Stage 4 and Single

I'm Stage 4 as well.  I'm not sure I would want the stress of a relationship.  The "honeymoon" phase would be great, but that's rarely lasting.  I'm also too selfish with my time and love being alone so I'm not sure there would be someone who would be okay with me running off into the woods to find alone time with God...and not inviting him.  I found other things like trips to Europe and meeting new friends as my post diagnosis adventure.

I'm sure you'll find someone great.  I'm definitely not opposed to it if it's the right fit; but I don't really date at all anyway.  There's a woman named Dikla Benzeevi.  If you google her you will find a lot of information including her testimony of finding a great guy while she was (and still is) battling stage 4 BC.  I'll admit that although I'm not looking, her story did give me hope of possibly getting married someday to someone who will be there in this battle with me.  It's not easy alone especially when you're estranged from a toxic family.

LovefromPhilly-

I am single. I am sure I have posted that before in my posts. I have never married. Never found the right one.  

I am ok with that.  Sure it gets lonely- go to appointments by myself and to be fighting this by myself.    But as my mom used to say, " There is worse things than being lonely".  Of course she said this to me way before my cancer diagnosis and she passed before I was diagnosed.  But I understand her thought---what if I had a horrible marriage AND have cancer.  Or what if my husband didn't want to go through this with me and wanted a divorce along with the cancer battle.  I know some who post here with MBC are married and seem to have a good relationship and can rely on their husband for support, but so many marriages seem to be in turmoil.  And some who post infer that they need to be strong for their mate and don't seem to be able to just break down and cry on their mate's shoulder.  So is their mate really "there" for them.  

I have always been independent, so I am used to doing things on my own.

But..... THIS IS WAY HARDER.  My concern is when things get bad.  What will I do then when I cannot continue to go to appointments or treatments by myself. Or when I cannot continue to maintain my house without someone to help. Or when the end comes...

I just keep on keeping on and try to place it in Gods hands.  But it is hard.   

I am stage four as well, but I am not single. I am only here because I wanted to offer a different view which is from someone who has been with her DH for 16 years. Love of. My life. I have no Stamina, no desire, for me. I kindly and lovingly love him, for him. I don’t need sex in my life anymore since stage four. My body has changed and to be perfectly honest, it is very painful. I don’t know your details, but mine are ugly. Liver resection scar and a frankenboob that doesn’t match my other with a nipple. I don’t like being naked at all. The level
Of intimacy has changed dramatically, I feel sad for him. He’s a beautiful person who deserves the best. I cannot be that best for him and I feel guilty as hell about it. So I live with fear of him leaving (I know he won’t) and the fear of being the hole in the bucket. I sometimes feel so alone that even though we are so close, they can’t possibly understand how we feel, sometimes it just becomes more of a companion need and a deep desire for a connection to someone, to physically not be alone. But if I weren’t married now, I wouldn’t seek anyone for myself. I just feel like I wouldn’t have the energy or desire to put the effort into the honeymoon stage of the relationship. I sleep a lot. I really went straight into menopause, torture, I just have lost my sexy inside of myself and I don’t see it coming back. For myself, If you feel like you can be this woman. Then you find that man and I wish you the world of happiness because everyone deserves someone to love and to be loved by. Strong women here for sure. Me not so much! My parts are cemented shut it seems, estrogen means no lube. So get some! And wish you the absolute best !

I'm happy to find this thread. My husband of 20 years left me the first time I had cancer, he thinks he's a hero for having waited until I had finished my treatment (or so I thought) to admit he'd been having an affair with a much younger woman because the cancer "scared him". Now stage IV, nonstop chemo for 2 years, mets to liver and spine. Just turned 52 and all my female friends are rediscovering their own partners or finding new ones. I've dated a few men but as soon as I admit I am terminal they all say its no problem then quietly start "ghosting" me.

Compared to a year ago I no longer have the fear of dying alone and I don't flinch when I tell the hospital there's nobody to put down as an emergency contact. I don't feel sorry for myself when the dozens of people who told me they would "be there, no matter what, no matter when" can't help me get to the hospital when my fever spikes because they have theater tickets or had been looking forward to a quiet night at home. I do have two lovely normally self-absorbed teenagers and lots of wonderful friends. And as with all Stage IVs I am constantly being told that I look great! But looking for that dating app for those of us who want to find--maybe another in the same situation? There must be single men out there with cancer? Do we have a "brother" site somewhere?

hey arolsson, we have spoken on the school age children thread.

I have not been dating as my last ex suggested counselling so I thought I may as well be courteous to see what comes out of it ( as if we managed to iron out our differences I would have been happy to be with him) so i deleted my profile in a dating site. It looks like although my ex realised he had some issues he is not that keen to deal with them so that is it with our counselling. After the last session which left him disturbed due to realising some unappealing stuff about himself he asked for a week off it as it was too stressful to do it every week. Then he "happened" to work on the day we used to go last week. This week he does not mention it sonny hunch is he is not going to book it and pretend that there is no need to let me know he is not going to book it. If he does not I am back on a dating site - woo hoo !🙄🤣

Those that disappeared when you said you were "terminal"( not sure I like the expression, we are all "terminal" as nobody survives this life bit I understand where you coming from) - how soon do you tell them ? I do not think I will unless I see that they are a very serious contender as I do not fancy people who are not for me anyway to have this info on me.

PS. I have an appointment for EMDR today - it looks like being single is my main source of grief - I guess until my cancer gets me poorly I feel most pain from singledom 🙄