Baby in NICU, PET scan results today - I am drowning!

Options
2

Comments

  • Nan54
    Nan54 Member Posts: 93
    edited February 2014

    I have had hip pain since my diagnosis too. And all sorts of aches and pains that I attribute to instant menopause at 37, but still panic over at least 5 times a day! It's awful what this disease does to us mentally and emotionally and I think some of my pains are from the stress. I so understand about feeling "frozen" and terrified to leave your children. I have a 4 and a 6 year-old and am terrified every day that I will miss out on seeing them grow up. Anyways, I just want you to know that I understand and that you are not alone. And I am in your pocket as you wait, praying for clear results! 

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Esmerelda
    Esmerelda Member Posts: 243
    edited February 2014

    Thank you, Nan. I've now called three times today. The phone person says there is certainly a chance that they might still call me this evening. I just don't know what to do with myself. I feel exhausted from crying and the Xanax making me drowsy, I am sure!  

    I feel like...they are waiting until the end of the day to have the time to deliver bad news... (Yes, I have officially gone off the deep end!)

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Novagirl
    Novagirl Member Posts: 123
    edited February 2014

    Esmeralda, I'm so sorry you are going through this and have a new baby in the NICU. There aren't many more stressful situations than what you are going through. The pain could be many things. I will be praying for good results for you. Sending all my love, peace and calming vibes. 

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • wifessupport
    wifessupport Member Posts: 57
    edited February 2014

    Hi Esmeralda,

                            I can understand your frustration. However, think of it this way, If they have not called you yet, then you might be at the bottom of stack of papers.  That is a good thing, which means it is nothing and they have other important things to attend to.  You are in our prayers and wish you all the best.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • bobogirl
    bobogirl Member Posts: 2,777
    edited February 2014

    Esmerelda, I am with you!  Waiting with you, and holding your hand. {{{{{{hugs}}}}}}

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Esmerelda
    Esmerelda Member Posts: 243
    edited February 2014

    Thank you, Novagirl. Thank you, wife's support. It is just these countering perspectives that are keeping me sane(ish) right now! 

    My mom and husband are home now and are very supportive, but both of them feel strongly that everything is going to be just fine. And frankly, I can't relate to that confidence. I feel like they just don't know what this is like, and they certainly can't feel the pain in my body... Sometimes I feel like they are in denial. Which is why coming here and speaking with you all about this brings me TREMENDOUS comfort. I know you've been there; I know many of you have had to cope with things like this - and some of you are even living WELL with stage IV. I'm so thankful to have you all here... So thankful!

    I cannot believe that I might have to wait until tomorrow now...this is beyond torturous. :-/

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Esmerelda
    Esmerelda Member Posts: 243
    edited February 2014

    Thank you, bobogirl!!!

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • ziggypop
    ziggypop Member Posts: 1,071
    edited February 2014

    Just checking in so that you know we are still here with you. Best thoughts coming your way. 

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • sheila888
    sheila888 Member Posts: 25,634
    edited February 2014

    I'm here Esmeralda

    sending more heartfelt hugs your way

    Sheila♥

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Esmerelda
    Esmerelda Member Posts: 243
    edited February 2014

    Thank you, thank you, thank you, ladies! No news. I can't imagine they would call after 7 pm...?

    Tomorrow, my daughter's school is closed for mid-winter break, and I am supposed to get my hair colored in the morning (can you say ROOTS!?)... I will definitely need to find a play date for her, as I have been pretty much immobile today waiting for my results, and I don't want to be that way in front of her tomorrow...

    Thank you, thank you for the prayers and good wishes and positive energy. I am so, SO grateful to you all!

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • sheila888
    sheila888 Member Posts: 25,634
    edited February 2014

    You're Welcome.....

    Tomorrow is a new day until then

    Good night ♥ ♥ ♥

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • MusicLover
    MusicLover Member Posts: 4,225
    edited February 2014

    Since your blood work is good, I would bet it's joint pain related to the tamoxifen. Prayers are with you and your family. I hope your baby daughter is ok too!

    (You should go on Ellen after this all settles down, she helps families who have been through a lot.) xoxoxo

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • sbelizabeth
    sbelizabeth Member Posts: 2,889
    edited February 2014

    Esmerelda, this is probably just coincidence, but it always seemed like if it was bad news they couldn't get on the phone fast enough...good news, "meh, we'll get around to it."  

    One day at a time.  One hour at a time, or a minute at a time, if necessary.  You and your family are in my prayers.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Esmerelda
    Esmerelda Member Posts: 243
    edited February 2014

    Thank you Sheila, Musiclover, and Elizabeth! All good messages to go to bed with!! I am taking you all with me - and all your confidence, and prayers, and good energy - for a peaceful night of sleep and GREAT news tomorrow. Love you all!

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • KSteve
    KSteve Member Posts: 486
    edited February 2014

    we will check in with you tomorrow. Hope you can sleep a little :)

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • 208sandy
    208sandy Member Posts: 2,610
    edited February 2014

    First thing tomorrow get on the phone to your PCP and ask for a prescription for Ativan - it's for anxiety and so many of us take it - it does work!  Hate that you have to wait - I had hip pain for almost a year and it turned out to be bursitis easily cleared up with Advil for a week - sometimes things are really o.k. - sending hugs, S.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited February 2014

    Jen, for me arimidex mostly affects my spine. I have some other body stiffness, but my back gives me the most problems, while others complain about their legs.

    Last year in between surgery and starting chemo I would wake up every night with unbearable pain in my left hip. At first I was afraid it was mets, but just rubbing a bit of Aspercream on it made it stop hurting. The next night it was back again. I've had 3 clean bone scans since then.

    Paula

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Esmerelda
    Esmerelda Member Posts: 243
    edited February 2014

    Thank you so much for the encouraging words, sisters. Well, today is a big day. My 5 year old daughter is around all day, so I can't wallow and be upset like I was yesterday. I need to be functional. Please pray for strength and peace of mind - and good news!

    We are also spending the weekend at the hospital NICU where my baby is - an hour from where we live. Being with her brings me so much peace. I need to be strong for all 3 pounds, 7 ounces of her! 

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Nan54
    Nan54 Member Posts: 93
    edited February 2014

    Completely agree with others who have said they seem to call quickly when the news is bad  - not as much of a hurry when there is nothing remarkable to see on the scans! Good luck today! 

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited February 2014

    Esmerelda, I also have hip, rib and back pain on my surgery side. I am on Herceptin and thought it could be caused by that. I've read many threads where people have the same thing, and it turns out not to be mets - especially hip pain. It's awful that our minds have to go to mets whenever we have pain. You are in my thoughts and I'm hoping for a good outcome for you!! Ativan really does work wonders :)

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • sbelizabeth
    sbelizabeth Member Posts: 2,889
    edited February 2014

    Good morning, Esmerelda!  Praying that you'll spend your day surrounded in love and peace!

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited February 2014

    Jen, I may have missed it, but is your baby in NICU because she is a preemie? I have twin Grandnieces who were born 4 weeks ago at 24 weeks. They weighed 1.3 & 1.2 lbs. they had a rough start, but are doing well now.

    Believing for your excellent results today. I must say, it angers me a bit that they would keep you waiting. They have to know you are way past nervous. My MO is great at calling me herself right away no matter if the results are good or bad. I love that about her.

    Blessings

    Paula

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Srh242
    Srh242 Member Posts: 328
    edited February 2014

    Any news? . Praying for both mom and baby. 

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Holeinone
    Holeinone Member Posts: 2,478
    edited February 2014

    Esmerelda, 

    Another BCO friend sending positive wishes....

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • ziggypop
    ziggypop Member Posts: 1,071
    edited February 2014

    esmerelda - I am glad that you have your daughter with you today. I know you wanted to schedule a playdate for her, but better to be living your life & loving her up than to be paralyzing yourself with worry (which won't affect the outcome either way). 

    At the end of today, the results will be one way or another. The only difference is that those results will come after a day of playing with and enjoying the love and company of your five year old, or those results will come after a day of spending that same time worrying. 

    I am sending good thoughts your way, both for good results and that today is a great day for you, filled with little girl giggles and playing dress-up and cooking together, and coloring,  and just having fun. 

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Esmerelda
    Esmerelda Member Posts: 243
    edited February 2014

    oh, my sisters, your words have lifted me up SO MUCH. Thank you for the wisdom and love and holding my had through this hell!

    NEGATIVE PET SCAN RESULTS!!!!!! All is WELL! I haven't actually talked with my doc - only traded voicemail messages, but his message assures me that my results are just fine!!!!!!!! I am anxious to talk with him and hear about what he thinks could be causing this pain (tamoxifen?). 

    And now I have work to do - I need to UN-DO what this stress and terror and worry has done to me these last few weeks. That is no way to live. I need to bask in gratitude and breathe deeply again and trust again. I know I am LUCKY with these results, and some very dear to me have not had these good results. All I know now is I want to live deeply again, with less fear and more love for each and every moment. I'm sorry, I gushing... I just feel overwhelmed. 

    So much love to all of you for carrying me through this!!!

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • AZ85048
    AZ85048 Member Posts: 2,613
    edited February 2014

    Esmerelda - CONGRATULATIONS on the PET scan!

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited February 2014

    Your news brought tears to my eyes. I'm so relieved for you!!! Go enjoy your life with your children!!

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • farmerlucy
    farmerlucy Member Posts: 3,985
    edited February 2014

    yay!  So glad for you! Now you can focus only on getting the baby well!

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Esmerelda
    Esmerelda Member Posts: 243
    edited February 2014

    YESSSSSS!!! Thank you, thank you!!!!

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

Categories