Not quite a horder - decluttering

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  • Teka
    Teka Member Posts: 10,052
    edited September 2017
  • Smilemaker
    Smilemaker Member Posts: 25
    edited February 2014

    Teka, thanks.

         Huge financial drain. Not only with up keep of house, but also cost of clean up. 4 big dumpsters with more needed. I feel like I can't remember the good times because I'm ticked at them for leaving a huge mess to clean up after them. Also besides the money issue, the rift it has caused between siblings is a bigger loss. I had enough to deal with this past year without additional stress. I hope to be done with the house this year.

  • Wren44
    Wren44 Member Posts: 8,585
    edited February 2014

    Mom and Dad died about 6 mos apart. Heirs were my uncle, me, and his 3 children. We discussed what we wanted or what had been promised, took a few things that were special to us and got an auctioneer to take care of the rest. Mom had a loaded gun under her mattress as did my uncle's wife. Both were only for intruders. We don't have a gun. I'm not furnishing a weapon, they'll have to bring their own.

    I agree about the secrets. I had diaries, which I wrote in only while depressed. I spent almost 2 weeks shredding them without reading. I don't know about DH, but no one can read his handwriting (including him), so the secrets are safe.

  • Mandy1313
    Mandy1313 Member Posts: 1,692
    edited February 2014

    Blessings, sorry to learn about your loss.  Sending you hugs and prayers.

  • georgie1112
    georgie1112 Member Posts: 282
    edited February 2014

    blessings, smilemaker, minus2,

    So agonizing to read about cleaning out a parents' house. Must be so difficult with memories not to mention sibling conflicts. So sad. 

    Mom is still alive and thankfully is slowly getting rid of her belongings. She has done so much already. 

    I dread the thought of anyone having to go through my things. I like having my journals but don't want anyone to read them! Ever. I think I could ask a friend or my niece to destroy them when I die. 

    Had a big day working on getting rid of stuff. I sorted papers and brought 5 bags of paper to recycling, threw out 2 bags of clothes and have a pile to take to Goodwill. Problem is I am so sore sorting moving boxes. Not sure what I did. I figure I need to get rid of 1/2 of my things. I am resting today in hopes my neck will feel better tomorrow. 

  • BUNKIE10
    BUNKIE10 Member Posts: 733
    edited February 2014

    Blessings - Sorry for your loss. I have been there and it is so hard.

    Speaking of that when I moved here from Cali in 04 my parents were both well and the house was full of 54 years worth of junk. Little chairs, buffets, tables, shoes, clothes, gadgets all over. The basement was packed full and nothing could be touched. Old lamps that were torn were still considered my moms good lamps etc. Dad had a dining set that was his first and he got it when I was 8. Could not touch it. Within two years of my coming home they both got sick. Dad with cancer and mom with strokes that took her mind. I was a caretaker for 2 years for them both and then dad passed and mom went to a facility because of her mind. Finally I could clean out the basement. OMG I had to hire people to help. Junk junk junk. Stuff I thought was antique had chips and was in bad shape. I donated most to family friends and neighbors that wanted stuff. Goodwill got the rest. Then I pulled all my suff out of storage. That was my mistake. I should have kept going with all my stuff too.Now I am faced with the task again. Very organized in plastic tubs etc but still too much. Being disabled I fear something happening to me and a distant cousin coming in to clean out. I am an only child, have no kids and am not married. How did I get so many pieces of art? 6 sets of towels and sheets????? Plus last year it was all stacked within reach so I could get to it but the basement flood changed all that. Men down there tossing stuff out of the way to get to the water....I can not move anything alone. So when my boyfriend gets here in May that will be my first job.

  • Gingerbrew
    Gingerbrew Member Posts: 2,859
    edited February 2014

    Bunkie, I am an only child too and understand your journey. Currently I am down with a back injury from an car accident in September, I can't walk more that 30 steps or stand more than a moment or two or the burning pain starts in my back. I can't bear to walk the pain really pulls me down toward the floor. I no longer can stand up straight just since the accident.  I see a surgeon on thursday and hope he can give me my life back. I worry about all the things in this house and what would I do if we have to move.  I read this topic and write occasionally because it hits so close to home. I don't want to put my DD and possibly my sons through what I went through.  

    Everyone dealing with parents leavings I really recommend you have a friend or husband go through the bed room drawers and cabinets to remove anything you would not want to see and to never ever tell you what it was. My moms secrets were in hidden letters, I don't know the rest because dear husband dumped the rest.  My friend saw serious  things no one should see of their parents and it scarred her painfully. Having a forward team, not your kids, can make a difference that I recommend.  ( I am not thinking of sexual aids, although it would be nice not to deal with that category of things.) 

    Think of me on Thursday when I see the Dr. I want to go to Target, and the Zoo, and the grocery store. I really want to walk around and go somewhere besides the DR in a wheelchair. 

    Love you all 

    Ginger

  • georgie1112
    georgie1112 Member Posts: 282
    edited February 2014

    Ginger, This is great advice. Thank you!

  • Teka
    Teka Member Posts: 10,052
    edited September 2017
  • Teka
    Teka Member Posts: 10,052
    edited September 2017
  • Gingerbrew
    Gingerbrew Member Posts: 2,859
    edited February 2014

    and they grow on all clean horizontal surfaces while you sleep! 

  • Teka
    Teka Member Posts: 10,052
    edited September 2017
  • Wren44
    Wren44 Member Posts: 8,585
    edited February 2014

    Good luck Thursday. Hope you get good news.

  • BUNKIE10
    BUNKIE10 Member Posts: 733
    edited February 2014

    Ginger - I feel your pain. My auto immune disease has had me house bound for several years since mom passed away. The only thing that has saved me is the people I hire to get things done. The price has been high but I managed to do some things. I can only get to the store and the Dr usually. My back is not the issue but vertigo and my weak body....especially legs. Rads was really hard for me but I made it. I wish you luck with the dr and hope he can help you get at least some of your life back. Sometimes I had to sit in a chair and do 1 box at a time but I did it.

    I did find some things after mom died but nothing too bad. I hear you though.

  • Teka
    Teka Member Posts: 10,052
    edited September 2017
  • BUNKIE10
    BUNKIE10 Member Posts: 733
    edited February 2014

    Teka - mine too. All this heat being on all winter has really given me headaches. I know it is from the dust. I have a hepa filter on my furnace and a hepa in my bedroom but still I get this way with forced air heat.

  • Teka
    Teka Member Posts: 10,052
    edited September 2017
  • Wren44
    Wren44 Member Posts: 8,585
    edited February 2014

    We had our forced air system cleaned. It made a huge difference.

  • Teka
    Teka Member Posts: 10,052
    edited September 2017
  • Wren44
    Wren44 Member Posts: 8,585
    edited February 2014

    Actually, we've only done it a few times. I think it takes a while to build back up. It sure made a difference the first time tho. Maybe the previous owners never had it done. Side benefit: No more big spiders coming upstairs. I guess they were living in there.

  • Teka
    Teka Member Posts: 10,052
    edited September 2017
  • MinusTwo
    MinusTwo Member Posts: 16,634
    edited February 2014

    I had all my air ducts cleaned several years ago to see if it would help the dust.  Not really useful so I don't plan to do it again.  What would help is if I replace all the windows.  Saving up for that - money & energy.

  • BUNKIE10
    BUNKIE10 Member Posts: 733
    edited February 2014

    Wren - I have been considering that. Was it a big job? I have an older home and was scared it would mess up something or leave a scent. Even though I have all that hepa stuff I still get a lot of dust.

  • Wren44
    Wren44 Member Posts: 8,585
    edited February 2014

    I think they came in with a strong vacuum and sucked all the crud out. I wasn't there, however, so I'm not sure. Do you have a furnace company? They could tell you how they do it. I'm pretty sure it didn't leave a scent. I'm highly allergic to many scents so I would remember. We rented an older home and the doctor said there is something called 'old home allergy'. I guess there's just so much that can flake or make dust in an old home. I can't convince DH to pull the carpet out of our bedroom. I don't care what's underneath (we think probably plywood). I will paint it and put down washable scatter rugs.

  • Gingerbrew
    Gingerbrew Member Posts: 2,859
    edited February 2014

    Getting the rugs out just has to help. My Grandma lived in an old log cabin and boy did she have various molds in there. I am a fan of duct cleaning and using filters on the vents. I think you have to check with your furnace company to be sure the airflow is not impeded. 

    My DD had her crawl space cleaned out and then they put plastic all over inside and it works for them. 

    I did see Dr today and have to wear a hyperextension brace for three months. I hope it relieves the pain and I will walk again. I wonder if I can go to physical therapy during this time because I need to be stronger to move about and have even a little bit of endurance. My Grandma's lived to 88 and 93 my Great Aunt 104. I am just so out of shape at 68.  I need to begin getting things out of this house. We brought way way too much with us. 

    Does anybody have a book or something to use as a guide to make sense out of downsizing to fit a new and siimpler smaller space? I will need to have some things sold off and we are not in a good spot to have a garage  or yard sale. 

    Laters my dear pocket pals 

    Hugs Ginger

  • Teka
    Teka Member Posts: 10,052
    edited September 2017
  • Wren44
    Wren44 Member Posts: 8,585
    edited February 2014

    There are people who specialize in helping people downsize. One had a program at our senior center recently and has plans to do it again. You might check with senior centers close to you to see if anyone has one scheduled. Some of the assisted living places offer classes also. The basic idea is to keep only what you love and what makes you happy. DH and I once agreed that we could both move out of the house and it would still be full lol. Consignment stores take stuff that looks ok and works: furniture, appliances, dishes.

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited February 2014

    Gingerbrew, have you tried picking a very small space, like a single drawer, emptying it, and only putting back what belongs in there that you would want to move to your new home or will use up before the move?   The rest can be tossed or donated.  I find that having even one small victory like that is energizing.  

    I used that method to get ready to move when the kids were really young and I only had an hour or so at nap time to get things done.  A couple of decades later, most of the drawers stay relatively neat, and they do get gone through on a regular basis.  It is always how I start the process, although some drawers take longer than others.  We cleared out most of my Dad's dresser within a couple of days after he died, but that top drawer where he kept all the little trinkets from 60 years tucked away is still too daunting to really go through a couple of months later.  Maybe next week.

  • BrooksideVT
    BrooksideVT Member Posts: 2,211
    edited February 2014

    "Saving" that drawer is part of the mourning process, Patmom, and you will know when it is time to go through it.  Meanwhile, you can put all those little treasures your dad collected in a special box, label it "Dad's Drawer."  No need to sort for weeks, months, years.  You'll have gotten a good look at all of it, and maybe culled a bit, but some things just don't lend themselves to scheduled decluttering. 

  • Teka
    Teka Member Posts: 10,052
    edited September 2017

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