Stage 3 ups and downs....vent!!! Add yours if need be....

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tangandchris
tangandchris Member Posts: 1,855
edited June 2014 in Stage III Breast Cancer

I don't know where I'm going with this post, it's a vent I guess...

I'm frustrated today, frustrated with everyone around me. I just had the topper, got a call from the cancer navigator nurse at my hospital and she was checking on me. She wanted to know how I was doing...haha, what a loaded question!! Earlier today a co-worked IM'd me and asked how I was and then went on to tell me how "amazing a woman I am". LOL really?? Why is that, I'm just doing what anyone else would do!

My kids are wearing me out, I've a 4 year old that just doesn't stop and I can't keep up with her. DH is working and trying to keep things together here, but I wish he'd do more with her. I have some family that helps with the little one, but then I feel bad about always asking them. My oldest daughter is MIA, she hasn't been home in weeks and I guess she just doesn't want to deal with my illness either.

I'm tired of being tired and I'm only into my 2nd TAC of 6. My body is scarred, my hair is almost gone, and I feel like crap. I would really like to get in bed and stay for several days, but I can't.

Anyway, this is mostly downs...I need to vent, I could go on, but it's just the same stuff.

thx

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  • Holeinone
    Holeinone Member Posts: 2,478
    edited March 2014

    Tang, I just sent you a note on INSOMNIACS, what you are going through right now is a train wreck, nightmare, clusterf^~#. I spent days in bed, just a few months back. I wish somehow time would fast forward for you. I am now a believer that it takes a full year from dx, to get our life back. Hopefully thats true, and I do not have to eat my words. Also, pretending to be strong is exhausting, it's never ending. I lie constantly about how I feel. ...hugs to you...

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  • peacestrength
    peacestrength Member Posts: 690
    edited March 2014

    Tang - chemo sucks... you have a right to vent.  It makes you feel awful but keep focusing on your bc being annilated by it - that's a good thing.

    People have no idea what we go through and say stupid things.  

    You will get through this - one day at a time.  

    Make a new bedtime for your 4 year old - early - so that you can go bed too.

    Keep venting!  I like this thread and may need to vent myself soon :)

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  • melmcbee
    melmcbee Member Posts: 1,119
    edited March 2014

    Tang, I am right there with you. I adopted my 2 year old grand daughter about 3 months before diagnosis. She has been thru chemo, bilat mastectomy, reconstruction, 36 radiation treatments,  alnd, and removal of rt implant due to cellulitis. I have had many tests and surgeries and I cant keep up with her either. My husband tries but he is tired too.  I have came to the conclusion that my dishes can wait. Fast food is better than starving sometimes. lol. What needs to get done will get done and what can wait will just have to wait. Oh and she loves to wash dishes and cabinets and cook. I let her do everything with me and sometimes she is really a help for about 5 minutes till she gets bored. lol. It does get better. You are going thru the hardest right now with chemo. Get rest when you can and try to stay hydrated. If you can exercise even if its just walking around your house that is suppose to help your energy level. And learn to let go. Good luck.

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  • tangandchris
    tangandchris Member Posts: 1,855
    edited March 2014


    Hole-I saw your post on insom's :)

    You know, I just have moments when I think I just can't take anymore and then I'm okay again. Okay meaning I'm just getting thru you know? All of this sucks, I think sometimes I need to censor what threads I read too. I'll click on "active posts" and some of the stuff from stage IV I just can't take.

    On a high note, I just had the Cleaning for a Reason people come and clean the house. This makes me feel happy and settled. Ya'll should check them out if you haven't!

     

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  • peacestrength
    peacestrength Member Posts: 690
    edited April 2015

    Just getting through is good - a milestone most days.

    So glad you had your house cleaned :)

    I agree about needing to put filters on.  My psychologist encouraged me to "redirect" when I find myself reading or looking at something that is not helpful and makes my emotional state worse - it takes practice - some days it doesn't work at all and I need a breakdown and other days it does work.

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  • pupfoster1
    pupfoster1 Member Posts: 1,484
    edited March 2014

    I'm 4 1/2 years out from my dx and I still get that "How ARE you? with that "are you dying" look on their faces from time to time.    Still annoys the hell out of me, like they expected me to be dead by now.  I'm sure most of them are just concerned, but I just want to be "normal" again.  And for the most part I try to live like that.  But there are always going to be reminders, we just have to learn to accept who we are.

    Hang in there, it DOES get better.  You are in battle mode right now, kids in general just don't get it, and a lot of times the men just want to check out, stay in denial.  You will feel better, promise! :)

    Take care,

    Sharon

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  • Momine
    Momine Member Posts: 7,859
    edited March 2014

    Tang, make picnics in bed for you and 4yo. Let 4yo color and get a stack of Disney movies for both of you to watch.

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited March 2014

    Tang, Just rant away,  you are so entitled to.  You are mother of an active 4 year old and in the middle of chemo.  How exhausting is that!!!!.  I felt like crap on my chemo and rads and all the side effects. Losing my hair made me feel like crap about myself.  Losing your hair takes an emotional toll as much as the cancer.  You may feel better if you buzz your head, and get some pretty chemo hats, rather than going around with sparce hair and bald patches on your head.  I felt better after my DD buzzed my hair for me.  Enlist someone to be there for you while you give into the chemo fatiigue and body pain.  Then get into bed and rest awhile.  Give into it girl.  Get the family there, and don't try to be super women.  You are surviving cancer, take care of you.

    Oceana

    marvelous-nicole-rodriguez.jpg (180×119)

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  • overjoyed4life
    overjoyed4life Member Posts: 239
    edited March 2014

    Thanks for starting this,

    I haven't posted anything in a while. This little white pill has really got me with the flucks. I'm starting my fourth year on the Al's and fading fast. Pain all day, every day. I'm seriously thinking about my quality of life. It's really funky at this point!!!!!

    Love and 

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  • peacestrength
    peacestrength Member Posts: 690
    edited March 2014

    Srbl - glad you posted :)  I'm new to taking an AI so I can't be of much help.  Will you be taking it for 5 years?

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  • overjoyed4life
    overjoyed4life Member Posts: 239
    edited March 2014

    Hi peacestrength,

    My doctors say 10 years minimum. That's a long time to be this way.

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  • peacestrength
    peacestrength Member Posts: 690
    edited April 2015

    10 years for me too.  I'm glad there is additional treatment for us though.  My grandmother had triple negative and wasn't so fortunate.

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  • TectonicShift
    TectonicShift Member Posts: 752
    edited July 2020

    .

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  • tangandchris
    tangandchris Member Posts: 1,855
    edited March 2014


    Wow...10 years!!! I was told 5 years, I wonder what the difference is....or what determines length of hormonal treatment. Sometimes I feel like I'm gonna be okay and I'm gonna get thru this, other times I think this is never going to end. It will always be with me!!!

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited March 2014

    Peace & Overjoyed - just curious about why your docs had you change AI's, in such a short amount of time?? I am riding the tamox train for 5 years, then onc is talking switching to another.  I guess I always thought they change AI's accordingly if one has horrible side effects over another, and also our menopausal status.  I do think they are of benefit to ER/PR+ women. 

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  • peacestrength
    peacestrength Member Posts: 690
    edited March 2014

    Shelly - I switched from Tamoxifen to Femara because I had my ovaries removed.  I was premen and became postmen after ooph which opened the AI doors for me.  

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  • lisa137
    lisa137 Member Posts: 569
    edited March 2014

    I'll add my vent. I want to vent about my own needing to vent for no apparent reason after days and days of being just fine. Most of the time, mentally, I'm okay for the most part--all things considered--as I adjust and try to wrap my mind around what's happened to me and what I'm going through. And then I have a day like today when I just wake up depressed and weepy and discontented and STAY that way no matter what I try to do to make myself feel better.

    I want to feel better, but today has NOT been my day. I'm not even sure what it's all about; there's no specific thing I can point to and say "THAT depressed me." Not even a group of things. I just feel like someone kicked me in the gut and I have no idea why and the fact that I have no idea why makes it worse. Hormones maybe. Or maybe because I'd been on painkillers for a few days due to taxotere's evil ways and woke up today with no pain so no need for painkillers. Maybe it's just my brain readjusting to life without painkillers. Maybe because it's Monday. Maybe because my day just started out badly and never improved much. I don't know what it is, but I don't like it.  

    ThumbsDownMaybe tomorrow will be better.

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  • overjoyed4life
    overjoyed4life Member Posts: 239
    edited March 2014

    Hi shelly56,

    I requested the change. Arimidex gave me  daily migraines among other things. Aromasin is really not much better. Migraines are not as often, (two or three times a week) but there are so many other things going on. The list is too long to even go into. I just decided to stick with it. I'm at the point now when I just go with the flow. 

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited March 2014

    Peace; Overjoyed:  Thanks for the explanation. One thing that I don't understand though... according to my onc, I was in the "gray" area at time of DX, called "perimenopause".  Ok then after chemo, I went straight into full-blown menopause, and have been on tamoxifen since.  I thought she would have switched me to what you are taking now, but maybe that will be next !  Oh just can't wait for that !! 

    Hugzzz

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