September 2013 Chemo Group

I am having my bmx with immediate reconstruction DIEP and will have rads after I heal 

Wow everyone has been busy!

KBeee: I'm all salt and pepper here and any color I added in previous photos was temp spray-in. I've been going topless lately as I just can't stand the damn wig anymore. As its so cold now, I just wear warm hats everywhere and just dare to be bare.

It doesn't bother me that its short, I'm just happy to have hair even if its 'man hair.' I'm about to go on a cruise so that will be interesting.

Cougar: Sorry that you're in the hospital despite getting rest. Feel better!

KJ: yay, yay, on those dead cancer cells! Many congrats!

Batcat: WTG for reaching the end of rads!

Everyone, take care and still waiting for more new hair shots!

Batcat: Just looked at your blog too and it's good to see your new hair. You are so incredibly stylish you look great in all your looks.

I forgot to add that I've been on Tamoxifen since 12/28 and am doing fine. Not noticing much yet for side effects. I suspect I've got some joint aches and fatigue that could be related, but honestly after all our bodies have had to put up with any of it could be the aftermath of rads and chemo. However most days I really feel great.

Hope everyone is doing well today going into the weekend. And for those of you (like me) feeling the brunt of our nasty cold winter, stay warm.

Congrats on your exchange Kbeee!!  I can just imagine how much better it feels to be squishy.  I've only had my TEs for three weeks and they're only filled to 100cc so far and I'm so over the discomfort.  Mine seem to hurt me the most around the upper/outer edges - kind of in the crease by my arm.  Will that go away, or is it just because of where my expanders have settled?  I'm hoping maybe once I start getting fills and they go OUT a little, they won't feel so wide.  But I don't know.

HVV. {Hugs}. I can relate. Ever since I was diagnosed, I never once had the thought that I'm going to die. I just went about my business kicking cancer's ass and focusing on getting well again.  Now one of my good friends (37 yrs old with three young boys) is Stage IV ovarian cancer and she's researching hospice. It hit me the other day that OH MY GOD what if that's me? What if all that I'm going through doesn't work and I'm facing that in a year or two or five?  I was Stage III with an aggressive tumor and I'm BRCA+ so.......

But Hubby and I talked me down off the ledge. All we can do is deal with what we know right now. I don't want to live my life like there's a ticking time bomb inside me.... even if there is!  LOL

By the way, I started calcium and Vit D too.

Kbee, that's great your exchange went so well.  I'm glad you like the results.  You are doing great with your recovery.

HVV, we are here for you.  I think it takes a while to adjust to news we are not expecting.  I was thinking the chemo had killed off all my cancer so I was really thrown for a loop when cancer showed up on my ultrasound the day after my last chemo.  I cried for days.  This BC road can be very scary at times.  Just like LightHouse was saying about the need to be talked down from the ledge.  I think we all have experienced those feelings along the way.  

Sometimes, I tell myself "I only die once and today is not the day."  Then I have to remind myself that I don't have to anticipate it over and over again in my head when it's not here today.  I also have to remind myself what that I'm Stage 2b,  I'm not  Stage 4 today.  I'll cross that bridge if it's there, but it's not there today....and there is no bridge I have to cross today.

I have been having a lot of problems with nausea while recovering from my last AC infusion.  Yesterday, I decided the meds weren't working so I didn't take them all day.  The nausea was no worse. Today, I woke up an the nausea was COMPLETELY GONE!  Whoo Hoo!!  I think it's been two months since I was able to walk anywhere at a normal pace without being overcome by nausea.  Today, I couldn't believe how nice it felt just to be able to walk normally for a change.  Now I can get back to exercising and build up some strength and stamina for  my surgery next month.  

I saw this quote here on someone's signature and it really helped me in some of the same times you/we all are having...  From Michael J Fox...."if you focus on the worst case scenario and it happens, you've lived it twice."

Kbee - so glad the surgery went well and you are starting to feel more normal again!

LHL - YAY for the drains!  And getting a break before the rads may not be a bad thing - get a break from the apts and allow your body to heal a little.  We all want to barrel through everything but sometimes a little break is good for our sanity....

Art - a root canal - on top of everything else - I'm thinking of you and Nat

Batcat - love your blog!  Yay to being done - what will we do with all the time...haha....

Lisa - I've also been on Tamox for over a month now and still getting hot flashes pretty regularly (was on Lupron through chemo) but otherwise yeah the way I feel (irritable and unfocused at times) are likely not just all the stuff I had done to my body the last few months but also just losing my routine and exercise level.  My energy is rebounding and it seems to get a little better every week.  I am trying to have low expectations so that when I feel better I rejoice instead of expecting immediate recovery.  But Tamox is certainly not as bad as I thought it would be from all the reading I did.  And I am finally losing some of the weight I put on during rads....but calorie counting too. 

My grey hairs were the only ones that stayed put all thru chemo. So now I have some inch-long silver strands scattered around my head. Weird!

I started getting hot flashes during chemo, mostly at night, & it's continued a few times a week ever since. I'm wondering how/if tamoxifen will effect that.

Josgirl:  I really like that Michael J. Fox quote.  Thanks for sharing it.  It's exactly what I was thinking..  

Batcat:  It seems like my grey hairs were the only ones that made it though chemo too.  I finally shaved my head a week before my very last infusion.  What few eyebrow hairs I have hanging in there are grey too.  I'm guessing grey hair follicules might grow slower than the others and that's why they weren't killed off.    Strange what chemo does...

I'm suddenly feeling so much better at day 11 PFC.  I can just feel my body coming back to life!  It's so nice not to be taking all those extra drugs to manage SE's too.  They were causing SE's of their own.  I have 20 days until surgery and I'm pretty beat up from AC which I just finished.  I want to try to improve my stamina and strength as much as possible between now and then.  I'm just so happy to feel somewhat human again!

 I may feel human, but since I didn't lose all my hair until right at the very end of chemo, I shock myself each time I look in the mirror.  I have zero hair.  Here's a selfie from today....just for grins!

OMG ladies.... I have hair ON MY BACK! It is fine, white hair, but I never had that before! My face is so hairy, too. Again, fine white hair, but it is so thick! I seriously hope this all doesn't turn darker like the hair on my head. I feel like a mountain man. Does anyone know if this will go away if we exit menopause? No matter, I don't really think I am going to. My hot flashes have actually increased lately (5 weeks PFC and no Herceptin or Tamoxifen).

I will check in and catch up later. I am so behind on homework already lol. This fundraiser turned into a full time job, not to mention it was like a family/high school reunion since my friends and their friends shared it, a lot of people I haven't heard from in ages have found and contacted me. It is pretty awesome.

My boob is still hurting. In some ways even worse. I am thinking I have a seroma or something. There is about an lemon-sized spot that is super hard and keeps having stabbing pains in at my old tumor site.

Oh yeah, so am I technically allowed to say that I am cancer-free right now? It was removed. The other day I said out loud "I have cancer.... I HAD cancer." That was soooo weird saying that, almost as foreign as if I said I was a man lol. I think it is appropriate though. What do you guys think? Do you have to wait a number of years before you can say that?

I have the fuzzy white hair on my face, too.  I just noticed it the other day... not sure if it's just now showing up or I haven't been paying attention.  LOL

I am sooooooooooooooooo sick of wigs and hats.  I haven't had short hair since I was five years old, but I swear the minute I can pass for having a short 'do I am going topless.  Enough is enough!

Hot flashes - mine have been increasing lately.... 7 weeks PFC and no Tamox yet.  Every night I go to bed with a hat on and every morning I wake up with it thrown across the bed.  LOL  I had hot flashes off & on all day yesterday.  

I did some retail therapy today.  One of our local Payless shoe stores was going out of business - everything was 70% off.  I got 7 pairs of shoes (2 for me, 3 for my girl and 2 for my boy) for $33!  Can't beat a good bargain.  :-)  Hubby didn't get anything, but he didn't want to go with me and I am not buying shoes for him without him there to try them on!

Lisa - Cute hat!!!  Your hair is long enough that you can wear something like that.  I'm still needing the full-coverage kind of hat since I have more scalp than hair.  How many weeks PFC are you?  My wigs are getting kind of ratty.... I'm wondering if I should just bite the bullet and buy another one?  Or suck it up until my hair is long enough I don't need anything?  At this point I don't know if that will be a matter of weeks or months.  sigh

LHL, have you tried rubbing wig conditioner over your hands then smoothing it down your wig strands?  That has helped with my wig.  I am totally with you on the being burned out on wigs stuff!  I have some fuzz now and I am actually considering going 'topless' to my book group this evening since I'm so sick of the wigs/hats, etc.  I do have a pretty crazy wig that I haven't worn much; maybe I'll put that on just for fun today.  Lisa SP, your hat/buff look is cute.  Hair-wise, I'm a little behind you in your cap picture (I love your key earrings!) I was one of the lucky ones who got a little Taxol hair growth, though my brows and lashes are pretty much AWOL.  But as soon as the scalp is covered and it's warm enough, no more hats or wigs for me!

I did it!  Went " topless" to church today!  I felt both bare and free as my  hair is even shorter that LisaSp 's!  I got a lot of complements and support and head rubs, though!!'  This is a wierd stage. - the wig feels wierd with a little hair, but my appearance without the wig is a shocker too!!

mamastewart...I tell people I was cancer free the day they took my tumor out...since my nodes and scans were clear I truly believe that statement and will continue to believe it.  

I am 9 rads done. So far so good. I see the RO every Monday after treatment. I met with the nutritionist last Friday after treatment..it was kind of a waste of time. I know how to eat healthy and counsel my own personal training clients all the time about it. I will probably cancel my 2nd complimentary session with her. I know I'm not supposed to eat ice cream for dinner. Even though I'm still doing that haha. 

I'm back working in my studio and with daily rads and our planned move to our country property in the next month I'm just uber busy...don't have time for useless appointments. Speaking of useless appointments I see the MO in 4 weeks. Blood work and follow up. 

At least my energy is coming back and I'm sleeping better...it took myself off the Elavil at night about 10 days ago. It just made me a zombie in the morning and packed the pounds on me. Just use Ativan before bed now..am going to cut that dose in half this week. Off all other meds yay! No Prilosec, no colace, no pain pills, no Claritin....but My arms have been hurting like somebody is grabbing them...I think it's left over taxol nerve pain...right in the forearms it's weird. Taking ibuprofen sometimes.