Starting Chemo, November 2013 Group

Amazon- YOu are too cute!  LOve the poem and work!

Lisa137- I can relate SOOOOOOO much to your wish list...to be comfortable ...sigh.

Pat- Malta -my husband is in legal sales with ThomsonRueters - he is one of the top guys and the top guys get to go somewhere yearly- this year...Malta.  It's actually nice as we would NEVER go alone without kids except for these....so it is nice.

I would've preferred Italy proper, but close enough...although I don't know how I will sit on a plane THAT long...apparently it stops in Germany (my husband is half German and fluent) so we are going to stay there a couple of days as well...it will be fun!

I need to get over anxiety though...and what about blood clot risk while flying?  or lymphedema? 

I took my daughter for haircut at Tangerine Salon last night- do you all have those?  Sortof snobby type atmosphere...anyhow I was wearing sweatpants and no makeup and a beanie.....I didn't care....til I got there...then all of that HAIR!!!! OMG!!  I felt like I would cry...and I stuck out like a sore thumb...anyhow was OK sitting there amongst the hair people and then I got HOT, HOT flash....so had to take off my jacket and felt SOOOOO panicked I could've ran from the place!  Took everything I had to calmly sit there with my mind screaming !!! It was awful....

So I'm a little anxious about flying and for that far...that's why I scheduled the trip to Colorado in March sortof to test drive how I can do...

I was OVERLY independent before this and my husband was what I would call the 'needy' one...well that sure has reversed and I am hoping to get back to my SELF and not be panicked or scared to do things or go places...that will be a HUGE success for me!

BigT16- Hoping your bloodwork gets in range...I'm sure your liver is working hard to process all of the toxic crap being thrown at it!

Smrlvr- Hoping you feel better and pain goes away fast!

Tonilee- great you are here!! AGAIN!! Hope you are feeling better and doing well:)

Don't know if I told you all-  but I'm getting my port out MONDAY!!! WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOO!!!! that will help me sleep so much better, and sit and move, and drive, and feel normal!!! WOOOOHOOOOOO again!  Can't wait!

Wishing you all a great day!

  We can DO ThIS!!!!

amazonwarrior - love it !!

welcome new ladies!

boob haiku

Felt up to eating meat tonight for the first time in weeks.  Took son to Outback and within 5-10 minutes was overwhelmed by a terrible stench in the air.  Of course it turned out to be chemo effecting my sense of smell.  Son, who has a sensitive nose, said it smelled fine.  Come ON chemo. Enough already!

Veronica- my MO told me to start tamoxifen 4 weeks after finishing chemo.  You can drink on Tamox (i have already taken it for 5 years).  I have only had one glass of wine all the while on chemo....just figured I wouldn't be extra evil to my liver...chemo is bad enough.  I have my exchange Mar 24th - pre op visit Mar 11th...will find out then if I have to stop the tamoxifen before surgery.

Kimmie- I had to have abraxane for my final chemo as I had a very severe reaction to taxotere.  I found it to be much more manageable as far as SE's.  So much so that I will go back to work soon!  Wishing you all the best in your fight against mets!!!

Deliciae - They don't give adriamycin (the red devil) again as it's harsh on the heart.  I don't know of others they treat this way...  I had cytoxin in 2007 and had it again this round.  

I too had a covering of fuzz on my head, but my onc told me the abraxane will make that fall out... oh well.  It hasn't fallen out yet, but I'm only 10 days out from the abraxane.  I am now on the hair fall out watch.  At least chemo is done!!!

Virginia- it is tentatively sched for the second week of March provided all blood work is good. I'm pretty sure I'm going with silicone. I will meet with him again in 2 weeks.

Amazon, love your,poetry!

Audra, yay for,you for,getting your,port out on Monday!  You will feel,so much better after that.  I can't wait for,that day.

Lisa, I couldn't agree with you more about just wanting to "be."  I would love that.  I just don't know,how to,do that.  I would love to have a long, deep sleep.

Jab, your husband was right about that person at the store being the lowest life form. I am sorry that happened to you.

Feeling better, but still can't sleep.

audra- just saw M this morning. I start tamoxifan in two weeks, in big girl chair with last chemo now. He said I could drink on tamoxifen in moderation, no more than four in one sitting. I only drink on occasion anyway, just miss my wine when I want it. I was happy with that. He also said I don't need any scans unless I have any symptoms.

smrlvr - who did you see at Sloan?  Did you go to NYC?  My MO there is Dr. Dickler.  I love her but stuck with my local MO - my current MO and Dr. Dickler did their fellowships as Sloan together so they know each other which was nice when I was coordinating my treatment plan.

I was never told not to drink...  But, I am only an occasional drinker, so I go weeks without ever drinking.  plus, booze is high in calories and I would rather eat my calories than drink them.  My onc was always on me to lose weight which I finally did - I lost 50 lbs on weight watchers and it's actually the reason why my cancer was detected this time.  

I am glad hat I have managed to essentially take no meds in chemo.  Once in a blue moon an anti- nausea and once in a while some Pepti Bismol.  otherwise, nothing.....

I will go back to work on the 13th.  I am very excited to get back to "normal"!!!!!!!

smrlvr- I have NEVER had such gas and weird stomach problems until this chemo thing!  I'm guessing that is what it is...

Veronica-  HOOORRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYY for your LAST day in chemo chair!  AWESOME!

I am supposed to start my Tamoxifen 4 weeks after last chemo!  I'm hoping my period won't come back meanwhile....

Love the new poem Amazon! Keep up the creative endeavor: remember its good for our brains to exercise them! Might keep us from getting TOO dumb from this damn thing.

Audra, Malta sounds great. I've read a lot of articles about it. So much interesting history there.

Jab, things to see in the southland...The coast at Laguna Beach is awesome, and so is the village there. San Diego is a lovely city, and especially it's neighbors La Jolla and the island of Coronado. I would live on Coronado in a heartbeat! An excursion to Catalina Island is beautiful. Audra's probably got some ideas too, she lived in southern California.

Alcohol: do more googling, Audra and you'll find much better articles than that nasty one that says we shouldn't drink at all. More recent studies have shown better actual survival for moderate drinkers (maybe because their husbands didn't kill them since they weren't so bitchy): their breast cancers didn't seem as deadly AND the cardio-vascular benefits were very strong.

Audra: I am SO unbelievably jealous you get your port out Monday! I called the surgeon's office about getting mine out and haven't heard back yet from the scheduler. Grrrr. 

I start radiation Monday. I have never had a real consultation with the RO, so requested one. My original consult, back in July ended up lasting all of 5 minutes since he was called to the OR. I don't know why I was recommended to have IORT, why I can't have brachytherapy or the shorter Canadian protocol, or much of anything: all this time I thought I'd have 20 txs, I asked this morning and was told 25. Back when I had originally met him I was still in shock, and had no questions. I just wanted to get going with whatever the doctors said I needed to stay alive.  Haven't we all come a long way? I hadn't "met" you gals back at diagnosis, but I imagine we are far stronger, and different women than we were then. I think I'm a calmer person now. When you feel like you've looked Mr Mortality in the face, it changes you. I know I'm more patient: sheesh, after surgery, 3 months of massive infection, chemo and radiation still to come, how could I not? I really like the "wants" lists made by Jab and Lisa: it truly is the little things that make life sweet. It isn't the things that cost lots of money. Playing with my poor dog who looks up at me wondering why we don't go on walks anymore. That's what I want: to walk my dog without pain or exhaustion: I haven't been able to since July.

I did indulge in a wonderful bit of retail therapy, however. Yesterday, At Ulta, for $12.50 (on sale) they had one of those boxes of like 50 eyeshadows and blushes and bronzers and just a whole mess of cheap, low quality makeup. I had such fun getting dressed this morning, trying out all these pretty shades. Such a stupid thing, but right now I need a mood brightener.

So my question out there for all of you is: how have you changed since diagnosis?

So happy for all of you that are finishing up with this awful chemo phase. I won't finish til the end of March, but I guess I've made it since mid-November, so.... I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel yet, but they tell me there is one.

re: gas and such. I had an... incident yesterday that wasn't gas but I wish it had been. I ate a peanut butter and blackberry jam sandwich for lunch (which I couldn't taste in any case,) then laid down later for a nap, only to be woken up a little while later by something that was somewhere between a burp and a coughing spell and I am pretty sure that a puff of peanut butter colored smoke emerged from my mouth. It was horrid. Things we could live without, huh?

I honestly don't know yet how I've changed since diagnosis. I'm still too much in the middle of it, I guess, to know who I'm going to be when I come out on the other side. Maybe I'll remember to come back to that question in a few months.

I guess someone upstairs must read these boards, because last night I was profoundly comfortable. I woke up a couple of times feeling a little too hot, and once feeling a little too chilly, but nothing hurt, and getting back to sleep was easy each time, and while I was asleep I slept deeply and had non-disturbing dreams. I woke up feeling rested and pretty darned good, all things considered. I am very thankful for last night. 

You ladies are great. I just wanted to say that.

Ellen, I'm with you with regards to reoccurrences and mets. The problem with all statistics is there is a lag time. Most of the studies that I have looked at are at least 5 years old, and treatment protocol has changed significantly since then, so I think of this as and optimistic plus to all of us. Also, there are sooooo many variables, like lifestyle , exercise, eating, drinking etc. etc... My methodology in the future will be to minimize the impact of 'bad' lifestyle choices, but having said that being happy, can outweigh a lot of eating broccoli so a few glasses of vino and some great french fries are also in my future. Hey, we gotta live, right??

Pat - I loved your question. How has this changed us. I was trying to explain it to a friend last night and your words came out of my mouth. It really isn't that I have thought I was at deaths door at any time, its more that I have never felt so dependant and helpless. I have learned that I am not invinciable. Sounds rather stupid when written down, for a women of my age to be so, well, nieve, but I guess I always thought I'd die on a ski hill, or sail boat (I have broken 17 bones thru sports mostly so sccidents do happen with me....). This feeling of fading out, being sick all the time has and will always remind me there are soo many people out there that could use more compassion and empathy. I hope my eyes stay open to this. I also think I am calmer - I'm not sure why, but I think I have discovered I have a real support system that I didn't know I had.

Smrvlr/Lisa - I am day 3 of my first Taxotere - So far I have reflus (Took a Tecta and it has subsided), I have lots of bone pain, and amd tired. Last night my skin was very itchy to the point of hurting so I popped a Benadryl and Ativan and slathered on Aquaphor on anything that hurt. Gas - Not yet, thankfully, but it is still early. I am also fighting a yeast (?) infection so I also slathered on/in the Canestan.

 I'd like to thank you all for the heads up with some of this. I seemed more prepared for SE this round.

 Lisa - No body gets left behiind! I don't know whats changed for me recently but it finally felt like I was not o the middle of it any more. I hope you see the  some light too soon.....;

Good night ladies

Oh boy, the past few days have been hectic! First my son got sick then me and finally my husband. So nobody got missed out! It seems that we all had the same viral infection with similar symptoms. My son got sick last Sunday having diarrhea, sore throat and a bit of temperature. I got sick on Tuesday when I had the high fever and nausea. The next day I had a bubbly, gassy stomach that ended with a grand finale of a big D! And I mean BIG. I was popping Imodium pills like crazy trying to control it. Then on Thursday my hubby gets it! The poor guy was doubled over the porcelain bowl for the most of the night having both vomiting and diarrhea   intermittently. The next day he couldn't even move out of bed because of aches and pains. 

Anyway, now we are all starting to feel better, thank God.:)

In regards to treatment: I am only in the middle of mine, having 3 down and 3 more to go. If everything goes well I'll be done chemo by the end of March. So yes, in the trenches for a little longer.

In regards to drinking: I didn't drink much alcohol prior to my dx. I was having a glass of wine maybe once every 3 weeks, so I was a very occasional drinker in that sense. I have always paid attention to healthy eating, not indulging in things plus having no family history of bc and still having been dx. So I don't know if percentages and stats actually mean anything to me. I am rather sceptical in that regard. 

BTW: Gayle, phebe, wrenn, bluegrassharp, banR, tammybaby, bigT16, (sorry if I missed somebody who has not posted lately):  Hope you are doing OK. Miss not hearing from you!

Tonilee: Glad to hear from you again!

hi all...been feeling rough...going to hosp in morn hgb dropped again likely needing another transfusion. ...will let yall know. hope everyone is well!!