A dimple on my breast has turned my world upsidedown

Hi genny - I know the standard reply is sorry you have to be here and that goes w/o saying but at least we all have this forum that allows us to vent and ask endless questions and relay our own personal experiences. It was and is truly my lifeline. You are very early in the process but once your surgery and treatments are decided, at least for me, things moved rather quickly. You do have the same kind of BC my sister has and from what I understand it is hard to detect on a mammogram. My sister was diligent in having annual mammograms since our mother had BC when she was in her late 60s. She died almost 10 years ago but not from BC. My sister is doing fine. The scans are unnerving to be sure but so far, so good. She had a MX and is currently taking Arimidex. She didn't have chemo or RADS.

I have Stage II, Grade 1 IDC and while I don't have to have scans I did have a lumpectomy and 33 RADS treatments. I am currently taking Tamoxifen. I am 3 years out and my sister is 2 years. Early detection is a key to survival. There are several women on this forum who lamented that they did have yearly mammograms...and no one ever wants to look back and say if only...BC is a crap shoot with no guarantees but they have come a long way in treatment and research. When my mother was DX they only did MX. My advice would be lean on your support team including your canines. It is amazing to me how much comfort my dog brought me. You know they love you no matter what and can always sense when you are stressed. Good luck. Keep the faith and keep us posted. Diane

I am so sorry you have to join the BC community.  Just know that you are not alone and will always find support and friendship here on the boards.  The beginning is the hardest part....it somehow gets easier when you move forward with treatment.  I am over three years out....life is good and normal again.  Have faith that will happen for you!  Hold that grandbaby today and picture yourself being at his/her wedding one day!  Sending hugs!

As others have posted, coming here was one of the best things you could have done.  Lots of gals with experience and knowledge.  We all share our fears and successes here and yes, lots of fear.   I sometimes wonder if it all ever totally goes away because there are days I am fine and days I curl up and shake my head in disbelief this ever happened.

DO NOT start googling a lot of stuff; even if it can be accurate, right now, you just need to focus on a plan for yourself.  The googling will come later.

Sending virtual hugs.

Genny, hang on tight, you're in for a bumpy ride, and one that seems awfully long but it's a ride you'll get through before you know it, even though sometimes it seems like it's gonna go on and on and on....

It's good that you understand that sometimes crying is exactly what you need -- this is an extraordinarily emotional thing, for so many reasons and on so many levels. Learn to tell the difference between crying because the emotional bucket is full and needs to be dumped out, and crying because you are in absolute despair. If you're in despair, talk to someone, find something to distract yourself, find some inspirational quotes on the internet, remind yourself that life WILL be good again...whatever it takes. If it's just that the emotional bucket is full though, cry it out. You'll feel better for it.

You'll feel MUCH better once all the scans are done and you have a "plan" in place. Lots of people will tell you that, and it's true. After that, it will be up and down. Sometimes you'll feel great, other times not so much. Just remember you WILL feel great again when you're down, and allow yourself to look forward to it.

You'll be scared out your mind at times, but don't let it live with you for long. Kick the fear to the curb as soon and as often as you can: it's pointless, it doesn't change anything, and it only robs you of what could be good moments.

Try to choose doctors for each step of the process that you feel comfortable with and who you have faith in. I can't stress enough how important this is. If you feel like your doctors CARE it will make SO much difference in all steps of your treatment. It matters.

Ramble here on these boards as much as you want to; I encourage it. It's good for you. It's cathartic, and WE GET IT. We understand. We're there, or we've been there. 

Join the threads for whatever you are going through at any given time; women going through surgery at the same time as you, women going through chemo at the same time as you. I joined the chemo group for my month and I can honestly say that I LOVE those women; knowing that I can express anything from my deepest fear to aggravation about mouth sores and receive not just sympathy and empathy but darned good advice on how to deal with these issues has been invaluable. And while I wish that no one else in the world had to go through breast cancer ever, at the same time, knowing that I'm not alone has been invaluable.

You'll get through this. 

P.S. Feel free to PM me with questions or concerns or just plain rambling anytime you like. I'm only in the chemo phase of this ride, so it's all quite new and raw to me too.. but I'm far enough ahead of you to understand some of what you might go through and maybe offer some insights, too.  WE will get through this.

Yeah, I did that bargaining thing too; I googled every possible thing it could be that WASN'T cancer, and diagnosed myself dozens of times. 

The BMX, if that's the route you go, isn't so bad, by the way. The drains suck (literally and figuratively,) but only in a "holy cow this is aggravating" sort of way. I opted for no reconstruction and I'm sort of enjoying being flat, weirdly enough. I think I can see how I *might* consider all this just a bump in the road one day.

Chemo also isn't THAT bad really. It's not fun, but it's not months of constant misery either for most of us. There is misery, but it's intermittent lol. You can do that.

I didn't get word that my bone scan (the final scan) was clear until my first day of chemo. Talk about a relief, it kind of made the chemo anti-climactic.

Genny, we have an "ILC warriors" and" ILC the odd one out" thread that is very active. Come join us. ILC  is less common that IDC and you might find it helpful to read about it specifically.  ILC is hard to detect on mammos because it grows in "sheets" and isn't often found through regular screening. Dense breasts make it even harder to find.  But we have lots of info on ILC at that discussion link and we'd love to have you post there too, if you need to.  

Hugs

Claire in AZ

Yay! I can absolutely remember (since it was just a few months ago) how happy I was to get that news. I'm relieved with you all over again. Cheers!

Totally Blessed...when I was dx with BC I cant tell how many times I was asked the same question you are asking; did you have any symptoms and the answer is not really. I say that because looking back on the time before THE mammogram I lost weight - not like 20 lbs but almost 10 in a matter of months. I quit eating anything with sugar so I thought that was the reason. It wasn't- at least not the primary reason. So maybe if there were symptoms like a lot of pain, etc., more women might be more apt to get a mammogram and check out the symptoms. The only sage advice I can give is if anything is out of the ordinary check it out. We all are and were afraid of what they might find but better that we do that then find out too late. I have a friend whose sister did just that. She knew something was horribly wrong but she ignored the signs and sadly when she did go to the doctor it was too late. Not trying to scare you just want you to not guess...make sure. Good luck. And Ginny...have fun in Key West...I am so jealous. Diane

Genny, 

Running, soaking up the sun & now poolside. Ah, I am jealous. Happy to hear your scans were clear. I remember how frightening that was. 

Did the sun fix hubby up? 

Try to enjoy every minute, it is difficult to put all those thoughts on the back burner, even 7 months out, I  am still overwhelmed at times, but it does get easier. If you do not have sleep meds, and think you need them, make sure you ask. Being sleep deprived is a recipe for disaster. 

Congrats on the good scans! Those are the best news; I remember how happy they made me...still happy bout those, too.

Congrats on the good scans Genny but sorry for the ILC Dx. I remember the crazy day, nearly 10 years ago, when the core biopsy came back with the ILC Dx, after mammogram & ultrasound didn't pick it up, noting, 'dense breast tissue' and fine needle was, 'unsure'. I then had a CT scan & the Breast specialist went all nuts, thinking there was some sinister thing in my uterus - but it wasn't anything in the end! Finally, I had to decide if I was going to have a mastectomy the next week or have neoadjuvant chemo. I chose chemo, but retrospectively think I should have had the Mx straight away due to the often poor response to chemo with ILC because of it being a 'large and lazy' sub type. I was like you with the skin dimpling. My left breast was also hard, like when you get engorged while breast feeding. 

This is the best site for information, support and hope. Have a relaxing time in Key West, enjoy the sun and sea. I agree the Mx isn't too bad, apart from the drains, radiation is OK but be careful with your skin that it doesn't get infected. Chemo was the worst for me in the initial Dx, but it is manageable, just make sure you have a good balance between, rest, nutrition and moderate exercise, I swam all the time. If you are er/pr +, the hormonals are having great results, I remained Stage III & NED for 9 years on Femara. I too, didn't opt for reconstruction and had a prophylactic Mx to balance out and I have no issues being flat chested, just wearing fakes for formal occasions, like my son's graduation last year! 

Hi Genny,

The shock and fear will gently subside over time.  There is always hope and the reality that most breast cancer does not progress further after treatment.  I saw the dimple on my breast and never questioned why that might be.  I had no fear of ever becoming ill as I have always been healthy.  My mistake.  Treatment was difficult but now I am healthy again.  The fear just comes and goes and I accept it and try not to dwell.  I wish you well.