September 2013 Chemo Group

Art, I think you have to trust your surgeons.  If they thought that it couldn't wait, they would have gotten you in before March.  Waiting sucks, I know, hang in there!

I'm four weeks PFC, still have just a little fuzz, probably the same as day of last chemo.  Hoping to see changes soon.  Feeling much better today, only a slight discomfort from the TEs.  LHL-I went from 200 to 275 yesterday and could feel the TE filling in that corner that bugged me in my armpit, so maybe it will go away for you on next fill!  I am so thankful that all my docs are working with me to try to meet my self-imposed deadline of finishing radiation by April 1, even if it is uncomfortable

Happy VDay all!

Art: my surgeons both said 8 weeks PFC. That was Feb 12th for me, but my surgery is on the 17th. My MO said that was okay, but he didn't want to go much longer. I think the issue lies in scheduled so far out, if something were to happen that they would have to reschedule. Like me now: I have a cold. I guess we will know for sure on Monday if the anesthesiologist says no surgery. I think I will be okay though. I HOPE!

Thanks everyone for the well wishes with my man. He has been absolutely great. 

I did pre-op yesterday...I am officially freaked out! I am having my surgery at a different hospital that I have never been to before because that is the place that they could coordinate with getting a room at the time both surgeons were available. Well....their policy is that they take you back an hour and a half before your surgery where there is no visitors allowed and no personal belongings. No phone. I will be back there all by myself and left to think... Yeah, that just can't happen. I keep myself going balls to the wall all-day-long without stopping just for that reason: I CAN'T sit and think about this stuff. Honestly, I have not even processed the cancer fact yet. I simply pushed that away and have been living in a total state of denial ever since. It keeps trying to sneak up on me but I am just not ready to deal with that yet. So...I am not only looking at having the reality of this whole surgery come crashing down on me, but also all of the enormity of having cancer, all at once, and alone in a room. No way. I will pull a KJ and run! I'm joking but I am really not. Even with my lumpectomy, there were a few moments that I had a brief flash in my mind of ripping out my IV and running but luckily my friend was there with me until the second I went back to the operating room. I seriously hope that they get their surgery consent before they take me back because I don't want to be ABLE to give my consent once I am back there sitting in a room by myself. I don't even want to know my name. Has anyone else had this situation? PLEASE tell me that I will be severely drugged! 

Mama - I had a similar wait for my port (I know it is not the same surgery but still the waiting).  They took me back 30 min prior to my real start time and then the op room was delayed and delayed so I ended up laying on the bed (in the middle of the hallway more or less) for what seemed like forever - only about an hour and a half.  It was annoying but even though I had no drugs I was pretty out of it.  I think my brain was on overload and I just blanked or watched the clock for most of it.  Weird because usually I always need to have something to do.  But remember that during that time so many people will be in and out to check on you, start your IV, sign this paperwork, ask you for your name and BD so many times, etc.  It breaks it up.  But if you're really worried about it - bring a book smuggled under the covers - just a book that if you lose you won't be upset I guess.  Better than laying there freaked out - or pulling a KJ! You can always do some good mental imagery exercises - like a wonderful vacation or date......or what you will do with all your free time after you graduate. 

Betterday, Hopeall goes well with surgery.  Wishing you a speedy recovery.

Mama, Ask for Ativan (lorazepam).

Josgirl, Looking awesome!

Hockeymom, Love the dolphin story!  And love those scarves...Lol!!!!!

Knightzoo, Glad you are starting to feel better.  Between 4 and 5 weeks PFC is when my head went from feeling smooth, so feeling a little fuzzy.

Art, bummed for you that there is a delay, but glad that it is on the schedule now.

Viji, You will have to post how the ginko works for memory.  I am anxious fo rthe day I go without head gear. 

I do the yearbook for my daughter's elementary, so I am there taking pictures and stuff almost every day.  I wear my wig there because the kids all know me and know that is my current look.  My plan is after spring break (hopefully), if I am at the school to go wigless.  I have decided at work, I will just wear a ball cap or stocking cap.  I went to the place who makes and embroiders out ball caps (I never had one before because I always wore my hair in a ponytail) and they are doing it for me today.  Usually it takes about a month.  Nope...I am not afraid to play the cancer card.  Not one bit.  I changed my avatar to my current look (and yes...yes, those are Chrsitmas decorations in the background.  If it were up to me, I would just be decorating early for next year, but I suppose I will have them down in time for Easter).  Other than wearing my wig to the elementary school, it's ball cap time for me.

Mama- My surgery is a week away and I plan on self-medicating prior to. Apparently, I'm going to have needles and dye stuck into my boob for the lymph node part, about an hour prior to the anesthesia and MX. I'm right there next to you, freak, freak, freaking. I plan on taking Xanax the morning of, so my visceral instinct to run when I see a needle does not kick in. Self-medication is going to be my salvation next week. Hope you can get some, too.

clickchick

 good idea! I didn't know, I wasn't told, about the nuclear medicine visit til they came to take me before surgery. The surgeon came in, explained it to me, then they whisked me away. I will tell you, it was painful. 

 But you know about it, you can prepare so pop that pill! LOL

Clickchick: My surgeon said that I couldn't take Xanax before surgery. He said that I would not be "of sound mind" and they wouldn't let me sign a surgery consent if I am under the influence of even that. I am thinking that they will end up sedating me just to get me to shut up though lol. 

Also, when I had the injections, I didn't find them all that painful! No where near as badly as I had worked it up to be in my mind. I hope that yours isn't either. 

mama-the first time I publicly fell apart was when I left my husband for surgery prep. I just had these big crocodile tears running down my face and they wouldn't stop. I signed forms right away and then they started IV and asked me if I wanted versaid(sp?) to calm my nerves. Yeah, duh! I think they are used to it!  If they don't offer, tell them you are nervous! It's ok! Best wishes for Monday, you got this. 

I'm having a grouchy day. Since I started chemo in August I've noticed a lot of physical effects of menopause, but didn't really feel like I've been emotional or moody (aside from dealing the a cancer diagnosis...LOL), but man, lately I am a B.I.T.C.H.! I have zero patience for my kids (who have been arguing and whining and complaining and crying about everything lately) and I'm just DONE. I try to play peacemaker or referee for as long as possible, but when one is talking over me and shutting the door on his sister because he's mad at her and then she starts sobbing... Yikes. Calgon, take me away.

I know these kinds of things feed off of each other, so if I've been grumpy lately, they're probably picking up on that, but come on! Am I not entitled to some fits of being pissed off or upset without having to deal with everyone else in this house feeling the same?!??!? LOL  

My hubby has been great.... I mean, really phenomenal.  But I'm tired of washing dishes and taking out the trash and doing all the laundry and keeping up with homework and packing lunches and the list goes on and on.  Yes, I'm 6 weeks post-op and pretty capable of doing all of those things.  But I'm still so TIRED.  Sometimes I just want to put my tiara on and ignore everything, and that ain't happening.  <sigh>

Did any of you use Emla cream to numb the area before the dye injection?  I read it was painful too and brought it up to the surgeon.  He suggested I use that, but I would think it is not strong enough considering how painful it sounds?  I'm glad to hear it is quick though!

Art - my docs said ideally 4-6 weeks after chemo, with 6 weeks being preferred for a BMX.  But with how fast my tumor still continues to grow, they've set my date at 3 weeks PFC.  February 26th.  I cannot wait!  I feel myself up every day and it feels like it is going to be half the size of my boob by the time they dissect.  But the good news is my CT and bone scans have come back clear.  Big big sigh of relief.

I LOVE all the recent head shots.  You all are beautiful!  And those scarves are AWESOME!

Simplelife- Yay for you!  I am wishing I wouldn't have gotten foobs either...or smaller even...they just seem annoying now...having a hospital bed will be terrific for sleeping and getting in and out!

LHL- I have had the severe emotions lately too...I'm hoping that doesn't mean I'm going to have a HUGE period that has been gone since after 1st chemo!  Seems I go overboard and then think - wow why am I so upset!

Betterday- Hoping surgery was as good as it can be and on Valentines day too !

Mama- don't worry in that waiting time the nurse is in the anesthesiologist is in quizzing you and asking you everything in the world!  MY dye injected didn't hurt at all!  It was similar to the biopsy at first and I barely felt anything, they numb the outside area first with lidocaine...so ask for it if they don't start to do that...I really think the surgeries were WAY easier than chemo.  I also love the idea of being 'put out' as it maybe gives me a feeling of peace and a break from all of the thinking about all of this and the worries and anxiety...when you come back you will have a little pain but that will gradually get less daily and you will be one step closer!  I'm sure your new boyfriend will love helping you recover too! And I took Ativan or Xanax that morning as well, it does help!

Kbee- I think your hair looks long enough to wear without anything!  I cannot wait to have that much! 

Viji- your hair looks great too!  I am SOOOOOOOOOOO envious!  Mine seems to be growing on top more and sides not at all yet...but it's only been 4 weeks...I am eager!

Knightzoo- glad you are feeling better.!

Alfranco- 23/33 yipppeeeeeeeeeeeeeee  you are on the home stretch!

I was thinking I was cool last week with NOT taking my Ativan at night any more for 4 days...then I got into this whole anxiety/depression mood that lasted until yesterday basically...so back to taking them...and I'm NOT going to stop until I am more to grips with  all of this- and I don't care when it is...these medicines were made to help exactly the situations we are in...so  I'm not going to feel bad about taking them anymore! 

LightHouseLady,
You are absolutely normal.  Maybe you need a personal day?  Some time to breathe deep, cry if you feel like it, and shop.  ;-)

wow so many new posts hard to keep up. 

God speed recovery for all those who recently had surgery. Big hugs (((()))

Hoping everyone else is managing the ups and downs of this challenging journey we've been on and LHL its ok what you're feeling, there are times when i think my family forgets that i'm still doing chemo. I'm tired mentally and physically snd why do i have to scream at my two 16yr olds to help out, it shd be a given, believe me i have sat and cried sometimes. My husband has been great so i go easy on him. Its been 6 months that our bodies and minds have been battered with side effects everyday so yah its ok to remind everyone that i am not OK yet.

Oh boy its one of those days,  i feel like crap, its my 16th anniversay, together for 28 yrs , and really too tired to go out for dinner and my taste is so off too

Well, good news is my last chemo/taxol is next wednesday yahooooo can't wait to start getting rid of all this chemo in me

Thanks for listening 

Cheryl 

kj - oops sorry I meant the sentinel node injection

Betterday/simplelife   Horraayyy!  Scratch that surgery off the journey!  So happy for you that that part id done did.

lhl  Time for a break.  Your kids need a break from you as much as you need a break from them.  Or if they are old enough to understand  tell them you are going on strike  then go into your master cave & hole up for a day or 2 .  That used to work for me.  They didn't think I was serious but soon realized (at mealtime) that I WAS not kidding.

mamma.  You will do just fine. Nothing to fear but fear itself. They have really good drugs for nerves.  Your not going to do or say anything they haven't seen or heard before. Relax you will be in good hands. Think back a couple of months... you never thought you'd have a good looking hunk at your side when you wake from surgery & now.  What's greater than that.

Cougar  So glad you have a date now, makes it so much easier to plan things.

Kbbeee  loved the imrt bout modeling.  made my day

KJ  thanks for starting the imrt,  puts a smile on my face.  We all need more of those.

Too everyone... Big Hugs..  Your support is priceless.  ((((( )))))

Impaired Mammogram & Radiation Technicians.  ( if u do this for a living, please do not take it personally)