscle. Only skin and a nipple. Plus as a further result of a congenital birth defect my right arm never fully developed nor do I have a right hand. Who cares? Was I and am I stared at? Yes! Who cares? I did have an implant put in my right side nearly 25 years ago but things were never fully balanced. My shirts would twist and I could never wear low cut shirts because the top of the right implant was not flush with my body. Funny thing. I always had saline implants because I was concerned about the possibility of silicone and cancer. Ha ha!! I love the gym and because of my uniqueness I must admit that I would always try to "hide" my uniqueness with respect to my chest. I formed an ac/dc tribute band 12+ years ago and played lead guitar using a prosthetic to play guitar. I was "angus" and used the band as a vehicle to show people that they not judge people by how they look.
And now here I am - 10 days since my modified radical mastectomy of the left breast. I had the surgeon yank the implant from the right side. Funny thing is that the right side is NOT FLAT!! I have a mini boob where I never had one as a result if the stretched skin!! Lol
I don't care! No more surgeries for me! My hubby of 30 years doesn't care either! He told me that he loves me! Which is how it should be and what I expect. So here I am mostly flat. I'll probably get prosthetics because of the right side - lol!!
But there will be times when I will be flat with a slight bump!! I'm in!!
:-)
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Hi Everyone, I am rocking the badass flatness
I feel like a missing body part here or there doesn't change the essence of me. Admittedly, some days require more courage than others but I is what I is and I make no apologies. Flat chest is where I live now
I had a tankini type bathing suit that I bought several months prior to dx so post surgery I just cut the built in bra out of it and it works perfectly!
Thanks for this thread, Bobogirl!
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Really good conversations going on here--too bad we're so spread out that we can't meet for coffee!
Juanita, Footballnut, Bobogirl--each of you makes a lot of sense, and for me acceptance of the diagnosis and treatment means staying flat, but i do understand that for other women--my own sister is one--reconstruction is part of their healing process and i do not judge them from my own perspective. My husband went bald (not equating baldness with cancer, at all), and i think i would have lost some respect for him had he gotten a toupee or transplant, which for him would have been an act of deception: 'who am i fooling?' That, too, is about acceptance. His bald head, my bald chest.
Overcoming some inhibition is happening as we speak: i'm traveling with a woman friend and we're sharing hotel rooms, and i've been feeling less inhibition about changing clothes as the week progresses--it's just too much work otherwise--which will be good practice for the gym.
Sunflowers--there were times early in my treatment when i kind of longed for friends to ask me about bc, as i had a great need to vent and to talk about what was going on with me--and there were those who avoided the subject, and me, which was kind of a lonely feeling. Guess we are all coping in our own ways.
Aunt Paula--we'll be rolling into Jackson tomorrow & are very much looking forward to it!
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Hey Gals. I am two weeks post bmx. Still having lots of discomfort and weird skin sensations, as well as totally numbness across incisions and novacain feeling under arms. For the first time today I wore the knitted knockers my friend made me. I pinned them into a loose cami. Still cant wear anything close to the skin seems to irritate so much.
I have no plans for recon.
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Hi All,
I'm almost done with rads (one more!). I have been flat without using foobs for about 3 weeks. It's been cold so I don't really feel like I've been "out there" flat ...wearing scarves and sweaters, but I've surprisingly found that a high necked tshirt worn under a long sleeved deep V-neck shirt of a contrasting color looks quite good. I'd been worried I'd have to ditch my v-necks.
Vintage gal, the Novocain feeling gets better after about 6 weeks, though I still have numbness along my scar, but the area keeps getting smaller.
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football, I don't have to tell you that you rock. Because obviously you do rock. How, how can we come to your AC/DC tribute concert? This sounds like the best thing ever. Thinking of you.
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Well said, Bluetail. There is modesty, of course, and then there are inhibitions, and then there is (completely unwarranted) shame. I am being careful to avoid the third one. And then I am going to be careful to avoid the second one. And then maybe the first one.
And hello Juanita, you badass! Rip that bra out of that tankini and rock the f0ck out of it! This is a badass thread, and swearing is practically required.
Lojo, agree about flatness and the cooler weather. I have been thinking about it, because it's hot where I live. I have been thinking (in a bizarre and perhaps non-feminist turn of phrase): summer is what's going to separate the men from the boys.
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VintageGal, I found that a great deal of the sensation returned, and continued to improve for a long, long time after my BMX.
BlueTail - I talk VERY openly, and "flash" my Concave & Cute torso for friends. It's the strangers-in-a-dressingroom concept that always bothered me even when I wore a bra - expect it's an age thing too, I'm older.
LOVE summer and being without those implants I got talked into putting in years ago. FABULOUS, fabuous to not have to wear a bra AND to not have foreign numb object sitting under my ever strengthening pec muscles.
Laughing with bobogirl about enjoying the SUMMER too. Darn, the years of having to put pieces of cotton under the underwires to soak up the sweat, and the talcum powder, oh, the talcum powder. bc ain't fun, but being C&C sure is!
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Amen to that, SunflowersMA--I am excited about not having to worry about wearing a bra this summer! Where I live it gets miserably hot and stays humid, and I always hated having a sweaty bra. This year I am throwing on my cotton camisole and trucking on!
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Vintagegal, It takes time. I could not stand anything near the incisions for probably 2 months, and even then, I could only tolerate foobs for a few hours. It just takes time.
Wishing you the best.
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Vintagegal, you are still really early on. As you heal, the numbness will lesson and you will be able to tolerate things closer to your chest. I actually find that tight fitting camis are very comfortable now, but I am 7+ months since BMX. I still have some numbness, but it is a lot less than it was in the beginning.
It is still cold here and layers are still what everyone is wearing, my first layer is a cami of some sort, I have tons of colors! I am getting excited about the Spring and Summer when I can just wear shells and T-shirts and not have layers and layers of clothes on! I don't swim, if I did it would just be in a tankini type top, flat, and swim shorts. I hate the prosthetics and bras so it is flat all the way, all the time for me. I don't even try to disguise my chest with scarves unless they add to the outfit. I have always liked and worn scarves, even before bc, so they are not new to me. I really don't care what people think, I am not ashamed or embarrassed by my new body. If anyone has a problem with it, it is their problem, not mine!
Hugs!
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Thanks GrammaB
It is still winter here too, .yesterday I had a cami, a pull over shirt, a denim shirt and a leather jacket on.
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hey Bobo,
To be clear I haven't had my implants removed yet so I'm babbling about a lot of things, including foobs, looking for support. Maybe I will be rock in' flatness- just don't know yet. I just know there will be no further recon for me. Information from all you lovely ladies in invaluable! Did not mean to offend...
Has anyone noticed balance or posture problems with the flatness? I heard that can be an issue or not? What does one do about that if it is an issue?
Best,
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No difference for me BettyBoops but I was very small breasted before BMX. I do need to be mindful & stand up straighter now. Put those shoulders back! I think after my lumpectomy I tended to *protect* my chest & eing so not myself all through chemo I wasn't strutting about much....& now after the BMX I hunch over, very aware of anything or anyone that could poke or bump me.
I got foobs in my mailbox today LOL I ordered from TLC. Soft fiberfill. Hopefully they will work in my stretchy bras.
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Thanks vintage gal. Good luck with your foobs!
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Rockin' flatness like a bada$$ at Barb's Home Cookin' (and Elvis Shrine) somewhere off the interstate in the heart of Georgia!
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hi all, I go flat all the time. Love the freedom of no bra, and no roll of backfat. Today I'm wearing a Badger red Lands End turtleneck and blue jeans.
No one really notices but sometimes I "catch" people looking at my chest and if they know I've seen, they look away kind of sheepish. But you know what? That sometimes happened back when I had breasts. If I "caught" someone looking at my breasts, they had that same guilty look. So maybe it's not about my breastlessness, it's a natural inclination to look at women's chests. (edit to add, and that thought makes me feel better.)
VintageGal, here's a tip I learned here to lessen the sensitivity I had after BMX. Go to a mirror and gently place your hands on your chest. You don't have to take off your shirt if you don't want to. There's something about seeing and feeling the touch that rewires the brain to help you heal. Do this a few times a day or whenever the discomfort is acute. Sounds crazy but it worked for me. That and not wearing any synthetic fabrics, only cotton or silk next to my skin, and definitely no shirts with ruching or beadwork!
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I change at the gym almost everyday. All the showers have glass doors(the kind that blurs everything). I usually change where it's dry, over by the lockers where the benches are. Sometimes I just turn my back to everyone. Other times I do surfer style changes. Not sure if I didn't live in California or some other beach state, that I'd know what that is. Basically, you wrap a towel around your body & put your clothes on under it. I work out with some very fit women & don't want to be treated differently. I'm also 3+ years out & don't want any sympathy at this point.
I wear a sportsbra most of the time due to mild truncal edema. It's really tricky to get it over my head when I'm damp from the shower.
The locker room is the one place I'm still a little self conscious(or actually the only place I ever was)
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Thanks badger and coraleleiz, very helpful suggestions and insights from both of you!
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Gorgeous Bluetail!!!!!!! Thanks for the photo!
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