Life on parade with husbands coworkers?

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dash
dash Member Posts: 766
edited June 2014 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts

My husband has told most or all of the women he works with about my breast cancer and double mast. He evidently tells them constantly that I don't take care of myself, miss dr appts and he's extremely worried about my health. He works as a manager in a large retail chain. I found this out not from him but from his female co workers. 

Last week, I was 'scolded' by 3 women for making him worry. Another time, when I went to his job to buy some craft paint, a different woman told me 'she knows everything' and she 'knows' I **had my breasts taken off** wtf???

I had the BC approx 8 yrs ago. Diep Reconstruction 4 yrs ago. In all these yrs I missed **1** oncology appt due to car problems. I eat waaaay healthier than my husband and just about anyone else I know. I have a flat diep belly. I am normal weight. Do yoga daily. It infuriates me seeing their pity or with some a womanly superiority. They don't know everything! They can imagine whatever they think. I can't rip my clothes off and say look I love my body--does this look like I don't take care of it?? I took care of it before cancer!!!

And he knows better because I told him 4 years ago before he had this job that I was done being 'cancer girl' and didn't want him talking about my medical business to his co workers at the job he had back then!

I'm thinking he's looking for attention from them. He says he doesn't know why he blabs. I'm furious and venting at y'all! Where else can I turn?

You know when it all was new to me, I didn't care who knew but as time has gone on and ive dealt with some jerks and all the stuff I have gone through, I decided to close down a little. I told my husband to speak to a shrink if he has issues with it.

Thanks for listening if you made it thru this post! :)

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Comments

  • Holeinone
    Holeinone Member Posts: 2,478
    edited March 2014

    sorry Dash, it does sound attention seeking behavior. Since you are 8 years post dx, the panic days are behind you. 

    Tell him to focus on a new hobby, or start reading more. I am at that point where I am tired of my situation, & tired of others asking about it & my hair.....arrrg, it gets old...

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  • Bounce
    Bounce Member Posts: 574
    edited March 2014

    Dash - you may be coping better than your husband.

    Perhaps he does have fears or worries or trauma left over from your initial diagnosis and treatment.

    You may have moved on but he may be having trouble doing so.

    He may really benefit from speaking with a psychologist but you have to suggest it to him in a way that sounds like a good thing - not a negative.

    Good luck.

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  • farmerlucy
    farmerlucy Member Posts: 3,985
    edited March 2014

    Foot in Mouth disease is a terrible thing. I'm sorry you been a victim to it. I do think Bouce's suggestion that your husband may have some leftover trauma is an excellent point.

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  • lekker
    lekker Member Posts: 594
    edited March 2014

    My gut reaction when reading your post (I'm not a psychologist or medical professional of any kind) was that he's saying these things to continue to get the same kind of attention he did when you were in active treatment.  You sound healthy - both mentally and physically - so he's making stuff up.  Would the office ladies fuss over him (and scold you) if he talked about how great you are doing?  Maybe he is dealing with PTSD, but it seems like he's stoking his own ego rather than trying to process grief.  I really don't mean this to be harsh (when someone starts a sentence like that, you know they're about to be harsh), but I had a really strong reaction to your post and if it's true, he needs to stop right now.  I hope someday soon you come back to post that you've worked through this issue with him (and if it turns out I'm way off base, please post that too so I can publicly acknowledge my error).  

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  • dash
    dash Member Posts: 766
    edited March 2014

    Oh goodness, no Lekker, no need for any apology! Believe me--I'm really angry with him as I believe it is in his own interest also. Attention and maybe also what also was suggested that he is traumatized. 

    I think he misses real breasts-but come on so do I!! And yes the attention. It's also that I've been begging him for attention and love and sex since he started this job but kept getting excuses about him always too tired and depressed or he didn't know what was wrong.... I bought it all--beat myself up trying to tempt him, getting in the best shape of my life, reading marriage books ugggggg so much wasted energy!!! I wish he had just told me he was this other person at work! From what 3 women told me -- he's been funny, listens to their problems, full of energy--just wonderful. Evidently if 'only he didn't have to worry so much about me' life would be great! :(

    Funny thing is when I was going thru this originally, he blew hot and cold and even told me in the middle of chemo that he wanted to leave me--not divorce--but he wanted to get a room for himself and leave me and our young sons (at the time) and I had no other family to help me. Without this website, I would have lost it. The people on here are and were amazing.

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  • lekker
    lekker Member Posts: 594
    edited March 2014

    So what's your next step Dash? Do you want to try counseling?  Do you think it would help?  You sound like you're really strong - how do you want to see this play out?  Of course these are rhetorical questions - I'm not asking you to post answers.  So many women post on here about trying to get their mojo back and you've done it!  You've worked very hard to move on from cancer and you deserve a partner who can (or will at least try) too.

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