DIEP 2013

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  • goldie4040
    goldie4040 Member Posts: 2,280
    edited February 2014

    Lahela, so happy about the clean scan.  Time to get on with it!!!!!

    Lucy, is your surgeon saying he won't go forward until he get's approval?  Just curious.  Is he affiliated with a hospital, or does he have a private practice? The reason I ask is if he is an employee of a Teaching Hospital he is getting paid.

  • Moviemaniac
    Moviemaniac Member Posts: 949
    edited February 2014

    Lahela-good news on the bone scan.....woo hoo!  

    Kat....the kitties ARE precious......Meow!

    Lucy.....I am sorry about surgery hiccup.......think of it as extra time to be really, really ready.  I didn't have stage 2 until almost 9 months later.......(good things come to those who wait?????)

    Here's a pic of the Three Musketeers........Movie.....Jeannie......Liefie

    image

  • Zoemom
    Zoemom Member Posts: 50
    edited February 2014

    Movie - what a beautiful photo of the 3 of you!  Although we see thumbnail size faces of each other (some of us) it is always nice to see the full pictures.  Thanks for sharing!

    Lucy- sorry you have to wait for Stage 2. I know this is going to sound cliche, but everything happens for a reason.  My diep was last Sept and my foob looks different today than in Sept and slightly different than even 2 months ago. The tweak I thought I'd need back then, I no longer need and instead, I'm seeing other areas that I want done.  Ive noticed as the hardness in the foob becomes softer, the shape changes a bit.  Once I'm way beyond my abdomen nonsense I am going to start planning my stage 2.   You will have a better sense for how your foob will look permanently after a couple more months. 

  • goldie4040
    goldie4040 Member Posts: 2,280
    edited February 2014

    Love love love the picture!!!!!  Where were you all? Is it a very recent pic?  It made me weepy to see it. I don't know why.  Maybe because it's so comforting to know the friendships forged on this site are real!!!  And, go beyond the words on these pages. 

  • Moviemaniac
    Moviemaniac Member Posts: 949
    edited February 2014

    This picture was taken on Jan 26th, 2014, in Dahlia's Lounge, Downtown Seattle.   We all met up (with DH's) for a lovely, lovely breakfast, and DELIGHTFUL company!

  • goldie4040
    goldie4040 Member Posts: 2,280
    edited February 2014

    Thanks for sharing the pic, Movie.

  • nihahi
    nihahi Member Posts: 3,841
    edited February 2014

    Movie.....are you sure you can't make it to Calgary on Monday for the gang of 5 meetup??? .

  • Jeannie57
    Jeannie57 Member Posts: 2,144
    edited February 2014

    Goldie, so touching! Yes, these are real friendships, not just in cyberspace but in realspace!

  • lahela
    lahela Member Posts: 515
    edited February 2014

    Thanks for the woots, everyone.I can't tell you how relieved I am, but I guess you know better than anyone!

    Lucy, I'm so sorry you are dealing with such a stupid thing! As if you aren't dealing with enough already, insurance has to cause a hiccup! *hugs*

    Jenjen, it's waaaaaaaaaay to early to be thinking about your scars. They will change so much as you heal.

    The Three Musketeers are stunning! You all look wonderful :)

    Goldie, my sentiments exactly. I just wish I wasn't so far away!

  • LucyV
    LucyV Member Posts: 177
    edited February 2014

    Thank you ladies for sharing in my insurance woes. In the grand scheme of things its just a blip in the road. I will use the extra time to let the foobs settle more and get in better shape myself.

    I have high deductible insurance and to add to that I have an in network deductible and an out of network deductible. Trying to get the insurance to cover the Dr as in network but due to my plan they wouldn't give me an answer until after surgery.  Didn't want to have stage two without knowing if I would have to pay both deductibles for 2013 and again for 2014. My Dr is an angel. He is in private practice and if I told him I could only pay $10 a month forever he would say ok.  

    Jeannie- enjoy the parade. I have a friend who has lived in many many places and I asked him once what was his favorite and he said Seattle!

    Love the picture!

  • goldie4040
    goldie4040 Member Posts: 2,280
    edited February 2014

    I think I am losing my mind.  I would blame it on going off the pain meds, but some of these mistakes I made were before I went of the meds.  I double paid my car payment, I paid the wrong utility company, I forgot an important appt I had.  What is wrong with me?  I am getting scared.  I pride myself on being on the ball the majority of the time.  I think the discomfort is preoccupying me.  That is all I can think of, and I don't sleep well.  

    Lucy, sorry for your insurance problems.  Calling Blue Cross makes me weep thinking about it.  They are usually very nice, but.....

    Me too, Lahela.  Maybe we should start a skyping group.  How many can skype at one time? I am clueless....lol

  • Morningsun1
    Morningsun1 Member Posts: 649
    edited February 2014

    goldie, maybe it's because you were "on the ball the majority of the time..."

  • FierceBluebird
    FierceBluebird Member Posts: 758
    edited February 2014

    goldie, I'm sorry you are having so much stress and pain lately.  It could just be stress from all you've been through and being in pain or uncomfortable can cause a multitude of problems. It's hard for the body to function when you're in pain.

    But I wanted to mention this; I worked part time at a center for addictions and I can tell you that what you are experiencing is common for dependency.  That's not to say you are addicted, but it is possible. Everyone has different metabolisms and some people can become addicted to pain meds after a short time. Common side effects for pain medicine is anxiety, sweating, forgetfulness, depression and more pain. (body is craving relief) 

    Regardless of the cause of the problem, there is help. I would talk to your doctor first and share your concerns. Try to do some self-care too. You need a good night's sleep and need to take care of you! You've been through a lot this last year and need some pampering and relief from all your stress and being uncomfortable.  I wish there were some way I could help. Hang in there, this problem is temporary and you will find a solution.

  • Morningsun1
    Morningsun1 Member Posts: 649
    edited February 2014

    you are so right, blue!

  • FierceBluebird
    FierceBluebird Member Posts: 758
    edited February 2014

    awww...I love the bluebird! 

    I've been thinking I might get a bluebird in flight tattoo to cover my scars on my flap side.  My squishy side looks so much better. I'm far from done though so I'll have to wait and see what magic my PS has in store.

  • nihahi
    nihahi Member Posts: 3,841
    edited February 2014

    goldie....I agree, that stress could be playing a huge part in your "issues". I'm not meaning you haven't done well in getting through stuff, but, you've been struggling with decisions, consequences of decisions, and waiting for "the next" big thing. All of this on top of dealing with bc itself. Stress can "taint" how we handle the everyday demands of daily life, how we react to people, comments and situations, how well we sleep, and how "restful" that sleep actually is, and even how we perceive pain. Yes, discuss these things with your doc, and in the mean time, have you tried relaxation techniques? Belleruth Napersack (sp?) has some free downloads that could be very helpful for you. She has guided meditations on stress, sleep, pain....all kinds of situations. Sending you huggles.

  • goldie4040
    goldie4040 Member Posts: 2,280
    edited February 2014

    Thank you all for the reassurance.  I was talking to my husband about it tonight, and as he put it, "your heads just not in the game."  A guys way of saying I am preoccupied, and  he is right.  Like Nihani said, decisions, bc, pain, lack of sleep, change in meds, all add up. 

    Yes, I have tried meditation and yoga.  Deep breathing at bedtime.  The discomfort is overwhelming.  I don't want to call it pain, because it's more of a sensation than a pain.  Anyway, talked to Kuka tonight, and if they have an earlier date I am taking it.  I am not enjoying myself now, I doubt I will enjoy the spring (which was my reason for taking a later date for surgery) if I feel like this. I wish I knew what the heck my other surgeon did to make this so unbearable?  When the new surgeon gets in there I hope he can tell just by looking.  I wonder if he will tell me the truth, or just fix it, and stick up for the other surgeon.  He has been very ethical so far in his approach to me switching docs.  I respect him for that.

  • Sharon1942
    Sharon1942 Member Posts: 272
    edited February 2014

    Goldie, I pray that you can have DIEP sooner & have those painful implants taken out!  You don't need 3 more months of this unbearable sensation & you can't live on pain meds. Pain can make your life totally miserable, as you are finding out.  Good luck for getting a sooner date for surgery!  

  • Moviemaniac
    Moviemaniac Member Posts: 949
    edited February 2014

    Goldie, I am praying your surgery date gets moved up.....you shouldn't have to live like this......Huggles........XO

  • lahela
    lahela Member Posts: 515
    edited February 2014

    Goldie, I'm so sorry you are suffering such discomfort. Hopefully you'll get in sooner and everything will be smooth sailing. xxx

  • sweetpickle
    sweetpickle Member Posts: 749
    edited February 2014

    goldie- so sorry you are going through so much! hugs and I hope you find relief soon.  You arent alone though, I am in the same boat and I have been off the pain meds for a while. For me I think its a combo of the last year stress with all the physical changes. be kind to yourself!

  • Janet_M
    Janet_M Member Posts: 1,068
    edited February 2014

    Goldie - I like what Tammy said. The problem is you've been 'all the ball the majority of the time'. You've got such a full plate, and you can only carry around a stacked tray of cupcakes for so long before something falls off.  Pretty scary for you to be doubting yourself, but you've been handling a lot of stress and pain for a long time.  Your brain is probably exhausted from dealing with your life. When you cross your finish line you can re-stack your cupcakes. 

    And I really don't mean for the cupcake analogy to sound glib. I read your posts in bed in the wee hours of the morning and I pictured a tiny blonde bombshell smiling and carrying an oversize tray. And every time I've read your posts over the last year I've been impressed by how very clear and articulate you've been. That hasn't changed. 

    I'm so sorry for all your discomfort, and that you're not sleeping.  I wish you pain free days.

    Janet

  • goldie4040
    goldie4040 Member Posts: 2,280
    edited February 2014

    Janet, I love how you imagine me.  That alone makes me feel better.  I am little, and sometimes blond, but hardly a bombshell...lol.  I also like the cupcake analogy.

    I actually had a friend tell me last week that I am worse than her husband, and I just don't remember anything anymore.  I found that hurtful, but true to some extent.  I believe the problem is that my mind if someplace else when people are talking to me, and  I have become a good cover at not showing my boredom, and disinterest at what they are talking about, and I am obviously not retaining most of what they say, either. I really don't care if you dog makes noises when he dreams, and I don't care how many goals you kid made at "every" game this season.  I am mean.  I am telling ya!!!! 

    Once again, thank you for the support and understanding.  Nobody else gets it but you guys.

  • lahela
    lahela Member Posts: 515
    edited February 2014

    Goldie, honey, "mean" is probably the last word I would ever attribute to you! Burdened, suffering, uncomfortable, tired, anxious - they all describe you and they are the reason you're not the social cheerleader all the time. But you don't have to be! Just be what you need to be for you. You are the one who really counts in this. Sending loads of love your way.

  • goldie4040
    goldie4040 Member Posts: 2,280
    edited February 2014

    Lahela, thank you. I appreciate the kind words.  You have been through your share too.  We all need a break!!!!!

  • FierceBluebird
    FierceBluebird Member Posts: 758
    edited February 2014

    I feel the same way and I can't even blame it on pain or meds. My dad calls and goes on and on about his mailman, the weather, his left toe hurts...whatever!  I have zero patience and attention anymore. I am just worn out. 

    I never call anyone back because I don't have anything to talk about and I just don't seem to care anymore. :P

  • lahela
    lahela Member Posts: 515
    edited February 2014

    Bluebird, "worn out" is what it is! I just checked back through my calendar and in the 33 weeks since my MRI, there are only 6 weeks that I have not seen a medical practitioner of one kind or another. It drains you so much! You just can't find the energy to give to others when your reality is so damned overloaded. But we'll get our lives back, hopefully sooner rather than later, and then we may start looking at the world through different eyes. In the meantime, there's no shame in not giving a crap!

  • Ridley
    Ridley Member Posts: 634
    edited February 2014

    Goldie - I'm late chiming in here, but I had some similar issues re forgetting a couple of things that I would never otherwise forget, and at the end of the day, I just chalked it up to the overall amount of stress of this process ( and how overwhelming it is - Janet, I love the cupcake analogy - and I love cupcakes).  I have also found that at times, I simply don't care.  When that happenned  a couple of times at work, on work issues, I figured I better take some extra time off in connection with this surgery to get my head back in the work game.  So when the first resident I saw suggested a 12 week recovery period, I hung on to that and asked my surgeon to put that in writing for work,  Please be kind to yourself - it has been a long road so far for you and you have more ahead of you.  

    I'm  heading out of our latest blizzard tomorrow for the sunny south.  Spent about 4 hours in the car today driving fhrough our current snowstorm - including to the MO.  Saw the RO yesterday and the MO today, and the good news is no change in treatment plan based on the surgical pathology.  There was a tiny bit of additional IDC on one side, but not  enough to change anything . And the DCIS on the other side had great margins. I can breathe a sigh of relief getting on the plane tomorrow.

    Take care everyone, and stay safe and warm!

    Ridley

  • Jeannie57
    Jeannie57 Member Posts: 2,144
    edited February 2014

    Goldie, I echo others. I hope you take care of yourself and draw some boundaries, if needed. You are one special lady and I hope everything improves soon. 

    Having said that, I didn't answer my mom's call earlier and told her when she called later that I was too tired to talk and would call tomorrow. She has absolutely no news to tell me that I haven't heard before and I just can't bear to hear the plot, characters and descriptions of her latest novel or how hard her jigsaw puzzle is. Today's freezing-a$s parade has taken it out of me, I'm afraid. I love my mom, cherish each day I have her and will call her tomorrow. I have never "hung up" on her before. I'm going to bed.

  • goldie4040
    goldie4040 Member Posts: 2,280
    edited February 2014

    Ridley, all good news from your docs!!!  Great news. Thanks for the pep talk. I need them. I feel better knowing I am not the only one losing my mind...lol.  I hope you get out on your flight to the warmer climate.  Take in some sunshine for the rest of us freezing our tootsie's off.

    Jeannie. thank goodness for caller ID is all I have to say!!!  It does save me from talking to people who go on and on about nothing.  I use to be so good at listening, or pretending I was listening.  My husband loved to watch me in action. I could fold the laundry, make dinner, make a bed, dust the book shelves,  and still not get a word in sometimes, but by gosh, I was going to be productive while I listened.  Now, I find it hard to hold the phone with my shoulder while I do all that stuff, so....no patience for it anymore.  If I know you, your mom didn't even realize you cut her off because you probably did it so sweetly. 

    My brother in law, who is going through chemo for his second cancer (he was a first responder for 9/11), immune system has been compromised and he now has shingles for the second time.  He, and I can talk forever.  We joke about our cancers, because we get it, and we can talk about other things too, but it doesn't seem trivial when I talk to him.  My husband feels left out, when we are all on together, but nobody gets it like somebody else that is going through it too. I will say that my BIL has made it through all this because he was so physically fit when this all started.  He is 70 and still plays Ice Hockey twice a week, and skies, long distance bike rides, etc.  Those are his hobbies.  And, today he went out and shoveled snow.  Ladies, we have to keep moving, and eating right. 

    Bluebird, Lahela....I am so glad we all get it!!!!  These feelings are normal, for us.

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