34 and venting..

KismetButterfly - Hi and welcome!  Vent away, girl.  You've earned it.  There is no easy answer to your question.  But somehow, somewhere we all find within ourselves the sheer determination and grit to move forward step by step, day by day.  You have to make peace with the beast and the choices that you'll soon be faced with.  Early on it's very difficult because so much is unknown, but once you start meeting with the various doctors and you all decide on a course of treatment (whatever that might entail), it does get easier and things start to fall into place.  Not to say there won't be ups and downs, because there will.  This is like a giant emotional roller coaster ride and sometimes you wish you could just get off and go back in time.  But you can't.  This is your new reality and we're all here to help you through it.

You never said exactly what your diagnosis is, so I'm kind of flying blind here.  But in most cases, you have some time to decide what you need to do going forward.  Don't let anyone push you into something you're not comfortable with.  And remember that those doctors with the alphabet soup behind their names work for you, not the other way around.   

A couple of things.  First of all, stay away from Dr. Google - he really sucks as a diagnostician.  All you'll find there is outdated information and a lot of horror stories.  Stick with the information on this sight and it will guide you through almost anything.  The Search button on the left side of your screen is very useful.

And also, I learned early on that it is an excellent idea to take someone with you
to these first few appointments because (at least for me) my brain went into
overload and there were things they said that I missed, but my friend was able
catch - and she was taking notes the whole time, which really helped when we discussed it later.  Good luck and try not to worry too much.  Let us know if you have any questions or need anything.  Sending you a hug and a prayer...  And remember: You can do this! 

im also so sorry you had to join us !! Like said before day by day , hour by hour or even minute by minute !! When you and your team had a plan it gets easier , roller coaster mode turn into fighter warrior mode. I agree bring a friend to appointments , I brought a nurse friend not super close to me I also couldn't handle there pain . My very close friends and family was way harder to be around...... You can do it girl, you will surprise yourself the power your mind body and spirit have!! 

We all felt like you do.  We are not strong....we are just doing what we HAVE to do.    My analogy is "if a huge tiger was chasing you, what would you do???"  I would run - and run fast!  That is merely what we are doing.....running from the beast.  I am sorry you find yourself here.....Hugs

Kismet- it does seem weird that you keep hoping you won't hear the words Cancer and surgery and chemo- but when they come out a little part of you is not surprised after the biopsies and the waiting.  I rejoice when I hear the B9 posters on here because the anxiety leading up to the results is the same regardless of the outcome. 

I believe you will get excellent coordinated treatment without having to search and find a navigator, medical oncologist,surgeon, radiation oncologist- whatever- you indicate you are part of Kaiser which has an integrated model i.e "one stop shopping" I had my care through Kaiser as well so PM if you would like to discuss further

KismetButterfly - So nice to hear from you!  Yes, it sounds as though you'll soon be a very busy and popular gal.    It is all very surreal.  Nothing seems real or makes much sense at the beginning.  A few meltdowns are to be expected - heck, I'll bet you'd be hard pressed to find anyone on these boards who hasn't had one in the past day / week / month.  Amazingly enough, it gets easier when you and your doctors make some decisions and you agree on a treatment plan.  Then it's one foot in front of the other until you get all the way through to the other side.  Remember that there are legions of us in your pocket every time you head out your door to another appointment.   Please let us know how it goes tomorrow and the next day, but above all else be kind to yourself.  And give that boyfriend a big old hug from all of us!  He sounds like a keeper!

I am so sorry that you had to find yourself here but glad that you found this site as it will be great support throughout your journey. I was 37 at diagnosis. There was no apparent reason for me to have breast cancer; I was healthy, I ran, ate well, etc. It was a very scary time of my life. Here I am 19 months later, feeling stronger than ever. Yes, I did need chemo, and although it was not a walk in the park, it was very doable. I originally had a MX without construction and eventually changed my mind; I now had a mastectomy on my healthy side as well and am in the process of reconstruction. 

It does get better. You will be scared, you will cry but then you will also discover a strength in you that you didn't know you had. You will get through this and discover wonderful people around you; ones you already had and other that will surprise you with their love and support. Give it time.

Kismet, so sorry you're here. I can relate; I also was diagnosed at 34, completely out of the blue. It's a life-changing experience, to say the least.

Come here often for support. Best of luck to you.