Help - terrible sadness

Dear Awnie:  You've had a lot of procedures in a short time.  In fact, I've never heard of surgery 5 days after chemo and then starting rads so soon.  All of this has taken a toll on your body and mind.  

Rads is much easier on the body...you're nearly at the finish line!  There are many medications for depression and anxiety, so if the current ones are not working, maybe try some others.

Most of all, please know that it does get easier after treatment.  You have just finished the hardest parts of treatment.  

I think it takes time to get one's mind around a Stage III DX.  It must make it all the more difficult that you have been told the mammos were misread.  But, it is very possible to get back into your daily life right after rads--I did--and start to feel more normal soon.  All of a sudden you will realize that you don't think of cancer all of the time. 

Oh sweetie - you have been through so much and with very little time to even process what has happened. That chemo is still in your system - and that alone can make you tired and depressed and like things are just not going to get better. Things are going to get better. You are past the hardest parts of treatment and radiation really is nothing compared to chemo and surgery. As far as being scared about this for the rest of your life - there's no doubt that there are times when fear will grab you, but everybody I know says that it lessens with time (a bit like grief, I suppose).

Wishing you a very long and peaceful sleep tonight with soft and wonderful dreams. 

Awnie..I get it, I just finished 6 months of chemo, 7 weeks rads, tamoxifen, DMX with immediate reconstruction in 2 weeks!  I am so sad and anxious going into the surgery...everytjing else feels invisible but the mastectomy will leave scars...The recovery period makes me feel so helpless...I have 6 boys and a husband and they dont get my sadness...I am so tired of being strong and brave.

Oh Awnie, I so remember the kind of feelings you are having right now.  As someone else said, the chemo can cause deep depression.  Add to that, being thrown into chemopause with our hormones completely turned topsy turvey, it is no wonder you are experiencing this emotional upheaval.  It is a normal reaction to the assault your body has taken.  Be sure and tell your docs about how bad you feel.  Don't just live with it.

I want to offer you hope.  IT DOES GET BETTER.  You will move past this and feel so much better.  It takes time.  You are in the hardest part of this journey right now.  Hang in there.

Awnie.....Sorry....VERY Sorry this happened to you.....I had a situation where I picked the wrong Doctor....took a Level 6 Mamo and Sono to a Breast Doctor that was to be the BEST??!!  Girls were coming from NYC to go to this Doctor in Livingston, NJ.........My husband and Daughter were at that appointment I went to.......she suggested a needle Biopsy......well it came back B9 which really meant NOTHING.....I needed to be taken into the operating room for an excisional biopsy......I stayed with her for about a year UNTIL the Radiolgy Dept told me it was CANCER......of course I was coming to her because I was already told this.....Finally I fired her and when to another......Ended up with a MX ......Now, I always kept up with my Mamos.....and it took a LONG time to get over this....kept thinking if I had chosen another Doctor I would of had my breast.........it was not easy to get over....Liz

Dear awnie1301,

I just want you to know that all here can feel what you are going thru.  You are going thru a grieving process right now.  I do remember the intense sadness.  There were also feelings of anger that came later, and there are just so many emotions that figure into this disease and the fight we go thru.  Much of it comes also from medication side effects. I hope you have a go to person for every one of the emotions you are feeling and who helps you.  Keep coming hear and remember, tomorrow is always another day! 

Oceana

awnie1301...many have had mammograms and their readings failed them. I felt something 'weird" and went for a mammogram and was told all clear. I should have pushed, asked, fought more, but I didn't.  I let it go for too long and than demanded more testing, only than did they found it. Due to it being a grade 1 cancer ( slow growing) they believe it was missed on at least 2 mammograms. Anger was huge for me in the beginning...I still have waves of sadness at how different it all could have been. But time does soften the shock, anger and starts to move you away from the total world of BC and back into and more normal life that has less time to focus on BC. Time will prove me true and you will find one day the darkness, anger and sadness just isn't there as strongly as before! Please, keep coming here as we know where you are.

I just joined tonight.  I had a mastectomy and lymph node dissection the week before Christmas. I had a lump for years, was told several times it was a fibrous cyst.  Never got a mammo until this past December.  My bad, but the way I look at it, I was going to end up with BC anyway.  Can't go back in time, can only start from today.  I wish you the very best and it's nice to come here and know we are not alone in our battle.  God bless

Awnie - I found that as my active treatment came to an end my 'dark places' got bigger and I was going there more frequently.  I went into counseling which helped tremendously.  You might need to talk to someone now to help put everything into perspective.  There are counselors who deal with cancer patients and support groups that are very helpful.  They 'get it'.  Most importantly, you should know that you are not alone.

awnie, -  My BC diagnosis was a shock to me because I had literally gone for regular mammograms my entire adult life, and the year prior I had actually been back 3 times for calcifications they were watching in the other breast, and cleared finally in August of 2008.  Suddenly 2 months later in December I noticed a lump and an inverted nipple in the opposite breast, went to my doc in a few weeks later who sent me for a diagnostic mam and core biopsy, which diagnosed a 4.2 cm cancer that day.  After surgeries finally diagnosed with stage III 5.2 tumor with nodes positive.  I was shocked because I had been so pro active and cleared by the breast center months earliar.  I went thru those emotions you speak of even tho I had the best support from my DH and rest of family, I still felt lonely and sad.  I wasn't alone but yet I felt lonely.

Oceana

Awnie, you have a right to feel overwhelmed, it's a lot on you, I felt the same way after doing the same tx plan.  I think most of us did and remember chemo affects our emotions.  It will get better I promise.  There are so many on here that are many years out, never give up!  Once chemo is over and starts getting out of your system you will notice you will start feeling better each day.  Sending you hugs, come here often I did and it helps.

Hi again,

Please check YOU TUBE FOR CHRIS BEAT CANCER VIDEOS, THIS GUY SURVIVED STAE III COLON CANCER. HE HAS A TON OF INFO IN HIS WEB SITE TOO.

I will post more sites for you.

You are not alone, we are in this together. We are a sisterhood, and even if we never see each other's faces, thru our pains and sufferings we are united. Big hug for you.

LovingGod - there are alternative and complimentary threads on bco to discuss "Chris Beat Cancer" claims.  

Are you new to bco?  If so, welcome to stage 3 forum - this is a place where we can find support for our specific and unique decisions regarding bc.  

It would be helpful and crediable to include your type of bc and the details in your signature line.

Hi Awnie, I echo what all the other ladies have said. It is perfectly normal to feel sad. It does get better . However if you find yourself having more and more dark days, perhaps an adjustment/or change in your meds can help. Talk to your doc about this.

Come here often for support. We've all been there and someday, you too will be logging on to encourage a newbie

I wish you many many better days.

BTW I was dxed with a stage IIIC  in 2005 and am  fine now. BC is a distant memory.

Glad to hear from you A.  You sound like you're experiencing just what I did at the beginning.  I think a lot of us have felt the loneliness, I sure did.  Family and friends are wonderful but many don't understand unless they've been there....I speak from experience   I'm on Effexor too and wish I would have started it earlier, it helps with my hot flashes too (due to the Aromasin).  Rads are much easier than chemo, it made me feel tired and made my armpit pretty nasty but was still better.   It's ok to have those bad days, they will come....just make sure they go because you are going to be ok and it will get better.  Staying busy helped me loads....."idle hands are the devils playground".  Hang in there sweetie.