Terrified about everything, but a silly thing scares me the most

JaneIamtoo · January 2014

I'll try to keep it short because it's all been said before. Just not by me.

They're both coming off.

I love my breasts. So does my partner, even more than I do. It's wonderful when he loves them. And now they're being taken away.

A funny thing to be fixated on when there's so many more important things to be thinking about.

He's a wonderful wonderful man. He's not afraid or put off by a tall, smart, successful woman. He is kind, wonderful, firm and loving and gentle. He holds me and rocks me when I cry.

Will he leave me because I don't have the breasts that he so loves to play with? He says he can't imagine it. He says yes, he'll miss them a lot, but I'm not my breasts. Which is the right thing to say. And he really believes it. But I know he's going to see me through recovery and then some other woman with all her parts will take him away. And then what am I going to do?

So much for keeping it short. I'm sorry. But what do I do?

ziggypop · January 2014

Janelamtoo -

It's not at all surprising that you would think about this. While it's different for everybody, for some people breasts are a large part of our sexuality and sensuality. I think that given what you say about your guy, you should trust him. It sounds like he loves you & love really does make the person we love beautiful in our eyes regardless of how we change. There are husbands or partners who leave women because of what cancer does to their bodies - there are also many who don't & seemingly the relationship just becomes better and deeper, the trust becomes so much stronger.
One thing you can do is allow your partner to be a full player in the reconstruction decisions. You might want to check out nipple sparing mastectomy so that you have a chance at retaining feeling. There's a photo thread - it's separate from this site & you have to ask to be allowed onto it but you might want to check that out so you can think about what would work best for you. But one thing - don't assume that your guy is going to leave you - that's not giving him a chance. It's not letting him even be allowed to show you how much he love you, because you're afraid that he doesn't love you enough. Give him a chance.

mdg · January 2014

I don't know if you are doing reconstruction or not. I did do reconstruction. My husband likes the new ones. They are bigger too so that is also appealing. I remember feeling the same way as you did, but my husband doesn't care at all. When I first got the new ones he was always trying to grab them.

christina0001 · January 2014

Jane I understand where you are coming from. I've always been rather vain about my breasts, one of my best features. It hurt to lose one, and I went a year without one before I had recon. Fortunately my DH has been great through it all - I am almost done with recon now. I hope your DH is just as good. Unfortunately some women have some real a$$es for husbands. Yours sounds good though... Just remember, he'll find you as sexy as you feel, and as sexy as you act... it is so hard but try to remember that you are still you, you are still beautiful, and no woman knows what he likes as well as you do.

JaneIamtoo · February 2014

thank you all. I'm more sane now, and over the freaking out. For right now anyway. I'm a bit embarrassed. I don't normally go off the deep end until I've done my homework and discovered what's going on backwards and forwards and what my options are. I'm actually glad I asked though, because I was not aware of the reconstruction options that may be available. And the comment about asking my partner to be a full participant in the reconstruction decisions is such a really good one. That would have never even crossed my mind.

Thank you all so much. Panic attack over. For now anyway.

Terrified about everything, but a silly thing scares me the most

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