I am just so sad!!!!!!!!!!!!

hoping42
hoping42 Member Posts: 117
edited June 2014 in DCIS (Ductal Carcinoma In Situ)

Well, I will celebrate my health and the anniversary of "get my life" back day this Friday, February 21st.  I consider the day that I had my bmx the day I got my life back last year. The surgery was no picnic, and waiting for results was oh, so difficult, but I really felt that I got my life back on this day.  My Dad did more to help me than anything else.  he would just put his arm around me while I sobbed and he made it ALL BETTER.  Just as he did when I was a child.  Oh, friends, we buried my father yesterday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I am so beyond sad, my heart hurts, my stomach hurts, my head hurts.  I was able to read a tribute at his memorial service on Monday--I don't know how, but I absolutely needed his story to be told through my words, my voice.  I absolutely love my Dad and he is and forever will be my hero!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so SICK and TIRED Cancer!!!!  My mom had and thankfully beat stage IIIc breast cancer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I had DCIS and Pagets!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  My Dad beat prostate cancer to end up with AML-an acute form of Leukemia.  He was diagnosed and passed away within a month.  What Gives?!?!?   (believe me, add a few four letter words in that!) We try our best.  I listen, I learn to what I am supposed to.  I love, I don't take for granted, I give, I don't take more than my share.  I am so sad!  I know I shouldn't expect less heartache than the next, I just DO NOT get this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My Dad was going to celebrate me being well with m, instead we are saying Goodbye.  

I was with him along with my sister and Mom.  My Dad gave me gifts on this earth until his very last breath.  I do KNOW there is a Heaven now.  I do KNOW that he is with my brother who passed away when he was a baby.  My baby brother.  I KNOW many beautiful, wonderful things!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I KNOW my wonderful Dad is with me always---he continues to give me those gifts from Heaven!!!!  Again my Hero, now my Guardian Angel!!!!!!!!!!!

My heart just breaks!

): Danielle

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Comments

  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited February 2014

    Danielle, we're so sorry for your Dad's passing. Looks like he was a wonderful person. Thinking of you and your family.

    (((HUGS)))

    The Mods

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  • annika12
    annika12 Member Posts: 433
    edited February 2014

    I am so sorry for your loss !! Its OK to be sad. Though I don't have any words for comfort or wisdom A parents love doesn't go away even though there body is no longer here. His love for you will always be with you. Hugs to you and I bet your dad is so proud if you, your strength and your words for him !!

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  • mrenee68
    mrenee68 Member Posts: 383
    edited February 2014

    Danielle, I am so sorry for the loss of your dad. If only we could have the information as to why this has to happen to such special people. The one thing that you do know is how blessed you were to have him by your side during your cancer journey. Know that your dad will always be with you in your heart. Cry if you need to, feel sad, and do whatever you need to in order to push through. It sounds like your dad was just awesome.  ((Hugs))

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  • hoping42
    hoping42 Member Posts: 117
    edited February 2014

    Thank you gals!!!!!!!!!!!!!  My sister and I went to the hospital today to give the nursing staff a card.  They were awesome then, they are awesome now.  It helped somehow.  Thank you for letting me vent, too.  I know we all have each others backs on this board and it is very appreciated!!!

    xo Danielle

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  • farmerlucy
    farmerlucy Member Posts: 3,985
    edited February 2014

    Danielle - Your dad sounds like he was a very special person, and he WILL always be with you.

    We're almost MX twins, except mine was in 2012. I will definitely be happy on Friday when I/we officially move into a new year.


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  • Hortense
    Hortense Member Posts: 982
    edited February 2014

    I am so sorry for you and send (((hugs))). Losing a parent is so difficult. I was surprised how hard it was to lose my mother. Don't apologize for venting or feeling sad. You have every right to feel that way. It sounds as if he was rock of strength and source of love in your life. You were very fortunate to have had him, and I am certain he knew how much you loved him back.

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  • wyo
    wyo Member Posts: 541
    edited February 2014

    hugs hoping- your dad sounds like a very special and important part of your life and he was there when you needed him most and it sounds like you were there for him when he needed you most which is the best gift one person can give to another. 

    I lost my dad several years ago this week and I miss him dearly. The ache is there it just gets a little duller over time and acceptance. 

    On another note- its so nice of you to bring a card to the nurses that cared for your dad- I am a nurse and that really touched me that during your time of loss you reached out with that thanks to them.  Even though the time we may know your loved one is short- nursing is about compassion and caring and we grieve when you grieve. 

    Deepest sympathy on  your loss and wishes for your continued good health

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  • hoping42
    hoping42 Member Posts: 117
    edited February 2014

    farmerlucy--I will be thinking of you tomorrow!  (:  Continued blessings your way!

    Hortense-Oh, thank you!!!  And I like the term, rock of strength!  He certainly was that!!!

    wyo-It takes very special people to be nurses.  My Dad had some of the best!  I CAN TELL what kind of nurse you are, too. Thanks for that  (:  Thank you!  And, yes, my Dad was so very special!

    xo Danielle

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  • faerywings
    faerywings Member Posts: 173
    edited February 2014

    No words to say but I am so sorry for your loss of your dad. Sending hugs, good thoughts and much strtength.

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  • hoping42
    hoping42 Member Posts: 117
    edited February 2014

    Thank you faerywings!!!!!!!! All good things back to you!

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  • Chartruse
    Chartruse Member Posts: 40
    edited February 2014

    Awwwwww...I am n tears reading your story!  I am sooooooo sorry about your Dad!  This just really breaks my heart.  I am close to my Dad also.  He has been doing so much for me since my surgery, as your Dad did for you.  Let it all out Girl!  

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  • Lilyluv
    Lilyluv Member Posts: 160
    edited February 2014

     Danielle, You now have some very special angels watching over you.  How lucky you were to have a father that cared. Treasure those memories.  I'm sorry you have to deal with another loss and am sending you healing thoughts.

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  • april485
    april485 Member Posts: 3,257
    edited February 2014

    ((((Danielle)))) So very sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you and your family at this very sad time. You have wonderful memories of Dad that will sustain you in the months and years ahead. Again, my condolences.

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  • hoping42
    hoping42 Member Posts: 117
    edited February 2014

    Chartruse, Lilyluv and april-----------Thank you for your kindness!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I most certainly have wonderful, beautiful memories.  Each a blessing!!!!!!!

    xo Danielle

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  • FrannyM424
    FrannyM424 Member Posts: 55
    edited February 2014

    Danielle, so very, very sorry to hear about the loss of your wonderful Dad and also your family's struggle with cancer.  I can so relate!  Most difficult part of this BC journey for me was telling my 18 year old daughter Leah who is away at college for the first time as a Freshman.  She was so upset and angry!  Kept saying "I hate cancer!"  In the past few years she has lost 3 of her 4 wonderful grandparents to lung cancer, pancreatic cancer and lymphoma.  And now I can only imagine the fear she has to know that her mom has breast cancer.  But she is a strong, brave young woman (going to be a wonderful nurse!) and we're all coping the best we can.  But you're right.  It does seem so unfair at times.  And you just wanna say "Enough Already!!!"  Here's hoping that you hurt a little less with each passing day.  So glad that it sounds like your Mom is doing well.  I'm sure that having you and your sister by her side means the world to her.  I wish the best for your family from here on out!!!  Franny   P.S.  And Leah's middle name is Danielle!  :)

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  • hoping42
    hoping42 Member Posts: 117
    edited February 2014

    FrannyM-Thank you for the message!  I hope for only great things for you and your family!  I know about telling a daughter.  My Kaylie was only 11 at the time of my diagnosis and 6 when Grandma went through it.  (She is 12 now)  Our daughters light our world, don't they?!  I keep hoping that someone will invent a bubble that we can wrap ourselves in so that no hurt or illness can touch us!  Then again, it wouldn't let the good in either, would it?  I am glad to hear that your daughter is becoming a nurse.  This world needs more wonderful nurses!  I am a teacher.  I knew I wanted to help people, but I can't stand the sight of blood....so that narrowed my options a little bit.  (:  I have taught special education, fifth grade, now 2nd.  I am back at work and I will say those kiddos do help a bunch.  My second graders from last year will never know how much they helped me through my ordeal last year.  They always have a hug and a smile though.  My group this year offered the same.  (:  I am lucky to do what I do. 

    Love and blessings!

    Danielle

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