I see my life as a journey, some parts great and some parts not so great. The not so great parts require me to fight my way through them. The really "not so great" parts require me to really fight, so I do see it as a battle. I intend on fighting this crappy disease until I decide the I am ready to rest. The battle is mine  to fight and mine to surrender to.

I don't think journey trivializes our disease as to me the word conjures images from Dante's nine circles of hell.  I also believe we can be fighters, survivors, warriors, whatever gets us through the day. Maybe we are just battling with our own fears, that's justification enough. i think it's best though to just avoid metaphors as people have different reactions to them.

IF I were to consider my cancer experience a “journey,”
I would have to say the following:

I thought my tickets were for stage I only.

My travel agent must have been a con artist.

My itinerary has been changed repeatedly, without my
permission.

Too many detours have been taken by every one of those
cheerful tour guides.

I no longer resemble my passport photo.

I keep throwing stuff away, but my baggage seems to be
getting heavier and heavier.

My travel clothes are now threadbare, and my “sexy
clothes” have been tossed.

None of the other people visiting the same places want to
be there either.

My souvenirs suck.

The only food I trust is dark chocolate.

My lodging too often consists of fluorescent lighting, green
walls, and strange odors.

I’ve spent way beyond what my budget allows.

I should have read the fine print on my travel insurance:
my unforeseen circumstances are not covered!

Moira, I agree with you. Some of the kindest, funniest, and most interesting people I've ever met also have been visiting some of the places I'd rather not have on my itinerary!

Brendatrue,

I'm with you on the dark chocolate. Right now I'm into Ghirardelli squares in Sea Salt Soiree and Raspberry Filling.

Brendatrue-I love your "journey" post.  Especially clever because we can all relate!  Really gave me a good laugh.  :-D

To all on this thread: is there a forum for being able to express your true feelings without the fear of being offensive to anyone. I think we all need a place to vent our true feelings whether anyone or everyone agrees with us or not.

Will any of you agree or disagree with me, please?? One thing I literally despise is once a lady in my church was headed my way and I knew what she was going to say so I tried to avoid her in a discreet way. Well, she comes anyway and she said: "I am so glad that I don't have what you have going on right now. I had colon cancer eight years ago and it hasn't come back!!" Well, I just wanted to get out of there. You can't tell by looking at me that I am Stage IV MBC with bone and lung mets but I hate pity more than the disease itself! I would Never, Ever do that to anybody!!!!

Thanks for letting me vent!

Judy 

Brenda - I love your description of the "journey with cancer".  Gave me a good laugh.

I do see my life as a journey, though.  And even though we will all end up in the same place eventually, some of us will have some pretty rough roads to travel along the way.  As Ebru once said - "life is not a five star hotel"  I love that, Ebru!

Saying that, I am reminded that on a scale of 1 - 10 I couldn't possibly claim a 10 when there are so many in this world who are suffering unimaginable circumstances.

The journey for me is an inner one to, hopefully, greater insight, compassion, acceptance and joy.

first, Brenda, love the train analogy. The word I cringe at is "survivor". I just have to tell myself I'm surviving day by day. I feel like life is a journey. I don't like thinking of it as a battle. I don't like to lose. This is just the hand I was dealt. I think of all the stories I've heard from the kids at school that I counseled...I have to say that I would choose this hand over some of their hands. It all sucks, but I am just so grateful for the life (parents, family, friends, husband, kids) that I have had...near perfect in my eyes. I am not brave, just doing what I have to do to live! And in the end, I feel like I win because I know where I am headed. Just my thoughts.

Awhile back I remember reading someone's obituary (unfortunately I can't remember whose) that began, "On such-and-such a day, [this person] finally won her battle with breast cancer." I thought that was a great way of putting it. No "giving up," no "lost her battle," no "ended her journey," etc. Because really, by the time we go, we will have achieved something. We will have been stronger, more compassionate, more knowledgeable, and more understanding (hopefully). So when the time comes, I think I'll have that in my obit, as well. Although I don't much like the "fighting" analogy, if we're "warriors," then we're all winners. 

Naturelover,

I don't mean to edit or correct you, but I have one observation to share relating to the story you shared about the woman at Church. You said that you didn't want her pity. Well, you see, I don't think you had her pity. In order to pity someone you have to care about what is going on in their life. Clearly this Churchlady doesn't have the ability to pity because she is so busy thinking of herself! "I am so glad... I don't have... I had colon cancer..." See, she didn't really need you there for that conversation! I pity her because she thinks about herself so much that she doesn't see how much good in people she is missing! All of that aside....she was an ass to say those things to you. I hope that you vented and stomped your feet until you were ready for some ice cream!

PS. There is a thread that I really like. I think you might like it too!

Topic: Lets do a Sh*t People say to Metastatic BC Patients

https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/8/topic/7...

Lots of venting, no judging!

@ Brenda....funny.... ;-)

@ Raro, speaking of obits and last words, if I were to have a headstone, it could simply read:  "That was weird".

Life is a journey for certain, and mbc becomes a part of that journey, because it becomes a part of our life.

I don't think anyone needs to have this be a part of our life to become (insert any number of code pink words here, ie, stronger, resilient, fighter, spiritual, more compassionate, etc.).

But, since no one asked us, and this is part of our journey now, I think we all just do what we have it in us to do, and carry on. And who is anyone to stand in judgement of that journey of our life?

Yesterday, this topic/thread came to mind when I was writing at bco about Kelly A. Turner's book, Radical Remission

https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/79/topics/845005

For over 25 years now, I've been mulling over how to refer to my life in breast cancer land. Like everyone else here, I don't like having descriptors put on me by others - whether they "know" or "don't know" me and what it's like to live with serious illness.

A purely medical telling of my story with times and dates of diagnoses & treatments reduces me to medical materialism and that's not how I experience my life.

As a lifelong pacifist, I don't engage in wars or battles.

Unlike Diana, I'm not an athlete, so sports analogies make no sense to me. I seldom use the term "team" (that's just for hospice), but am happy to use healing allies.

Survivor makes me shudder, because I've got a good case of survivor guilt, having outlived many beloved ones.

Breast cancer clearly isn't a holiday or tourist activity - though that's what we modern, Western humans consider journey...something you pay for, control and enjoy. Yes, there are many joys, but also many sorrows.

Journey or quest works for me. I'm an avid reader, story and metaphor person. To be called forth on a journey begins a fairytale or quest narrative. I was literally pulled into worlds, tasks, meetings that I would never have sought in my previous state. It's not what I would have consciously chosen, but I recognize that my entire life has been transformed...not just my body.

Maybe I'm comfortable with journey, because I've had many adventures outside the medical-industrial complex, as well as within it. I've also had the "gift" of a very long time with advanced breast cancer (now 60 and began in mid-30s)...so my perspective is a slow, rather than rapid one. Yes, I've been tossed around quite a bit, but have the opportunity to reflect on my experience and choose my response...at least sometimes.

One author whose work I admire immensely is Arthur Frank, whose book The Wounded Storyteller: Body, Illness and Ethics describes three types of illness narratives - restitution, chaos and quest.

Here is a short synopsis of the three different types of illness narratives ~

https://abetternhs.wordpress.com/2013/02/16/forgiv...

It's fascinating to me that Frank chose to profile Audre Lorde, the breast cancer poet and guiding light to many of us, as his example of the quest narrative. I identify most closely with this type of narrative, though I've a more refined and detailed personal experience.

Bestbird and I have had offline conversations about cancer as a journey and have respectfully agreed to disagree on this one.

Thanks for reading and listening, I appreciate the opportunity to clarify my thinking on this important topic!

warmest healing wishes for all, whatever you choose to call yourselves, Stephanie

Stephanie

Thanks for the link. One of the things that struck me about the OP's POV - and that is what she was expressing - is the anger she was feeling about the disease and coming to terms with it. So she hated the idea of journey. I'm not particularly fond of the War On Cancer metaphor and using The Battle perspective. I've never found fighting something that is part of me (and make no mistake, cancer is as much a part of me as my fingers and toes) as very useful for my overall mental health. I prefer to live in hope, love, forgiveness and positive thinking.

I cringe whenever someone says "You're so brave". That's also a war mentality, but there's also nothing Brave about it. I have no choice.

Cancer, chronic disease, old age, and death are part of what it means to be human. All of our ancestors experienced what it means to progress through these phases of life that make us human. So I choose not to comment on someone else's expression of what being human means to them. Each of us are at different places. If someone is at the anger, denial, and resistance stage, I let it be and let them express what is their reality. Over the course of time, as people adjust to their new reality, these words soften. But in the beginning, people want to think that having a diagnosis of metastatic breast cancer marks them as different or special from other human beings who are dealing with difficult realities of being human.

We had a reminder just two weeks ago about how suddenly the "journey" can end in Orlando. From what we know, those were young, healthy people out celebrating at a local nightclub. They had no idea that their journey was about to end. Those who died had no chance to contemplate what it means to die. Those who survived are now on that path in their lives when they get to learn what survivorship means. And some of them will be sure to tell us their stories.