Help! winning something just because I have cancer!

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clarrn
clarrn Member Posts: 557
edited June 2014 in Young With Breast Cancer

I just found out I was nominated to win some tickets to a princess ball with my daughter in a radio contest.   And looks like I will win.   But here's the thing, I feel really weird about it.   Every one who nominated me wrote very nice things but also mentioned that I was fighting cancer.  I feel so weird. I don't feel like I'm "fighting".  I dont look sick.  I am still waiting for surgery 2 months after diagnosis and haven't had any treatment.  I feel like people will expect someone who "looks" like they have cancer.   And I don't really want to talk about it with anyone, let alone strangers,  and  not on the RADIO.  I just don't want to be known as that girl with cancer from here on,  I can't stand any more pity.  And now I feel like a jerk because I am so ungrateful.   And at the same time I feel guilty because my daughter will LOVE it, and I am so depressed I can hardly shower. The thought of taking the effory to get us both looking like princesses is so overwhelming. I know I should just pull up my socks,  plaster on a smile and go for her2.  I need some words of wisdom from you, help!

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  • Curlyq1974
    Curlyq1974 Member Posts: 144
    edited February 2014

    Awww Clarrn!  I'm sorry you are going thru all these emotions!  Cancer sucks!  I have no real good advice for you.  I too feel weird when people say I am fighting.  I don't feel sick and I don't feel like I am fighting.  We do what we have to do, right?  Clearly, you are blessed and surrounded by people who love you dearly and think very highly of you to nominate you for this prize!  I struggle with others showerring me with food, gift cards, etc...  but someone explained to me that by allowing others to do nice things for me, I am blessing them.  It makes them feel better as well as helps me and my family, as strange as that feels. Cancer steals so much from us.  I am not sure this helps and I'm sorry you are going thru this. 

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  • clarrn
    clarrn Member Posts: 557
    edited February 2014

    Thanks Curlyq.  Yes I have always had trouble accepting anything.  Too much pride :( I hope the radio people don't ask me too much about my cancer on air!

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  • clarrn
    clarrn Member Posts: 557
    edited February 2014

    update: I won but thankfully no mention of cancer :)

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  • surlytits
    surlytits Member Posts: 14
    edited February 2014

    My friends threw a benefit for me last year on my birthday (St. Patrick's day), and it took a lot to get into it. I totally get it! I was in chemo, felt like crud, but my girlfriend went out and got me all new makeup (Bare Minerals is incredible!), and we got stickers for folks to put on my head if they bought a raffle ticket. I had a blast. Even if it took a minute to get comfortable in my skin. Yeah, the cancer shit sucks, but we are so lucky and blessed to know such love and support. 

    And, if you can, enjoy this moment with your daughter. We are not always ready for what can turn out to be one of the best blessings and memories to carry us through the tough times. Take lots of photos, and maybe you and your daughter could make a scrap book together on one of those days that are hard, and this could be a way to brighten up a day that would otherwise feel dark. 

    A dear friend had to remind me often that it it's not only okay to accept gifts and support from others, but that it is not for us to determine what we do and do not deserve. And, yeah, so you haven't started treatment yet- that doesn't mean you don't have cancer, and anyone who would expect you to "look sick" is a fool. People will probably be relieved to see you looking healthy, it will bring them comfort.

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  • clarrn
    clarrn Member Posts: 557
    edited February 2014

    thanks surly tits! I will post pictures of it tomorrow! 

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  • clarrn
    clarrn Member Posts: 557
    edited February 2014

    image

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    Well, the radio station said we had VIP tickets,  but we weren't on the list,  or any list even though I had the tickets in my hand!  It took an hour to figure out but she enjoyed played outside the ballroom.   Then they wanted me to just stand and hold her at the back, but my arm is too sore and I am too tired :(  when we finally got in all the food was gone except for the strawberry dessert (which she is allergic to).  We visited a few princesses and left.  She freaked out because the music was too loud.  Some days you just have to laugh or you'll cry.  I did my fair share of both!

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