DIEP 2014

you're looking good Michele. Halfway there. Hang in there. Lemon, I feel the same way. I'm so grateful for the advice of the ladies here who have gone before me and at the same time as me. It has helped my perspective tremendously to know that not everyone is thrilled out the gate and that the docs have a lot of ways to make things look better. 

Lemon, I took hydrocodone for about 3 or 4 days after getting home. But it made me so constipated that I switched to Tylenol about the 5th day and that did the trick. Haven't needed anything after the first week, but again I think everyone is pretty different on this. 

Thanks nihahi, those are wise words.

Maggie, I am glad you are feeling a little better. I can almost bet that by the time you are finished with your stage 2 you will like your new boobs. Sometimes I think it is harder on the immediate recon gals than the ones that lived without breast, or with implants, or expanders for a while.  The diep gives us back something we lost completely so we are (I don't want to say more grateful, because that's not the word) happier with anything after having nothing, or something painful we couldn't wait to get rid of. I am glad your depression is lifting, and hopefully there is some acceptance in your future.  It's a hard process.  This last few days have been hard for me because it is the one year anniversary of my tests and dx.  I keep thinking where I was at a year ago, and doing the "if only" thing.  But, my DH keeps pointing out to me that I am not counting my blessings, and sometimes I want to punch him in the face, and other times I know he is right.

Beebop - I'm sorry to hear you are still in pain. 

I had significant pain after 8 weeks also. The pain was just above my ab incision.  I had a CT scan which uncovered a small mass of infected scar tissue formed around a hematoma.  I had gone back to work 2 weeks after my diep surgery and worked from home. I went back because I was feeling ok, things looked good and i have a desk job-i am on the phone in meetings all day and it isnt physically demanding.  However, I was working 10 hrs a day and barely moving during that time. I think that contributed to the complication.   Definitely keep your PS informed of your symptoms and don't hesitate to ask for a CT scan or sonogram to see what's going on.  Even if nothing is uncovered, it will give you peace of mind.  

Good luck and ((hugs))

Thanks, Goldie ... I think of myself as being able to handle anything, a tough cookie.  Always have been.  Dr. Trahan told me in my consult for Stage I that he has seen women who eat nails for breakfast completely break down after this surgery.  I think he recognized this in me, and was trying to warn me.  My sister is a nurse, and I haven't even told her about the depression.  She will want to put me on a drug, and I don't like taking any kind of drugs at all.  I didn't take any pain pills after surgery, that's how opposed I am to taking pills.   There are two things that I will do ANYTHING to avoid:  throwing up and crying.   So, I haven't really told anyone, because I'll start boohooing like a baby!  Besides, it gives me a dang headache!

Lots of wise words tonight. May I offer one more thought.....

Thinking there is something "wrong or weak" if we are discouraged, disappointed, depressed," etc., is living in denial of honest, understandable emotions. Just as we say...."you don't have to be brave, you just have to show up".....I think we can also say...."you don't have to wake up happy, you just have to give yourself and your body more time". 

Regarding body acceptance, Nihahi is SO right. It all takes time - and you don't have to wake up happy. The whole DIEP process is a marathon, not a sprint, and marathons come with lots of hills and valleys. I'm absolutely delighted to have two soft warm boobs that fit into my favorite bras, and are healthy and pure and mine. I Iook down and see all the cheese and roast chickens and delicious pastas that I indulged in, in order to get myself here. 

But for the first few weeks, maybe more, I didn't look at them at all. Ever. I took a shower with my bandages on. I taped the gauze pads at the top so they were loose, and I washed my myself, but I never looked. I even covered the bathroom mirror with a towel cus all I could do was think of myself from the inside, not the outside. My doctors, mother, and partner assured me that everything was on track, and that was good enough for me. One day the towel fell off the mirror and I saw myself full frontal. I almost passed out but I forced myself to look. 

I don't know if my behaviour was normal. Maybe not, but I didn't care. Everyone has coping mechanisms and that was mine. Some days I think of my original breasts and I miss them so much it hurts. But that's just a blip. My point is that you get through this convalescence any way you can and try to remember that you're nowhere near the last turn in your marathon. There's mental healing that happens too. Your story has yet to be written, so even if you're depressed or sad, it's not the end of the story. 

annajo - give yourself time. I had two surgeries within a month and ended up super depressed, I believe it was from all the anesthesia. My stage 1 isn't a thing of beauty either but as others have said you'll get feeling better, the anesthesia will clear your system, your strength will come back, and you'll adjust to your new breasts. Then you can decide what needs to be done next. It's a lot to go through, be good to yourself while you heal. xoxo

Nihahi, thanks for the shoulder information. And for your perspective and wise words....Janet too...I guess patience is something we all need. 

Jaz & Maggie, I am right there with you. Not that thrilled yet. I guess it is so frustrating for me because we have been through so much already...it gets old. 

My ps said that she can do  quite a lot down the road, so I guess I will have to continue to trust that she knows what she is doing and see. BUT I WANT TO BE FINISHED NOW.....LOL...maybe I should get some cheese with that whine!

For those of you that had stage 2, do they ever do that under general anesthesia? If not, how bad does lipo hurt, either during or after?

I really appreciate everyone's input on the depression thing and not loving my body after Stage I  ... I really thought I was alone in feeling like I did.  

Thanks for the great feedback!  I've cleaned off the ointment and put a dry surgical pad on the wound. Just waiting to hear back from the medical professionals. Damn beggin' strip failure!

I posted a photo on my forum thread for those with a strong stomach.

Kelley... I just looked. It looks fine to me. I posted a reply over there. Some betadine and gauze and you should heal fairly quickly. And I am sure the docs will get back to you soon.

I have gone back today to re-read the posts after the past couple days and they are deep and wise! I agree we are all different but yet we are all the same in some ways. I have felt pure joy and laughter reading these posts and I also have shed tears. I am so happy when I see some success for someone, someone that is happy and such sorrow for those not so sure yet or depressed. Its just hard but I feel we make our choices and man there are a lot of them. My choice is because I was DX at 44, I have a 20 yr old son and a 14 yr old son, my dream? To be a grandma and there is no way in hell I will allow this crappy disease to take that from me. I have a wonderful DH and I want to grow old with him, maybe not so gracefully but still the same. I joke with him a lot that I am getting all the bad stuff out of the way so I can be healthy in my old age, joking but I sure hope its true. I remember reading on the boards early in my DX, I was in awe of the women here so brave, I told my friends I am not like them I am not strong..well guess what, I am and I am even stronger now. I never felt why me? I always felt sh!t why not me? I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I am not mad about it, if I can help just 1 person to get checked or show my kids how we don't lay down and die we fight for life because it is beautiful , it will have been worth it. I am sad that I have had to go though this and even sadder my parents , DH and kids had to watch but they are watching a Champion. I look at all of you who come before me with the DIEP as Champions and I again am in awe.

Sorry for the rant, I am feeling emotional today, a bit scared and this is really the only place I feel I can really say what I mean and be 100% understood.

annajo - YES!  I have felt that exact same way about the necessity for DCIS.  The reminder that kept replaying in my head was "You don't want to go through this twice or three times if you do a lumpectomy, having radiation could possibly mean no reconstruction, and what if it turned invasive next week or next month or six months from now?"  I don't regret doing it ... the financial aspect is what keeps me tied in knots.  I got a letter today from the center asking for twice the amount they quoted me for Stage II.  I may have to do Stage II with another doctor - one that is in network.  I just cannot pay any more.  I'm single and I'm still getting my youngest through college.  I'm calling Vickie tomorrow and tell her X amount is what I can give you, and if you cannot accept that, then send me my records and I'll find another doctor to finish me out. 

Maggiie85, I did preregistration today for DIEP. If I didn't have a pacemaker and heart meds, the surprise/shock would have been enough to jolt me back to life! A friend called right after and said it was like they wanted my left and right boobs, then said, "Oh yeah, they already got them." Dark humor, but we had a good laugh and agreed that perkiness may really be priceless.