Terrified

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  • AZ85048
    AZ85048 Member Posts: 2,613
    edited February 2014

    Ariom - Thanks for that!  You made me laugh out loud!  The mental picture or all those prostheses plunking down on the table is a just too much...

    I met an old friend the other night for dinner.  She had come to town on business and was thoughtful enough to arrange her schedule so we'd have time to have dinner together before she had to catch her flight home.  As I hadn't seen her in over a year, she was naturally concerned as to how I was doing and curious about 'the girls'.  So after dinner we went into the unoccupied ladies' room for the 'big reveal'.  Just as we were midway through 'show and tell' some poor unsuspecting woman in her forties burst into the bathroom and was startled to find me with my shirt up and my friend with her hand on one of my foobs.  Thankfully, once she realized that I wasn't a middle-aged flasher, she joined right in on the critique! 


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  • Ktjay
    Ktjay Member Posts: 64
    edited February 2014

    AZ, thank you for your back story.  I am sorry to hear about your mom my one aunt went very quickly.  When I was told of my diagnoses my gut reaction was BMX because my mom, who just had her mastectomy of the only breast she had left, when they got in there they found 3 different cancers.  I am fully aware that what the biopsy shows is not what is in there.  That is where my terror comes from.  I know biopsies do not tell the story, I am not afraid of the cancer they found I am afraid of the cancer they haven't found yet. I am just trying not to get ahead of myself and stay in the moment till I know for sure what I am up against. 

    Ariom, my husband's request is that I do not flash everyone while he is around :)  I am sure I will be doing the same thing, especially if I get my nipples tattoo'd on, I figure I will ask everyone if they want to see my tattoo and flash them, hehehehehe... I have no clue how I will be, but it just gives me something to laugh about.  I am still taking one minute at a time.  I am hoping to find out when my surgery is by Tuesday and I hope it is soon, I just want to move forward. 

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  • AZ85048
    AZ85048 Member Posts: 2,613
    edited February 2014

    Ktjay - Thank you for your kind words and I'm sorry for your loss as well.  My mother passed 22 years ago, and at the time I was able to quit my job and go back home to take care of her those last few weeks.  We spent every hour together, so in part she is always very much with me and I feel as though I'm fighting this fight as much for her as for me.  She never got the chance, but I did.  Our family histories are fairly similar.  I've lost my mother, one aunt, my grandmother, and a cousin to the beast, so I know all about living with that fear of which you speak.  You'll be amazed at the huge feeling of peace you'll get once your surgery is over.  It was like I was able to put down a huge weight I'd been carrying around for years and leave it by the side of the road.  You're doing the right thing by staying in the moment and not projecting too far into the future.  If you're going for an appointment on Tuesday, might I suggest that you take someone with you just so have another set of ears in the room?  Please let us know what you find out and what your next step is...  We're all waiting with you.  Huge ((((hugs)))) to you....

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  • Ariom
    Ariom Member Posts: 6,197
    edited February 2014

    Hello ladies, funny stories from both of you! But the sadness of BC close to home too.

    Ktjay, Az is so right about the great relief when you have a plan and the surgery is over. Having another set of ears in the office is also great advice. I wish you all the very best too, and we will be here, if you need us.                  

    My Mother had BC too, but it didn't take her, that I know of. She got through her Radical Mx, Axillary Clearance and 5 years of Tamox only to be Dx with Dementia. I cared for her at home for 3 years but had to put her into care eventually. We never knew if the beast returned, because we just couldn't put her through the testing.  

    I lived for years "knowing" that it would be my turn, my Mother's
    surgeon even told me to be vigilant in my checking 5 years prior to her onset age. That would have meant 63 for me, but a digital mammo found it when I was 59, grade 3 DCIS, could have been a very different Dx if left till I was 63.

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  • Ktjay
    Ktjay Member Posts: 64
    edited February 2014

    Gosh we live at such different spectrums of the world, but yet we could be sisters.  I love this connection, it really is helping with this waiting.  I do take people with me when I go to my appointments, probably too many :)  My family is very close and since this has touched us all we go so we can support, but also learn.  However, sometimes that room has just too many people if you know what I mean.  This last appt. I had to keep reminding my sister it was about me.  However, would never want her not to be there. 

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