What did you just say? (Dumbest things you've been told)

My fav is "that you get free boobs"

Because I have been told that so far my tumor is only 1cm my SIL says that I only have "baby cancer" and that it is no big deal!

I had several a week or so ago: "You will be a better person when this is over!""This is character-building!" (I asked if somehow my breasts had diminished my character. LOL)

and of course

"But you'll get new boobs!"

My wife has stage 3 BC and therehave been some really stupid things said...

From my kids’ principle: You'll find that this is just really an inconvenience. Our Field Hockey coach (who was stage 1) scheduled her treatment around the hockey season. (dumb ass - my wife has 16 weeks of chemo followed by weeks of radiation – there’s no scheduling around anything)

You should get more sleep (really??? Think so???) Well let’s see, I have 4 kids, 3 of which are in competitive sports that my wife would like to see them finish this season because she doesn’twant them impacted by her BC just yet. My youngest is 6 (‘nuf said) we have a dog and a big house. I work full time and have to keep this job - the stupid state of PA won’t let us get officially married so I can’t add her to my health insurance without large tax implications so for now she has to keep her job for the health insurance until we can "run over" to NJ or DE twice to get the license and then get married, which is oh so easy after you've had surgery and are in the middle of ACT chemo. I’m constantly worried that we didn’t catch it in time and we’ll have to fight through stage 4 and ultimately I’ll be left alone to raise these kids by myself...Sure let me just lay down and get a goodnight’s sleep ...

"You can get new boobs!  For FREE!"

"Your skin will never be more beautiful that it is during chemo!"

"Your hair will grow back thicker and more lustrous than ever!"

"You'll get a nice rest during treatment!"

"Cancer will make you a better, more nurturing person!"

"God never gives you anything that you can't handle!"

"SMILE!  It's one of the 'good' cancers!"

"At least it wasn't something serious!"

Egad! 

Just today I told a co-worker about my upcoming surgery and she said " I am so jealous you get new boobs and a flat tummy!" I reminded her I "just" had to have cancer to get all this, lucky me. Me my hubby and kids sure don't feely lucky.

Also had someone say during my treatments " You alone are going to raise our insurance premiums for the year and we will all be paying more due to your issue".. Yeah so I guess I shouldn't have done treatment?

people are so ignorant. I hope they never have to "get it"

I am so sorry you have had to endure such insensitive and horrible comments.  I have to wonder "who raised these people?" 

Ariom.... As dense as some folks can be, they'd probably be angry because their comments weren't appreciated.

That was the case with my almost mother in law.  She was pretty upset with me when I gave her the choice of "be good" or "be gone".

I was told by an acquaintance - a woman no less that bc is caused by too tight bras.  Must be true she said, because she heard in on talk show Coast To Coast ~sigh.

My mother is going through her second time being diagnosed, and these are the comments that drive me crazy.

1. "You've just got to have faith," which yeah, I understand having a religion for some people can improve their overall quality of life and decrease stress, but I wish it wasn't always treated like a cure-all. And like whatever bad things happen, happen "for a reason". No. Sometimes things happen for no reason at all - that's life.

2. "Are you okay?" Please - pleaaase stop asking the obvious. I'd rather hear, "How are you feeling today?" Or "Are you feeling better than when we last spoke?" versus a general "Are you okay?" No, my mother and I are not okay, but we have our ups and downs and it feels like people expect you to always say you're fine even when you're not.

3. "Least you can change your hair whenever you want," when my mother changes her wigs. Or that her wigs look "way better than her real hair" so it's like this great perk or something. This is not a perk. When my mother chose to cut her hair during her very first trip through cancer and chemo was starting to take it's effect, she cried at the hair salon when her hair was just falling out and the women there comforted her and tried to give her a "haircut" the best they could until my mother eventually had to resort to using wigs.

I also have an aunt who's known for her eccentric foot in the mouth statements which has chased a lot of people away from her, and the last thing she told my mother the first time during Cancer, was that she should just "get rid of the whole boob" like it was the easiest decision ever, like yeah, just cut if off and be done with it. And now that my mother has been re-diagnosed again with Stage IV, we steered clear from said aunt just waiting for her to say something like, "You see? If you'd just gone and taken it off the first time-" No one should ever make another person feel ashamed, like cancer is their own fault. 

It's a shame that people say this stuff at all. I think the best most people can do, is just listen. That's all. Say nothing and listen.

kagurarap- I am sorry for your mom and sorry for you. I love that you say

"Sometimes things happen for no reason at all - that's life." It is a great reminder for all of us here on the boards.

Your #2, Are you okay? UGH.. I hated that, I wanted to scream NO I am not okay what a dumb question to ask. I also got irratated when I would get a "sorry you are not feeling well " card. Not feeling well? At that point I was scared, uneducated about BC and didn't know if I would be here to raise my kids.. not feeling well, made me so mad! ( I was a bit over sensitive I know but I had a right to be)!

(( HUGS)) to you and your mom, keep us informed.

Thanks for sharing these! I imagine at the time they would've been upsetting, but when you read the whole page, the level of stupidity out there is pretty funny. 

We didn't have any out and out clangers, but have been amused by the range of responses from a dismissive "Oh, everyone I know who's had breast cancer is blooming now" to "oh, you're going to have chemo - my wife went through 5 years suffering through it. Then she died" (sad, but not sure Mum really needed to hear that at the time!). To the lady in the wig shop when Mum was feeling pretty optimistic about having got through surgery and getting ready for some life-saving chemo, and everything Mum said, no matter how positive was met with an "oh, but its so horrible".  

Oh Kagurarap, just read about your mother, I'm so sorry to hear that and that she has to avoid insensitive rellies on top of everything else.