September 2013 Chemo Group

Incredibly Milestone Rang-out Today!

Did you hear it?  At 3:15 today?  It rang out loud!  It rang out proud!  It rang out for joy! It rang for 218 days of tears and fears. It rang out for 218 days of hard work through diagnosis, telling my children, struggling through chemo, a double mastectomy, and 30 rounds of IMRT radiation.  It rang out for all of the prayers that have rung in the ears of God on our behalf.  It rang out for joy and gratitude that I've been so richly blessed with the love of my family and friends.  It rang for me today and I wish it could ring for all! 

Life is SO good!

Ironically, I also met my catastrophic insurance limit today.  Looks like medical care for the rest of the year is covered at 100% for the whole family.  And it is only March.  ;-)

KJ! That is beautiful and wonderful!  Congratulations on getting through this bc journey/nightmare with grace and humor!  Way to go! 

Congratulations KJ. I hope you have a wonderful vacation. 

Hi everybody, 

Yesterday was two years since I was diagnosed. Although I am really grateful to be here, I also resent this whole experience and everything that has happened.

Yes Josgirl, I can understand and do mirror what you describe.

KJ, yes I can hear it ringing loud and clear, telling us all to be grateful for the time we have. Enjoy!!!

My main problem is how to remain calm in the face of the stress of everyday life. Much as I want everything to go back to the way it was, some things will never be the same. So hard to accept, especially my energy levels. I just look forward to the school break, after being back to full time work this term.

I wanted to share with you all something my son sent me a couple of months back. He is 24 and lives at home and I am constantly frustrated that he does not do anything to help around the house. He also does not talk much, having depression and social anxiety. He knows he has caused me angst because he does not have a job and is taking too long trying to complete a uni degree. But he sure had my tears flowing with these words.

Take care everyone. Thank you for allowing me to share this experience with you and for easing the very heavy burden of this disease. Memento Mori!

Chemo

I wonder why, when she got the injections

I felt the needles tearing into me

When they doused her with radiation,

It was my cells that burned and died

When they cut off her flesh,

I was the one with pieces missing

When her beautiful dark hair fell out

I was the one naked.

It's because my flesh is her flesh

I came from that body once

Now it's a battleground for cancer

Once it was the battleground where we fought for my life

Like the cancer, I was a little cell in her that grew out of control

Rebelled against her, hurt her, ruined her life

Maybe I'm a tumour too.

But there's no treatment for motherhood. What can you do when the sufferer loves the disease?

KJ, Congrats on finishing rads.  I am so happy for you!  I will miss the IMRTs!  I hope you have an amazing vacation!  Congratualtions on the promotional opportunity as well; how exciting!

Viji, Wow!  What a long road it has been for you.  What a powerful poem by your son.  Thanks for sharing.  He is quite a writer with a special gift for expressing his thoughts in that manner.

Josgirl, I agree that it seems so long ago we began on this journey.  I remember looking at the July chemo thread and thinking it was so long before ours!  

Simplelife, The days do seem to fly by now...wish they seemed to do that during chemo!

Mercedes, Great news on the tumor!

Peacockgirl, congrats on getting out for a run.  Baby steps!

Chickchick, I hope the PT is helpful.  I have been plucking chin hairs too.  I was hoping they would not make a comeback.

Knightzoo, Glad to hear that the hair is filling in well.  I wish it grew faster for all of us!

Audra, Hope the ultrasound goes well.

Vintage, Hooray fo rbeing drain-free!

Running, Glad your port is coming out soon.  One step closer to it all being in the rear view mirror!

Art, I hope Nat is feeling better each day.

As for me, every year there is a race here call the Dam to Dam, that I have wanted to do, but never signed up for because I wasn't in shape... and then it always filled up leaving me an excuse not to train further.  It is, and has been, a bucket list item.  I decided if I wait to be in shape, I will never sign up.  SO on a whim...I signed up.  I decided that it does not matter if I walk it or run it.  I am just going to do it...and cross the finish line.  I will have my final revision surgery 6 weeks before, so training may be a challenge, but at the same time, it will represent crossing the finish line in more ways than one.  It's a half marathon...so wish me luck!  It's at the end of May.  It can't possibly be harder than the marathon we've all done over the past few months.

KJ  I heard that bell! Sooooooo happy for you, i got shivers and tears of joy when i read your post. Happy happy vacation. 

Viji, wow deep thoughts! I also think nothing will be the same after what we've been thru, but thankful we are still here, my husband had a heart attack at the age of 45, 10 yrs ago, my girls were 6 at the time, he sur ived and is on medication, my sister not long after had to go on kidney dialysis and had a transplant 8 yrs ago, you see life is not always easy and we can sit there and dwell on the sadness and injustice of it all or pick up the pieces and move on mentallyand physically. I think we've all made our choice here. 

Kbee good luck on the run, love your spirit! 

Thanks, all!  Enjoying the vacation already. :-) 

LHL, so glad your hubby's biopsy came back not cancer!

Viji,  your son sound so sad. Prayers and thoughts your way. 

radiation area looking and feeling worse. Peeling and ugly. Silvidine is painful!

But, having a relaxing vacation. 

I know that I should be just grateful that I am getting any hair at all, but I hate chemo curl.  I also hate all of the comments I get on it every day.  I knew I would hate this part of the journey worse than being bald, and I was pretty accurate in my prediction.  It looks so nice on so many people, but I hate it on me. Yuk, yuk, yuk.  It is all I can do to keep myself from buzzing it and starting over.

Hi All,

I had my planning session today for radiation.  I'm not looking forward to the burn I suspect I'll be getting toward the end, but I will be glad to have this part over and done with.   I have my "verification" session next Monday.  I'm not sure when I start the actual rads.

I'm still in the peach fuzz phase of hair growth, but already wondering if I can color it.  What little hair I have is very splotchy looking in color.  Now that the weather is getting warmer, I'm thinking I wouldn't mind going "topless" if the color looked better.

Peacock, I hope you CT comes back clear and the aches and pains get better with time.  Chemo....the gift that keeps on giving.

KJ, I'm sorry you skin is giving you issues right now while on vacation. I hope you are able to still have fun.  My hubby wants us to take a trip for him to be able  to attend a party with his former co-workers about two days after I think I'll be finishing rads.  I'm thinking I might be dealing with burned skin that weekend and driving 12 hours to stand around to talk to strangers (to me) sounds like no fun (even if my armpit wasn't on fire).  We'll see....   Did you feel like your skincare plan helped?  I have ordered the creams etc that SpecialK listed.  I'm wondering if the burn is something that can't be avoided since it comes from the inside out.

LHL, I'm really glad you hubby's biopsy came back clear too.  That would have just been too much!  It sounds like we will be going through rads at the same time.  We will have to work on some good IMRT lines to continue on with KJ's tradition.

Viji, you son's beautiful poem made me cry.  My sons have also been very bothered by my cancer and treatments.  Their father died of a stroke when they were relatively young (early 20's) and they are keenly aware how painful it is to lose a parent.  They were very clear with me that they didn't want to lose me any time soon.  

Peacockgirl - I think I'm losing my eyelashes again.  My brows are fine, but my bottom lashes are very sparse and my eyes are watering constantly.  {{Hugs}} about the scan.  I would definitely do it.  I'd rather know than not know and worry, kwim?

Kbeee - my hair was very curly before, so I'm not mad about the curl, but God my hair looks awful.  LOL  It's still so, so short and gray (salt & pepper, really) and scraggly looking in the back.  Ugh.  I could probably go topless by now but I just can't.

Simplelife - Yes, we'll be on a similar rads timeline.  I have my planning session tomorrow!

KJ - So sorry about the burn.  Yuck.  I'm glad you're able to enjoy your vacation anyway.

I'm tired and I have a cold, so I guess I should go to bed.  Hubby went back to oral surgeon today and he said everything was ok, just taking a long time to heal. 

Wow PeacockGirl look at that hair, awesome!!!!

Peacockgirl, Wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!  What's your hair secret?  You look amazing!  I am a few more weeks PFC and I do not have nearly that much hair...any mine has no style; yours looks goegeous!  It's nice to know I can dye it this soon too.  I can understand the stress of the scan, but the reassurance it will provide will hopefully be worth it.  My MO has never done any scans which does worry me.

Mercedes, Glad the Aveeno is working.

Simplelife, Glad the rads planning is done.  The sooner it starts, the sooner it is done...

LHL, If it weren't for my job, I would absolutely still wear my wig...no question.  I like it so much more than my current hair.  It is just not really feasible to take it off every time I put on my helmet without attracting a ton of attention!  My hair was a bit wavy (frizzy may be a better word) before, so I did expect the chemo curl, but if I dyed the back red, it looks like little orphan Annie type curls...yuk.  I think the curls make it seem shorter too.  I think what bothers me most too is that the front has come in much slower than the sides.  Once that fills in, I may feel a little better about it.  I have always had bangs, and hate not having them.  Couple that with the fact that my daughters look just like me and everyone has always commented on that.  Now I hear 3 or 4 times a day how much my son looks like me with his short, curly hair.  Um...thanks for telling me I look like a boy.  I thought cancer would teach me patience.  Apparently not!

Hey mercedes

 I am doing ok, 12 days post BMX. I am heading out to WalMart soon, my first time driving. Later a friend is picking me up for an auction & hubby will come by the auction hall after work. As it's been all this long cold snowy winter I have wanted to hibernate...between not feeling well from chemo & being bald & just not feeling myself I stayed in a lot. It is still so cold & snow is coming again but I am going to try to get my spirits up more by going out more.

LHL I hope you are doing well and happy your husband's biopsy  is not cancer.

Viji I loved the poem, I hope you continue to be well.

Simplelife I hope you do well with rads. I only had the neck burn and that was because the sun hit that part of my skin. My radiated side has already healed and looks like the nonradiated side.

Ladies I am wishing you all the best,