Is this an appropriate comment?

sandraboyd
sandraboyd Member Posts: 37
edited June 2014 in DCIS (Ductal Carcinoma In Situ)

I had DCIS and went through numerous surgeries to get things fixed and put me back on track.  It was a very rough time for me.  The other day I was talking to my supervisor and he made the comment that my being sick for so long was not fair to my co workers.  I was not sure if he meant it was not fair they did not have cancer as well or just not fair because i had to miss time at work for surgeries and doctors appointments.  i am very disappointed with this man now. I saw into his inner most self and am not sure i like what I saw.  Is this an appropriate comment to make?  Am I being too sensitive?  Has anyone else had something like this said to them?


 

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Comments

  • Curlyq1974
    Curlyq1974 Member Posts: 144
    edited February 2014

    I have come to the conclusion that people are stupid.  That is the best advice I can give.  No, the comment was not at all appropriate!  It was not like you planned to have cancer and stick it to your co-workers!  I wake up everyday and do my best to come to work and give my all.  Some days the fatigue is overwhelming, but I push thru and try as hard as I can.  That is all I can do.  Knowing that you are a survivor, I'm sure you are the same.  If someone said this to me, I think I would go off.  Clueless, ignorant people.  I'm so sorry you have to go thru this.  Best wishes in your recovery and do not let this man get the best of you. 

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  • Staple
    Staple Member Posts: 35
    edited February 2014


    I received my performance review yesterday which said 'she had a tough year with medical issues, etc...'  The review was fine and I think he meant I met my objectives in spite of all, but I don't think it was appropriate to document my 'medical issues' on my review, which were on an approved leave.   All things considered, I hardly missed any time anyway.  My manager is really a good guy and I am certain of this but I totally agree with Curlyq - people are stupid.

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  • jill47
    jill47 Member Posts: 351
    edited February 2014

    Staple: completely inappropriate for the term 'medical issues' to be on your performance review.  How did you med issues affect your performance? Was your judgment skewed and you made poor decisions? Was the quality of your work poor from the 'med issue'? I'm sorry that happened to you. I had excused absences due to bc surgeries that exhausted my paid time off but every other workday/work week I had stellar attendance; my boss marked my attendance as satisfactory but that I did exceed my pto for an excused absence. That is a true statement and appropriate, I'm ok with it. On the upside your performance review cannot be duplicated or distributed publicly re: you are looking for another job your employer cannot disclose anything from that review. It's confi in your employee file.  Get a copy of it, you are entitled by law to obtain the contents of your personnel file.  Also medical related issues such as leave absences doctors notes etc. cannot be stored in your personnel file, those records must be stored in a separate file such as a benefits file.  

    Sandra: yes your supervisors comment was mean spirited and out of line.  There is an entire discussion board here (maybe 2) about stupid things people say to us. 

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  • SelenaWolf
    SelenaWolf Member Posts: 1,724
    edited February 2014

    Hell, no, it wasn't appropriate.

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  • LAstar
    LAstar Member Posts: 1,574
    edited February 2014

    That is really insensitive!  As if you could help it.  It wasn't fair to you either.  Maybe you should discuss this issue with HIS supervisor.

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  • KLJ
    KLJ Member Posts: 284
    edited February 2014

    Completely inappropriate and should be brought to H.R.'s attention!

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  • sandcastle
    sandcastle Member Posts: 587
    edited February 2014

    People, Just do NOT get it....until it is happening to THEM!!  Liz

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  • annika12
    annika12 Member Posts: 433
    edited February 2014

    people are uncomfortable and there for say stupid things . We have to forgive and hope / pray they never ever have to find out what it feels like to be us :(  I can agree it wasn't right and shouldn't be in writing, talk to him !!! 

    One of the stupidest comment to me was .....you are lucky you'll get a free boob job !!! 

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  • sandraboyd
    sandraboyd Member Posts: 37
    edited February 2014

    My annual perfornce reviews have been greast.  a few bumps here and there.  it iws difficult to be perfecrt after 7 surgeries.  my supervisors want to know now that "its all over" how well will i bounce backl. 

    i wanted to ask why wasnt it fair?  were the others upset that they were not diagnosed with cancer? or was the supervisor upset that i woke up one morning saying gee, i think i will get cancer.

    people can be idiots.  I am currently writing a letter to send to the supervisors, lab director, and HR.

    Thanks

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  • Curlyq1974
    Curlyq1974 Member Posts: 144
    edited March 2014

    Since we are on the topic of stupid stuff people say, this past week a co-worker said to me, "you know, there are people who are saying you are wearing scarves and turbans as way to draw attention."  I nearly lost it.  I am a professional woman, I wear professional attire.  My scarves and head garmets match my suits and atttire.  What am I suppose to wear?!  It is a whole 30-degrees outside.  Give me a break.  Wigs are incredibly uncomfortable and itchy to my tender scalp.  I prayed for this person and everyone that they love that they may never be touched by this disease!

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  • Disneygirl44
    Disneygirl44 Member Posts: 25
    edited March 2014

    curlyq1974, there are no words for that stupidity - other than then the rude ones running through my head... I truly applaud and admire your compassion in the way you rise above the ignorance.

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  • lemon68
    lemon68 Member Posts: 684
    edited March 2014

    Curlyq- that is pure ignorance. Sorry you had to deal with that type of comment.

    Sandra and Staple- totally inappropriate, I would have gone to HR immediately. If they say this crap to you they will do it to others too, unacceptable!!

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  • Ariom
    Ariom Member Posts: 6,197
    edited March 2014

    Curlyq,That is so inappropriate, so ignorant, it just doesn't make any sense. I can imagine how that must have made you feel. What a nasty, shallow group they must be, to have come up with such a ridiculous, yet incredibly hurtful observation, and I won't even comment on Miss Tell Tale who felt the need to share  it with you.

    It's really disturbing how something like this can bring out the absolute worst in some people, utter stupidity in others. I am so sorry you've had to experience both these flaws with this group. 

    I wish you all the very best and commend you for your compassion toward them!  

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