What do you say?

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Deblc
Deblc Member Posts: 479
edited June 2014 in Chemotherapy - Before, During, and After
What do you say?
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  • Deblc
    Deblc Member Posts: 479
    edited February 2014

    When asked how I was doing on chemo and I said I was having a really hard time, what with the constant nausea and fatigue etc, etc, at least three people have said to me, "Oh nausea...it must be like being pregnant and having morning sickness". Like you know, what are you complaining about? What have people said to you that you were kind of taken aback at, and what do you say? I know it's just ignorance, but I was floored. Now I just say "I am fine" when people ask how I'm doing. 

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  • NatsFan
    NatsFan Member Posts: 3,745
    edited February 2014

    Sigh - people are amazing sometimes, aren't they?  If someone said something like that, they really don't understand. If I didn't care about the person, I'd also say I was fine.  But if it was someone who needed to know, I used to say, "Well, my oncologist said that the point of chemo is to poison you as much as they can just short of killing you, and by golly, she was right.  I feel just this short of death."  That usually got the point across that chemo was more than a bout of nausea. 

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited February 2014

    Here are some other threads dealing with the same issue.... it is truly hard to believe what some people say!!

    http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/102/topic/...

    http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/5/topic/81...

    Hang in there though! You aren't alone!

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  • Deblc
    Deblc Member Posts: 479
    edited February 2014

    Natsfan.. These were all people from the same (extended) family who happen to be my inlaws, who said this to me at different times, so obviously they have determined I am just a whiner. So I just don't bother.

    Thanks moderators, for directing me to the other thread. Amazing what people say ! 

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  • Racy
    Racy Member Posts: 2,651
    edited February 2014

    honestly, avoid those people! I never told friends I was having chemo, so didn't have to deal with such ignorant comments, or any others!

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  • NancyHB
    NancyHB Member Posts: 1,512
    edited February 2014

    I know for myself, until I actually had chemo, I couldn't truly understand what the side effects were like.  I always assumed all nausea was pretty much the same, that "pain" hurt, and that "being tired" could be cured with a good nap.  So when chemo knocked me on my butt, I tried to be honest when people asked, but could also appreciate that they just didn't have a point of reference to understand how it felt.  Like NatsFan, I often talked about all the "poison coursing through my veins" which often made people uncomfortable, but hopefully helped them understand why a nap wasn't going to cure my exhaustion.  Then again, some people really didn't want to - or couldn't - understand, and like Racy I tried to avoid them.  It wasn't worth the hassle for ME to try to get through to them.  *hug*

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  • Deblc
    Deblc Member Posts: 479
    edited February 2014

    NancyHBm this is so true, and I know people don't know what to say sometimes. And I find now, I can't really bother either to explain either. I have a friend whose Aunt had cancer and she kept telling me how "easy" chemo was for her Aunt and how surprised I would be at how easy chemo is.  I now realize the poor Aunt just couldn't be bothered to explain. This same friend constantly keeps bugging me to go out to lunch with her, etc etc, and when I tell her I'm not up to it, I'm too nauseous and exhausted, she is always saying, "oh you need to get out, get your mind off things". Now this is a close friend, but she just cannot seem to get it. I have given up trying to explain!

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