My daughter was just Diagnosed

Purple Rose, I went through the same thing when my daughter was diagnosed at 31 with a very aggressive form of breast cancer. Triple Negative. Not stage 4 and no mets but still a very aggressive tumor. Her cancer navigator helped us so much and got her help in so many different ways. Sometimes she had help with rent, other utility bills and meals that were delivered for her and her boys. Her husband decided that his military career was more important than being there for her and the boys while she endured 2 rounds of chemo and a double mastectomy. It was left to me to help her as much as I could and it wasn't easy.

First of all, don't be afraid to ask. There are so many avenues available to help her. I was shocked at the amount of financial aid she received!

Hang in there, and most importantly don't forget to take care of yourself. And, I am sure there are lots of women on this forum that can offer a lot more detailed information about what is available. Take care and hugs for both of you!

And yes, now it's my turn. I was just diagnosed in Dec. and will have a dbl. mast. on Mar. 17th!

Purple Rose, the section Paying for Your Care on the main Breastcancer.org site lists many resources that can help with the costs associated with treatment, from transportation and medicines to working with insurance, and getting support from local service groups.

• The Mods

Dear Purple Rose,

I can understand why you feel panic and despair, I would too if this was my daughter. However Stage IV breast cancer is not a death sentence and while there is no cure, for now, there is a lot of hope and many treatment options. BC spread to the bones is much better news than spread to organs. Many women on these boards are doing very well, me included, for many many years. First of all, your daughter's doctors are going to determine the type of cancer she has what they recommend for treatment, and once your daughter has a definitive treatment plan in place, I bet you will both feel better. 

The worse part is not knowing what she is facing. For me, I found surgery and chemo to not be as awful as I expected. However your daughter needs to take one day at a time...one doctor appointment at a time and one treatment at a time. I became completely unglued thinking about 6 chemos spread out over 18 weeks after a month of healing from surgery. However breaking my treatment plan down weekly and daily made the process much more doable. 

I recommend at least two sets of ears and eyes at her appointments to make sure you are receiving and understanding the information correctly. Bring questions with you and take notes or record your conversation on your phone if you have to.

Lastly, I do not know anything about fundraising, but I'm certain you can get loads of great advice from your hospital's social worker. I also recommend reading some of these threads on BC.org for further information about your daughters cancer, however please remember that everyone is different and we all have different reactions and responses to the various treatments. Also try not to read too much on the internet. So much of the information you will find is very old,including statistics. 

I believe in prayer and I believe God has a plan for each of us, therefore I'll pray for you, your daughter and your family. I hope this isn't offensive if you are non-believer, but prayer has helped me get through one of the worst experiences of my life. 

Please stay in touch. We can help you and your daughter through this. 

Amy

Purple Rose, I was looking for a post on here and saw yours.

Firstly can I say prayers going out for your daughter and you.

Secondly when I read your post no way did it come across that you were trying to raise money. Just that you are lost and scared. The mods give good advice as do the amazing women on these forums.Do hope you find what you need.

Regards.

PurpleRose,

It sounds like your daughter has approached her diagnosis with optimism and hope, which is wonderful!  Prayers are already working, I'm just sure of it. Wow what a difference just a few hours makes! Please remain hopeful and positive and keep us posted on how you and she are doing.

Amy

As much as I tried to deny it, I needed Lorazepam to reduce my anxiety and it HELPED! I am not a proponent of drug use but if ever there's a time, now is it.  She might look into some extra help to reduce her anxiety. AND yes, there are some caregivers better than others. It's too bad the bad ones can't spend time in our shoes.  They might feel some compassion.

Kicks your comment was totally uncalled for. She wasn't asking for money. That was really insensitive. She is a mother who is just recovering from a horrific condition herself and now feeling helpless in facing BC and the physical and emotional trauma that comes with it for her daughter. This forum is a comfort zone for all of us. We can vent and complain and ask questions without fear of either being ignored, told to get over it or the Pollyanna approach of it will be okay. She is a mother in crisis as is her daughter. This forum has been my lifeline from the getgo and still is. We all have the fear factor and this lady has more than her share. My heart breaks for her and her daughter. Anything any of us can do to help her might make her feel a little less fatalistic or anxious. That's the least we can do.

Purple Rose - I was and am blessed to have health insurance even though we do have a high deductible. The good thing was after we met the 5000k deductible everything was 100% which fortunately included my 33 RADS treatments. Trust me that would have been a 30k price tag.

I know when I was DX the Women's Health Center assigned a Patient Advocate for me. She was awesome. She called and checked on me routinely. Her mother had cancer so she didn't understand what I was going through first hand. There are agencies out there that can help. Where I live there is a Church Health Center that offers free medical advice and treatments. You have to pass the earnings litmus test but from what I have heard it is pretty low. Not sure if you have such a place where you live. Just so you know even with insurance we had to pay a lot of money out of pocket at a time when our youngest son was in college with his own needs. We are still paying on 1 doctor bill and should have it paid off this year. Obviously you don't need financial worries on top of everything else so if I were you I would reach out to any and everyone you can for help. I believe the MODS gave you a link on this website with information.

We are here for you sending prayers your way. Keep the faith and keep us posted. Diane