Beware: Athletes who choose reconstruction may regret it

Hi NatsFan,

You are absolutely right!  And thank you for the links -- I will go there and do my research before I do anything physical.  Being a full-time student has helped me not to do to much.  Right now I am taking an accelerated statistics class and I don't even have time to think about exercise!  This class ends in 2 weeks, but then I start another class, so that is good, too.  I will definitely take your advice, especially because at times I have felt what I know were very subtle signs of lymphedema in the past.  I do know that I am at risk and I thank you for the warning to start slow and easy.  I do have some 2 or 3 pound weights I could start with at home, and then gradually build up.  I will definitely take your advice.  Thanks again for the reminder!

Gran  

Hi Georgie1112,

I am so sad to hear that you have not been able to adjust to your new body without breasts or implants.  Our stories really are polar opposites, so I know how you feel!  I hated my breast implants every waking moment of every day.  My only reprieve was sleep, and then I had to wear a bra to bed to keep the implants in place -- a total nightmare!   The day I had them removed and felt my flat chest I was ecstatic immediately!  They were finally gone after so many years of torture!  Just the opposite of how you feel as you describe it.

I hope you are able to work with a surgeon who will listen to what you want.  I might have even tolerated the implants if the doctor had made me the B cup I wanted to be (I asked specifically for 300cc implants) and she refused to commit, saying that she had the last word.  She told me post-op that they sat me up in the OR and the OR staff thought the bigger implants looked better with my frame.  I was horrified!  A bunch of strangers ended up deciding my fate.  She put in 400cc implants (25% larger than what I wanted!) and I felt like Betty Boop!  I hated them from the beginning and so did my boyfriend.  None of my clothes fit, and my sleek athletic look had been replaced with a busty look that I absolutely hated!  Then I found out that I could not function physically and it was a double whammy:  I looked too busty and I could no longer do my sports (not even 1 push-up, let alone the extreme sports I used to do!)

So, just a word of advice before you go plunging into the implants:  Really think about what size YOU want to be, and make sure that your PS is totally on-board with you having the final say as to how big you are going to be.  I would hate to see you get implants and not be happy because they are too big or too small!  Also consider the pros and cons of each type of reconstruction surgery you might be a candidate for.  Find out all you can from women who have had the various procedures.  Also think about which muscles you couldn't live without.  For me it was definitely my pecs and my lats -- one doctor wanted to use my lats for reconstruction and I almost freaked out.  No way was he gonna touch those.  I could NEVER have loaded my speargun without my lats!  That would have also been a disaster!

Make sure you pick a doctor who will listen to you and abide by your wishes!  If you live near Long Island, NY, I can recommend the guy who took my implants out.  He is a fantastic surgeon and sensitive to his patients' needs.  His entire practice is about patient empowerment and he has support groups run by his staff and they also have events and lectures and all kinds of stuff to help women in any stage of this process.  Please let me know if you are close by and could see him.  

I wish you the best of luck and if you want to talk some more you can always private message me.  I wish you peace when you are finally done with your journey as I am now -- finally done!  It feels so good!

Gran

Hi LauraLC,

Thanks for your input!  I wish I'd had enough abdominal fat to use it for making breasts, but because I am so athletic I had no fat to take from anywhere.  Glad to hear you are doing well and didn't need to have implants.  

I still have a few weeks to wait until I can begin to exercise again since my "explantation" surgery just happened on December 13th.  I can't wait to start doing things again.  I will give it 2 more weeks and then start back gradually.  I want to be full-speed-ahead by summer!

Gran

Hi Marcyv,

I am so glad you wrote!  I can totally relate to not being able to wipe the kitchen counter without the "space aliens" (as I used to call the implants) going completely nuts inside my chest.  I hear you loud and clear!  I had trouble opening heavy doors, I could barely close the hatch-back on my boyfriend's Mini Cooper, I couldn't pump up my bicycle tires with a hand pump, and I couldn't do even one push-up.  Also, like you even though I wasn't pulling myself onto a horse's saddle, I could not pull myself onto my sit-on-top kayak, and when I did a solo bicycle tour of New Zealand and Tasmania in 2012 to celebrate my 50th birthday I couldn't steer the bicycle and take a drink from my water bottle at the same time like I used to do, and each time when I tried to shift gears I would veer into traffic on roads that were already treacherous with no shoulder and lots of blind curves.  You can't steer your ATV; I couldn't steer my bicycle.  My lack of pec muscle strength could easily have gotten me killed on that 10 week bicycling trip.  I was so angry with each shift of the gears and every time I wanted a drink and had to stop cycling.  It infuriated me and fueled my absolute need to have the implants removed the first chance I got.  It was the best thing I have ever done!  Now instead of having the feeling that the horrid things are always there and I can always feel them, I feel my flatness and feel so happy.  No more distortion and I feel like ME again.  I can wipe the kitchen counter without thinking twice about it -- for the first time in 3.5 years!

I haven't yet been able to test my strength because I just recently had my explantation surgery, but because the new PS reattached my pecs to the sternal border and the inferior border (the bra line area) I should by all rights be able to work myself slowly back to my old level of ability (taking aging into account, of course). 

I know just how you feel regarding the lack of information out there to help women who are worried about losing their strength.  I looked everywhere and could find nothing and that is why I started this thread.  I want women to make an informed decision.  I want women to hear from other women who have had problems because of their upper body strength.  Women have a right to know what their sisters before them have faced and how we feel and how I felt when my only reprieve from the implants was sleep.  It was not a life -- it was an existence.  

Good luck with your surgery and let us know how you do.  Also let me know if you decide to go flat.  I am LOVING flat!  So does my boyfriend!  And the prostheses aren't uncomfortable and look just fine.  So think about whatever will make you feel happy and feel like yourself again.  I want you climbing that ladder to drop the hay, and I'll do it with you!  

I wish you well!

Gran

Hi Katnat and Marcyv,

Well, first off, when they do sub-pectoral implants they do not attach the muscle to the implant (sorry Marcyv--I know that's what if feels like because they cut the sternal side of your pec!  That is what makes them go crazy because the rest of the sternal pec remains in place on your sternum and is strong enough to distort the implants).  Placement of sub-pectoral implants after tissue expanders are removed (a 2 step-recon which is what I had and most women have because then you can be any size you want.  With immediate recon you have to go smaller than your original breast size) involve cutting the pec muscle at the bra line and at the side by the sternum.  They only partly disattach the sternal side, so maybe an inch or so or maybe a third of the way up -- you would have to ask a doctor to be sure and it also probably depends upon the size of the implants you want.  The pec muscle is not attached on the outer side of the chest and is attached at the shoulder which is why having it cut can be so disabling.  The pec muscle is involved in many different movements involving the chest and upper body / arms.  I can only speak to the sub-pectoral surgery since that is what I had.

Prior to the surgery I was an avid spearfisherwoman who climbed over the gunnels of a boat 50 times a day, picked up a 55 pound kayak and put it on my car to go kayaking, rode my bicycle thousands of miles with fully contained with packs (panniers) in front and back,  worked out in the gym regularly, and was a former bodybuilder.  I also did caving, rock climbing, ice climbing and was generally just always doing something that involved upper body strength, like using my chainsaw, for example.  

After my surgery I could NOT do even ONE push-up (I used to bang out 30-40), not one dip, no flat bench presses (for fear that I would pop out the implant on the underarm side of my chest where the pec muscle is NOT attached on anyone), no more chainsaw, couldn't climb in the boat while spearfishing (also had to wear a plastic bra -- on that people who do fencing use --  to protect my implants from being spined by a dorsal fin and then leaking silicone into my body), couldn't lift my kayak, couldn't paddle it without extreme discomfort, couldn't take a drink from my water bottle without stopping, veered into traffic when trying to shift gears because of a lack of strength, couldn't pump up my bicycle tires with a hand pump, no more rock climbing, ice climbing but with severe discomfort, couldn't do many exercises at the gym without feeling crazy distortion of the implants by my muscles to the point where the implants looked more like triangular pastries than breasts.  I also had trouble opening heavy doors, closing the hatchback on my boyfriend's car, and could not do regular day-to-day activities without feeling the horrible sensation of something foreign moving around in my chest.  

My second plastic surgeon (I fired the first one who put the implants in and basically lied to me about what they would do to my physical life) said that about 5% (I think the percentage is greater) cannot tolerate implants because they have very strong pec muscles.  Well, the first PS knew I had strong pecs but she didn't care!  I told her all about the extreme sports I do and my extremely physical lifestyle.  For me the implants were the biggest mistake of my life.  NOW I feel sexy and able.  When I had the implants I felt disabled!

I think you have to ask yourself this question:  What is more important to me (not to anyone else, just to you):  Is it more important that I look like I have breasts when naked and in a tiny bikini and be able to show cleavage in dresses and tops, etc OR is my athletic life more important?  Simple question that ONLY YOU can answer.  And I say look like I have breasts when naked and tiny bikini and cleavage to stress the point (that was never clearly made to me) that if you are like me, the only time you are really going to want the implants is during those times.  At other times when you are fully clothed nobody can tell if you have prostheses or not.  I don't mind the prostheses at all!  I also just ordered 2 different really cute bikinis that are made for post mastectomy to fit swim forms into inside pockets.  So now I can even go back to wearing a stylish bikini, even though I am entirely flat.  I also just bought an evening gown with a sweetheart neckline and the tailor is putting breast forms in it for me so I will look beautiful and elegant in a heart-shaped neckline that just doesn't show any cleavage.  I was never a person who wanted to show cleavage anyway, so again, for me the prostheses work just fine.

Some advice:  Find a physical therapist and ask him what would happen to your strength if the pec muscle was cut at the braline, detaching it from the lower part of your body in 2 places (for bilaterals) and then also tell him that the pec would be taken off the sternum for about a third of the way up.  See what s/he says.  They may know or they may not know -- depending upon how smart they are and how much experience they have.  It should be an easy question.  

Also, figure out which muscles you can't do without (nobody was going to touch my lats -- No way!) so find out what muscles you need for the sports you do.  Also ask other women on this site about their different kinds of surgery because there are many.  If you have gained weight, then maybe they could use that fat to make breasts -- the perfect solution!  Find out about all of your options -- not just from the surgeon, but from women who have had them done.  This site is full of women who have had different types of reconstruction.

The point is that you have to feel comfortable with yourself.  Don't worry about the future or if a man will like you if you don't have implants.  Like Marcyv said, good riddance to the boyfriend who dumped you -- he obviously was not the man for you and it was good you found that out now!  If a man loves you however you look, then that man really loves you!  You can still get married and have kids and have a life whatever you choose for yourself.  Just do your homework and ask a lot of questions.  Check on YouTube for videos, too, as there may be videos that describe the many different reconstruction procedures.  

Good luck in whatever you choose!

Gran

Hi Happyraccoon,

I love the photo!  I would hate to see you lose your strength and your joy just for reconstruction, so please choose carefully!  I don't know anything about DIEP flap reconstruction, but I am sure there are many on bc.org who do know.  There may be a thread devoted to DIEP in the reconstruction forum -- I would check there.  I forgot if you can search the site, but if you can that would also be a good idea!  Good luck to you, whatever you decide to do!

Gran