Starting Chemo, November 2013 Group
Comments
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Ellen - it would be a shame to keep such beautiful new hair covered up!
Paulette - it's great to see you back! You had us all worried. How have you been?
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Northwinds - I am sending you a huge hug.... I am so sorry you have to go through this. How terrifying... I can't even imagine what you are going through. But know 2 things. One, you are NOT alone. Two, I have such admiration that you wrote you wrote. Know that cancer doesn't discriminate and neither do we. WE are here to support you. Take a deep breath and one step at a time.
((((HUGS))))
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hello ladies, great to hear from you Paulette! Hope you are ok! Just wanted to check in. I started tamoxifan on Monday. So far I just have achy legs. I have hot flashes but had those already from chemo. My only concern is that my TE exchange surgery is march 21 and both my MO and BS don't feel I need to stop the tamoxifan prior to the surgery( resume after). I am concerned about the increased risk of blood clots but they day in young (38) and healthy and will be fine. I'm still concerned. I may just stop myself before the surgery and resume a week after. This whole thing is a pain in the butt! When will the new normal feel normal?
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thanks for your prayers.....been a rough few weeks.....God is good and faithful. ..will try to read how yall are doing!!!! you all have been on my heart and in my prayers will try to jump back in. I appreciate your noticing I haven't been around! that really helps me feel better after another hospital stay from hell! much love to you ALL! !!at least someone cares that I'm still around!
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Paulette! Great to have you back!!! You were missed!
Veronica: If your Dr's are not concern about it, maybe it's not a big issue with young individuals.
Roareus: Welcome! How's your back feeling?
Ellen: I'm glad you made the right choice about your hair. You look good. Though I miss your infectious smile. It is hard to smile for us sometimes. We have dealt with so much during this bc journey! I am sure one day we will all get our smiles back when most of this cr*p will be in the distance.
Regarding the sentence 'God doesn't give you more...well, I read one bc patient respond: God must think I am a bad*ss !!!
Pat: It must be frustating to be so exhausted that you can only sit and watch, and not be able to help your son as much as you would like.
Adj: Welcome! I am glad you found us!
Smrlvr: It's a hard decision to make about going back to work. I am a teacher as well, but our contract allows to go back to work for someone on LTD (long term disability) gradually from part time to full time. Maybe there is a similar provision in yours. It may be worth checking it out.
In regards to your story about having difficulty connecting with a bc navigator with positive lymph nodes. I know a lady, a colleague of mine, she is a bc survivor of some 27 years who had positive LN! She is still going strong and teaching, God bless her, a grade 2 class! She is BTW my daily inspiration!
Lissy2304: It must have been nice to feel the wind moving through your hair. I can't wait for that time myself. I feel that I am still deep in the tunnel as my scalp feels more leathery than fuzzy, but trust that one day I'll see the light at the end of it.
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Thank you AmazonWarrior! Falling on ice, shoveling, chasing after 2 three year olds, and working got the best of me. Advil and a heating pad took care of it.
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Good Morning Ladies!
A big thank you to Toni, Ellen, Wallymama, ROAREUS, Amazonwarrior, Pat, Lizzy, jab, inks,Bec65, BigT, lisa137, Smrlvr, Quirkygirl and anyone else I missed. My mind is still numb from everything going on. Just want to let you all know how much you ladies mean to me........put a smile on my face for the first time in weeks when I read all your comments. Sorry I haven't been able to repay the kindness everyone has shown to me lately. I hope to be more active on this page as I draw my support from you and hope I can offer some back.
Today I am home from work with a fever, chills and ugly red splotches all over. My nurse wanted me into the clinic to be checked, most likely the red marks are from a allergic reaction to the Taxol or steroids. However I ended up stuck in the driveway/road that county hasn't plowed yet.......hubby is plowing us out now and then will try and get my van unstuck so I can make it in. Gotta love Wisconsin weather!
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Ellen, I'm so jealous of all your hair!!! Audra, you were on the same schedule as me: what is yours like?
Paulette, Please, please fill us in on what's been happening. We've all been so concerned.
Me, I still have invisible stubble/blackheads. And I'm trying to figure our how to go out and about without a bra. The only over-40, non-implant or lift women with DDD's who go out in public without bras are mentally ill. Got three layers on today. Will the indignities never stop?
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thanks everyone!!! I need to jump to the computer. .....how r yall......will take me FOREVER to read back. I miss you all! sound off with a quick update. im still naked head after chemo ended jan 13. ....at least ive saved a bundle on hair products! !!!!!
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Paulette, we're just glad you're here and okay. I wouldn't even try to get caught up if I were you, it could take you a week!
Hugs to you!
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I have been feeling rather weepy in the past couple of days. I think it might have been brought on with me stopping Oxycodone and just having some sort of withdrawal effect after a week of taking it. But then it continued after a conversation with my sister on the phone. After I told her that I wasn't having a good day she says I can relate to that and tells me again how miserable she was after she had to have three surgeries for xxx and then she says: Now you can use this time to rethink your life. Really? I told her I have been doing nothing but RETHINK my life in the past 6 months after my dx. What kind of thing is that to say to someone?
Then yesterday my hubby was packing up to go on a weekend-long trip to the US. That brought on more tears as I realized how much more dependant I have become on him since this all began. I became terrified of the thought of being alone with my autistic son for 3 days without any family in town. What if's started streaming in my head and yes I cried some more. I supported the idea for him to have a fun trip with some other guys to do an re-enactment south of the border, but all of a sudden it made me realize how much more I rely on him. Well if there is a silver lining to this bc struggle it certainly brought us closer together as a couple.
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hi ladies
In the hospital for hydration so have some alone computer time.
Paulette - so glad to hear from you!!!!! Lots of thoughts and prayers have passed by this board for you in your absence so know that there is plenty of people who care for you.
Quirkygirl and pamalmada and other moms out there - as a women with no children it has crossed my mind many times how difficult it must be to deal with the fears and needs of children while going through this. I seriously don't know how you are doing it but am mighty impressed with the love and committment shown by the mothers of this board to do what they can for there families while in a pile of crap themselves. You are all endlessly amazing to me! (Coming from a girl who can hardly manage walking my dog on a daily basis......). Pat - I too have a big boob so I get the indignity......
Amazon - the drugs for the SE for taxotere caused me some depression too. The steroids are VERY strong and pain killers are just as bad. Stay hydrated as best you can as it will help with everything. I told my DH that I am exempt from any repercussion of moods - I did snap out of it about day 18 of my first taxotere round - FYI
Tonilee - I know when I post my concerns and fears and vent to this board women hear me and they understand. I don't feel that 'gap' I do with the rest of the world. It can be so lonely when you are with people and they just don't understand this, and it is doubly hard on our spouses cause they are our primary support. Know that if you need people to really empathize we are hear for you.
Ellen - I have heard that rads catch up with you and can go on well after your done. Amazing that you are managing working!!!! And I am sooooo jealous of your hair. You look great!
Northwinds - I hope your feeling better soon. Your weather might just be worse than our east coast snow. I was trapped for two days as the snow plows couldn't get up our street. I finally waded out. Thank goodness for good winter clothes!!!!!
Veronica - when did you go on tamoxifen? I'm in a sweating mess without it so am wondering how much worse it can be....
Welcome to new people - it's a great bunch of ladies here!
Have a good and warm night ladies
JAB
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Paulette, it is so good to,see you are back! We were all so,worried!
Jab it's good to hear from you!
Ellen, your hair looks great, it seems like it is growing fast.
Pat, I hear you about the bra thing. I have the opposite problem. I am pretty sure I will be going back to work during rads, but I wanted to wear my foobs to work to look somewhat normal. I don't want to be completely flat chested. But from reading the rads threads it seems I am going to be really uncomfortable at some point. So one day I will have boobs and the next none. Teenagers notice everything so I don't know what to do.
Also, I think my hair is growing back in some places, but not in others. But now I am losing my eyelashes and eyebrows. Now when I go out I have foobs, wig and fake eyebrows. I feel,like nothing is real on me!
Northwinds, please keep posting. Just stay in bed with those SEs and don't forget to drink plenty of water.
Amazon, I am sorry you are having a tough time. I understand completely. First No one can understand what we are going through unless they have gone through it themselves. That is another reason I am scared to go back to work. When I was DX so many people told me how lucky I was that it was BC because it is curable. Really? People , even family, don't know what to,say. I even got mad at my husband earlier because he told me I should read a book his friend told him about that deals with surviving cancer. I asked if it was breast cancer, and he said it didn't matter, but it does to me and I had to let it go because he doesn't get it. He is worried that I will never be happy again. I am worried about that too, but it is going to take a while,to,get there.
I have been where you are with my husband leaving for a boys weekend. Like you, I got all weepy when he left. I used to love it when he went on his fishing weekends; I would get a bottle of wine and order takeout every night. No cooking for me. We have also become closer, and I too feel really dependent emotionally on my husband. It is a weird feeling, so unlike me. When he went fishing a few weeks ago there was no wine, but I did get my Chinese take out. Try to treat yourself and be good to yourself when your husband is gone. Order something on line if you can. Just getting something in the mail for you is a treat.
Audra, Bec, Tonilee, Lisa! Veronica, Roareus, Phebe and any ladies I missed, have a great weekend. Feel good and stay warm.
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The loneliness thing is weird for me.
I've been sort of a loner -- wrapped up in my own little world most of the time -- for most of my life. I have friends, but not CLOSE friends, and I never really wanted them. I'm really close to a grand total of three people: My husband, my mom, and my little brother. It's never been unusual for my husband and I to spend entire evenings in opposite ends of the house--he's a lot like me-- with me either working on my little business or playing computer games, while he either watched TV or played PS3 games. We really ARE very close; he doesn't really go anywhere except to work or occasionally to play golf without me--says he doesn't WANT to-- and we get kidded about being "joined at the hip," we can talk about anything, and in 10 years we've never had a REAL fight.
I live about an hour away from my mom and my little brother, so even though I am very close to both of them, I don't see them every week, and most of our yapping is done via phone or internet. And that's always been fine, but I find that I talk to them--especially my brother--a LOT more than I did before.
I don't ever remember feeling LONELY until I got BC. And now sometimes I do. I don't know what's up with that; whether it's real loneliness and I should go out and find some friends who don't make me want to scream (lol,) or whether it's SIMPLY that I don't have the concentration to throw myself into the personal pursuits for hours at a time that I always did and so I kind of sit here sometimes and get bored and don't quite know what to do with myself.
At its worst (and this amuses me right now when I'm feeling fine) it makes me sit here and watch tv and feel generally disgruntled and then the MOMENT my husband walks into the room to see if I want to watch something on tv with him, I burst into tears. That's only on my "weepy" days though, really, and I haven't had so many of those lately.
I've noticed that since I'm not on A/C anymore, I feel better physically, and therefore I feel better mentally, as well, so I'm hoping that this is temporary and once my life isn't centered around "treatment" anymore I can cheerfully waste away hours playing computer games again. I especially hope so since my sweet, sweet, husband spent money we couldn't really afford to buy me a fancy and FAST gaming computer--which I'd always wanted. Now, instead of having to stick to games that are several years old because they were all my old computer could handle, I can play the newest, toughest, baddest games out there.... and I don't have the concentration to do it.
It's just a weird thing that I sincerely hope does not represent a permanent change in me. I LIKE being a loner!
I started out my day this morning by dropping a full glass of icy cold tea. It just slid right out of my hand, spilled all over the floor and the edge of my bed, and the glass bounced on the carpet. I hope that's not an indicator for how the rest of my day is going to go. Perhaps I should start using my nephew's sippy cups. lol.
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smrlvr I noticed my hair growing at about 3 weeks post chemo. It's fuzzy still, but some hairs are about an inch long. Yay!
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Hey Amazon -- There's a great big smile behind the camera on this one! Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, right?
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lisa - cancer adjustment is hard under the best of circumstances and I suspect all of us have had days or weeks where we wonder what is going on with us. I personally don't believe we can go back to old normal after an experience like this. But I also believe new normal has the potential to be even better in some ways. There is an appreciation for life and hard won perspective that's huge. I'm sure you'll be back on the new computer soon. Chemo sucks away the ability to concentrate (me too) but I'm convinced that won't last. I'm surprised how slowly I'm recovering strength wise from my last chemo. Going to be a long road back to high energy me. After a trip to Walmart I'm wiped out and had to get back into bed to rest. Never thought I'd have to rest up before I could bring in groceries!
Great photo, Ellen
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ellen: I love that smile!!!
LOLKeep on smiling!
Here is one for you!
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Yes, keep on smiling!!!
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thanks everyone! when I can I will update. have a neuro appt next week to find out what this brain leison is.....just when I overcame breat cancer....more testimony! !!
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Praying for good results Paulette.
(((((hugs)))))
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paulette: Keep thinking and praying for you! (((Hugs)))
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Is this my head or knee.......????
feels like where's wado looking for hair....five weeks post chemo and still saving on hair products!
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loneliness. ....hmmm.....funny how that is a common denominator. Add more healh s@#! ....there must be a hole for us all to huddle in!!! SMILE!!! we are not alone!!! we're lonly together!! SOOOOOOO snuggle up and enjoy our hugggggggs!!! Praise God! for the internet and our online buddies! can u imagine how sad it was for those who were not blessed with this communication! than you for all your love and support! !!
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Catching up with all tonight. So good to hear from you Paulette. Ellen, don't cover the hair, it took too long to get it back. Not sure I can go back and see how everyone else is doing.
If the SEs from taxotere are cumulative, I'm pretty sure that I won't survive three more rounds. This past week has been, physically, the hardest week of my entire life. Fatigue, weakness, tongue and lips felt swollen and waxy. Most of my fingers and a few of my toes hurt. Even drinking has been an effort. I think I may have turned the corner finally though. But it has been really rough.
Have a good night ladies.
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ya....the tax SE I think hit me worst of em...my prayers are with u!
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Hi, everyone. Tomorrow is final chemo, but I am still feeling anxious and nervous. I felt pretty good this past week, like I was not a patient. Now this week I have chemo and appointments with BS and RO. Plus I will feel like crap. Patient mode again.
Do any of you feel cold? I am constantly cold, unless I am having a hot flash. I am sure it's from the anemia. I have almost lost all my eyebrows. Do any of you know how long It takes for them to grow back in?
Wally, I am glad you are turning the corner. Paulette it is good to hear from you. You are in my prayers, as are all of you.
Sorry to vent. I am just sick of this $&@?.
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Smrlvr - I'm always cold unless I'm roasting with hot flashes. Nights are ridiculously hot and so tough to sleep. I have at least two hot baths a day to warm up and even those dont last.
Wallymama - I agree taxotere SE can be really beastly. Wishing you less pain and more comfort.
Paulette - so so glad to hear from you again. So what's the latest? I vote knee
Worked in my garden for the first time in six months. Tired after but totally worth it to be do grounded and feel normal again. Come on Spring!!!!
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Wallymama, Ellenkc, Amazonwarrior & Paulette- You gals are absolutely beautiful!!! Hope everyone's hair follicles decide to wake and realize that it is time to start growing again once your time in chemoland is over!!!
Yes.... I've been reading how everyone on this chemo thread is doing. I know each of you has had some not so good times while in chemoland but yet somehow each of you has found her own way to moving forward. Wishing each of you easy times with any remaining infusions and minimal side effects. Sending many hugs and positive calming and healing prayers, thoughts and energy to all!!!!!
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(if you read the Cytoxan/Taxotere Chemo Ladies thread, you can skip this duplicate message
)Hi, everyone -- I've been reading these boards but not posting since I finished my 6th and last TC infusion. My last set of side effects -- whole body muscle aches, breathlessness, queasiness, nail lifting, swollen ankles, same old, same old -- was a little worse than after my 5th infusion, but the positive emotional sense of being DONE DONE DONE with chemo was ALMOST the best medicine of all!
I say "almost" because the very best medicine was really the love and support and advice and venting and humor that I've felt from you all on this stressful chemo journey. It's hard to imagine how much more difficult that trip would have been without being able to read and send messages to you at midnight when the house is quiet and my anxieties always loomed large! Saying "thank you" seems way too small to express the gratitude in my heart, but perhaps if you imagine it written in towering 4th-of-July fireworks in tonight's sparkling cold night sky, you'll have a better picture of what I really mean!
I had my radiation mapping appointment this week, and am going to visit my darling 94-yr old mother before starting that new phase in March. I'll probably get involved in the Spring 2014 rads discussion board soon, as will some of you, too. In the meantime, even if you don't hear much more from me here, you can be sure that I'll be thinking and praying -- and probably reading! -- about you all in the months to come. Much love from BlueGrass!
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