September 2013 Chemo Group
Comments
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josgirl, 5 miles...impressive!!!!! I am really looking forward to being able to run again. I need to wait a bit longer after surgery...sigh...
Simplelife, I know my hair fell out for about the first 3 weeks pfc. The week after that is about when my head started to feel not quite smooth, then between weeks 4 and 5 I could definitely see the shadow. I have been taking pictures every friday. I need to start labeling them how many weeks, so I can keep track. When I get frustrated at the lack or progress, I can look and see that there really is progress. As soon as it is an inch long, I am going to color it. It is very, very gray, especially in the front, which is thinner, and coming in more slowly to begin with. I have never colored my hair before.
I will try to post a picture which shows my current look...doesn't show it too well since my arm is stretched out taking a selfie! I am 10 weeks pfc. I took about 5 until I got to to not be sideways or upside down!!!!
When I first saw the super bowl ad, I thought, "oh, she looks just like me...same hair!". Then I realized it was an ad supporting cancer, so I was annoyed that I still look like a cancer patient...which I do...but I do think the ad was nice.
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hey all,
I got upset when I saw the Super Bowl ad. Can I just get a break for a few hours?
So the post chemo adventures continue: had to take nat to the ER Wednesday night because she had a 102 temp. We were there until 5am, blood work all normal, temp cane down. We had 1 hour sleep then off to the MRI.
The other issues are healing well, but she is on antibiotics due to a staph infection.
We meet with surgeons later this week to discuss MRI results and options. We are hoping for good news. Please give us some positive vibes.
Her eyelashes are coming back in, hair in head not so much yet.
Stay safe and well.
I really wish I could press the normal button.
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KBee,
Your hair looks great! Mine is fuzzy grey with some dark. You look like you have real hair!Knightzoo,
You got this! And we got you covered with prayers and good mojo. :-)JosGirl,
Woohoo, Hawks!!Mama,
You are too funny!Art,
Sorry about the ER for Nat. No fun. Been there. Except I got the 3 day executive suite. ;-) Hope ya'll get some rest and have good news with the MRI. -
josgirl - That's chemo brain for you!!! It's very annoying. Running 5 miles? You go girl!! I am SO not a runner. I'm really not a fan of exercise at all except for walking. I did ride 3 miles on my exercise bike the other night, but that was because I had restless legs, not because I was looking for a workout. LOL
simplelife - I really wanted eyelashes and eyebrows to come back more than I wanted the hair on my head! As sick as I am of wigs and hats, at least I HAVE those to wear. There's only so much you can do to disguise your lack of brows & lashes. The good news is, once they start coming back, they come back FAST! Much faster than the head hair. My brows are almost all the way back, and my lashes are almost to the point where I can wear mascara. Sad to say it hasn't helped my watery eyes at all. Ugh.
Kbeee - I know it's not funny, but I laughed at your comment about being annoyed that you still look like a cancer patient. I feel the same. It's so funny, though, because I look at all of the pictures you ladies post and I think "Wow, they look so GREAT!" and I look at mine and think how awful I look. It's all in how we perceive ourselves vs how others see us. I will be coloring my hair, too. I had just started coloring my hair not quite a year before I was diagnosed.... I loved my hair cut and the color was great.. and then there it goes! I had quite a bit of gray before, so I know I'll have even more now.
Art - Poor Nat & poor you. She just can't seem to catch a break! I'm glad the fever turned out to be nothing, but still a pain. When is your appt with surgeon? I'll be saying prayers that the MRI results are really good. I think we all have to find a new "normal" button!
KJ - have you come down off of your Super Bowl high yet? I really thought it would have been a competitive game. Yikes. Hope your drains are slowing down!
My kids had a 2 hour delay today due to ice (and it was 80 degrees Friday!!!), so I just got to work. I'm feeling pretty good except for the pain around my left tissue expander (it is WAY up in my armpit) and just tired. Tired all the time. The arm exercises to improve my range of motion still hurt a ton. Ugh. Tomorrow we're supposed to take a picture of my left incision & email to my plastic surgeon. He's 3 hours away and said we could do it this way so he could see how I'm healing instead of us driving all the way there. I think he'll be pleased, and hope that he wants me to come back soon for my first fill. When I saw him last time he told me not for another 3-4 weeks... but my incision is almost 100% healed, so hopefully he'll say to come in later this week or next week. The sooner I get filled, the sooner I can start rads and get this crap over with!
Happy Monday ladies! Remember to wear purple tomorrow for World Cancer Day - celebrating SURVIVORS!
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Mama, what an awesome weekend. LHL, happy belated bday. Kbeee, you look fabulous. Love that hair! Josgirl, wow on running 5 miles. I have to force myself to get on the elliptical for 20 minutes. KJ, are you getting your drains out today? Art, positive vibes heading your way. Simplelife, I'm with you on the eyelashes. I'm surprised I want them back more than my head hair but it's true. I have this feeling that my hair is going to start growing back just in time for me to start the new chemo regimen. Hair loss is on the side effect list for both carbo and gemzar, though the personal stories I have read seem to have mixed reports. Oh well, at least it won't be as traumatic the second time around.
In other news, I'm getting my two new discoveries biopsied tomorrow. I still can't believe they found two new lesions after 5 months of chemo. Does it ever end? And they are both MRI guided, which I hate. Not a big fan of the "oops, we missed and need to try again" target practice. But the one lesion is only 5 mm and the other they tried to find on ultrasound, but it's blocked by a cyst. So we'll do it the hard way. My SLNB is a week from today and surgery is next Friday. It's going to be an interesting couple of weeks!
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Betterday,
Nope. They were draining too much over the weekend and already at 50 ml for one of them today. Each has to be under 25 for two consecutive days to be able to come out. Frustrating, but this shall pass soon... I hope!!Sorry about your lesions. I learned the difference between a cyst and a tumor is that a cyst is filled with liquid while a tumor is a 'solid' mass. Hope they can get to places for your biopsy. Good thoughts going your way for the biopsies and surgery. You got this!
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hey Light House & all
I plan to wear my purple F*ck Cancer t shirt tomorrow to my last Taxol!
I too look at all your pics, bald & just starting hair growth & think you look fine. My head is so small it looks weird. But it is how we see ourselves vs how others see us. I sure do hope the lashes & brows come back in fast! To me that has really made me look like a *cancer patient going through chemo*.
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VintageGal, congratulations on your last taxol tomorrow. Wear that t-shirt with pride!
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Hello all,
Bilateral with DIEP done on 1/30 released home today did not open my overnight bag not once while I was there I have more pain in my butt and back then my tummy and breast lol sitting and sleeping in a recliner can take a toll I am walking about 5min every 2hrs surgeon said surgery was 14hrs and went great everyone was pleased on how well I was fking and looking I was like I feel like I been hit by a bug truck and the truck backed yo and went over 2-3 times lol. Let's not talk about drains they are definitely a pain the gave me 4 bras that have a hook to latch them on but these from my tummy I just pinned.. Ok ladies good luck to y'all as I sit here in Houston with our crazy weather
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Hope you feel better soon Southerngirl.
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glad you are home and well, SouthernGirl.
Drains are a pain. I put mine in a fanny pack. Much easier for me.
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I'm still reading but having a terrible time keeping up with everybody. we've all moved forward SO much! So much going on!
I'm 50% done with rads tomorrow. Yahoo! So far it's nothing (knock on wood) but a little tanned armpit for me. Hoping my skin holds up. Grateful that my chemo infusions were in private suites. Going to rads and being surrounded with people much much sicker than me is heart breaking. A woman that has her time slot right before me with lung cancer (she's doing chemo concurrently too) has gone from being able to walk on her own two weeks ago to now being in a wheel chair and sitting with a barf bag in her lap. That's just hard to be around.
The last eyebrow hair on my left side gave up the ghost yesterday. Have two hairs on the right side. Thought I had smudged eyeliner left over from the night before yesterday but low and behold? NEW eyelashes are growing. Thank the maker! Oh and I have enough silver/grey hair to look like Anderson Cooper now. Can't wait to color it again.
Still having crazy nerve pain in my wrists (both) and left forearm/elbow. I blame that nasty taxol. My left foot and middle toe still buzz from time to time too.
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Hello! My surgery went well. Was able to save the nipples. I was super nervous before about everything, I had big crocodile tears running down my cheeks in pre-op. Anxiety is gone now, replaced by pain. Hoping it gets better quickly. I've been once up to pee and it sucked!
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knightzoo-Glad to hear your surgery went so well. I know you are so happy about getting to keep your nipples. Let the nurses know if your pain is bad. They should be able to help you control it.
Souherngirl-glad you are home now. I am sure you will be able to get more rest there.
Peacockgirl- yeah for being halfway done with rads! I know what you mean about the people at rads being sicker than you. Cancer is such a beast of a disease. It is incredibly sad to see. I also had a very hard time with it. I became friends with a much older lady whose appointment was before mine. One day she was not there and I was heartbroken thinking the worst. I tried to find out what had happened to her. The nurses could not tell me anything due to privacy laws. A week later I saw her sitting outside the little cafe. Her MO had pulled her from radiation because it was not helping her and put her back on chemo. While I was sooo happy to see her, I was also very sad for what she was going through. I just get so attached to people.
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YAY! ANOTHER SURGERY, SO MANY OF YOU, WOW!
Hope your post op goes well Knightzoo!
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Vintagegal - We're all in your pocket today for your LAST taxol! Woohoo!!!
Southerngirl - {gentle hugs} Take it easy! It's good to move around a bit, but your body has been through so much, so you need to rest, rest, rest!
Peacockgirl - I feel like that every time I go to my cancer center. I am the only patient I've EVER seen there under the age of 60. No joke. Every time I go there for a doctor appointment, or when I was having chemo, or going to the pharmacy... there are just tons and tons of old, sick people. I don't know where all the young cancer patients go around here, but not there! Glad you are halfway through rads with no real problems! Good to hear! I'm glad you mentioned the pain in your wrist/elbow. I've been having pain in my right elbow and I was blaming it on carrying and lifting everything on that side after surgery, but I think it's more than that. Maybe it is from taxol! And I'm about to start Tamoxifen which can cause joint pain. Lovely.
knightzoo - Yay for nips! LOL The first couple of days really suck. I was so weak and shaky I couldn't even stand up by myself. It gets better pretty quickly, though! Stay on your pain meds (I had a morphine pump that I could push every 10 minutes) because you really need them! {{hugs}} Hope you're feeling better about things now. Being on the other side is SO much better!
Who has something going on this week? Appointments? Tests?
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Its World Cancer Day today. Celebrating your bravery, strength, support and humor with this collage of awesomeness and new growth!!! (And having fun with a new collage app on my phone)!
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LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Celebrating all of us today! I'm so proud and grateful to have all of you in my life. What would we do without our September chemo sisters?!?!?!?!?!?
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Mercedes, I often feel like I'm looking at an old man when I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror without a cap on. I can only imagine what my husband thinks about the way I look right now. I'm guessing he might actually be much more adjusted to the "new-old me" since he sees me all the time, and I try not to look in mirrors much these days. Actually, I feel like I look younger since I finally had my head shaved three weeks ago...that scraggly grey/white hair that I had left was getting pretty hideous looking.
Kbee, thanks for the hair pic. I just love your smile and all that hair! I can't wait for hair. All of you with hair pics give me hope!
Jos, way to go on the 5 miles! You give me hope on getting my energy levels back. Yesterday, I did 20 minutes on the elliptical and some cleaning. I woke up tired today, but I know as this chemo works it way out of my system, I'll be back on my bicycle riding long distances again.
Art, hoping for good news on Nat's MRI. I'm surprised her eyelashes are coming in already. I think we both finished AC about the same time...Jan 14th for me. Am I remembering that correctly? Also, is Nat triple negative too? I was thinking she is, but not sure if I have that right.
LHL, I hope the tissue expander gets a little more comfortable especially under your armpit. I'm glad to hear it sounds like the incision is healing nicely.
Betterday, I hope you aren't too sore from those biopsies today. Those are tiny lesions. I'm keeping my fingers crossed they are both benign.
Vintage, whoo hoo on the LAST chemo. I agree about the lack of brows and lashes making us look like cancer patients more than the hair loss on the tops of our heads. It's funny how my husband suddenly started treating me so much kinder when I lost my brows and lashes. He's always been kind, but he got REALLY kind when that happened. I think it really hit home with him how hard this chemo is on our bodies when he saw that big change in my outward appearance. I want a purple F*ck cancer tee-shirt!
Southern, gentle hugs. Good to hear you are back home. Rest and take the pain meds. It's a good time for Netflix instant streaming or lots of sleeping.
Peacock, I keep hearing that rads are an emotional time for many of us. I think you just described one of the many reasons why. Seeing others really sick from cancer drives home how bad this disease can get. That's hard for us to see. I hate it when I hear anyone dying from cancer....doesn't matter how old they are or what kind they have. I still hate it and cry every time.
Knightszoo, thanks so much for posting so fast and letting us know you made it through surgery. Hooray for getting to keep your nipples. I agree about letting the nurses know you are in pain. It's important to stay ahead of the pain if possible..it's easier to control that way.
Running, LOVE the collage! It's perfect! Thank you so much for doing that for F*ck cancer day...er, I mean, world cancer day. We are a strong, wonderful group of ladies....and just a small handful of the many, many people dealing with cancer right now. I want to print that collage out and hang it on my mirror as a reminder that we are not alone.
Tomorrow is a long day for me at Vanderbilt. I meet with the RO tomorrow for the first time. I also have to get an US on some nodes on my thyroid that were discovered during my breast MRI five months ago and meet with the endocrinologist. They were biopsied several months ago. One is okay and the other other is "indeterminate." I'm not worried about them. Even if they do turn into cancer, it's a separate cancer and not mets. Thyroid cancer is supposed to be easily treatable too. Funny how BC can change my persective on what's scary and what's not. Without BC, I'd probably be worried sick about those nodes. Now, they are small potatoes.
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simplelife - I have a friend who has had thyroid issues all her life, and actually had thyroid cancer show up twice. You're right, it is very treatable and not nearly as scary as BC But I'll say a prayer that your issues are NOT cancer!
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knightzoo,
Take it easy! Use the pain meds and stay on top of it. Glad it went well.
Peacock,
Great on being half way through rads!
All,
I'm buoyed up every day by your strength! We got this! -
I apologize to all that I've not been here for you.
To all that have been reaching milestones in this journey. Big congrats. You did it!
To all that are healing. Gentle hugs.
To all in active treatment. As of today you are one day closer.
I have been having a really hard time of it. Winter depression is bad but Tamoxifen has made it even worse. To top it off we just found out that hubby has to have tests for cancer. There are not enough words to describe my feelings. My brain says not to worry til results are in, But hard not to after 42 yrs. Pity Party over.
Love the pics of everyone of you gorgeous gals.
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70charger- hugs to you. I so hope that your husband's tests come back fine and with no signs of cancer. I know you must be so worried and that is a lot to have to deal with on top of your own battle. Please know that all of us will be here supporting you and lifting you up! Please feel free to vent, scream, cry, be pissed off, or whatever you need to do to relieve some of your stress.. That is what we are here for.
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((((hugs))))
Knightzoo-congrats on a successful surgery
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charger-praying your husbands tests are negative.
I got PCR! All breast tissue and 9 nodes tested benign. Big grin!!
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kbee, thank you and you look great!
Vintage congrats on your last taxol i have a button pin like your t shirt f*uck cancer that i wear on my coat.
Simplelife sending positive thoughts for you
70charger I am thinking of you and hope results will be good news for your hubby. Btw spring is coming soon, i know its cold here too, take in the sun whenever it helps.
Hope all is well for those recovering from surgery.
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Running: OMG! I love the collage!!! It seriously made me tear up! What a great group we are!
Simplelife!: In 2006-2007 I went through the whole thyroid cancer thing. I ended up having half my thyroid removed. Thyroid cancer is definitely the best type of cancer to have. I am honestly not even sure if mine was cancer or just a growth; they didn't know at biopsy based on the cell types and that is why they went ahead and removed it. Mine was behaving differently than your typical thyroid cancer so they were afraid it was a more aggressive cancer type but couldn't tell until it was removed. They told me that even if it were thyroid cancer, they would just remove the affected parts of the thyroid and that is it; no chemo, no follow up, nothing at all. In fact, I have never seen anyone about it since getting my stitches out. Your body generally does just fine with hormones and calcium production after having part of it removed, too. As long as the whole thing doesn't need removed, you shouldn't even have to take any supplements. After this whole mess, it should just seem like an annoyance more than anything lol.
Knightzoo: HOORAY!!!! SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!!
70scharger: So sorry you are dealing with more cancer crap. I hope that everything comes back normal with your hubby!
Well, I shaved my head today :O I was worried about the fact that my hair was falling out a few weeks ago and that there might be dead hair blocking the follicles like what happened before so I just went ahead and did it. I hated to shave so much of what I had going off, but I figured I would suffer now for (hopefully) benefit later. After I had my youngest I lost 3/4 of my hair volume! I don't want to sacrifice anymore! I figured out why it was so thin-looking on the top though. That is still baby fine hair and the rest of my head is actually about as coarse as it is supposed to be-NORMAL HAIR! It actually felt spiky when I shaved it down! So, this time it should all grow back normal, hopefully.
I am a bit freaked out about the whole relationship thing. I want to ask him what is wrong with him?! lol. Seriously, who would want to get involved with me right now? Even before the cancer thing my life was not exactly something that most would want to walk into with having 3 kids, one of whom is special needs and no support system. Now cancer and losing my breasts? Who does that?! It is so not fair to him. My friend keeps telling me that isn't my decision to make, but I can't help but think that I should protect him by not letting him get involved. And I think about our first sexual encounter being sometime down the road and most likely before I am done with reconstruction (unless he would wait a year and that's a whole different issue lol) and it makes me cringe. I am sure it is going to take some time to get comfortable with my body again (I seriously just started being comfortable with myself in the last few years) and especially before I am done with recon, and with someone new...EEEK! I have just been upset and crying about it the last couple days but it is really too early in our relationship to broach the subject I think...It didn't feel right. We are not even exactly in a relationship yet, just seeing where things go but definitely on the track toward a relationship. I know he knows all that is going on with my life but maybe I just need to hear him SAY it and say that he is okay with it. I just don't understand. I am happy and excited for sure; this is a friend that I have long had a secret interest in but never thought I would have a chance with him because he was just too amazing for me...but yet is dampened by this damn cancer! I don't want anyone else to be hurt by it, you know? Sorry for the Debbie Downer post. I just knew that you ladies would be more likely to understand than anyone else.
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Mama, You hit it on the head when you said that this is a friend that you have had an interest in for a long time. It is not someone you just met; he knows you, your situation, and obviously is very interested. He has probably had as secret crush on you for a while too! He is interested in you because of who YOU are...and you are an amazing woman, very deserving of happiness.
70charger, ((((HUGS)))) I am so sorry you have a scare with your husband. praying for favorable results on all tests. Vent away; we are all here for you.
Knightzoo, Dilaudid pump...that's what i had and it kept me comfortable, or at least it kept me in a state that i thought I was comfortbale. At any rate, ask for meds if you need them. My recovery from the surgery was kind of like following one of my births where things were a bit ugly. I felt 50% better each day than the day before. Thrilled on the Test results!!!!!!!!
Running, Love, love, love the collage!!!!!
Vintage, I need a shirt like that!!! Hooray for last taxol!!!!!
Simplelife, hoping for favorble test results tomorrow! i agree about the perspective scary changing!
betterday, Hoping for benign test results.
Art, How is Nat doing???
Peacockgirl, Glad you're back. hlad to hear rads are going well.
Southerngirl, wow, that is a long surgery. I hope the recovery is going well.
Babyruth, How are you doing???????
LHL, Only twice in all of my visits to the oncologist was there someone there younger than me. I often felt like I was the only one my age to have cancer around here, but then when I did see younger people with it, I was so incredibly heartbroken about it, so it's lose, lose...wish no one...young, old, or in the middle had to deal with this disease!!!!!!! The odd thing, is that even though I am the only one at the oncologist my age, I have a ton of friends that have had this...one gymnastics mom, 2 other swim moms, 3 friends from my neighborhood growing up, 3 other high school friends and a college friend...and a local gal I just met through a mutual friend...she is just starting chemo...crazy...and sad.
I just got in from shoveling snow. I was about 3/4 done with the driveway when I realized that maybe it wasn't the best idea to be shoveling less than 2 weeks out from surgery. Oops. Forgot...just saw snow and shoveled it...going about normal business. PS did say to gauge activity by pain, so since I had no pain, I guess it is ok to shovel. Even if it isn't it's too late. Curling up with hot chocolate now!
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Hi all; checking in 5 days PFC (and loving it!)
Vintage Gal, you're the next over the finish line...congrats! you made it!
Running from, I love the phone collage!
KBee, love the hair!
KJ: bet you enjoyed that Super Bowl. Hope the drains come out soon!
Peacock, woohoo on half done with rads! That's my next stop on this tour!
Everyone else...big hugs and best wishes. Keep up the good fight!
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70charger - {{hugs}} I'm so sorry that you have this added stress to deal with. I will pray for good results and peace of mind for you!
knightzoo - WOOHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! Way to kick cancer's ass! You and KJ are warriors for sure! So happy for you.
Oh mama - it is so natural to have those doubts. I have been married for almost 13 years and I know my husband loves me and even I am DREADING our first sexual encounter post-surgery. He's seen me, obviously, but we haven't done anything more than hug or kiss. I look at myself and think why would anyone want to touch this?!?!? So I can just imagine how you feel with it being someone new. BUT.... I'm pretty sure, unless he's a teenager with raging hormones (which he better not be...LOL) he's thought this whole thing through and if he's not patient and kind with you, then he's not worth it. If you need verbal reassurance, just throw it out there - "What on earth would possess you to take all this on?" and see what he says! Like Kbeee said - you are very deserving of happiness!
Kbeee - LOL at shoveling snow. I'm a month post-op and can do most things, but every once in a while I'll do something and then think, hmmmm maybe that wasn't a good idea!
I am starting to really hate my left tissue expander. I can't wait until I go back to my PS to see if it's normal. It's just so ODD. It seems to be positioned way up in my armpit so it hurts all the time, and it's misshapen and lumpy. I know I only have 100cc in there so it's not going to look normal, but the one on the right actually looks like a breast, albeit a small one. The left one just looks deformed. Makes me wonder if something is going on in there.
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