September 2013 Chemo Group

Audra - I had neoadjuvant chemo for a couple of reasons.  My tumor was large and close to the surface, so my surgeon would have had to remove a lot of skin during surgery, leaving my plastic surgeon with not a lot to work with.  (She ended up taking quite a bit of skin anyway, to have clean margins, so I just think how much worse it would have been)  Also, I had 1 node biopsied and it was positive... with the cancer grade 3, they wanted to attack it fast so the aggressive cells didn't have time to spread anywhere else.  Surgery would have removed the known cancer, but then it would have delayed chemo that much longer, which attacks ALL the cancer hiding elsewhere.  

Some women have chemo first in order to shrink the tumor in hopes of having a more breast conserving surgery....if they have a good response, they may only need a lumpectomy.  Since I'm BRCA+ I knew a bilateral mx was my only surgery option, but I'm still glad I did chemo first.

KJ - you're a crazy lady.  LOL

Aha=  thanks you all for the information.  I thought I had researched and know it all by now...lol.

That is nice that you see the tumor shrinking with chemo...proof! 

I am going on faith and hoping the chemo killed any little thing in my body and that nothing will ever come back!  - as I am praying all of ours did!

You all are awesome !

BetterDay: so sorry to hear about your news. It is tough to say what to do first. Both ways have advantages and disadvantages. They did chemo first on me because they thought it was in my nodes and my tumor was fairly large for my breast size. All we can do is to hope and pray for our team of doctors to make the right decisions. I will be praying for you to have a positive outcome no matter what route they take.

OY! Always a roller coaster! I saw my BS today and she freaked me out by telling me she is 100% certain I did have cancer in my lymph nodes before chemo (and there is the downfall to doing chemo first). She still isn't recommending rads though because it was completely gone at the time of surgery. Still really freaked me out and makes me wonder if maybe I should have rads anyway. The final say is up to the RO, I guess.

My PCP office called today to say that my bloodwork came back indicating that my nipple discharge is not due to a tumor on my pituitary gland. I didn't talk to my doc, just her nurse, but she said that doctors notes said that she thought my discharge was due to my cancer. Well...it is bilateral and I am still having it... What does that mean?! So, then there goes any remaining doubts about having a BMX, but again, I am freaked out.

I did talk to my surgeon about a nipple sparing today and was debating that. The thought of the possibility of the discharge bringing cancer cells up and them settling in the nipple worried me so I was going back and forth about it still. She said I had about the same chance of that happening as I did of getting killed in a car accident when I left her office. Well... a chance is a chance, right? Have you ever heard me say that I hate making decisions? lol. I was happy that she said she could do incisions either around the nipple or under the lower breast fold. That makes me happy because I have the two 3" incisions already on my side boob area. I am hoping they can do something during surgery for that one, like you said LHL. I forgot to ask. 

Oh yeah, I forgot I changed my name on here, if you didn't already figure that out lol. I plan on posting pics in the lumpectomy section. It can be a kind of worst case scenario lol. My surgeon apologized for beating the crap out of me. Her assistant came out and asked her what the heck she did to me during surgery. Funny because I was at least 1000x worse before. In addition to the crazy bruising (from lower bra band to above my armpit area and encompassing my entire breast all the way back to where my side turns into my back-nearly solid bruise at one point, except under the arm) I have a massive hematoma where my tumor was. She drained what she could of it, but it was only about half. I am still down a good full cup size, and OMG it felt soooo good. Anyone who has ever nursed will know what I mean, I feel like I got emptied after total engorgement. A lot of the numbness has gone away too. I guess the whole side of my breast wasn't supposed to be numb lol. At any rate, I think the whole thing has given me a little taste of what the BMX will be like. 

Oh, and the guy. I don't know lol. I guess we will see what happens. I think we are both in a position where we want to take things really really slowly. 

mamabear - your bruising sounds like me after my biopsy. My whole breast turned purple and I had a hematoma... Just from a biopsy!! I didn't bruise at all from my bmx.

Waiting to go in for my rads consult. I'm nervous. Don't know why. I've been through so much and so many appointments... why is THIS one freaking me out?  Stupid cancer. LOL

Oh my LHL! I am glad that you didn't have a bad response with the BMX as compared to your biopsy. I wonder why it was so bad?! I wonder if my platelets dropped or something after I had pre-op bloodwork. That scares me with having a BMX. I am glad to know that it sounds like a BMX is better than my experience with the lumpectomy on THAT front, anyway lol. I hope your rads appointment goes well. It seems like ROs are really good people and everyone has a good experience with them. The one I saw (and will see if I need rads) was such a wonderful guy. I could tell that he knew his stuff, he was very thorough and wanted the best possible care for ME, and I felt very good in his care. I hope that your RO is just as wonderful and makes you feel better about the whole experience.

Cougar: Don't worry, I've got everyone confused (myself, too sometimes) lol. Such a mess lol I will try to do Reader's Digest version. I was going to have DIEP flap done. Those surgeons wanted a node biopsy done first to determine the need for rads. They won't do a DIEP if they know rads need to be done after; they want rads done first. So, we scheduled the node biopsy and she said she would go ahead and do a lumpectomy as well since my tumor was near my armpit and she thought she could get them both with one incision. She also wanted to give me the option of doing a lumpectomy instead of a BMX. I was still kind of back and forth on that; if I had positive nodes and had to do rads anyway, I might have decided on postponing the BMX until later or not doing it at all. So, even though I have since decided to do tissue expanders/implants, I thought it was the right road to go on. Maybe, just maybe, it will make the BMX a little bit easier if I don't have to deal with getting lymph nodes pulled, too. That has been the worst part about the lumpectomy, in spite of how it all looks lol. I had so much pressure from the hematoma that it was mostly numb on one whole side. 

Oh, and my BS was cracking me up. She was jokingly trying to talk me out of using the PS I chose. Remember, the jerk I posted about? She agrees lol and kept saying "I'm going to have to work with him?" and "I keep trying to get him to straighten up his act". She did also agree that with his quality work, he can afford to be, I guess. I would like to some how be able to hear what they are saying when they are operating on me lol. 

And KBee that reminds me of your post about being a nude model during surgery! Dang it! I was trying so hard to remember what I was going to respond to, and even went back through the posts several times to try and find it...chemo brain! ANYWAY! I LOL'd at that! It does kind of freak me out to think of being completely out and what is going on around you and even with your own body. I suppose it is better than the alternative though!

Art - {{hugs}} to you & Nat.  I'm sorry she's had such a rough go of it.  That's like adding insult to injury, going through chemo and ending up dealing with that afterward!  Ugh.

So my RO consult was good.  Don't know why I was so anxious.  He's a kind-faced, older Asian man and was very thorough.  He took his time with us, going over my recent health history (before BC) and then going through the timeline step by step from when I found the lump until now.  In a way I felt like I was reliving it, which is something I don't really want to do!  LOL   But I guess he wants to get the whole picture, which is good.  He examined me and said as long as my MO and PS were ok with delaying rads (so I have time to fill the expanders) he was ok with it, but he never really did give us his opinion on it.  I'm thinking he might have leaned the other way & would want me to start sooner.  I know cancer takes precedence over reconstruction, but I'm not really sure how much a few weeks either way matters at this point, since I've already had the surgery and chemo.  Something to ask my PS next time I guess.

Anyway, I'm temporarily scheduled for my "simulation and mapping" on March 20th, and I'll start rads the next week.  So that gives me 8 weeks to get some energy up and heal completely from my surgery, as well as give my PS time to fill my expanders.  One part of me is just READY to get on with it, but I can't make my body heal faster than it does, and I would like to end up with nice looking breasts when all is said and done.  

Kbee-

MY PS told me no need for bra either but mine are large and they feel heavy...I think I would like to wear a bra...and they sortof show through tops - like obviously not wearing a bra....Next week I will go out and get sized and all and see what size I am now and get a bra...I know mine also said NO underwires....not sure why...so that could be challenging too.

Feeling sad today as my husband has been home with me pretty much through all of this- he has a sales job and can work from home and does very well so when he can he doesn't work....anyhow he has meetings the next few days here in town and I am feeling like a baby...I have become dependent on him and now feel downright pouty about him going somewhere!  I know it is wrong, but it scares me to be 'done with chemo' and now 'alone' ...it is all so new and weird and adjustment I guess...

All-

I just got scheduled for port removal Monday!  That will be 18 days post last chemo!  When was yours removed JOS????

I will be THRILLED!!!  I guess they have to check blood first but I am having it removed at hospital where they put it in by interventional radiologist... MY port still bothers me...I tend to hunch that shoulder even and tighten that muscle...and I think it's on a nerve so I get zings down my arm and to my neck...from the very day they put it in....HATEIT!!!  SOOO EXCITED!

You are all so good to mention everyone in posts...I am too tired...

I just had a salad with tuna for lunch and then wanted a pudding...took me like 3 minutes and severe agony to each thumb to finally get the little pull tab pulled!!! OMG!!! Those are my scary nails too that have pulled off on one side...thought I might lose one but I NEEDED that pudding!!!

I know fat and the brain adds more estrogen but I think main supply is ovaries...I am seeing a gyn/mo end of month and we will see if her feelings match the MO and the other gyn I just saw...who said no removal necessary.

I am questioning my MO in regards to wine...he said on Tamoxifen I could drink wine and the estrogen it produces would be blocked??? Does that sound right??

Cause I thought Tamoxifen was selective and didn't block the uterus even??

Thanks, KBee. The SO appt. did go well (thanks to Xanax) and as I figured, mastectomy was the best option for me, since the tumor is still at 4.5cm. Right now I want as few surgeries as possible, but it's nice to know recon can be done in the future, if I change my mind. I'm glad your recovery is going well and it looks like I'll soon know the thrill of the post-surgical bra, too The fun never ends in this cancerland.

Audra and others, My nails were coming apart and peeling and getting caught on things - - two months after chemo ended ! I couldn 't take it anymore so I got my FIRST manicure + fake nails on Saturday !  Fake hair , fake boob, fake nails..I'm on a roll!!!!!

BabyRuth, Glad you got home safely!

Audra, Yahoo for port removal!

Running, Love the nails!

Pretty nails!!!  Mine survived chemo, but they just can't seem to stay looking nice.  I'm taking biotin for hair & nails, and they seem strong, but then all of the sudden they start chipping and I have to file them way down.  Ugh.

Who has last chemo tomorrow?  Someone, but I can't remember who!

Babyruth - thank GOD for the kindness of strangers!  I'm so glad you were able to make it home.  What an ordeal for everyone in the southeast.  I saw on the news the kids sleeping in their schools two nights in a row... I would be frantic if I was a parent!  

TANTRUM TANTRUM::  I want my Drains out!!  I want my Drains out!!  ::TANTRUM TANTRUM

(carry on)

ClickChick, are you going to have more chemo after surgery?  My MO and I had talked about doing that when my TNBC tumor wasn't shrinking. Since I thought I was going to be where you are, I had given a lot of thought to what I would do.  I would be making the exact same choices you are in terms of surgery.  I would want to be not dealing with reconstruction either.  You can do that down the road, but right now it's about focusing getting rid of cancer.  I'm in your pocket every step of the way.

Mama, I'm glad your nipple discharge turned out to be okay.  I'm thrilled you like your new PS.  I wish my PS was a woman.  All my other doctors are and I feel like they all "get" what it's like to go through this.  With my PS, I feel like it's just a job...and why would a 61 year old woman (me) care about how she looks or if her sex life is good?  I just don't care for him much, but I feel too tired to look for someone else and I don't want to delay my LX and ALND.

Lighthouse, my biopsy left a horrible bruise and swellling too.  It took weeks for all that to go down.  Getting the port in was a piece of cake compared to that.  It's amazing your biopsy bruised worse than your BMX.  Getting rads kind of freaks me out too.  I think it's because I'll be getting so much radiation every day for weeks....all our lives, we are told to try to avoid radiation, and now we are being told to get lots of it.  I just have trouble wrapping my head around that part of treatment.  So many people freak out about chemo, but I felt like chemo was the thing that's going to save my life.  I didn't like chemo, but I'll gladly take more of it if it kills my cancer.  The thing that helps me with rads is looking at the differences in recurrence rates with and without them.  That makes me pick rads every time.  I'm glad you ended up liking your RO.  He seems like a nice guy.

Kbee, that's great that your pain levels are so low!   Hope you get to ditch that surgical bra soon...that's what sounds like the real pain.

Audra, my husband has been my rock and constant companion too throughout this ordeal.  He had just retired a month before I got diagnosed.   I miss him when when he's gone for more that a few hours.

Jos, hooray for your new  guy hanging in there and your engagement!  I'm really impressed with any guy that does that.  He didn't have any idea what he was in for when you first started dating.  BC puts a stress on any relationship.  It's a stressful thing for everyone concerned.

Audra, it is amazing how fast they take out ports.  I'm getting mine out with my surgery.  I really didn't expect that, but it will be nice to have it out.   Mine bothered me a lot too.

BabyRuth, I'm sorry you had such a hard time getting home, but I love your story of all the help you got from strangers.  It reminds me of NYC on  9/11.  I really like how you kept thinking that if you could get through so many bouts of cancer, you KNEW you could get yourself home.

Running, great nails!

KJ, does it hurt when they do the tattoos?  You had a long day yesterday, but they got a lot accomplished.  Rest easy today!  Tantrum acknowledged!

I had a good day yesterday.  My energy levels are really starting to come up after finishing with  AC 15 days ago.  I think my red blood cell count was low and it's really starting to rebound.  I've been drinking lots of fresh veggie juices and making sure I have adequate protein.  My heart rate was skyrocketing when I would try to do anything, but yesterday it stopped doing that.  I was able to work out on the elliptical without it going bonkers.  Big difference.  My surgery is in exactly two weeks.  I feel a lot more confident that I'm going to be physically ready for it now.  Mentally...it's a different matter.  Still working on that.  It will be okay, I know.  It just takes me some time to adjust to each change that comes with dealing with cancer.