Starting Chemo in December 2013

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  • Mikesgirl17
    Mikesgirl17 Member Posts: 260
    edited March 2014

    Awesome pics ladies. Jodi, your girls are beautiful!  Both Jodi and jackleak, your wigs look so real. I feel so fake in mine.  I know that most people would never notice, but it all comes down to how you feel.  Losing my eye lashes and eye brows has made me extremely self conscious.  I am super critical of myself so I can only see the flaws.  My husband has NEVER liked make up, or hair color etc.  Always said he liked the natural look.  Well, in my current situation, there isn't much left that is natural.  When I get my wig and make up on he usually doesn't say much which in turn makes me feel twice as bad.  I really can't win.  He says he's afraid of saying the wrong thing.  I shouldn't care what he thinks. Hello, you're my husband.  Of course I want you to think I look pretty.  If it were up to him I would just wear a hat or go bald.  He does say he thinks I'm beautiful,sometimes, without anything. I have been chosing to stay home rather than go through the process of getting all done up and still not feeling good about myself.  I have the privelage of being a stay at home mom which has been great.  However, the more I'm not with other people, the more insecure I become.  Where is that empowered woman who shaved her head and felt awesome about herself?  I woke up this morning in pain from head to toe.  It feels like a headache that runs all the way to my toes.  It's day 4 since my last Taxol.  I thought I was going to get away with no se.  NOT!

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  • RobinLK
    RobinLK Member Posts: 840
    edited March 2014

    Mikesgirl -sorry you are having such a difficult time. My moods have been so wonky. I cry at the drop of a hat. I know exactly where you are coming from. I bought the makeup so "I would feel better about me". My husband is not a fan of the scarves, I asked him why. His answer was a bunch of BS... I said to him, " you don't like the scarves because I look like a cancer patient, tough...I am one"  That was the last time he made me feel uncomfortable, I do enough of that on my own. Scarves are my second favorite look after bald. Hope your pain gets under control quickly. 

    This is one hell of a ride at times...

    Jackie-that pic is so cute! Such a perky look! I love it!

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  • Mikesgirl17
    Mikesgirl17 Member Posts: 260
    edited March 2014

    Thanks Robin:)

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  • chicopeach57
    chicopeach57 Member Posts: 166
    edited March 2014

    imageThe more I go bald in public the more comfortable I am with it.  When it gets warm my head itches too much with something on it, when it is cold I have to have something on it or I freeze.

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  • RobinLK
    RobinLK Member Posts: 840
    edited March 2014

    Love it!!! Cold head sux....

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  • OneTexasDay
    OneTexasDay Member Posts: 162
    edited March 2014

    I should point out that while it was my last chemo,  I will be back to the infustion many more times as I still need to get Herceptin every three weeks until December. I did cold caps which has made the session fly but made them very uncomfortable and chaotic with cap changes every 30 minutes.  I joked that I am looking forward to next session so I can relax over a long lunch with a book and a blood mary.  They said the latter was not allowed but not sure how'd they know.  Happy  For those who do not know, Herceptin is not technically a chemo and the side effects are minimal.  


    We did bring doughnuts and koches to share yesterday people are always bringing goodies and leaving them out so I just figured it was my turn.

    I was glad that I didn't do anything openly celebratory as there was a gentleman that has been there every time I have and I didn't even recognize him he looks so differnt.  It really took me back to see how frail he was compared to December.  It was a reminder from above to be thankful for my journey and my healing and to keep praying for those not so fortunate.

    And then, they brought in a pertty young guy who was not in for chemo but was getting labs run as he was not doing well.  He looked so sick and defeated and he was in such pain.  His parents both looked so scared even though you could tell they were trying to put on a brave face.  I think he came back with us so they could give him some fluids while they got prepared to take him to hospital for admittance, but then he came back to wait with us as I think he was just looking for a more comfortale place to wait.  When an infusion room is your preference, it really puts things in perspective... at least it did for me. 

    Not to be a Debbie Downer... just need to share sometimes!

     

    Best of luck to you all!

    ~Stephanie

     

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  • RHGSR
    RHGSR Member Posts: 774
    edited March 2014

    my friends preliminary path report says NO cancer!! Yea! They are checking for other disorders now. 

    Thanks ladies for your support!

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  • RHGSR
    RHGSR Member Posts: 774
    edited March 2014

    share away one Texas day. It's all about perspective isn't it?

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  • Jodi040812
    Jodi040812 Member Posts: 383
    edited March 2014

    RHGSR-  best news!!!!!!  So happy for her and all us lol.  I was worried about how to handle that news if it was true and I don't even know her.  Breast cancer really does bound people!

    One Texas- I hear you!  I do not like what I see all the time.  It can break your heart and scare you to death.

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  • Crazywabbit
    Crazywabbit Member Posts: 563
    edited March 2014

    chicopeach. You are a brave lady. I occ get brave enough to whip off my scarf or wig when driving in the car.  Always put it back on when I stop though.  With the weather hopefully warming up I may start sitting out on the deck au- natural for a brief time to tan the top. 

    One thing I do not miss is plucking those stray chin hairs. Hope they are the last to grow back. 

    Jodi I had no idea that was a wig, it looked very real.  Jackieak cute  and sassy wig.   I wish there were store around her to wig shop but the closest is about 60 miles away. Hate to oder over the internet and not know what it will look like.  I really like wearing a scarf just as well but at the work I feel it is more "professional " to have hair. 

    Wishing everyone a good weekend, another week of chemo done! 

    Barbara

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  • chicopeach57
    chicopeach57 Member Posts: 166
    edited March 2014

    Holli, great news, I was worried for you both.

    Barbara, I know the chin and mustache hairs will be the first to come back and probably in spades!  I don't consider myself brave for going bald, I am just stopping the speculation as to what is under the bandana or hat.  Had two incidents, one at the grocery store.  I started to go back into an aisle because I forgot something (go figure) and saw two people staring, could hear them ispeculating If Iwas bald.  The expressions on their faces said it all.  Another was after leaving the MO's office, I have a cool torquoise spikey hat the looks like Thing 1 from Dr. Seuss, two women get on the elevator and comment on how they liked it. I explained some women at a church make them and give them way as an outreach.  Well one of the women gets right up to me and starts feeling it to "see how it was made".  So I took it off and handed to her to look and removed all speculation of what was under it.  Might as well show people so they know.  I usually have a pink ribbon pin on too for the observant ones.

    I am a health inspector in my county, have been for 19 years.  I have a lot of builder and contractors, also restaurant owners and managers that I have met in that time and have a really good working relationship with.  As they I see me I see the double take like "what the hell" and they ask.  The look of concern in their eyes breaks my heart.  I know it is from genuine caring, I truly appreciate that, then I spend time consoling them, telling them my survival rate is excellent, it is going well, almost done, you know the spiel.  I feel bad for them!  Had one of the septic tank contractors just hold the counter and shake his head, they get teary eyed too.  The men take it harder than the women!  That is the worse thing is not being able to hide what is going on. 

    The good thing is I don't have to wear a hairnet when I inspect the restaurants :)   

    But I am around a lot of people and thankful that I haven't caught any illnesses yet!

    Hope you all have a great weekend, it is going to be beautiful today in Georgia.

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  • Carol99
    Carol99 Member Posts: 116
    edited March 2014

    aww, Mikesgirl, your husband sounds sweet, they don't know what to say, I'm sure he would take your place if he could.  Mine says he likes me bald or in hats & scarves.  Like me, he  thinks my wig is just o.k., fake. For me it's not worth the discomfort.  If it was warmer I swear I'd go bald☀️.  I know what you mean about going out, I'm trying to take the smiles for kindness, not pity.  YOU are very brave!

    Soon, this will all be a distant memory for us all.

    Chicopeach, I work in HR in a hospital & I get the same concern, it's nice but I want my hair back so I can just blend in again.

    Yesterday my port came out😀, and I had what I hope was my last reconstruction procedure. I now have matching cleavage and I'm not lopsided!

    Happy Spring, even though it's still very wintery here.

    Carol

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  • Carol99
    Carol99 Member Posts: 116
    edited March 2014

    all my TNBC sisters, I just picked up a book, "Surviving Triple-Negative BC" by Patricia Prijatel.  Has anyone read it?  

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  • DJJ
    DJJ Member Posts: 229
    edited March 2014

    Chicopeach,  I know what you mean.  On my moody days I get annoyed at the looks people give me and want to scream "Yes I have cancer!" I know they are probably thinking "aww poor woman"  so of course I just ignore the looks.  I have more people saying good morning to me, more people talking to me in the grocery store line than ever before.  I think its their way of being nice and sympathizing with you.  I've had many hugs by teary eyed people...sigh

    Stephanie, oranje_mama and I are right with you on our long haul with Herceptin.  I will be getting it until mid-January.  It will definitely be a cake walk compared to chemo.

    RHGSR, Yay, so glad your friend does not have a reoccurrence. 

    I will also go bald without a problem once it warms up. 

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  • DJJ
    DJJ Member Posts: 229
    edited March 2014

    Bald Deb!  That was a month ago.  Look how many eyebrows I still had....sigh Their so thin now. 

    image

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  • chicopeach57
    chicopeach57 Member Posts: 166
    edited March 2014

    Deb, you are beautiful like you are!  The smile just pops.

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  • RHGSR
    RHGSR Member Posts: 774
    edited March 2014

    ladies,  I have not seen one bald picture on here where I want to say ..".hmmm she needs a wig". I honestly only see beautiful bald women. Seriously. Each of your bald pictures are gorgeous. Bald is truly beautiful. And all of you prove the truth in that statement. 

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  • Mikesgirl17
    Mikesgirl17 Member Posts: 260
    edited March 2014

    Neskir, thank you.  It's nice to hear feedback on husbands.  He seems so detached sometimes, but I'm sure it's because he doesn't know what to say.  CONGRATULATIONS on getting the port out.  That is so Exciting.  I am hoping for next week to have mine out.  Nothing is scheduled yet, though.  I have a check up on Monday.  Once my blood count is good, they will schedule the port removal.  Also, congrats on the reconstruction.  How are you feeling?  I've missed hearing from you.  This New England weather is so depressing , huh?  Happy Saturday ladies:)

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  • kimie06
    kimie06 Member Posts: 215
    edited March 2014

    Loving all the pics ladies !!! we are all at the embracing stage now I think....Jodi kids are gorgeous.  I have managed to hang onto a few lashes and brows, thank goodness someone left me some hair....

    I am doing a photo shoot with a local photographer this week, kind of a bald is beautiful sort a thing.  I think it will be fun, getting myself a spray tan and makeup done...yay !! don't have to worry about the hair...lol

    Dad is still in the hospital he is still having some issues.

    today and yesterday a lot of bone pain and discomfort from the Taxol, waiting to see if the neuropathy kicks in again I did use ice, but it seemed to all go away  with last infusion.  Still going to give acupuncture a go if its present.

    so I need to vent for a moment, last fall when all this shit happened I had the bone scan and a ct scan all came back no signs of metastatic anywhere had the all clear, my oncologist told me yesterday there was a speck literally a speck of a nodule in my lung, like too small to check.. told me not to worry they are commom blah blah.........going to rescan it in the fall.  I am shitting,  They have known this since the start of all of this and just told me the other day, she kept reassuring me, but still......... I wish they would have told me back at the beginning, then again if it was something maybe the chemo got it.........for eff sakes.

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  • RobinLK
    RobinLK Member Posts: 840
    edited March 2014

    I am loving all the pictures! I agree there is not one bad photo in the bunch! 

    I am a Herceptin girl too. Right until the end of next January. 

    Jealous about the port removals. I like the ease of it, but mine is sore all the time. Placement issue I think. 

    Kimmie - I would be screaming WTF too. I don't understand why they would keep that from you. How frustrating. If they are thinking it is not anything to worry about, I guess that is the information you hold on to.

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  • Jodi040812
    Jodi040812 Member Posts: 383
    edited March 2014

    Kimmie-  I bet it is nothing!  Like scar tissue or something they know not to worry about.  They would have been checking you if they really thought it was more.  Most doctors know it by sight on the scans, so not being concerned is huge. You can at least bet they would have rescanned you last fall if they were worried any tiny bit.  Annoying yes.  Try not to let them worry you now.  If it makes you feel any better- tell them from now on you expect to know everything big or small and they will know they made you upset!

    Hugs!!

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  • jackieak
    jackieak Member Posts: 169
    edited March 2014

    Beautiful Bald Ladies!,

    Kimmie, I agree they should have told you.  My scan before chemo had a cyst on my ovary, what MO called it, I ask her about it still, she says it's normal and not to worry, many women have cysts.  I had a hysterectomy in 2010 but kept my ovaries to not go on hormones...wish I hadn't now of course.  But I worry about this cyst, and will follow up with my gyne dr when all done as MO recommends.  Another reason I had the genetic testing done, in the report since it's negative for BRCA it suggests no need to take ovaries.  I have a friend who is a year out, who gets scans, she says she has spots in many areas they tell her as we age, she's 52, we are all going to have spots in areas, not to worry each one is cancer, they don't even check them.   I want to not worry about specks the rest of my life, and my MO said scan won't even be done very often...anyone else ask about how often the will do CT and bone scans?

    Ladies done with chemo, did you reshave your head?  My hair that I had has grown, but looks terrible, I think I need to start from beginning once all the poison is out of me, so have healthy looking strands start to grow in.  Mine is mostly white, thin and sickly looking, and curls!  Having a 6 cycles down chemo party today at my house, friends and family...I will make my famous guacamole and eat tacos, and get my glass of wine in!  

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  • RHGSR
    RHGSR Member Posts: 774
    edited March 2014

    I have to share with you ladies what my friend brought over yesterday from our church. Several groups at church got together and filled each pocket with a card or small gift. Something for me to open each day. 

    Cancer has shown me extremes!! There are some people who are so callous and rude. And there are some that give love and support beyond measure. It's amazing. 

    image

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  • RHGSR
    RHGSR Member Posts: 774
    edited March 2014

    Jackie- I will probably shave my head again after my last cycle. 

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  • KAT4856
    KAT4856 Member Posts: 67
    edited March 2014

    Jackieak

    This is my first time posting on this discussion group. I was wondering the same thing about my hair. I never shaved my head so I have some stringy white hair but it seems like I am getting some stubble which started at the beginning of Taxol  but it is also coming in white and stringy. I'm concerned if I don't shave my whole head than when my hair starts coming back it will continue to look yucky. 

    I had to go to my Breast Surgeon yesterday cause I had what I thought was a hard pimple on my breast. She had to aspirate it and told me not to worry because she is certain it is a dermoid cysts but she is sending it to pathology just to be sure. Now I am so down about having to wait for a pathology report I know I am being silly because she told me not to worry but I am worrying anyway.  Thanks for letting me share

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  • jackieak
    jackieak Member Posts: 169
    edited March 2014

    rhgsr, that is absolutely precious!!  There are so many good caring people out there...I plan on paying it forward as well when I'm done with this.  I have a need to do something to help ease this process for other women.

    Kat, welcome and glad you are posting.  I shaved my head to about half an inch after 2nd AC, no new growth but what I had is very yucky, I believe I will shave when I'm done.  

    Is the cyst on your lumpectomy breast or other?  I've always had cystic breasts, had a few aspirations throughout the years, they can tell they are cysts by the ultrasound, so I would rely on what your surgeon says, they are fluid filled and not hard.  I hope it all comes back fine, and I'm sure it will.   A dermoid could be scar tissue gathering as well.  Are you weekly taxol or biweekly?

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  • Mikesgirl17
    Mikesgirl17 Member Posts: 260
    edited March 2014

    rhgsr  congrats on the gifts.  That is so sweet.  Jackleak, I am holding on to any new growth.  It is white and fuzzy, but I don't care.  It gives me hope.  I'm pretty sure if I shaved it would come in the same way.  I will even it up when the time comes.  Kat, welcome.  Praying it's just a cyst. 

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  • Leealice
    Leealice Member Posts: 87
    edited March 2014

    Welcome Kat- of course you are worrying but I pray it's nothing. Sounds like it's nothing

    Kimie-Still praying for your dad and any little speck. It is so hard not to worry over everything. We will be warriors thay worry

    Jodi- Your kids are adorable. My husband went to LSU and I went to Bama. I know all to well about football games and par-tay

    Djj-Wow, you are beautiful bald. I love all the bald pics that I have seen on here but when I look in the mirror bald, I see an old man staring back at me

    Carol-Let me know if the book is good

    Mikesgrl-My husband seems detached some also. He is being very nice but I guess he doesn't know what to say and can't fix it so he shys away from the situation

    RHGSR-what sweet gifts. I like that idea, very creative

    You can see my wigs in the background. looks like I have headless people around my tub

    image

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  • KAT4856
    KAT4856 Member Posts: 67
    edited March 2014

    Jackieak,

    The cyst is on the Lumpectomy breast, kind of in between the breasts, my BS said it could have happened from a sweat gland getting clogged. When the doctor aspirated  she did say that is was completely soft and that if it was breast cancer it would be hard so I guess I am worrying for nothing.

    I am doing biweekly Taxol. I have completed three and have one to go next Wednesday and than, thank God I will be done with chemo!!

    Thanks for everyone's kind words !!

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  • chicopeach57
    chicopeach57 Member Posts: 166
    edited March 2014

    I had a pet scan the day before surgery and they found e benign 2.5 centimeter cyst between vertebrae 11 and 12.  We will look at it again when this is all over, but my back hasn't hurt like it used to.  At least it didn't light up on the pet scan!  If it ain't one thing it is another :)

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