Starting Chemo, November 2013 Group

Wallymama, thank you for sharing that.  Sometimes, in my isolation of all this, I forget that very wise perspective.  

Quirky, my RO said I'd be on my back...maybe because I have lymph nodes involved?  I'll ask next week at my simulation.  

Holly, I'm so sorry you're in our club, but you have found a group of the most supportive, compassionate women you'll likely ever know.  It must be so hard for you to go through all that we've all experienced, AND face fertility issues.  Re recon, even though you're going through a big disappointment about the timing, at least know that radiation will have the maximum impact, then you'll get to have recon when it's over.  Come here often...read, post, share, lurk...whatever works for you.  These women are fabulous!

Lonnie, what does your MO recommend re timing?  Maybe finish up putting this fire out then do the future preventive stuff after?  

BigT16, my leg hair is coming back too, but NOTHING on my head.  I'm done with Taxol, so I'm checking often!

Virginia, I'm so excited for you to be getting on with things and life and stuff!

Today is the day that the steroid from my last infusion will wear off...preparing for couch time for a few days.  My MO wanted to scale back my last Taxol by 10% because of my finger and toe pain, but she said she'd defer to me.  I said bring it on at 100%, and now, of course, I'm wondering if I made the right choice.  It's obviously too late, but I'm hoping the pain doesn't get a lot worse once the Decadron wears off and the last Taxol does its job.  With my other infusions, the pain seemed to improve toward the end of the two weeks before the next infusion, but more fingers/toes became affected.  My ring fingers are still okay, and only my middle toes hurt.  As long as I can still go for walks, I'm not going to complain.  Well, not very much, anyway!

I hope everyone has a good day!

Holly,

I myself am just 38 (however already had my own child before diagnosis) I had a BMX in June with immediate reconstruction I had what is called a DIEP reconstruction (google it) there is just a small % of Dr's/PS that do this type of surgery but I was lucky enough to find one at Uof Penn.  It is skin saving MX where they take the fat, vessels and tissue from your stomach and fill your breast with. You get a tummy tuck out of the deal, have your own skin and tissue and they feel so real. They also fluctuate as you gain/lose weight.  PLUS is you don't have to have any more breast surgeries once this is complete!! There is nothing to expland etc.. The only issue would be if you don't have any fat in your stomach to take from! In my case I had enough and now have a C up vs a D. But They are perfect.  Something to look into.  I am on #20 RADS. Completed 4 A/C 4 Taxol. And I am going strong. I feel great and Chemotherapy is a thing of the PAST> Trying to regain my normal life again.  Please reach out if you want any more information!!

lololololol bec65. I get them also, but in the crack 

Amazon, your rant was great and on target,  I would also like to add that I am tired of the bloody nose I get every day.

Virginia, why no grapefruit when on tamoxifen?  I will have to google that.  

Wally, you are so right that as bad as we feel we have it, there are people out there who have more worries than us.  A friend of my mom's has cancer in her ovaries, lungs, colon liver and bones.  They just stopped her chemo.  This is a saint of a woman, too and I feel so bad.  But I can't promise I will never cry for myself.  I just get too overwhelmed.

Holly, I am glad you found us and welcome!  It sounds like we are on the same schedule, as I have 2 more taxol left, then radiation.  

Pat, I hope you are done at the hospital ASAP and that all is fine for you.  

Went out for happy hour today with some friends from work, and had a few beers.  It felt good.  I decided to do a BJs run tomorrow and clean hit some closets around the house.  So I am not going to my sisters.  I just didn't want to take chances with the weather.  Driving in that snow is tiring.

I hope you all have a great weekend.  Stay well and warm.

smrlvr- there is an enzyme in grapefruit that effects the efficacy of some drugs - some heart meds and I saw a commercial the other day for an anti depressant that said no grapefruit.  Anyhow- grapefruit also affects tamoxifen, so I didn't eat it or drink the juice for 5 years.  Then I went on a "grapefruit-palooza" when I was off.   now I will go back on so no more grapefruit.  Many are not / have not been told of this, but I didn't take a chance then and I won't now - I don't love grapefruit enough to chance reducing the effect of the Tamox.

Audra- no, energy is def not 100% for sure.  I met my sister at the mall today - we had a ball but I'm tired.  But, I'm going back to work full time and will get back into my gym routine.  I need to get back to my old routine as I have been off work for 4 months and have gotten very sedintary.  The freezing temps and snow don't help.

Bec - lolllllll and I meant to tell you I loved your post of a few days ago.  xx

I'm fine. Just had a weird day with a weird side effect that left me breathless. I've been thoroughly checked out, and everything is great! One not so great experience, the ct scan tech said to me,"this is great. You'll know if there's any metastasis to your lungs..." Up until that moment I had just believed the drs that they were worried about a clot, not mets. My husband and I had a very bad 45 minutes waiting for the results. We told the dr what she'd said, because that was beyond the pale. 

I second Ellen"s comment about rads and sleep. I just had my second solid night of sleep: went to bed and 11 and didn't. Wake up till 7:45. Heaven.

So glad you're okay, Pat, and I hope your doctor gave the tech hell!

Really getting concerned about Paulette. Certainly hope everything is ok and she's just too wiped out to post.

Pat, what an awful thing for that tech to bring up. It would be really nice if people would engage their brains BEFORE they opened their mouths.

Smrlvr, there is actually quite a few medications that grapefruit will interfere with. I don't know why grapefruit and not other citrus fruits but it's so.

Bec, sorry about your butt boil. One thing at a time would be nice.

Ellen, hope the rest of your nights are as restful. That's one thing I haven't had trouble with. I've been sleeping just fine, except for strange dreams, the whole time.

Amazon, did your rant make you feel better? I usually find that if I rant for a bit it helps a lot. Glad you had a good time out with your friends. Going to try a Margarita Monday at Tumbleweed with some friends this Monday. That is if the weather doesn't act up again. Was supposed to go to the gambling boat today to celebrate a niece turning 21 but it's snowing again so it got canceled. Bummed about that because I love slot machines.

Lonnie, Holly, I'm so sorry you needed to find us, but glad that you did. If you just read back a bit you'll see that we discuss everything. From butt boils (sorry Bec) to husbands, everything finds it's way in here. So, whatever you feel the need to say, go for it.

Virginia, congrats about going back to work. When you do, try to go easy the first few days. The first week I went back, I was worthless when I got home. After about a week, it got easier. I'm still only doing 6-7 hours a day though.

Phebe, how you doing? Don't think I've seen anything from you for a day or two.

Have to close now. Must leave the room. A farting dog has contaminated it and I can't take it any longer

 Hope everyone has a warm, restful weekend.

LOLLLLL Wally RE The farting dog!!!  

thank you for the advice RE work.....I am actually going back to work next Thursday....  It was my boss' suggestion...work 2 days and then have the weekend to recover.  I have a desk job which helps as well.  And, I have the option if working from home if I find I can't get to the office every day...

My boss is super compassionate.  He had open heart surgery a year ago so he knows about fatigue coming back to work after a long absence.  he was also my boss my first go round and his wife had BC (she and I have the same MO).  While he was fantastic to me my first time, he told me after his wife was DX'd he had a new appreciation for what I went through in 07.  This time when I got the dreaded call I was at work in a meeting with my boss - he was actually the first one I told and he cried when I told him......  Anyhow- will be good to get back.

Agree - I wish T're would check in......

Hey Ladies -

It is so nice to hear your voices this morning.

I am getting through the 'gift' that is Taxotere (thanks Pat, I relate). I look like I swallowed a pig that swallowed a cow. I keep telling my husband that the thing from "Alien" the move has moved into me and has had babies. Just when I thought my ego couldn't get kicked any further. The upside is the bone pain is subsiding, but not enough to get me a good night’s sleep. So I’m slowly trying to get off the steroids as they are a double edged sword...

Speaking of drugs, I can say with all confidence that if anyone is on any dosage of the Decadan, it will not play nice with your moods. Within hours of my being on it, I am melancholy, and depending on dosage, weepy. I like to think that my low grade depression is partially chemically induced, BUT, hey we all do have cancer so sadness of what we have loss and will lose needs to be grieved and honored.

I do find that the lenses that I see the world through right now are totally different. I am not sure if this is temporary, or what, I but I feel like my foundation has been impacted. I can only describe it as a feeling of a different connectedness to others. More intense, and real.

Do others feel this?

Amazon - Great RANT. I felt better after reading it!

Tonilee - I hope you’re OK.Sometimes how others respond to 'our situation' can be tough on us. In my head I still look like me of a year ago, but when others reflect something else to me, I want to cry too and do.

Wallymamma - I also have been thinking of my garden. Last fall I planted over 250 bulbs with the view that seeing them in the spring, at the tail end of Chemo, would be a wonderful thing. When I told my neighbor what I was doing, he planted another 100. I can’t wait to see them! It takes my mind to a happy spot thinking of the creativity of making my house bloom. I can’t wait to get my hands dirty!!!!

Pat - I had the CT scan for clots last week too. I was told it is not uncommon (mine was done and cleared in less than an hour - Again I love my dr's). I still want to see the full report as it always seems to me they let you in on half the story (or maybe I’m paranoid...)... Anyway, it sounds like you’re doing OK.

Smrlvr – It is so hard to want to be with people when we are so tired, but when I do I’m glad I did. I had not been more than 1000 ft. from our house for 7 days until yesterday, when my DH and I went to see my parents. My dad just got another skin cancer diagnosis so we wanted to spend some time with him. It was really great day. We ate at a greasy diner, had Poutine (If you don’t know what poutine is, it is the ultimate in carb/fat/extravaganza, and in my neck of the woods, a classic and really good for chemo patients…). Anyway, the whole day reminded me that I need to get out more because it is cancer land in my brain and there are still great moments to have within all this.

Thinking of you Paulette

Good luck and congradulatons!! with your last Taxotere Bec - Keep us posted on SE.

I hope your Sunday bring you some light ladies

Jab, I think I understand what you are saying about swallowing farm animals. Is your stomach distended?  Mine is and I thought it just looked big because for years I didn't see it because it was hidden behind my Size D breasts. I was beginning to think maybe I should have that tummy tuck implant!

I did go out with my friends Friday for happy hour and it did feel good.  I even wore my fake boobs for the first time ever.  My friends didn't care whether or not I wore them, but I actually felt better.  It felt good to be with them and think about things other than cancer.  I am planning on going back to work in mid march once rads start.  I just don't see staying  home any longer just because I am going to be getting treatment for 5 minutes every day.  I just hope I don't get too tired.  Maybe the schedule will help me sleep like Ellen says.  Last night I woke up sweating at least 3 times.

You are right about the lenses from which we see the world.  I am (was) a strong person, very independent.  My husband left Thursday to go ice fishing for the weekend.  I actually teared up when he left!  What is that about?  In the past when he left for the weekend, I celebrated by getting a bottle of wine and takeout.  I would be so happy just to be alone and have the house to myself.  NowI just feel dependent.  I know I shouldn't let it bother me, but a wife of one of his fishing buddies called me on Friday and mentioned they were skiing!  He never told me he was skiing, and it really don't care, but he actually had to pack his skis, boots and ski clothes before he left, and he never even told me!  I don't know why he didn't tell me, he knew I was upset and maybe didn't want me to be more upset.  When he called me Friday night I was hysterical because he didn't tell me.  In the past I would have been mad, but not hysterical.  Maybe I would have been hysterical if I was expecting my period.  My husband has been my rock during all of this, and the only person I have to depend on since my family is all over the place.  He has been great to me.  It just shook me to my core that he would not give me the full story about his weekend. What he doesn't understand is that he made me feel,like I wasn't important, like because I am sick I don't need to know.  I am in a weakened position.  This is how I am thinking.  Haven't heard from him since Friday, so tonight should be interesting.  I have been weepy all weekend, which is not like me....

Sorry if I gave too much info, but I have no one to talk to about this.  I don't want my family thinking bad of my husband so I can't talk to them.  I have been keeping this in all weekend.  

Tomorrow is my 3rd taxol.  One more after that.  Last time I refused the decadron  and will do so again tomorrow.  The SEs for me from e decadron were worse than from the taxol itself.

Good luck to all of us this week.

Smrlvr, Do you think it's possible your husband didn't tell you about the skiing because he didn't want you to feel bad that you were missing out? Me, I've been glad that the Tahoe ski season has sucked because then I don't feel like I'm missing out. I know if my husband got to go on a ski weekend this year, I'd feel like crap since I wouldn't get to go.

Oh, Smrlvr, we really can't help it if we feel so down. Perhaps Pat is right and your DH didn't want you to feel even more left out. Maybe that wasn't the right thing for him to do, but hopefully it was for the right reason. I do wish mine would go out with his friends somewhere. I know he's had nearly as rough a time of this as I have, and getting away would probably do him good. I've got you guys to help me, and I'm not above admitting when I need help. But he's trying to be this big macho guy who can handle everything, and he's really not that type. He has always depended on me for everything, and it has to be hard for him to try to take over. I hope you don't have too rough a night when he gets back. Take care. 

Oh Ellen, I can't even imagine....  I don't know if it will help, but please imagine me sending you huge caring hugs every time you feel down during this time. Very very sincere ones.