In shock

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  • adagio
    adagio Member Posts: 982
    edited January 2014

    Edi - hugs coming your way - your honesty is so refreshing. I saw a counsellor many years ago long before breast cancer appeared on the scene, and honestly, it was very beneficial. The counsellors are there to listen to us and help us work through our 'stuff'. The only down side was that the hour went by so darned quickly. Keeping busy is a good thing as long as we don't allow ourselves  to get too tired.

    Have a wonderful weekend ladies - I am out shopping for wedding invitations tomorrow - one DD has chosen her dress, so now on to the other details. It is kind of fun, but there is just too much choice these days compared to when I got  married, so it makes it more difficult. I am trying to relax into the experience and enjoy!

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  • liefie
    liefie Member Posts: 2,440
    edited January 2014

    Edi, BIG HUGS, sister! So good you are seeking help. Movie and I are together here in Seattle, and will try to ring you on Skype later today. Will be lovely to see you, and have a few good laughs.

    Dakota, love that message from God.

    Websister, lovely that we can meet again, and with Nihahi and Benny. Seems Morwenna may be able to make it too. That will be quite something!

    Adagio, enjoy the wedding planning. You have the right attitude about it - stressing is not necessary.

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  • Morwenna
    Morwenna Member Posts: 1,063
    edited January 2014

    Edi my dear,

    I totally agree about counseling. I think the problem with us ladies is that we feel anxious or depressed or irritated/nervous/angry whatever it might be, and THEN, on top of that we feel GUILTY for feeling what we feel, and not always presenting a strong, happy, positive face to the world!

    A couple of nights ago, I found my dh gazing and smiling at me, so I said ???

    So he says how lovely it is to see me looking happy, and how he hates to see me looking sad etc. Well, that's all very sweet, but I feel what I feel, and sometimes I am not able to put his feelings first, and now I feel self-indulgent and selfish ......

    But talking to a counselor, you get "permission" to feel what you are feeling, and, furthermore, "encouragement" to talk about it, and so work those feelings out. Very often they are skilled in reflecting those emotions back to you, but with a slightly different slant, so they become more manageable. 

    Othertimes, it might be good to have somebody tell you that what you feel is valid and totally understandable, while you know that person is not going to take your concerns on board and be affected by them as someone you are close to will. 

    It's very empowering to have that release and permission. I wish you all the best with it!

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  • nihahi
    nihahi Member Posts: 3,841
    edited January 2014

    Just checking to see if edi has posted....hugs going out to you, sweetie......thinking of you!

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  • Jennie93
    Jennie93 Member Posts: 1,018
    edited January 2014

    Exactly one year PFC today.  Lots of mixed emotions.  I am thankful that I got through it, so very thankful for all of you who were with me every step of the way and kept me sane, amazed that it's been a year already.  My hair is growing, haven't trimmed it yet, crazy curls, I don't think I like it but everyone says it's "cute".  But still having a hard time dealing with the changes all this has caused, to my body, my mind, my life.  I know you gals understand.  Hope all are well, keep warm!

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  • nihahi
    nihahi Member Posts: 3,841
    edited January 2014

    Hugs, big hugs, jennie.....it does get better, it does become less of a daily "focus", life goes on and it will be "worth the battle"....eyes forward, girl. 

    edi....sure would be nice to hear from you. Hoping your appt this week helped put you on a better path.  {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{X}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

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  • websister
    websister Member Posts: 1,092
    edited January 2014

    Hi everyone

    Jennie93 - one year - wow! Understand and sending hugs and strength your way - you did it and you continue to do it - one day at a time!

    Today is a day off work, I am making soup and then going to visit Paisley :)

    Wishing all a good day!

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  • liefie
    liefie Member Posts: 2,440
    edited January 2014

    Edi, thanks for the lovely skype on Sunday with Movie and me. Was good to see your smile! Will try to skype with you again this week. My skype is working for the moment.

    Jennie93, so happy for you being a year out of chemo! The changes are hard to deal with, but as time goes by, one just gets used to it. For a very long time after chemo I would sometimes find myself suddenly running out of steam, feeling weak and breathless, and would have to to sit down for a few minutes to recover. This happened until around October last year, 18 months PFC. The other day I realized that I never get that breathless feeling any more - yay! Had already resigned myself to the fact that this was my new reality, so it just takes a very long time to heal from chemo. All the best for complete healing for you!

    Websister, enjoy your day off, and enjoy that baby girl. I'm also hoping for a little girl, and sooo want to get cute pink thingies. Stuck in neutral here with green, yellow etc. But whatever it is, it will be fabulous!

    Brought a nasty cold back from Seattle. The upside is that I have no appetite - LOL. Went for an ultrasound of the recon DIEP breast yesterday, and got the ALL CLEAR - yayyy! Today I'm seeing the OB/GYN for a routine visit. He's the one that discovered the bc as well as endo ca in Dec. 2011 - I am eternally grateful to that man.

    A good day to you all!

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  • adagio
    adagio Member Posts: 982
    edited January 2014

    liefie - great news on getting the all clear on your ultrasound !  Hope your cold gets better soon. I am recovering from a nasty fall on black ice while I was out walking the dog a few days ago - no broken bones but my left arm and shoulder are black with bruising - I am in a lot of pain and am on painkillers every 3-4 hours. I feel so helpless and mad at myself for falling - not what I need at this time! 

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  • liefie
    liefie Member Posts: 2,440
    edited January 2014

    Adagio, ouch! Can so identify - please take good care of yourself! I fell in Alberta on ice years ago, tore some back muscles, and now have to do yoga regularly to keep the back stretched, and to avoid spraining it over and over. Maybe we should exercise indoors in winter? LOL.

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  • Moviemaniac
    Moviemaniac Member Posts: 949
    edited January 2014

    I want to be really clear....I did NOT give Liefie my nasty cold!  Promise!   

    Edi-it was lovely to skype with you last weekend......I hope you are doing well....I think of you every day.XO

    Jennie-congratulations on being a year out!  I'll bet it feels good to know it is behind you. I am banking on what Nihahi says about eventually being able to put cancer in the back closet.......best wishes for continued good health!

    Liefie, your news is wonderful!  Clear mammo, clear US!......Yay!  And I am jealous because you get to meet up with all of the Calgary sisters next week.....give them a big (((hug))) from me!

    Websister...enjoy your lovely little granddaughter.....they are the BEST!

    Morwenna.....how goes the singing?

    Traii and Dakota, I hope you are both busy and HAPPY!

    Nihahi......don't have so much fun in the warm sunshine that you miss your flight back....Liefie will be disappointed, as will I, as she has a (((hug))) from me!

    Love to all......XO

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  • Moviemaniac
    Moviemaniac Member Posts: 949
    edited January 2014

    Yikes, Adagio!  I am so sorry.....I hope you are feeling better soon....   :(

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  • nihahi
    nihahi Member Posts: 3,841
    edited January 2014

    edi, laura....got your messages, thanks!

    Thinking of everyone...hoping you find some sunshine in your days.

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  • TB90
    TB90 Member Posts: 992
    edited January 2014

    Has anyone heard from Bennymuffins?  I have been worrying about her.  I too used to live in Calgary and am the same age as her and also a social worker.  I hope she is doing much better.

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  • websister
    websister Member Posts: 1,092
    edited January 2014

    TB90  - I am in quite regular contact with Bennymuffins, she has had some treatment related side effects to deal with and her horse Diamond passed away late last year so she has struggled. Hopefully she will find her way back here soon; thank you for asking and expressing your concern for her.

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  • TB90
    TB90 Member Posts: 992
    edited January 2014

    Thank you Websister:  I have been worried and afraid to ask.  I feel much better knowing that she is fine.  I travel to Calgary all the time and maybe some day I will have the opportunity to meet with you gals.  I always come for the event at Spruce Meadows in September.  So sorry to hear about Diamond.  It seems like everything has to happen at once.

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  • momof2doxies
    momof2doxies Member Posts: 342
    edited February 2014

    Hi Ladies,

    I have survived my last chemo. I think I can continue my life again. My implant surgery is scheduled for the end of this month. My daughter's wedding is growing closer and I still have not made those dang table runners. I am bald but still alive. I call it my new birth (after chemo). Sure hope it keeps the beast away. Hope this will get this thread going again. I am still coming to Oregon in May and would love to see anyone that can come to the Pacific NW.

    Love to all,

    Jenifer

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  • Morwenna
    Morwenna Member Posts: 1,063
    edited February 2014

    Jenifer, 

    Good to see you back!

    so pleased to hear you have kicked that chemo into touch! Implants at the end of the month?! You will be a new woman!!!

    Maybe I'll do a bit of travelling on my own this year, as dh is going to use his whole paid vacation entitlement for the year (2 weeks) on a trip to see his mum in the UK in March , and I have my whole year's entitlement (4 weeks) and some carried over from last year as well, I think!

    Can't really do much in May though, as I just agreed to take a student for six weeks from the end of April. As it is, I already booked two days as we have our regional Sweet Adelines contest the first weekend in May, in Surrey, BC :)

    I have got my plastics surgery consult May 20, with the right guy this time! This was quicker than I'd been expecting, so I'm pleased, although the thought gives me butterflies, tbh! 

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  • liefie
    liefie Member Posts: 2,440
    edited February 2014

    Jenifer, good to 'see' you again! So happy your chemo is done. It is no fun at all. You remind me so much of myself. I was also going to make table runners for my DS' wedding, but chemo/rads left me so weak and exhausted. So with DH' help I cut the runners the size they had to be, and then paid someone to hem them. All the best for the implant surgery!

    Morwenna, yay for that appointment with the right PS - hope he can fit you in sooner rather than later. Hope you can somehow make it to the meet-up next Monday!

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  • Morwenna
    Morwenna Member Posts: 1,063
    edited February 2014

    oh yes Liefie, I've booked the day off! :D

    It will be following a coaching weekend/retreat weekend, so I may be slightly exhausted, and maybe a little hoarse! Looking forward to meeting you. :)

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  • liefie
    liefie Member Posts: 2,440
    edited February 2014

    Wonderful Morwenna! Yayyy! It's going to be really special for five of us from this thread to get together, and I'm really looking forward now.

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  • Jennie93
    Jennie93 Member Posts: 1,018
    edited February 2014

    Great to see you Jenifer!   My one-year anniversary of last chemo was last week. Hardly seems that long!   I remember exactly how you are feeling right now.  It seemed like forever for the hair to grow, but looking back it wasn't that bad.  I quit wearing hats 4 months PFC.  Just a heads up though - my eyebrows & lashes hung in there all through chemo only to suddenly fall out (not quite all but nearly) about 6 weeks PFC!   Come to find out that's pretty common.  And the new baby ones were already growing in.  So it wasn't too bad, just a bit of a shock.  LOL. 

    To the Canadian Five, I'm so envious that you get to meet in person, I will be there in spirit and please take pictures!   :-)

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  • scouser47
    scouser47 Member Posts: 963
    edited February 2014

    hi ,

    Have been reading just not posting.

    Jennie, congratulations. hair will be back before you know it. I am onto my third trim it grows like wildfire !

    Liefies idea about the runners is great. Get someone else to hem them. I have become so laid back post treatment, no longer insist on doing everything. May be something to do with the fact I haven't got the energy.

     have to go for a full body bone scan tomorrow crossing everything.  

    Will be thinking of all of you meeting up, please someone take a picture this time !!

    Morwenna, great news re the recon, glad it is all happening for you.

    choir tomorrow night then bingo Wednesday. Oh what a mad social whirl.

    Eyes closing yet again, love and hugs to all. X

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  • liefie
    liefie Member Posts: 2,440
    edited February 2014

    Edi, all the best for the body scan tomorrow - in your pocket!

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  • websister
    websister Member Posts: 1,092
    edited February 2014

    Congratulations, Jenifer - what an accomplishment!!! So good to hear from you again

    Morwenna - my MO suggested that I call the PS I was referred to to see where I was at on the waitlist. They were moving offices mid-January but finally got them last week. Turns out the referral did not seem to get there, they had no record of me! :(  I think the receptionist could tell how stunned I was - and disappointed. She told me that if I had them re-send the referral, she would put it in the queue for the date it was originally sent. I was on the phone right after that to get my referral re-sent - they had it on record and were happy to send again for me - wrote on it 're-send' and that it was to be queued according to the original June 12th date that it was sent. Guess  I am further away than you from any action in the reconstruction area.

    Liefie - can't wait to see you again!

    Edi - pocket party for you - sending good vibes/prayers your way

    Adding my own love and hugs to all

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  • Moviemaniac
    Moviemaniac Member Posts: 949
    edited February 2014

    Jealous of all you Canadian girls......I'll be there in spirit!

    Mom...nice to hear from you again.....Yachats isn't that far from Lake Oswego.......you may see me.....

    Edi-I am SO in your pocket tomorrow......you will hear me muttering all my "Mad Yank"isms whilst you are getting your "scan"on XO

    Love to all!  XO

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  • nihahi
    nihahi Member Posts: 3,841
    edited February 2014

    Jumped on to checkup on things and "here's Jenifer"! Glad to hear of your progress. Hope things keep moving forward for you. Are you liking our vortex weather???? We are a very sharing people, us Canucks !

    edi....you know there will be no room to spare tomorrow......POCKET PARTY!!!!!!!

    websister....it's no excuse, but things have been in a state of confusion, organizationally, with the Doc's since they moved. First had to find temporary spots, as the new offices weren't ready, sounds like now they have moved to the new place? It's good that they "inserted" your referral in the proper spot in line....it's the only ethical thing they could do, imho.

    looking forward to the Calgary gathering....hubby and I have had a great time in Scottsdale, but it hasn't been the HOT getaway we were hoping for. Better than what is waiting for us at home though, I know. (sob sob sob)!

    Hope everyone is doing good. Hugs to all.

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  • adagio
    adagio Member Posts: 982
    edited February 2014

    Edi - just curious as to why you are getting the bone scan done? Routine - or did you request it?  Had a bone scan done prior to treatment, but not after treatment. I also had a bone density scan done, but that is something I have done periodically because of osteoporosis. Good luck tomorrow - let us know how it goes.

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  • scouser47
    scouser47 Member Posts: 963
    edited February 2014
    Hi girls posting before I collapse in a heap ha ha.
    Scan took almost four hours it was a comfort having my pockets full.:-D
    Had some pain in spine and shoulders this is hopefully to find out why.
    My surgeon thinks it is oestroporosis praying he is right.
    Saw our Jackpot there too :-) she looks amazing. Only one more week of rads for her to go. Those five weeks fly by.
    Had to knock choir on head tonight bit radio active :-o
    DH making me chicken fried rice. Should get scan every day.
    Love you all xx
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  • momof2doxies
    momof2doxies Member Posts: 342
    edited February 2014

    Hi Ladies,

    Ah, nine days PFC and the toxins are leaving my body. Feel better each day. 

    So here are the Summer 2014 plans…Get DD married on 5/17/14, then drive across the US with 2 wiener dogs. Should reach Yachats, OR around 5/26 or sooner. Then we will be there until the first week in August. The Keiko Cottage has had many renovations, but it still has one of the ugliest functioning bathrooms in North America. But there is plenty of room for all who want to visit. I am also going to bring my new, never used, passport in case I want to go over the border. I plan to go crabbing and eating my catch! Also have all those drapes to hang….another one of my many projects that is waiting for me upstairs.

    Edi…have you ever been to Norway? I have put it on my list along with Iceland. My DH is half Icelandic, so need to see that volcano while there are still some relatives there. Yep, it is going to be a busy year. I am going full speed ahead. 

    Thanks for the polar vortex….it kept my DH home with me while I recovered from the last chemo. But we are not Atlanta (thank heavens) and we stayed inside with power through the event. Even DD in Charleston, SC missed work at the local hospital because the bridges across the rivers were closed due to ice.

    I do hope all of my TN sisters are doing well and that all scans and tests come back with good news. I still have the agates in my chemo bag….they went with me to each treatment. 

    Benny…I hope you are recovering from the pneumonia. It has been a tough life changing setback and I think of you daily. Wish I could hop on a flight to Calgary, but I have just one more little surgery to go through.

    So that's the news from the South where we do not hide CRAZY. We parade it on the front porch and give it a cocktail.

    Love to All,

    Jenifer

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